


Little Harbour

by MermaidsandMermen (SophiaSoames)



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Adulthood, Alt er Verse, Alternate Universe, Blogger Isak, Bonus children, Bossy Isak, Cool hot all grown up Isak, Declarations Of Love, EVAKILY, Family, Fatherhood, Fathers!Evak, Fluff fluff and more fluff, Grief, Love, M/M, Midwife Isak, No don't. Never trust me. I can't be trusted in AO3 world, Pappa Even, This is an equal opportunities story., Top Even, Top Isak Valtersen, University Lecturer Even, Useless hopeless desperate Even, lots of smut, parenting, step parenting, there will be smut, they kinda share that, trust me - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-04
Updated: 2018-01-18
Packaged: 2018-10-28 01:01:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 39
Words: 131,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10820427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SophiaSoames/pseuds/MermaidsandMermen
Summary: There was never anyone else for Even. He had been with Sonja almost all his life. From the day they met at school when they were 15, until the day she took her final breath against his chest. She was always everything to him. As he was to her. He never doubted that. Not for a minute.He doesn’t let himself think about Isak. He rarely does. The boy that almost ruined it all. The boy that almost broke them up. He didn’t though. Thank god. That would have been a disaster. And look at him now. Father of four. Successful University lecturer specializing in Norwegian poetry and literature. Widower. Worst father in the history of bad fathers.He doesn't let himself think of Isak. He doesn't think of Isak at all.The all grown up AU where Even is lost and Isak is Norway's favourite Midwife. It is what it is.Title from It's the dream by Norwegian poet Olav V HaugeIt's the dream we carry in secret, that something miraculous will happen. That It must happen, that time will open, that the heart will open, that doors will open, that the rockface will open, that spring will gush.That the dream will open, that one morning we will glide into some little harbour we didn't know was there.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to Little Harbour. This is the grown up OMG-Evak-are-almost-40-fic. Oh and I killed Sonja. I'm so sorry. I hate myself a little because in this world she was lovely. 
> 
> This is also my first attempt at writing in third person, with less swearing and longer sentences. Let me know how I am doing. I might just freak out and go back to my usual style but I will try my best. I also promised myself that I would never tandem write fics again. I make a lot of promises it seems. I keep none. Ever. Trust me. 
> 
> If you have read my stories before I do not need to warn you. There will be smut. Beware. 
> 
> This will be a little story full of love and fluff. A story of finding that Little Harbour that we didn't know was there.
> 
> Tweet me @sophiasoames Be kind. Be nice. Always.

Even is numb. That’s the only word he can think of to describe that feeling he has most of the time. 

He hates that word. He hates that word almost as much as he hates the word ‘’widower’’. He also hates ‘’It will get easier’’ along with ‘’I’m sorry for your loss’’ and ‘’You are coping so well’’. Well there is not a lot that people can say to him now that doesn’t make him roll his eyes and do that pathetic sigh. All in his head of course. On the outside Even just gives people a little nod. Smiles. Then he walks away. 

It’s been over a year. Over a year since Sonja died. He likes using died. Because she is dead. There is nothing anyone can say that will change that fact, however hard people try to dress it up like it was something entirely different that happened. Sonja got sick. She got very sick. And she died. Just like that. 

Somehow Even lived through it. Somehow, he got up every day and fed the children disgusting sugary cereals and got them dressed and the children went back to school and the little ones went to nursery and the house descended into the messy chaos that they now called home. Then they all got up in the morning on that Sunday, and they went to church and they buried their Sonja. The kids buried their Mother. And life was never the same again. 

Sometimes Even thinks of it as the day that he broke. When it became real. Before that they had all tip toed around in a haze of confusion, all waited for Sonja to burst through the front door, throwing her bag on the floor and shouting at them to come and hang their jackets on the pegs and put their shoes away before someone falls over and breaks their necks. She was like that. Loud and funny and loving and organizing them all. She kept the house tidy. Sorted everything out. Most of all she sorted Even out. Told him she loved him and shoved him away with the kids so she could unpack the shopping and start dinner whilst Even would go and curl up on the sofa with the kids and talk about school and cartoons and silly things until Dinner was on the table. Then Sonja would do homework. Even would wash up, with the radio on so he could catch up with the evening talk show.  
Bath time would be Even and Mikkel in the bath, and baby Marthe. Splashing and blowing bubbles and making a mess until Morten would come in and brush his teeth and roll his eyes at them. He was a good kid back then Even thinks. He is still a good kid. An angry kid. A 12-year-old that lost his Mum. And his Dad too. Because Even is broken into so many little pieces that he doesn’t know if he can ever mend himself back into a human being again.

Instead he is a machine. Gets the kids up. Breakfast. Shouts. Gets them all out of the house on time, leaving the house looking like they have been burgled. Again. 

He goes to work. Does a weekly shop online. Loses himself in his lectures. Tries to remember things that needs doing. Accepts the coffee that Sylvia, his long suffering secretary, leaves on his desk. Frowns at her concerned looks. Ignores the growing pile of paperwork on the side of his desk. 

He knows. OK? He knows he looks like death. He knows he needs to eat. He knows sleep would make things easier. He still has a packet of sleeping pills on top of the kitchen units at home. He has never dared to take them.

He thinks that if he let himself sleep he might not ever want to wake up again. 

So, he doesn’t. He doesn’t sleep. Just dozes through the night, with Marthe on his chest and Mikkel curled up against his side and the inevitable creak of the floorboards when Morten crawls under the covers around 4.15. He is old enough not come and sleep in his parent’s bed, but Even can’t bear to say no. Morten belongs with the rest of them in that bed. It’s the only thing they have left of Sonja. Her scent still lingering in the room. The line of perfume bottles on the shelf by the door. Her clothes hanging on the rail in the wardrobe. 

Even knows it’s time to let go. But this is all they have left. The faint scent of the woman who completed them all. 

 

Isak Valtersen is doing well. He has lost count of how many babies he has brought into this world. He has lost count of his qualifications. He has seen colleagues come and go. Yet the labour ward at Oslo University Hospital is his home. He knows that. Even though he does training at other hospitals and spends a few days every month teaching at the Midwife college, and he does the Parenting classes for first time parents to be in the evenings. He is busy. In demand. Needed and wanted. 

Isak Valtersen thinks he needs to get himself a cat. He is not a dog person, in fact he thinks he is pretty much terrified of dogs. Especially little ones that yap and move erratically and stare at him like he is a freak. No, a cat would be nice. A nice soft furry thing to cuddle in the evenings when he throws himself on the sofa and inevitable falls asleep still wearing his scrubs and smelling of work and sweat and microwave meals. But then he thinks that the Cat would probably have worse social skills than Isak and the two of them would just sit either end of the sofa and give each other death stares and then the Cat would scratch Isaks sofa and Isak would feed the Cat the brand of Cat food that the Cat hated and it would all be a mess. He might as well get a gold fish. At least goldfish don’t meow back when you give them the finger.

No Isak decides (again) that he shouldn’t be allowed to keep pets. Especially now that he has taken on a shitload more work running his own column on ParentingnetworkNorway.no, which is like THE site to have your seriously cool own Midwifery blog on. A weekly column and a section where people can ‘’ASK ISAK’’. Because apparently, a youngish looking hip Male midwife with over 15 years’ experience bringing babies into the world is exactly what PNN.net needs. Not that Isak is hip or cool in any way or form. He just isn’t. But they have been after him for over a year. Begging. The lady has been very persuasive.

And now he has his severely airbrushed picture (I mean those cheekbones are definitely not his own, and his arms have gained some serious muscle) on the homepage, the one that photographer took that came on the ward and covered his face in make-up and did his hair and made all the other staff laugh at him as he posed with his arms crossed over his chest and an angry scowl on his face.

‘’We need you to be approachable Isak!’’ the PNN.net rep had whinged. You need to smile. You were chosen because your style suits the desired concept of brainy meets hunk and women will want to marry you and men will want to be your best mate. You are making Midwifery attractive again Isak. You have a responsibility to help PNN.net make this a success. Market research shows that this is what women are asking for, an no nonsense approach from someone they can trust, whilst having dirty thoughts about the Midwife who is about to see all her ….bits.’’

The woman was clearly deranged. And Isak was NOT smiling. However much Sunita was making funny faces over by delivery suite 4 and Luca was sticking his middle finger up at him from behind the reception desk. They should have chosen Luca. Luca knows his shit. Apart from being seriously overweight and about 60 with no hair and thick glasses. Luca is still Isaks favourite person, and the most brilliant midwife he knows. Apart from Paulina who is sharp as hell and is Isak’s ‘’to go’’ person for a second opinion, and Emma who he thinks still has a crush on him. 

Gorgeous little Emma, who was Isak’s first trainee all those years ago. Sometimes he thinks he should have just kept his mouth shut and kissed her back that time at the Christmas party. Maybe he could have had a relationship. Maybe even had his own babies by now. He could have. Instead he had blurted out ‘’Emma, I’m gay. I’m not the person you should be kissing under the mistle toe.’’ 

Merry Christmas to Emma. Merry fucking Christmas to Isak fucking Valtersen.

 

‘’Marthe’s Pappa?, Halla Marthe’s Pappa?’’ Even knows he should have been faster. Snuck out quicker. There is always something. Always that piece of paper that he has mindlessly shoved in his pocket and forgot to sign. The fundraising thing the nursery wants him to come along to. The Parents association meeting that they would love him to join, because ‘’Marthe’s Mother was so involved and it would be a shame for him not to get involved and continue her work.’’ The woman has no chill. Zero Respect. He thinks her name is Solveig, but he has clearly never taken notice. All he wants to do is collect his baby girl and hug her all the way home so he can forget that he is the worst Dad in the world. He leaves a two-year-old at nursery from 7 in the morning until 5 at night most days, and he never gets to see her. She is usually so exhausted by the time he picks her up that she falls asleep against his chest before they even get on the tram. 

‘’Marthe’s Pappa? I need to have a word.’’ 

Oh fuck. Here it goes. ‘’Marthe’s shoes are too small for her, we told your daughter last week when she picked her up and she is still wearing them. It is important that children arrive at nursery with correct well-fitting foot wear to ensure they get the best out of our facilities, and her feet will get damaged being constantly squeezed into those shoes that clearly don’t fit her.’’ Even wants to call her a bitch between his gritted teeth. He does. He wants to hurl a few home truths at her. Make it all about her and her attitude and her idea’s that his 16-year-old daughter is somehow responsible as well. Malena is 16. She is her mother’s daughter. She takes on far too much responsibility as it is but ensuring that the kids have shoes that fit is not one of them. He doesn’t want to think too much about who’s responsibility that is, not really. They have hundreds of pairs of shoes in the hallway. Surely, they have a pair that fits. 

He is a grown up though. He just sighs. Nods. Says something about ‘’Leave it with me’’. Not that he actually has a clue what he will do about it. The thought of going into town and trying to figure out where to buy children’s shoes is just too much for him, even on a good day. So, he grabs Mikkel from after school club and walk them to the tram. Fast and briskly in the evening sun. It’s May. A little chill in the air. Sun disappearing behind the buildings. Light fading fast.

‘’Will we ever have another Mamma?’’ Mikkel is looking up at him with a face full of worries. 

Oh fuck. This is when Even shouts ‘’SONJAAAAA’’ and lets her deal with the children and their hilariously embarrassing questions. This is when Sonja would plonk herself down on the gravel on the path and make Mikkel sit on her lap and she would point out the flowers over by the riverbed and talk about happy things. Of how Mummy is still with them, that she watches them everywhere, that she will never ever leave us even though she is physically not here. Sonja would have found the right things to say. 

Even struggles. He stopped crying months ago.

‘’No of course not Mikki. Mummy was one of a kind. How could we replace her? It’s just us now. You and me and Malena and Morten and Marthe. Team Bech Naesheim. ‘’

‘’But Tommy said that his Pappa moved out and they got a new Pappa. I don’t want a new Mamma.’’

Even holds his hand. Walks them up to the tram stop. He strokes Mikkel’s Hair. Kisses Marthe’s head. It’s just him now. 

There was never anyone else. He had been with Sonja almost all his life. From the day they met at school when they were 15, until the day she took her final breath against his chest. She was always everything to him. As he was to her. He never doubted that. Not for a minute. 

He doesn’t let himself think about Isak. He rarely does. The boy that almost ruined it all. The boy that almost broke them up. He didn’t though. Thank god. That would have been a disaster. And look at him now. Father of four. Successful University lecturer specializing in Norwegian poetry and literature. Widower. Worst father in the history of bad fathers. Useless cook. Clueless in all things relating to raising children. 

It’s not like he can recite Ibsen and Marthe will magically own new well-fitting shoes. 

He needs to sharpen up. Get a grip. It’s not like he has anyone he can ask for help. He fucked that up. Properly. 

People just don’t give you space when you have just lost your wife. They crowd you. Offer help. Take the children out. Bring bloody casseroles. 

He might have lost it a bit. Quite a few times. Shouted at Sonja’s friends and their well-meaning husbands. Pushed Sonja’s brother away and called him a few choice words that he is not proud of, in any language. It doesn’t make it any better that they were arguing in English so the children wouldn’t understand. ‘’Fuck off you interfering bastard’’ is kind of easy to get the jest off. Even for a Norwegian 6-year-old. 

Like everything else he will have to Google it. So, he does. On the tram. With Marthe asleep on his lap and Mikkel whinging that he wants to play Subway Sweep on Pappas phone right now. Like Now. Yesterday. Tugging at his sleeves and wiping snot on Even’s shirt sleeve whilst Even tries to type in ‘’Where do you buy shoes that fit for a 2-year-old in Oslo’’ He almost adds ‘’Please and Thank you’’ at the end. Google is not always his friend. 

Okay. Here we go. PNN.no delivers again. ‘’Best buy’s in Children’s shoes for the summer: see our definitive list here:’’

He clicks the link. Silently praying that he can order online. Figure out what size she needs from some handy flow chart. 

He shushes Mikkel again. Kisses his hair and tells him to ‘’Please be good for 2 more minutes so Pappa can sort something out for Marthe so Pappa won’t get shouted out by Solveig tomorrow because Pappa doesn’t think he could handle another public dressing down.’’ 

Mikkel does as he is told. Leans into Even and stares at the screen waiting for the site to load. PNN.no has a new columnist apparently, the headline screams on the homepage.

Meet Isak Valtersen. Norway’s favourite Midwife.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We will be jumping back to 2017 in this chapter to get some back story, and then on to 2033 again. 
> 
> Thanks for bearing with me whilst I practice this third persion thing. I am getting there.

Twenty years earlier

11.52  
To isak.valtersen@studentmail.no  
From even.b.naesheim@studentmail.no  
Subject: Year 3 Buddy project 2017  
Hi Isak. I guess you had the memo from Mr Fredriksen about this new project he has started where year 2 people get a buddy in year 3 and they can then ask all sorts of questions about applying for Uni, and Russ stuff and yeah, all that stuff.  
Well congratulations. You ended up with me. Not that I will be of much use to you if you want to ask stuff about Russ-Busses because I know shit about that. I do know how to apply to Uni and how to get out of handing in your final Norwegian project on time though. And the best place to have a smoke at school without getting caught. So, you see I am useful in some respects.  
Anyway. Ask away. I will be happy to share whatever I can be of help with.  
Yours Sincerely  
Even Bech Naesheim ST3B

12.14  
To even.b.naesheim@studentmail.no  
From isak.valtersen@studentmail.no  
Subject Re: Year 3 Buddyproject 2017  
Hi Even, Thanks for your mail.  
I’m not sure about Uni, as I haven’t got a clue what I want to do when I grow up. I can barely think beyond next week to be honest. But if you have any tips on how I will pass the Norwegian test tomorrow then let me know. I can’t stand poetry and Ibsen sucks eggs. Honestly. Who reads that shit?  
Anyway, Nice to meet you, or not, or Nice to mail with you.  
What are you going to study at Uni? And are you on a Bus or are you not doing the whole Russ thing?  
Best Regards  
Isak ST2A

12.20  
To isak.valtersen@studentmail.no  
From even.b.naesheim@studentmail.no  
Subject: Year 3 Buddy project 2017  
Hi Isak  
Ibsen is cool. I can help you with that if you fancy hanging out over a coffee and a copy of ‘’Norwegian Greats: The history of Norwegian literature’’ book. I bet that’s the one you are reading for the test? I remember it well. Almost killed me. Let me know.  
I have applied for loads of different courses and really want to do Media and the Arts, but my grades kind of suck so I guess I must wait and see if I get a place.  
I’m not on a bus. I can’t dance. I can’t sing and I am not that bothered about it all. I just want to finish school and get out of here now. Start my life. Move out of my parents’ house. Do you know what I mean?  
Anyway. Let me know if you want to meet up and study. I’m a good tutor. I talk a load of shit and will probably bore you to death but it’s worth a shot if you want help.  
Even 

12.28  
To even.b.naesheim@studentmail.no  
From isak.valtersen@studentmail.no  
Subject Re: Year 3 Buddyproject 2017  
Hi Even.  
You free this afternoon? KB at Skoveien 3.30? You will know who I am. I will be the idiot with the Norwegian Greats book and a panic-stricken face. Test is tomorrow. Bricking it.  
Honestly could do with all the help I can get. I’m fine with Maths and Biology and Chemistry. Shit at Norwegian.  
Anyway. I don’t think I know who you are so you will have to find me.  
Let me know  
Isak

12.32  
To isak.valtersen@studentmail.no  
From even.b.naesheim@studentmail.no  
Subject: Even and Isak go on a date  
It’s a date. Mine’s a latte with an extra shot. For that I will teach you to recite Ibsen in your sleep. You will ace the test. See you later.  
PS I will be wearing a rose made from toilet paper in my pocket. Just so I can find you.  
Love Even

12.42  
To even.b.naesheim@studentmail.no  
From isak.valtersen@studentmail.no  
Subject Re: Even and Isak go on a date  
Shut up.  
Love Isak  
PS. Does this mean that we are now boyfriends?

12.46  
To isak.valtersen@studentmail.no  
From even.b.naesheim@studentmail.no  
Subject: Even and Isak go on a date  
Piss off.  
Love you. Even  
PS. Will you marry me?

12.50  
To even.b.naesheim@studentmail.no  
From isak.valtersen@studentmail.no  
Subject Re: Even and Isak go on a date  
You are seriously deranged. I am scared now. I might not turn up. Fuck the test.  
Yours truly  
Isak x  
PS. Do you know how to ask to change lockers at school? I might ask to be moved to the one next to yours since we are now engaged. What do you think?

12.53  
To isak.valtersen@studentmail.no  
From even.b.naesheim@studentmail.no  
Subject: Even and Isak go on a date  
Hi Baby.  
Stalking is a serious offence.  
If you stand me up I will find out where you live.  
Yours always  
Even

13.02  
To even.b.naesheim@studentmail.no  
From isak.b.naesheim@studentmail.no  
Subject: Even and Isak go on a date  
Do you like my new email?

13.10

To isak.b.naesheim@studentmail.no  
From even.b.naesheim@studentmail.no  
Subject: Even and Isak go on a date  
God where have you been all my life? It’s fate!!!  
You are crazy dude. Anyway, I like you already. See you at 3.30. Got chemistry now, and would like to pass so will put phone away.  
PS. Love you.

 

Twenty years later, again.

It’s definitely the same Isak Valtersen. How could it not be.? The face is the same. A little more defined. A little older. Still there is no doubt that Even is staring at Isak. His Isak. His hair is still a blonde mess of curls. His eyes bright and clear.

‘’Pappa who is that nurse, are we buying Marthe shoes from that nurse? You said I could have your phone in 2 minutes Pappa. 2 minutes. Why are you looking at that Pappa? Where are Marthe’s shoes? I want to play subway sweep. Shoes are boring.’’ Mikki is getting annoyed. 

Evens hands are shaking. He thinks it’s not too noticeable but he can barely keep the phone still. Mesmerised by the photo.  
Mikki is shouting again, and Even panics a little. This is no good, so he does what he usually does. Klicks on the ASK US ANYTHING link. His own personal fix all the shit I don’t know how to fix place. Any question answered by an expert in the field within 24 hours. Usually quicker. Because ’’PPN understands todays parents and knows that time is of the essence,’’ Even has read the blurb. Fallen for the hype hook line and sinker.

Because as a parent you are sometimes desperate. Even is desperate most of the time. 

‘’Where can I find out what shoe size my daughter needs and where can I order with next day delivery? She is 2. I am in trouble with the nursery and her shoes are apparently a disgrace.  
Kind rds Even Bech Naesheim  
Father of the Year.

He presses send. Yeah, Shit joke. But since there is no one else that Even can share his shit jokes with these days, he relies on the friendship of someone in an office who will answer his crap questions with a smile. Within 24 hours. Or less. 

He loads up Subways Sweep for Mikki and lets his eyes rest against Marthe’s head. He is just going to close his eyes for a second. Just a little rest. 

All he can think of is Isak. 

The first time they met they laughed even before they had said a single word. Isak clinging to his text book, and Even with a scrunched-up hand towel in his jacket pocket.  
‘’ Hi I’m Even, your boyfriend. Fiancée. Whatever.’’ He had reached his hand out and Isak had given him a hug. Just laughing.  
‘’Hi, I’m Isak. Nice to meet you. Boyfriend’’

It had been an easy friendship. Lots of laughs over coffee and muffins and a test in the History of Norwegian poets and their work that Isak had aced thanks to Even and his love of all things weird and wonderfully quirky. Like little bits of poetry written by old men who were clearly out of their minds. He always loved Hauge, an eccentric gardener that lived on an island on his own, dreaming of things that he would never find. He had tried to explain it to Isak, who had taken notes, listening to him with a little amused smile and a quirky comment, making him blush when he derailed into something completely irrelevant. Again, and again.

They had left when the coffee shop manager threw them out. Then they had gone back the next day to celebrate Isak surviving Norwegian and help Even ace the last Biology exam. Which Isak talked him through, drawing diagrams in on napkins and talking animatedly with his hands until Even finally got it. He did. He understood. 

The bad jokes continued. Even would sling his arm over Isak’s shoulder when they walked. Side by side. They would high five each other in the corridors. Laugh at stupid texts throughout the day.

Isak had been the first friend that got Even. That truly got him. That had let him be silly and stupid and clingy and touchy feely and Even had loved him. Loved him for giving him that. For letting him be himself and not some carbon copy year three idiot like the one he pretended to be most of the time. 

The first time it happened was a few months later. They might have had a few beers. There might have been a joint of two involved, but the two of them had ended up on Evens bed. Watching some crap movie with Isak hogging most of the bed and Even’s head on his lap. Isak’s fingers playing with Evens hair, and Even rolling over and laughing at Isak’s, well whatever Isak had been telling him.

It had just been a moment. A fleeting second or two. But it was there. The way they looked at each other. Like they both knew. Like the air went all solid and stagnant and there was nothing but white noise. Then it was gone. But Isak went to the loo and Even got them another beer. 

It wasn’t until Even turned the light out, when Isak was almost asleep in the bed next to him, that he dared to reach out and stroke his hair. Gently touch his cheek. And Isak had rolled over and curled into Evens arms. They had slept all night like that. Holding each other. 

In the morning, none of them had said a word. Just slipped back into their normal banter like it was nothing. Nothing at all. And that’s how they had rolled. 

To Even.Bech.Naesheim@UiO.no  
From: isak.valtersen@kvinneklinikken-oslo.no  
RE: Shoes for a 2-year-old

Hi.  
Congratulations sending the very first email to ASK ISAK. Although I think you meant to press ASK US ANYTHING. I don’t know anything about shoes for a 2-year-old, but I will be happy to pass on your question to the right people.  
Anyway, I had to write that in case you are not the Even I think you are. If you are then I am the happiest person in the world. How long has it been? 20 years? I almost had a heart attack when I saw your name.  
Even, I know we haven’t spoken since, but If you want to meet up. Just have a beer. Have a laugh or two. I am all yours.  
Isak.  
PS. Congratulations on stalking me again. Good Job.

The last time Even had seen Isak, was a Sunday afternoon, spent lounging around in front of the TV at Isak’s shared apartment. Just hanging out. Side by side. Arms touching. Even’s head on Isak’s shoulder. It wasn’t like they talked about it. It was never mentioned. They just liked touching when they were together. Hanging out. Chilling.

They had fought over something. Just being silly. Nothing serious. Isak had had his arms around Even’s neck, whilst Even had held the remote control for the TV over his head. Just out of reach. Taunting him about not getting to watch the match. Being silly. Not thinking. Not thinking at all. 

Isak had just reached up. Pressed his lips to Evens mouth, and kissed him, Softly and quickly, just a peck making Evens lips sting like he had been burned. Making him press his fingertips over his lips to soothe them. Wanting Isak to do that again. Just staring at him as he stared back. Eyes on eyes, and not a single word spoken. 

That’s when Even’s phone had rung. And he had fumbled with the phone and the remote and dropped the phone on the floor and Isak had picked it up and the screen had been loud and clear in Isak’s hand. 

‘’Who is Sonja?’’ He had asked. Not accusing Even of anything. Just asking. Handing him the phone back.  
‘’She is my girlfriend.’’ Even had replied. 

Nothing had been the same after that. Even had gone home. And the next day Isak had blocked his number. Deleted him from his life. Even never saw him at school again. Then he graduated. Moved in with Sonja. 

He thought about Isak a lot during that first year when Sonja was pregnant with Malena.  
He thought about him every time he drove past the street where Isak used to live.  
He thought of what could have been. He thought about it a lot. 

Even made his choice. He stayed. He settled. Wrote it off in his head as an innocent friendship that he had messed up. That he broke. He had done it on purpose. He never told Isak about Sonja. He didn’t want to. Isak was his. Just like he had been Isak’s.

His heart was never really broken. Just cracked and bruised. But seeing the photo of Isak today had done things to Even. Something had exploded in his chest, and Even could hardly breathe.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the response and kudos and comments on this little adventure of mine. I hope that you are enjoying it. xx

To isak.valtersen@kvinneklinnikken-oslo.no  
From: even.bech.naesheim@UiO.no  
Subject: Oh my god I am an idiot. 

Hi Isak. Of course it is me. I got so flustered seeing your picture that I must have pressed the wrong button. You haven't changed at all. You look good. I hope you are well and happy. As you can tell I haven't changed much either, I am still a complete knobhead most of the time.  
I would love to meet up, it would be great to catch up. Are you free thursday evening? Around 8? Beer sounds good.  
Even

 

www.parentingnetworknorway.no/ASKISAK/blogg/firsts

FIRSTS

Welcome to my very first edition of ASK ISAK, and thank you to all of you who have emailed me with comments and questions, or just to welcome me onto your site. Remember this is your site, and no question is the wrong question, there are no stupid questions just like there are no definite answers. I will answer as many questions as I can, and I promise to be honest and truthful. You can read the first questions and answers in the section below. I hope that you will find them helpful and informative.

PNN.no have asked me to introduce myself properly, so here goes. 

I’m Isak. I’m 38, single, from Oslo, and have been a Midwife for my entire adult career. 

The first thing people usually ask me when I tell them that I am a midwife, is why? Why did I choose Midwifery? Well I didn’t choose it. It chose me. 

The very first baby that I delivered was named Amina. Her mother was birthing her 5th baby and to be honest I was terrified. As It turned out, Amina’s mother was the one talking me through the birth and trying to calm me down rather than the other way around.

Amina was born at 11.42 in the morning after a 3-hour labour. She was tiny and wrinkly and she opened her eyes and looked at me. 

I was the first person she ever saw, and that to me was a massive responsibility. I remember looking at her and whispering ‘’Please be happy. Live a good life. Laugh. Be kind. Live well.’’ Then I placed her gently in her Mother’s arms. I was shaken. In tears. I just watched a baby being born. 

It was a huge moment. I never looked back after that. 

My plan had been to qualify as a Midwife as a sneaky way to continue my studies to become a surgeon. I never did. Instead stayed a Midwife, later qualifying to teach and train Doulas. I also run the Parents-to-be classes here at the University Hospital in Oslo. I am sure many of you have met me at these courses, and I hope I prepared you well for your birth experiences.

I wonder about Amina sometimes. It would be nice to meet her one day, and for her to know that she changed my life. I still speak to all the babies that I have the honour of meeting first. I greet them and wish them well, hoping that I am somehow sprinkling them with a good measure of hope and well wishes in those first seconds of their life. Every one of them is important to me. Every one of them is special. I am humbled and honoured to meet the future men and women of Oslo that I watch being born into this world. I hope that they, and their parents know that. 

There have been many firsts in my life. My first school, my first broken bone, my first job. The first person I loved. The first person I kissed.

I wasn’t going to write about this but then I thought, well I might as well. My first kiss changed my life too. The receiver of my kiss, as it turns out, was the first person to email me on ASK ISAK, believe it or not. 

This person was the most important person in my life for a few months in high school, the first person I fell in love with, and the first person that I felt understood me. I kissed him, and that was the end of our friendship. 

You experience things when you are young that you think are the end of the world at the time, but as you grow older your thoughts mellow. You start to see things a little differently. You understand that it wasn’t all about you, or your thoughts. Your broken heart. There was that other person too, with a completely different set of circumstances and feelings. This man changed my life too and I will always be grateful for that. In which way, I might talk more about one day, but for now let me just say that we are meeting for the first time in over 20 years tomorrow night.

I hope we can still talk, and laugh like we always did back when we were friends. I hope that we can forgive and forget. That we can remember why we were friends in the first place. 

Please wish me luck for tomorrow night. I think I might need it.  
Isak x

Even doesn’t hear Malena enter the room at first, he is still re reading the text on the laptop. He is sitting in the dark at the kitchen table, surrounded by dirty dishes and shopping.  
He is wondering if this might just be the worst decision he has ever made in his life, or if he is finally doing something right. Trying to repair what he broke. 

He doesn’t even know if that is what he wants, but the idea of having Isak back in his life is just too tempting to resists. The idea of having him back, to talk to him, to have a friend. Just someone he could confide in. 

Isak would do that, Even is sure. Isak would let him talk, and he would listen. He wouldn’t judge him, because he never did. Isak had just loved him the way Even had loved him back. He had been a good friend. The best. 

‘’Pappa, did you order Tampons in the shop? I am out. I also need paracetamol and deodorant, if you could order some for next week. And I think you should get a deodorant for Morten. He stinks.’’

‘’I can do that’’ Even giggles. ‘’I’m not sure about the Tampons, you need to look in the bags. I can’t be bothered to unpack it all. I put the ice cream away though. I think.’’

‘’Oh, what flavour did you get? Mint choc?’’ Malena is already rummaging in the freezer, grabbing two spoons on the way back to the table.

‘’Of course. The only flavour worth buying’’ he replies and takes the spoon from his daughter. They sit there in silence, eating ice-cream in the dark straight out of the tub, with the sheen from the laptop keeping them company.

‘’OK, I have added more tampons, deodorant for girls, deodorant for stinky boys and paracetamol. What else do we need? Any more girly bits whilst I have the page open?’’

‘’Pappa. Could you order me some….’’ Malena quietens. Pops another spoonful of ice-cream in her mouth. 

‘’What do you need baby? You can ask me anything. I am not Mamma, but I am human. I will get you whatever you need. Within reason. Those 3000kronor trainers are still a NO Lena. Not even up for discussion.’’

‘’Pappa, I was just kidding about the trainers. No I was thinking that I am almost 17. I thought I should maybe have some, you know, Just in case. If I met someone and I wanted to.’’

‘’Do you want me to buy some condoms? So, you can have some if you need them?’’

Malena nods. She won’t even meet his eye. Embarrassed. Sucking on her spoon. 

‘’There is a pack in the cabinet in the bathroom you can have. I’m sure it’s still there.’’

She lets out a little snort. Giggles. 

‘’Pappa have you actually looked at that packet? It must have expired centuries ago. Morten and I used some of them to try to make balloon animals years ago. I think there is one left. We didn’t dare to use it in case you noticed that we had been in the pack.’’

‘’Balloon animals? Fucking hell. Did it work?’’ Even is laughing now. It feels good to laugh. 

‘’No, they smelt disgusting and were all slippery and horrible. ‘’

‘’Horrible children you two. No respect for my things’’

‘’Why did you have them anyway? I mean wasn’t mum on the pill?’’

‘’I don’t even remember to be honest. I think she was off them when she was breastfeeding the little ones. I don’t remember. It seems like it was so long ago now. Anyway. Condoms for my almost grown up daughter. Bloody hell. Do I need to have the talk with you then? The one about boys being horrible human beings and just wanting to get in your pants?’’

‘’Shut up Pappa. No I know my shit. Just leave it and get me some condoms. I won’t get pregnant and I won’t get riddled with STD’s and I will get on the pill if I end up with a steady boyfriend at some point. End of.’’

‘’End of. Cool. Just ask if you need anything else. I will never judge. Never get angry. Just tell me if you need anything and If I can help I will. ‘’

‘’I know. It’s cool’’ 

‘’Malena, do you think you could babysit tomorrow night? If I go out and meet someone?’’

‘’Shut up Pappa! Have you got a date?’’ Malena is actually laughing in his face. 

He could get a date he thinks. What is wrong with her? Of course, he could get a date if he wanted one. Not that he wants to. He does not want to date anyone. He just wants to meet Isak. He wants Isak back. That’s all.

‘’Not a date Lena. NOT a date. Just going for a beer with this guy I used to hang out with in school. His name is Isak and he used to be a really cool dude, so I thought it would be nice to catch up. Just go out and have a laugh. Do you think that is wrong? I can’t decide if it’s a stupid idea or a good one. I don’t even know where we should go. Where do two grown up people go for a beer in Oslo these days?’’

‘’Don’t ask me Pappa. I’m 16 remember? I have no idea what Beer is or where to get it.’’

‘’Of course not, Lena. Do you still need 4 Tuborg for Friday?’’

‘’Yup. Will be responsible, not drink more than 4. Don’t mix drinks and no spirits until I am 18. Vodka is not my friend. I get it. ‘’

‘’Cool. You get 4 Tuborg, I get babysitting tomorrow night. I leave at 8, You get Morten in bed by 9. Deal?’’

‘’Deal.’’ She rolls her eyes. He gives her one of those looks he does. The one that says ‘’don’t mess with me baby’’. 

He thinks he is lucky. He has Lena. Without Lena, he would have been in an even bigger mess than he finds himself in now. She is her Mother’s daughter. She is amazing. He knows that, and he knows how proud he is, of all his children. They will be fine. He will be fine. Everything will be fine. 

He just doesn’t feel fine. Not at all.

From isak.valtersen99@hotmail.com  
To even.bech.naesheim@UiO.no  
Hi Even, just to say I spoke to one of my colleagues who has kids and she said to take your 2-year-old to Lillesko on Markveien, and they will measure and fit shoes there. There is a tram stop outside so it’s easy to find. Hope that helps.  
Looking forwards to seeing you tomorrow. Shall I meet you on the steps by the Nationaltheatret station? You will recognize me. As usual I have no idea what you look like these days, but I can’t imagine that you have changed at all. I tried to stalk you but I couldn’t find any photos online. You know me. No shame.  
See you tomorrow.  
Isak.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A small part of the dialogue in this chapter is based on a Reddit post that made me cry. I will post a link to it in the last chapter of this story so that I don't give away any spoilers. 
> 
> Thank you again for all the love and the kudos and comments.

4  
It’s 7.45 and everything is going to hell. Well Marthe is screaming like a child possessed because Even is not lying down and snuggling her to sleep. Mikki is crying because he wants the fire truck pyjamas which is so threadbare and worn that the elastic has gone in the waist. It just won’t hold up and the pyjama bottoms keep falling and pooling around his feet. 

Even wants to join Mikki. He wants to stand there and cry with him. Just say FUCK IT to the world and grab his babies and go to bed. That would be the easy option out. Even is good at the easy option out. But not today. He needs today.

Malena is grumpy, and Morten. Morten won’t even look at him. He knows why. The kids all know why. This isn’t the usual way things work. Pappa never goes out. Pappa comes home and grunts and shouts and they all settle into their little routines. 

This is different. Even feels like he is about to combust. Jittery with nerves. Terrified. Like he is about to jump of a cliff and he has no idea if the tiny parachute in his chest will actually catch him when he falls. 

The kids all know. They all know something is up. Kids are clever. Of course, they know. 

Which is why they are all playing up and driving Even mad. He shouts. He shouts a lot. 

In the end, Morten is the one who crawls into Even’s bed with Marthe in his arms. Snuggles up with the iPad and puts on Peppa pig and soothes her with that little voice he does, and Marthe is snuggling up to her bunny rabbit and doing little hiccups. 

He carries Mikki in as well, tucks him up under the duvet and kisses his head. Tells them all to please be good for Lena, and he will be back in a few hours. Whispers in his head that Pappa just needs to go out. He just wants to go out and be a grown up for a little while. He just wants to hang out with his friend. Nothing else. He will be back. He loves them. Please be good. Please don’t hate me. Please. I can’t bear it when I am angry. When I am stressed. I can’t bear not knowing what the hell I am doing. 

He runs. Runs down the stairs after kissing Malena’s head and whispering Thank you. Thank you Thank you Thank you. 

He doesn’t know what he is doing. And he is late. He is so so late. He hasn’t even got Isak’s mobile number. Just a stupid email. He shoots one off anyway whilst half jogging towards the station, saying please hang on. Please wait for me. I am so late and I am so sorry. 

He hopes he hasn’t messed up, being almost 20 minutes late. What will Isak think of him, would he have waited if it had been the other way around? Would Even have stood there like a fool for 20 minutes waiting for someone he hasn’t seen in 20 years? Maybe not. 

But for Isak, Even would have stood there and waited for years. Because he has. 

He spots him straight away. It’s not like he doesn’t remember what Isak looks like, even from behind. The fall of his shoulders. The curve of his hips. The T-shirt and jeans. Curls on top of his head. Phone in his hand. 

It’s definitely him. 

Even doesn’t know how to do this. He has gone over it all in his head so many times. Written and re written the script. He has poetry in his head. The way he would say his lines, the way Isak would say his back. 

Yet here he is and he is tongue tied. Standing behind him. Hoping Isak will know what to say because Even hasn’t got a clue what he is supposed to say anymore. How to apologize for not finding him sooner. For not even trying to find him at all.

Instead he sinks down and sits down next to him. Wipes his forehead with the back of his hand. He is soaked in sweat. Nervous as hell. Dying.

Isak doesn’t speak. He knows he is there. They both sit there in silence, on the top step of the sweeping concrete landscape, just watching the world go by. 

********************************

He looks so different Isak thinks, like it is still him, but 20 years later. He has to stifle a giggle. I mean what did he expect? A 20-year-old Even? 

He likes this Even though, well he would like any Even. He likes Even full stop. He still loves him. That is perfectly clear.

He loves this rugged Even, where his twenty something skin is now weathered with dark stubble, and his eyes are framed in wrinkles and his hair is peppered with grey. 

He loves this Even who is looking back at him with the kindest eyes in the world. Eyes that have seen years of things he hasn’t shared with Isak. And suddenly Isak is jealous of the world that has had him for so long when Isak just hasn’t. He wants to grab him and shake him. There is rage. Fear. Sadness. So much hurt. It’s all brewing inside him. 

He doesn’t let it out though. He just sits there and takes him in. Whispers ‘’Hi’’. 

And Even whispers it back. Smiles like he does. The same smile that has haunted Isak at the back of his mind for as long as he can remember. His Even. 

‘’Fuck Isak, I don’t know what to say. I had this all planned out in my head but now that we are here I don’t know what the hell I am doing. It’s just really good to see you. ‘’ Even is wiping his eyes again. He has actual tears in his eyes and Isak is welling up. I mean how can he not?

‘’Don’t. Don’t go all mushy on me Even, because I will start to cry and it won’t be pretty.’’ They are both laughing now. All red faced and emotional and Isak is wiping his eyes and Even is holding onto his arm. And there is giggling brewing in Isak's chest and Even is smiling so hard that his cheeks actually hurt.

‘’We need beer Isak. I don’t think we can handle this without beer. And Nachos or something equally disgustingly fatty and salty and bad for us.’’ Even is tugging at his arm. Trying to get him to stand up with him. 

They stand. Straightening their jeans, and Isak puts his hands in his pockets and Even looks at him in that way again. The way that makes Isak lose his chill. 

‘’Can I have a hug?’’ Isak asks. He can’t help it. He needs one. He needs to know that Even is still Even. His Even. The one that hugged him every time they met up all those years ago. Even always hugged him to say hello. Always hugged him goodbye. Always. He needs Even to still be Even. 

Even doesn't hug him. Even body slams him so hard that Isak thinks he might fall over. Stumbling backwards whilst Evens arms are squeezing him so hard that he can’t breathe and there is hot breath against Isak's neck and it is so Even. All-consumingly Even. All him. 

‘’I fucking missed you so much’’ Even whispers. Voice hoarse and quiet.  
‘’I’m all yours’’ Isak whispers back. ‘’I always was’’

They walk in silence. Evening sun on their faces and people milling about down on Akers Brygge. It’s not the coolest spot to go, but its near, handy and crowded and open enough that it feels public. Like they don’t have to speak. Just watch the world go by and enjoy the sunshine. 

Isak picks a bar and they sit down on opposite armchairs in the outside area. There is no one else near. They can talk. And the waitress couldn’t care less. Surly and quiet as she plonks two pints of beer down in front of them. Mutters that the snack menu is on the side just wave at her when they are ready to order.

They clink their glasses. Still not really able to look each other in the eye. 

‘’I assume you read my blog thing, so you know all there is to know about me. I know nothing about you though.’’ Isak takes a sip. 

‘’Where do I start? Not much to tell these days.’’ Even’s hands are shaking. There are words that are fighting to come out of his mouth but he can’t quite form them. Apologies. Begging. Lots of begging. Please. Please let me have you. Please be my friend again. Let me have you back. 

The thoughts in his head are so confusing that Even doesn’t even understand them himself. He doesn’t know what the hell he is asking for. Just that he needs to say them. That he needs Isak.

‘’Are you married? I know you have a 2-year-old. Boy or girl?’’ Isak is trying to be polite. Do small talk. When all he wants to do is scream. 

‘’ I have four kids. They are amazing. Malena is 16, she is ace. Really cool girl. The kind of girl you and I would have been friends with. She is responsible, really helpful. Has some nice friends, well the ones she lets me meet. Morten is 12 and grumpy as hell. I have no idea how to deal with him at the moment, I don’t remember being like that when I was his age. Mikki is 6 and he is just so bright. So clever. Really affectionate. Loves cuddles. And Marthe is 2. She is beautiful. Gorgeous girl. I just want her to stay a baby, just be little and cute forever.’’

Isak smiles. Takes another sip of his beer. He knows the game Even is playing. Don’t mention the wife. It’s like they are 17 and 19 all over again and Isak is pissed off. 

‘’And your wife?’’ He must ask, even if his voice is full of sarcasm.

‘’Sonja died a little over a year ago. Acute Leukaemia. She was diagnosed in January and Died in April. She died in my arms. She never got to say good bye to the kids. She never accepted she wouldn’t make it. She was fighting. Fighting really hard. But sometimes it’s not enough. ‘’

‘’I’m so sorry’’ Isak whispers. ‘’I didn’t know’’

‘’You wouldn’t have. I didn’t tell you.’’

‘’It must have been a horrible year. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you. ‘’

‘’Grief makes you a horrible person. I wasn’t very nice to be around for a long time.’’

‘’I am here now. If you ever need to talk I will listen. I am a good listener.’’

‘’I know you are.’’

They fall silent again. Even studying the menu. Isak studying Even’s hands.

‘’Why are you single Isak? Was there anyone in your life? Did you marry?’’

‘’No. I never met anyone that I liked enough. Can’t be bothered to go on dates’’ Isak shrugs his shoulders.

‘’I wouldn’t even know how to get a date if I am honest Isak.’’

‘’It’s all online these days. Tinder and Speed-d8 and Grinder and all that. Not that I would recommend it. I had some really crap experiences. Put me off it all for ever I think.’’

Even laughs. ‘’Come on, tell me. Ugly as hell or really smelly? Wanted to marry you there and then?’’

Isak smiles. Takes another sip and fiddles with the napkin. ‘’I couldn’t even go into the restaurant to meet the first guy. I was just terrified. I stood him up and ran home. Got really drunk and threw up all over the living room. ‘’

‘’Lightweight.’’ Even is winking at him. Laughing a little. ‘’And the second one?’’

‘’Turned out to be a 17-year-old runaway kid from Stavanger. I spent the whole evening sorting him out with Social services so he would have a place to stay and some support. I never saw him again. Not my idea of a date. At least I had all the contacts through work so I knew the people to call. ‘’

‘’Third date?’’ 

‘’I gave up after that. Had a few hook-ups in bars. It’s not my thing. I kind of know what I want and that is not it. I don’t have the energy to waste on all that shit. I just want to go home and sleep and hide away most of the time. Just relax and watch shit on TV. Go for a run. I lead a boring life when I don’t work. I suppose I work most of the time so it doesn’t matter.’’

‘’You love your job. It’s fair enough. As long as you are happy. Are you happy Isak?’’

He shrugs his shoulders again. Smiles. Drains his glass. 

‘’Another round?’’ Even doesn’t reply. Just calls the waitress over and orders. Plus, a load of Nachos and fries and Isak gets Deep fried chilli squid and Even’s eyes go all wide and excited, shouting to make that 2 of the squid thing. 

‘’When did you know that you were gay Isak?’’ Even can’t believe he asks. But he does. Because this is his Isak. And they could always talk about most things. And somehow Even needs to know where they stand. 

‘’When I met you.’’ Isak blurts out. Then he blushes and freezes. He doesn’t let go of Even’s eyes though. He is frozen in place. He shouldn't have said that. He is pushing his luck here. Messing up. 

‘’Oh’’ Even says. Still looking at Isak, his eyes dark and looking sad. He looks crushed to be honest. ‘’We fucked that up, didn’t we’’ he whispers. 

They are silent after that.


	5. Chapter 5

5

‘’Don’t.’’ Isak says. ‘’Please don’t say it’’

‘’Say what?’’ Even replies. His voice is shaky. He is not quite sure what is happening right now. Just that the air is tense and Isak is upset and things are going south. Fast. 

‘’Don’t give me all that talk about just wanting to be friends. I can’t bear to hear it. Not from you.’’

Even doesn’t know what to say back. He knows. He knows what Isak is saying. He can’t bear to say it either. Because it’s not true. It never was. They were always a little bit more than friends.

‘’Even, I need to be straight with you.’’ He snickers a little after saying the words. Even smiles weakly. It is funny. It’s a little bit funny. 

‘’No, you don’t’’ Even replies and pop’s a nacho in his mouth. ‘’Sorry. Go on. You were saying?’’

Isak takes a deep breath. Pulls his fingers through his hair and leans forward.

‘’I have been honest with you from the start this time. I am gay. I have spent the last 20 years being stupidly in love with you, the memory of you, and the way we were back then. I never got over you. Nobody else ever compared. Nobody. It’s so bloody stupid and pathetic that I can’t believe I am actually telling you this, but I have to. You must understand where I am coming from when I tell you this.’’

‘’Isak..’’ Even doesn’t know why he is saying Isak's name. He just has to say something before he blurts out all his own ugly truths.

‘’Shut up and let me finish before I chicken out and run out of here.’’ Isak’s head is in his hands. Trying to gather his words so he says it right.

‘’I wanted to meet you so I could take one look at you and realize that I was being an idiot. That I didn’t feel so strongly about you, that this was just some fucked up juvenile crazy idea in my head, and that I would just meet you and realize that I didn’t feel anything for this grown-up version of you. I was hoping you would be a different person and I could walk out of here a free man. I was going to walk out of here and be free of you. Of my pathetic crush on you. ‘’

‘’And will you? Please don’t walk out. I know I have changed, I am not young anymore, but please let me explain. Let me apologize.’’

‘’For what? I am never going to be free of you. Which is why I can’t be your friend. I can’t spend the next 20 years wanting you when I can never have you. You will never love me that way, the way I want you to and it wouldn’t be fair on me. I need to get over you, not spend the rest of my life massaging your ego by being your gay friend who has a crush on you. I just can’t Even. It would kill me. Just look at me. I am pathetic enough as it is.''

‘’Isak. Don’t. Please don’t. Not when I just found you again.’’ Even is reaching out. Trying to touch Isak's arm. His hand. His skin. Whatever part of Isak he can reach. 

Isak swats him away. He IS pathetic. He is going to cry. Any minute now. He can’t do this. He can’t sit here and look at Even knowing that this is all he is ever going to get. Not when his heart is beating out of his chest and his brain is in meltdown. 

‘’Isak. I should never have let you shut me out of your life. It was my fault. I was scared, I was stupid and I wasn’t honest with you. I know that. I just wanted you to myself. I wanted to keep what you and I had special and private and all mine. I felt that you and I had this little safe bubble where we existed and I didn’t want to pop it. I didn’t know what I was doing, and I messed up. I know I hurt you and then I let you shut me out. I should have gone after you, I should have done things differently.’’

‘’You would never have been mine anyway, it wouldn’t have mattered Even. We would still have ended up right where we are now. You are straight. I know that. Everything would have ended up the same.’’

‘’I would never wish for my life to have been different, I can’t Isak, I can’t wish away my children and my marriage and my life. I fucked up. I messed us up. But I have paid for it too. I have spent the last 20 years trying to convince myself that I was never in love with a boy, that I almost dumped Sonja for you, and that I never wanted to walk away from my marriage. And believe me Isak. I wanted to walk away from Sonja. I almost did. Many times. Over and over. Until I convinced myself that I had imagined it all. Until I had convinced myself that you were never real, that It had just been something that I made up in my head. You are not the only one that suffered Isak. I hated you. I hated you for leaving. For shutting me out. For not sticking around when I was confused and sad and angry. I hated you for leaving me behind.’’

Even’s voice breaks. He is not crying. He is not. He is just a little emotional. Fucking Distraught. Trying to breathe. Trying to look at Isak when he can’t. He can’t look at him. Not when he has just stripped himself bare in a random dodgy bar on Akers Brygge on a Thursday evening. 

Isak doesn’t say a word. Just stares at his hands. 

‘’Don’t leave. Please. I need to take a leak. I just need a moment. I can't think straight when I'm with you.’’ Even stands up. Walks away, whist Isak stares at his back. Willing him to turn around. To come back to him. 

Even disappears towards the men's room at the back of the bar. And Isak waves the waitress over and pays the bill. They haven’t even touched their food. Not that Isak could eat anything. His stomach is full of nerves. Full of sadness. This wasn’t the way he thought things would have gone. 

Then Even is walking back towards him, still with that swagger in his walk, but with his head down and his shoulders hunched. 

I’ve broken him again, Isak thinks to himself. He does that. Breaks people. Which is why he should have stayed far far away from Even and just left his fucking romantic notion about sailing into the bloody sunset with the straight dude right at home where it belongs. In one of his bloody romance novels that he reads late at night when his head is swirling and his body clock is so all over the place that he doesn’t know if it’s day or night. 

This must end now. Before both of them end up so broken that they never speak again. 

They leave. They don’t even talk. Just walk side by side back towards town. Isak is kicking random gravel out of his way. Even is so out of it that he steps into the path of a bus and Isak pulls him back. Hand on his arm. Then letting him go like he has been burned. He can’t. He just can’t.

They walk in the darkness along the streets, Isak doesn’t even care where they are going. He doesn’t know how to say good bye. How to leave. How to say, ‘’Please let me go so I can heal. Please let me get over you and start over. Please just let me go’’. All whilst his heart is bleeding and shouting ''for fucks sake Even, I love you. Can’t you see? Don’t you know? And if you say you were in love with me back then, well why the hell did you let me go?''

Isak knows. He knows the answer. Even loved someone else more. Isak would always have come second. He would never have been the one.

Even stops. Rocks on his heels. 

‘’This is home. I live here.’’ Gesturing to the door behind him. Isak has no idea where he is. He just looks at him. Wonders if this is it. This is where they say goodbye.

‘’It was nice to see you again Even.’’ Lame, he knows. But there is nothing more he can say. 

‘’Thanks for making it happen. ‘’ Even can’t even meet his eye. 

‘’Take Care.’’ Isak says.

Then he walks. Steady and slow. One foot in front of the other. He walks away. He might be dying now but he knows this is the right thing to do. He has to stop. He has to stop this ridiculous notion of loving Even Bech Naesheim until the day he dies. Because it is no good. It’s no good for anyone. 

‘’ISAK!!!! ‘’ There are running steps behind him and arms around him spinning him around and Even’s hands are cupping his face. Holding his face and his eyes are too close and his breath is on Isak’s skin and Isak is so weak. He is so weak. He just stands there and lets it happen. He lets Even’s lips softly touch his. Just the softest of kisses on his lips. It’s one kiss and Isak is weak. He doesn’t even know where to begin to say no. No. Don’t do this if you don’t mean it. Don’t break my heart because it is already so broken. 

‘’Shall we see if we can fix this? Please. Please let me try to fix this.’’ Even’s voice is just a whisper. 

And Isak is so weak. Isak is a fool. He just kisses him. Because that is all that he knows how to do. It is all he has ever done. Loved this boy with every molecule in his body. With every little piece of his heart. 

So, he does. He kisses him. And Even kisses him back. All lips and tongues and spit and hands and Isak's fingers are in Even's hair and it's just, it's desperate. 

Isak doesn't think after that. And Even doesn't know how to stop. How to stop kissing Isak. Because he needs to finish what Isak started that day at Isak's apartment 20 years ago when Isak kissed him first. 

This, this is Even kissing Isak back.


	6. Chapter 6

6  
‘’Do you want to come up? I can make coffee. I have whiskey if that’s your thing.’’ Even is talking into Isak’s mouth. And Isak’s hands are on Even’s chest, and there is still kisses happening and Isak can’t even think straight. So, he lets Even lead him to the door, holding his hand like he is a child.

It’s probably the worst idea in the world, but Even can’t risk it. He can’t risk Isak leaving him. And Even just can’t risk becoming a coward again and not following through with this. He has feelings for Isak. He always did. He has feelings for the man. He wants a man. He fucking kissed a man right out there in the street for anyone to see. And he doesn’t give a flying fuck. 

If Sonja could see him now, well Even almost smiles. She would have laughed. Called him a twat for ever doubting himself. Made some lame joke about at least it’s not another woman. She would have found it funny. Somehow that makes it alright, which is so fucking ridiculous that he doesn’t even know where to start untangling all the thoughts in his head. 

He is a father. There are four young children in his home who all lost their mother, and now Even is bringing this man home, after a night out. It’s wrong. It is wrong on so many levels that Even can’t even start to defend himself. His only defence is that this is right. This is so right. This is his Isak. And it’s time to own up to a few home truths about himself. 

‘’Isak, I think I am gay. I think I always was.’’ He blurts out in the stairwell whilst trying to fit the key in the lock. 

‘’You mean bi? I mean you like women too?’’ Isak has had two beers. Isak should not be slurring. But he can’t control his movements and almost falls flat on his face tripping over the mountain of shoes inside the door. 

‘’I don’t even know how the hell I am supposed to label myself’’ Even whispers.

‘’Then don’t. You don’t need to put a name on it. Just own it’’ Isak tries to kiss him, right there, wearing one shoe and trying to toe the other one off. He ends up kissing Even’s ear and holding on to him in some kind of half embrace. 

‘’Don’t wake the kids. Because then all hell will break loose.’’ Even tries to kick his shoes of quietly. He does. But he is making a freaking racket and Isak giggles softly. 

They make their way out into the kitchen where Even tries to clear a space for Isak to sit down, and moves the remains of dinner away from the table, randomly dumping it wherever there is space on the work top. There is not much space. Even’s kitchen is a disgrace. He wonders why he hasn’t noticed until now. The dust and the rubbish and the stuff. The stuff that is everywhere. 

‘’I’m not very domestic. The whole house is a dump. I spend a lot of time worrying about what would happen if social services turned up and found out that my kids live in squalor.’’

‘’I’ve seen worse. Don’t worry. You love your kids. They are clothed and fed and warm and loved. That’s all that matters. Isn’t it?’’ Isak says whilst wiping his hand, that is covered in what he hopes is marmalade, on his jeans. 

‘’Coffee?’’ Even asks, gesturing to the coffeemaker on the side, whilst trying to find out which random plastic bag on the floor is the bin today. He needs to get a grip. This was a bad idea. 

‘’Thanks. Just black.’’ This is weird. Strange and weird. But it’s just coffee. And Isak can’t help touch his lips again. Just touch where Even kissed him. Because he kissed him and Isak is still on fucking cloud nine. Feeling light headed and happy and weirded out beyond comprehension. 

Even has two clean coffee cups. Two. It’s fate. The universe is on his side tonight he thinks as he pours the coffee. Tries to find some chocolate or biscuits or something in the cupboard but there is nothing. Bloody kids. Eating everything in sight.

‘’Thank you’’ Isak says as Even takes the seat next to him at the kitchen table. Stirs his coffee with a random teaspoon left on the table among books and letters and crap and Even wonders how they actually live like this. In this constant mess. 

‘’I am not very good at keeping things tidy. I have let things slip Isak. It’s overwhelming to do this on your own, when there is only me. I mean the kids are amazing but, I’m the one who should have this all figured out, to keep things liveable and under control.’’

‘’It doesn’t matter Even. It doesn’t matter right now. Let’s just sit here and have coffee. Hang out. I promise not to get all over-emotional and stupid again.’’ Isak winks and takes a sip of the coffee.

Even stirs his with the spoon because he needs to do something with his hands, and he can’t stop smiling and staring at Isak’s lips. He can’t. Isak is bloody mesmerizing. All soft and dimply and pretty and Even can’t imagine a time when he didn’t want to kiss Isak. Because he wants to kiss Isak again, right here in the mess of his kitchen where he is safe and at home and Isak is here and Even just does it.

He leans in and presses his lips to Isak’s, and Isak opens up and lets his tongue sweep over Even’s bottom lip and there is soft moan that escapes from Even’s lips and it’s just embarrassingly hard not to let another moan slip. Because kissing Isak is just that good. And having Isak kiss him back is just even better. And maybe the beer has helped, and maybe the caffeine is just kicking in but Even can’t help himself.

The chairs are scratching against the hard floor and they are snogging like teenagers right there at the table, bumping their legs and trying to figure out how they can get close. Because this isn’t close enough. It’s nowhere near close enough. 

Then Isak pulls at him and they are standing up and somehow Even is being manhandled and walked backwards across the floor until he is pressed hard up against the kitchen worktop. There are hands around Isak’s waist, tugging at his t-shirt until there is skin against palm, and Isak is breathing heavily into his neck and Even’s lips are doing things to Isak’s skin. He is sucking at him. Giving him a freaking hickey. 

Somewhere in Even’s head his brain is telling him to slow the hell down. And somewhere in Isak’s brain his thoughts are nowhere to be found. All he knows is that he is held tight in Even’s embrace and that he is not going anywhere. Not ever. Because this is where he belongs. This is where he needs to be. 

‘’Stay’’ Even begs. Even though he knows how ridiculous that notion is. He has no sofa to offer. The one in the living room is just not fit to sleep on. There is no guest bedroom. Nowhere for Isak to sleep except for in Even’s arms in Even’s bed. Which is where Even wants him. He doesn’t care that this is too fast. That this is just crazy. He doesn’t care. For once he needs this for himself. He needs to have this. Please. 

‘’Okay’’ Isak whispers into Even’s chest. Letting his head rest on his shoulder. Arms holding him tight. 

‘’I know we are moving fast, but I just need you to hold me. I want that. I want us to sleep like we used to. I don’t want to go to sleep without you. I’m tired Isak. I am so tired of being alone.’’

‘’You are not alone Even. I’m here. I’ll always be here.’’

Isak is a sap. He is so gone. Ridiculously gone. There is a stupid smile on his face as they turn off the light in the kitchen and tip toe down to what must be the bedroom. 

The bedside light is on, and the king sized bed is full. Full of children. 

Which Makes Isak snap back into reality so fast that he is surprised he doesn’t get whiplash.

Not that Even seems to even notice, as he starts carrying the children back to their own beds. One by one. Struggling to lift the older boy, and instead half walking half carrying the kid down the hall. Isak can hear him talking, soft words of comfort, before turning the light off and coming back down the hall. 

He stops by the door, and lets his hand stroke Isak’s cheek. 

‘’Sorry if this is weird. It’s just that the kids always sleep with me. They are not used to their own beds anymore. We all huddle together like some crazy pack of wolves. ‘’ 

Even leans in and places another soft kiss on Isak’s lips. And Isak forgets all the reasons why he should leave. Why this is a bad Idea. Why the things all over the bedroom that obviously belong to Sonja, make him so uneasy that he wants run a million miles away. 

Then Even is kneeling down on the bed and Isak follows. Because Isak is weak. And he can’t not kiss Even back. He can’t help putting his hands under Even’s shirt. He just can’t help touching. Stroking. Letting his fingertips rub the nipple that hardens under his touch. 

The kissing is just that. It just numbs every sense in Isak’s body. Tears every defence he has so carefully built up right down. He can’t not kiss Even. It’s just goes against everything Isak has ever known. He was born to kiss Even. Born to lie here in his arms. Chest against chest. Feet tangled. Letting his nose come to a rest against Even’s. Their lips planting lazy little touches on each other’s mouths. 

Even closes his eyes. Let’s himself drift. He is safe. Held. Soft strokes of Isak’s hand, fingers combing through the hair on his head.  
For the first time in forever, Even sleeps. 

Isak watches him, until his eyes just can’t stay open anymore. He just can’t help looking. Watching.  
Hoping that he can be everything that Even needs him to be. That they can do this right. That they can somehow figure out a way to be what surely they were meant to be. 

 

At first, he can’t figure out where on earth he is. Just that there are arms and legs everywhere. Little arms. Small legs. And there is definitely a foot wedged under his chin. A very tiny foot. 

There is also a little boy standing next to the bed just staring at him. Wearing a mismatched pyjama and an angry scowl.

‘’There is no room for me’’ he says. ‘’You are in my space’’

Isak tries to lift his head. 

There is that foot again. Pinning him back down. He has to roll over on his side to sit up. 

Even is asleep with his back to them, still in his shirt and jeans from last night, and there is a little girl asleep across the pillows, arms and legs splayed out like a starfish. And here is Isak. Being stared at by what Isak thinks he remembers is Mikki.

‘’Sorry Mikki. I will get up so you can sleep here. Sorry. Your Pappa said it was Ok for me to sleep over. ‘’

‘’OK.’’ Mikki says. ‘’If you are getting up, can I have a Nutella sandwich? I’m hungry.’’

And that is how Isak finds himself trying to make Mikki a sandwich in the kitchen instead of going home. Which was his plan. His honest plan. He didn’t plan on standing in the kitchen trying to figure out how to work the strange looking contraption that Mikki swears is a toaster, and going through the shopping bags on the floor to see if he can find Nutella. It’s a mess. Even Isak can see that. 

It's even worse that he slept wearing yesterday’s clothes and that he knows he smells bad. Or that his hair is greasy and sticking up at every angle and is lips are chaffed from all that kissing. He remembers the kissing. He remembers the kisses all right. 

He doesn’t quite know how to handle the girl that is standing in front of him with her arms crossed and giving him the filthiest look. She hates him already. Great. 

‘’Isak. I’m hungry. Hurry up.’’ Mikki is banging his fist on the kitchen table. And Isak has got bread in the toaster. Nutella open. A knife that might or might not be clean. And his hand stretched out to the girl.

‘’Hi, I’m Isak. Sorry. I ended up crashing here last night. I am going to go, I was just getting Mikki a Nutella sandwich. Is he allowed Nutella for breakfast? I wasn’t sure. I couldn’t find butter. Do you put butter under the Nutella?’’

God, He is an embarrassment. Rambling. And the girl is not looking impressed.

‘’No butter, just Nutella. And the toast is burning by the way.’’ She flicks her hair. Walks out. And Isak feels like an idiot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's going to get fluffier now. Promise. I hope that you are all enjoying this little story!
> 
> I might be able to squeeze in another chapter in the next few days, and 717 should update shortly too. 
> 
> Thank you again for all the love and kudos and comments. Thank you also to those of you who read and point out the errors That I miss. I don't use a beta reader, so I get really blind to the text and it is easy to miss things. So I am really grateful for you guys pointing them out so I can correct them!  
> All the love, always xxx


	7. Chapter 7

7  
Even is standing in the doorway. All suit and tie and hair wet combed back over his head. Looking so effortlessly handsome, and put together, except for the up side down two-year-old girl in his arms, who is wearing a top with a bus on it and jeans and wellies. She is wearing Wellies indoors and Isak doesn’t know what to even think.

‘’Isak, more toast!!! I’m still hungry!!!’’

‘’Mikki you need to get dressed, there are clothes here please just put them on.’’ The girl is throwing a pile of clothes on the table and Mikki just shoves them on the floor and shouts ‘’Toast Isak. I am soooo hungry. Moooore!!’’

‘’Isak, any chance of a sandwich for Morten, we need to leave like in two minutes and he is just rolling out of bed. He will eat it on the way if you can just make it. I haven’t got the time, I need to put make up on. Fuck. MORTEEEENNN you wanker get up!!!’’ The girl is sweeping through the kitchen like a whirlwind, grabbing a banana from a bag on the floor and shouting as she leaves the room leaving a trail of hairspray in her wake.

‘’Language Malena!!!’’ Even shouts. He is still holding his daughter upside down and staring at Isak. 

Isak can’t quite read him. He knows he should have left. He knows this is awkward as fuck. He knows Even didn’t plan on this. But here he is and Isak is smearing Nutella on slices of bread and wrapping them in some kitchen towel that he found in one of the bags on the floor, and Mikki is eating a hot piece of toast and smearing Nutella all over his face. And not getting dressed. 

‘’Mikki, please get dressed’’ Even whinges and drops Marthe into her plastic highchair. He hands her some kind of squidgy fruit thing out of the fridge and almost bumps into Isak as he swings around towards the Coffeemaker. 

Not that they touch. They are so far away from each other that it’s not even funny. 

‘’Does the little one need toast too?’’ Isak asks, trying to get some kind of reaction out of Even. He needs anything, Just something. Just don’t tell me to leave. Not yet. Not now. 

‘’Thank you’’ Even whispers under his breath. He stills for a moment, hands on the kitchen counter next to Isak who is smearing Nutella on toast again. 

‘’No worries. I was going to go, but I got roped into feeding your little monster over there. He was hungry.’’

‘’That’s my Mikki. Always starving. Eats all the time. I’m sure he has worms.’’

‘’Have you had him checked out?’’ That’s Isak the midwife talking. And he blushes. This is not the time. This is so not his place. 

‘’He is fine. Just growing. Morten was the same. Until he became a grumpy little shit. Yes, I am talking about you Morten!!!’’

The boy that is apparently Morten is standing behind them. Fully dressed wearing a snapback and a rucksack and an expression that Isak can only describe as eternally pissed off.

‘’Who are you?’’ He growls. ‘’Lena said there is a sandwich for me. I need to go’’

‘’I’m Isak. Sorry. Here is your sandwich. Nutella. She didn’t specify what you wanted inside.’’

Morten shrugs his shoulders. Turns around. 

‘’Morten, at least say hello to Isak. Try to be a little bit polite.’’

‘’Hello Isak.’’ Morten shouts from the hallway. There is some slamming of doors. Malena shouting ‘’Bye!!’’. Then it is quiet. 

Mikki still eating his toast, staring at Isak and Even. Marthe sucking at her fruit pouch. Even leaning against the kitchen counter with his head hanging down.

‘’Thank you’’ He says again.

‘’Don’t worry. I need to go home and shower. I am working nights this weekend, so I will be around in the afternoons, if you want to meet up at some point. I would love to see you again. ‘’

Isak’s voice is quiet. He is trying to control himself. He is trying to behave. Do the right thing. Be himself. Let Even be a Dad to his kids. 

It’s ridiculous how hard it is not to throw his arms around Even and hug him. Because right now Isak needs a Hug. And Even looks like he is about to pass out.

‘’I just want to kiss the hell out of you right now Isak. But I can’t do that in front of these two. Not right now. I don’t really know why. ‘’ Even looks up. Just looks at Isak. In all his stubbled skin, his gorgeous eyes. The curls that frame his face, and there is just a hint of white in the blonde that is hit by the morning sun through the kitchen window. 

He strokes his cheek. Holds his face again, with both hands. He just wants to have this. To have Isak in his hands, to let himself feel again. Because Even feels. He has so many feels that he doesn’t quite know how to put them into words. 

Even runs a course in creative poetic improvised writing. A course he had to turn down last term, because there was nothing in his head. How can you inspire students to fill page after page with feelings when you are dead inside? Well today Even wants to sit down and fill a book with songs about Isak. About how he didn’t realize that he had all this love locked away in his chest. That there is something crazy brewing in his head. That he thinks that he could fall in love. Not like with Sonja where it was a slow burning realization that they fit. That they got on. That they loved each other. No, this is some bat shit crazy ass wham bam thank you mam full on love fest of a party going on in Even’s brain and all he wants to do is kiss. Hold. Touch. And spill as many stupid declarations of love all over the man who is standing in his kitchen helping him feed his children breakfast. 

‘’I don’t want you to leave. I want to come home this evening and find you on the sofa. I don’t want this to end. Fuck it, I am even thinking of calling in sick so I can spend the day with you. How fucked up is that?’’

‘’Language Even” Isak giggles and looks over at Mikki who is licking his toast. He is licking all the Nutella of the toast and throwing the bread on the floor. And Isak wants to say something but Even has lost his shit. He has clearly lost the plot. Because Even is kissing the hell out of Isak, right there in the kitchen, with both hands around Isaks face, and his lips softly moving over Isaks mouth, and his tongue stroking his and it’s doing things to Isaks stomach. And now there is Nutella on Even's shirt, at the back where Isak is fisting the fabric and Even might be grinding his hips against Isak and pinning him to the kitchen counter.

‘’Pappa you are kissing Isak!! Ha-ha Look Marthe! Pappa is doing kissy kissy to Isak.’’ Mikki is finding it hilarious. And apparently Marthe is finding it funny too. Giggling loudly and pointing a chubby little finger at them.

Not that Isak is looking. Because he has his eyes closed and Even is panting into his mouth and Even is hard. Even is fucking hard in his flimsy summer work trousers that don’t hide any sins. Especially raging hard-ons. Especially when Isak is sporting some action of his own in his jeans against Even’s groin.

Especially when his children are watching and laughing at him. 

This is just wrong. And it is so fucking right that Even can’t help himself. He laughs along. Laughs into Isak’s face, where Isak is smiling back at him. Nipping at his lips. Bubbles in his veins. 

He Is late. He is always late. But Isak gets Mikki dressed and Even finds a clean shirt, and he can’t help smile at the chocolate stains on his shirt. Isak did that. When Isak was kissing him. And Even’s brain is creating poetry rhyming words with breakfast spreads. He will never be celebrated poet at this rate. 

‘’When do you finish this afternoon?’’ Isak asks. Because Isak is clingy as fuck. Needy. He is like his worst night mare stalker with a crush. Not that Isak has a crush. He is way beyond that. He is impossibly lost in the man that is effortlessly swinging a two-year-old into a backpack style baby sling, fastening the straps over his tie and losing a welly in the process. 

‘’4. It’s Friday. When do you start your shift?’’

‘’9. Did you ever sort the shoes out? Do you want to meet up and do shoes with the kids? I mean it’s not my place really, I get that, but it’s something we could do together. If you want to. Then we could have a coffee….’’

Isak is pushing it. He knows. He is out of line. Not his place. He is just desperate to make some sort of plan. He wants to spend time with Even. Fuck it he wants to be with Even. He wants to sleep next to him every night. Even though it might involve little legs in his face in the early hours of the morning and awkward encounters with small people. 

‘’You would do that for me? Would you come with us?’’ Even looks genuinely surprised.

‘’Of course. It would be fun. Just hang out. Buy shoes. ‘’ Isak shrugs his shoulders and smiles. And Marthe pulls his hair with a squeal as Even leans in to kiss him. 

It hurts. She has got his curls in a proper grip. And they are stuck. They are stuck together. 

Mikki is on the floor laughing. Pointing at them and squealing. 

They are both trying to detangle her hand, their fingers touching maybe more than necessary. A little stray kiss involved. Then he is free. 

‘’Here’’ Even says and presses a key in his hand. ‘’Just lock the door when you leave. And I will see you this afternoon yeah? ‘’

‘’Will you give me your mobile number? It’s easier than email.’’ 

‘’Of course. Have you got your phone?’’

They swap numbers. Hands touching. Then Even is gone. The apartment is quiet. 

Isak smells. He smells really bad. 

He wonders if it would be rude to have a shower here. He wonders a lot of things. He wonders what the hell just happened.

EVEN: Hi Isak. Just wanted to say hi. Got to work on time. Ish. E x  
ISAK.: I’m still at yours, Sorry. I had a shower, hope that is OK. I borrowed a t-shirt to wear home. Will leave shortly. I xx  
EVEN: Stay if you want. Make yourself a coffee. The good stuff is in the cupboard by the fridge. Proper Italian coffee.   
ISAK: OK. I have washed up. I hope that is not intruding. I am not trying to intrude. I just hoped it would be helpful.  
EVEN: Thank you. You don’t have to. It’s my mess. But thank you. I appreciate it. E xx  
ISAK: xxx

PAPPA: Lena, can we try to do some serious kick ass clearing up at home over the weekend? Would you help me?  
MALENA: I can be bribed. There are ways of doing this Pappa.   
PAPPA: Heavy negotiation then.   
MALENA: Yup. What are you offering.  
PAPPA: There might be trainers involved.  
MALENA: SHUT UP. Don’t say it if you don’t mean it.  
PAPPA: Guilt money.  
MALENA: No guilt Pappsen. I will help.  
PAPPA: You are the best, you know that.  
MALENA: Of course. I know I am.  
PAPPA: Serious Q. Sorry if it upsets you.  
MALENA: Shoot.  
PAPPA: What shall we do with Mamma’s things? Do you think it is time we moved some of them? I don’t know what to do.   
MALENA: I hate the idea of moving them.  
PAPPA: I know.   
MALENA: Can I have a few of Mamma’s things? Can I put them in my room?  
PAPPA: You don’t even have to ask. She is your Mamma. Your things. Whatever you want.  
MALENA: We could maybe make a box for Marthe with some things too, since she won’t remember Mamma. Maybe that jumper she wore. Her watch. Marthe always played with her watch.  
PAPPA: You are making me cry. Brilliant idea. Can you buy the box? A nice pretty one. You know that shop with the stationary near Grensen, could you get a big one from there? I will pay.  
MALENA: Love that shop. Shall I get 4 boxes? One for each of us. Or 5? Do you want to make a Mamma box too?  
PAPPA: Now I am crying. Damn you. Get 5. Do you know that I love you Lena?   
MALENA: Shut it Pappa. I’m in class.   
PAPPA. 5 boxes. (heart emoji)  
MALENA: I am not even going to ask why that bloke was still in the house this morning. Do I need to repeat the house rules Pappa? I am not even sure that I want to know. Don’t tell me. Don’t know why I asked.  
MALENA: Where the hell did he sleep? I hope you didn’t make him sleep on the sofa.   
MALENA: That sofa is rank. Can we talk about a new sofa at some point? One that hasn’t got metal bits sticking out of the fabric.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it for a few days as 717 has been severely neglected and will update asap. I just had so much of this story in my head that needed to come out and be put down before I could do anything else.   
> Thank you for the amazing feedback and I hope that you enjoy this chapter.   
> All the love, always. S xxxx

8  
ISAK is all flustered. Isak can’t sit still. And Isak has a shitload of paperwork to get through and he is only 3 hours into his shift. 

He has already delivered one baby, and has 3 more on the go, and needs to sort out a few things with the schedule for next week, and here is Magnus. The consultant with the worst bedside manner in the history of consultants with non-existent bedside manners.

‘’So, Mags, who have you upset now. I hope you haven’t made the lady in 3 cry. She is terrified. First baby. Loads of complications. Please tell me you haven’t upset her? It took me 4o minutes to get her to let me examine her. 40 minutes. ‘’ Isak is pleading here. Hoping.

‘’No? What? I don’t know. I don’t think she was crying? What did I do now?’’ Magnus is clueless. It doesn’t help that he is actually one of the nicest people on the planet, and that Isak loves him to bits, but he just hates working with him. Magnus just doesn’t get subtle. He doesn’t get wrapping his ladies up in cotton wool. And he doesn’t get Isak’s voice. 

The voice Isak does when he talks to his Mums-to-be. Because the voice kind of works, however much Magnus takes the piss out of him. Isak does his soft calming voice and has the lady in 3 back to her half calm self in just under 15 minutes. Damn Magnus.

‘’Is Mahdi on the way? She needs that epidural Mags, Please don’t deny it to her. I know you are the boss, but come on. She can have it. Please let her. ‘’

‘’She will have that baby out before breakfast if she doesn’t. She is doing well. I am just being realistic. I know it’s her choice. I just told her not to expect the Kardashian TV birth. They all come in here thinking they will lie there in full make up and I will swan in and the baby will pop out. I have seen that show Isak. It pisses me off.’’

‘’Not your choice Mags and you know it.’’ 

‘’I know, I’m just fucking grumpy. Is there any chocolate back here? Why does nobody bake anymore? We always had cake on the nightshift when that Ingrid worked here. Shame she transferred. Can you employ another midwife that can bake? Can we advertise? Must bring baked goods for the consultants if working nightshift. Can that be a thing?’’

‘’I’m in agreement with that’’ Mahdi says, swinging his trolley past Isak. I’m doing room 2, then I must do that emergency section downstairs. I can’t do more until that is done. So, your girl in 3 will have to hang on Isak. 

‘’Thanks Mahdi.’’ He knows it’s ridiculous. They are short staffed as always. 3 midwifes, one consultant and one seriously stressed out caffeine deprived anaesthetist that won’t even get a break until morning. It’s always like this at night, never quiet. Never boring. Never enough staff or sugar. They need sugar. 

‘’Step by my office here after room 2 Mads and I will have a coffee ready for you. Cooled down so you can just knock it back before heading down. ‘’

‘’And that my friend is why I work with you idiots’’ Mahdi shouts down the corridor as he disappears into room 2 with his trolley and a cheery ‘’Hello Mummy! Let’s get that epidural on the way! Yay!’’ that echoes all the way down to where Magnus shakes his head and walks off, and Isak moves his chair back so Paulina can place the baby she is carrying on Isak's chest. 

She knows him well. She knows that Isak lives for this shit. This is why Isak ordered baby slings for the ward so he can carry babies around when he is not busy. He loves cuddling them. He loves the warmth and the smell of the little ones. He loves that they crave the human contact, just like he always craves that feeling of being loved. It’s a little bit like a drug. And Paulina knows it. 

He knows the mother of this one, she is desperately ill. He hopes she will make it through surgery. He hopes that she will come out the other side and meet this little bundle of wonder that is snuggled up against his chest. 

‘’Have you got time to feed her Is? I need to go back to room 7 before she screams the house down. I think we are talking minutes. I really need to go.’’

Isak takes the bottle from her. Shouts ‘’Does this one have a name?’’ after Paulina as she jogs down the corridor. She doesn’t answer. 

‘’Hi little one with no name. How are you? I’m Isak. I am your own personal feeding assistant this evening until Mummy is better. How is that? It’s called formula milk. Yummy. There. See? Told you it was good. ‘’ 

Isak is ridiculous. But he loves it. And it’s just him at the desk now. Him and this little one. He doesn’t even know if it’s a boy or a girl, dressed in a white babygro and a yellow blanket. He glances at the tag around her wrist. Girl. Cool. 

‘’So, baby girl. Let me tell you what I did this afternoon. I met up with the love of my life. Yes. I did indeed. He is called Even and he is just, wow, he is so handsome and sexy and lovely and he has these eyes that crinkle when he laughs and this big smile and I kissed him last night. Did I tell you? Yup, yours truly got kissed. A lot.’’ Baby girl is staring at him. Sucking on the bottle. Making little content noises.

‘’Anyway, Even and I met up this afternoon with his little ones and we went to the shoe shop. Then we bought Marthe some pink trainers that were really cute and really expensive. Even is a bit of a silly sausage. He loved those trainers. Then we bought Mikki sandals with trains on them. They were cool too. Then we went down to that big bakery on Karl Johann, you know the one with the tables outside? So, we sat there and had coffee and Mikki was good, he ate a whole prawn sandwich, and then he ate some of mine too. He said he loves prawns. He is so cute. I like him a lot. He is my friend I think. He asked if I would come back and make him breakfast again. Anyway, Marthe is a little scared of me I think. She loves her Daddy though. She sat on his lap and snuggled with him and he kept kissing her on her head and it was sweet. I wanted to kiss him, there at the table but we didn’t. But then we walked all the way up to the castle and then he kissed me good bye, right there on the path with all the people watching us. I was holding Mikki’s hand and Even had Marthe on his back and he kissed me like we were a family. I loved that. I really loved that he did that.‘’

He looks down at the baby girl. She is fast asleep in his arms. 

www.parentingnetworknorway.no/ASKISAK/blogg/secondchances

SECOND CHANCES

Thank you for the overwhelming response to my first post. I am humbled by all your messages of support and all the interesting questions. 

A lot of your questions had nothing to do with midwifery though, which made me confused at first, but once I was reading all your stories I understood. 

Many of you shared stories like mine. There were stories of love. Of hope. Stories that made me cry. Stories that made me laugh. So, thank you. You all asked one thing though. How did my date go?

Well I didn’t want to call it a date. But we met up. It wasn’t easy. It wasn’t the light-hearted catching-up-over-a-beer-or-two that I thought we would have. 

We got emotional. Angry. Both of us. There were tears. Tears of hurt and sadness, but also of joy. 

I am not going to tell you that this is one of those stories where we skip off into the sunset and live happily ever after. Life is not like that. And our story is nothing like that.

I wanted to write something about second chances. Because sometimes we are lucky in life, and fate somehow gives us a chance to see if we can make things right. If we can fix that moment in our past where our lives went wrong and steered away from the path we had all planned out. 

There are not many second chances in Midwifery. We deal with immense happiness. Fear and pain. But also those births that we know will end in tragedy.

Some babies will never make it into this world alive. As Midwifes we have training to deal with grief, both the grief the parents will go through, and the grief for us as the people who go through this experience at their side. No training can ever prepare you for what we see and hear and live through during these extremely difficult births. No training can prepare you for the strength we see in the parents who grieve for the baby they have lost. No training can take away the guilt you carry for the rest of your life where you wonder if there was anything else you could have done. If there was something you missed. If it was somehow your fault that you lost this baby. That this child didn’t survive. 

I am sitting here with a new-born baby in my arms whilst her mother is fighting for her life. I am not a religious person but I am praying. I am hoping and praying that this mother pulls through so that I can return her daughter to her arms where she belongs. I am praying that this little girl gets to grow up with her mother at her side. I am praying and hoping harder that you can imagine that this Mother gets her second chance at life. 

In a way, for me and, let’s call him E, I am hoping for a second chance too. We are both carrying far too much baggage for this to be a simple story with a happy ending. He has dealt with grief in his life, that has all but consumed him. He has a family. Right now, there is no place for me in his life. I just don’t belong in his home. 

He is not ready, and to be honest, neither am I. 

Yet somehow, I think there is. I think there is a little space where we can find a second chance at being friends. More than friends. We just have to figure it out. Take it step by step. Minute by minute.

For all of you who shared your stories with me, I hope that you will find your second chance at happiness too. 

I haven’t answered any questions this week, instead I have shared some of the stories you sent me below. I think they were too important not to share with you, too heart-warming not to be read and too sad to be ignored. I have removed all names and identifying places to give the writers privacy. 

Love   
Isak x


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops. I got all emotional and squeezed out another one at work. Because I can. And Even needed cuddles, Isak needed a hug and...well..things had to be done. So it's done. Fluff galore coming up. xxx
> 
> I might or might not also be over emotional about gullruten tonight, and the fact that Henrik and the boysquad will be there. Live. Ugh. So this is me venting. 
> 
> Thank you to EVAK4EVER for the note prompt. 
> 
> Thank you for all the love and comments. I appreciate every one of them. I love that you love this story as much as I do.

9  
Even stopped crying months ago. But today is Saturday and Even has already spent too much time hiding on the bathroom floor sobbing into a towel.

It started when the children sat on the living room floor assembling their boxes and Malena was helping them write their names on the little labels. That part was fine. That part was cute and heart-warming and Even was welling up because he was so proud. He is so immensely proud of his little tribe. 

It was the part when Malena sent them off to walk around the apartment and find all the things that reminded them of Mamma, things that were Mamma’s that they wanted to keep, that is when Even had to hide the first time.

It didn’t get better when he walked out and saw Mikki putting Sonja’s slippers in his box. Alongside her sunglasses and the bracelet that she wore on her arm. He cried again when he saw Marthe sitting on the floor with Sonja’s necklace around her neck. Admiring the stones and smiling at him. He cried when they brought out her jumper, the one she wore in the evenings when she felt cold. Her gloves and scarf and that red beanie she always wore in winter. 

Even had lifted the lid on the box that said ‘’Morten’’ in Malena’s spiky handwriting. It was almost empty apart from a photo frame in the bottom, a picture from a cheap holiday in the sun. Sonja and Morten laughing into the camera. Sun kissed and happy and smiling. Beside the frame was Sonja’s cup, the pink one with the ‘’Best Mum in the world’’ print she always drank her coffee from. He wondered why Morten hadn’t chosen anything else until he found his son asleep on his bed wrapped up in Sonja’s winter coat. 

He cried. He cried for his son. For himself. For all the times that he had forgotten to cry. 

Malena had handed him a black bin-liner. Told him that it was time. They had worked in silence. Emptying the wardrobes and tipping the drawers into the bags.  
Even had finished off by stripping the bed. Throwing the sheets in the bin-liner too.  
It was done. And Even had never felt more alone. 

He wasn’t ready. He would never be ready.  
‘’There is a charity shop in Torshov. We never go there. Let’s go up there and leave it. Someone will make use of Mamma’s clothes. She would hate for us to dump it in the bin.’’

Malena was right of course. She was always right. So that is what they did. They all got in the car and drove way across town to Torshov and found the shop and left what was left of their Sonja’s clothes behind. 

They stopped at McDonalds on the way back. Sat in silence and ate their burgers and chips and Even couldn’t help wondering If he had done the right thing. If he had maybe damaged them all more. If this was what Sonja would have wanted. 

He filled his own box when they got home, when the children were watching TV on the sofa, eating crisps from the packet and arguing over whose turn it was to choose the channel.

He put Sonja’s passport in the bottom. Her wallet, and her keys. The little handbag she always carried. The books that were still sat by the side of the bed. 

He keeps the dress she wore to a party, the little black one that carried her curves and showed off her skin. 

The jeans she wore on her good days. The joggers she lounged around in at home. He keeps the pile of notes she was working through. Her glasses that she usually forgot. 

He wonders why there is so little left, when she filled this apartment with her presence. 

Finally, he takes the ring of his finger. It makes him feel naked, after he has worn it for so long. But he knows it’s time. The ring doesn’t belong on his finger anymore. Not that he wants to forget. He will never forget. He will always be who he is. Husband. Father. But the ring needs to live in this box now. Because Sonja is not here anymore. And her ring is buried with her.

He doesn’t know how he missed the bag that is sat in the corner of the room, the one that Sonja had at the hospital. It’s just a small black holdall, but he brings it over and opens it up. 

There is a pyjama that smells of hospitals and sadness. He will throw that away. A few well-read magazines. A plastic bag with some toiletries. A random pair of shoes. He doesn’t even remember them. 

He is about to pack it all back up when he spots the note at the bottom. Just a piece of paper with Sonja’s handwriting. 

She must have been tired when she wrote it, because she is barely keeping her writing on the lines. 

He sinks down on the bed and starts to read.  
He reads it again and again.  
Presses the paper to his lips. 

He is still crying when Malena comes into the room and wraps her arms around him. When Marthe crawls onto his lap. 

He places the letter in his box, and leaves his ring on top.  
Then he crawls into bed and drags his children into his arms. 

 

My dearest darling Even.  
If you have found this note, then I am probably long gone. I know you sweetheart, you will have left this bag somewhere and forgot about it until today when you decided to finally empty it and throw this stuff away.  
And please do throw it away. There is nothing of mine you need to keep.  
I wanted to write letters to the children, but if I don’t manage to, please tell them all the things that I wanted them to know. That their Mummy loved them more than anything else in the world. Please make them strong. Please love them for me. I know you will.

Thank you for loving me. Thank you for making me happy. I love you so much.

I didn’t want to tell you in person, I didn’t want our last days together to be angry or sad.

I know about the boy. I saw you with him at school. I came to pick you up one day and you were with him. I saw how he looked at you, and I saw how you looked at him back. It’s Ok. 

I know it ended badly, because you were a wreck for a long time afterwards. I’m sorry I couldn’t help you. But I am grateful that you stayed, and that you chose me. 

Maybe now is the time to let me rest. Maybe now is the time to go and find your boy. Go and see if there is anything left. I know he made you happy. I know you loved him, more than you ever loved me. And it’s OK. 

Please be happy Even, and look after my babies.  
S xxx

 

On Sunday morning, he is back to being a machine. He cleans. He fills bin-liner after bin-liner with rubbish. Shouts at the children to tidy up. Sort their shoes out. Hang their jackets on the pegs. 

He gets Malena to bundle up all the winter clothes and put them in the loft. He gets Morten to strip the beds. The washing machine has never done so many loads in one day and Even is shattered.

He gets the laptop out and orders a sofa. He doesn’t even flinch at the price when Malena points it out on the screen. It’s probably far too big for the room, but it will fit them all in. With that bit where they can put their feet up on the side. And it comes with cushions. And they will take the old sofa away for a small fee. Even pays it. He doesn’t even question it. 

He orders sheets as well. Two sets. He is so efficient that he almost scares himself. 

Then he cooks dinner, he actually fries the meatballs in a pan instead of just microwaving the packet, plastic and all. And for once they eat at the table. Together. Without arguing. Well they shout a little bit, and Mikki spills his glass of milk twice, but overall Even thinks he has done well. He is OK. 

It’s not until he crawls into bed, still unmade with no sheets, because Even doesn’t even know where Sonja would have kept the spares. Surely, they had another set. Somewhere. It’s not until he tries to close his eyes that he is hurting again. That he cries a little. 

He breaks. He gets up and walks out in the living room and curls up on the threadbare sofa and rings Isak. Because he can. Because Isak would understand. Because he needs him.

‘’Hi Even’’ He answers, Sounding all cheerful and chirpy even though it’s almost midnight.  
‘’Hi’’ Even whispers.  
‘’Are you OK?’’ Isak’s voice is quiet. Calm.  
‘’No’’ Even whimpers. Because he is not. ‘’I miss you’’  
‘’I miss you too. If I wasn’t working I would come over. I’m sorry’’  
‘’When do you finish? In the morning?’’  
‘’5 if I’m lucky, Then I go home and have a few hours’ sleep. I could maybe come over in the afternoon? If you want to meet up?’’  
‘’Could you come and sleep here? I mean you have a key. Just turn up.’’ Even is begging here. Feeling stupid. Clingy. Childish. But he needs. He needs Isak. He knows that.  
‘’Do you want me to? I will if you need me to.’’  
‘’I do. Please’’  
‘’Rough weekend?’’  
‘’Yes. Emotional. We cleaned up a bit. I emptied out Sonja’s clothes. Packed away her things. I have cried a lot this weekend Isak. I’m a bit of a mess.’’  
‘’I will be there in the morning. Just sit tight baby. Sleep.’’  
‘’I like that you call me baby.’’ Even smiles. He loves that Isak called him baby.  
Isak’s voice is quiet. Soothing. Sweet. ‘’You are my baby. You always were. I have to go, Babies to deliver. Paperwork to sort. I have a little one to feed. I will be there in the morning OK?’’  
‘’Thank you’’ Even whispers.  
‘’I’ve got you baby’’ Isak replies. ‘’Sleep well. I’ll be there as soon as I can’’

Even crawls back into bed with Marthe in his arms. He sleeps. He doesn’t wake up when Mikkel crawls under the covers just after midnight. He doesn’t even hear Morten sneak in at 4, when the birds just start to chirp and the sun starts to rise.

He doesn’t wake up when Isak lies down and wraps his arms around his back. There is no space. Just warmth. And that is how Even wakes up. Safe and warm and held, with everyone that he loves right there in the room. Sunlight streaming through the blinds and Malena standing in the doorway with a confused look on her face.

It’s Monday morning, just after 6. And Even knows he has some explaining to do.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back to Little Harbour. Thank you for all the amazing comments and kudos and love.
> 
> I am hoping to update again next week, as well as round up 717 miles.
> 
> Thank you for bearing with me. All the love, always. S xx

Untangling himself from Isak proves to be harder than he anticipated. Not only is the warmth from his body addictive, but Isak’s arms are holding him tight and Even just doesn’t want to move. He just wants to lie here for a little while and let himself feel loved. Needed. Embraced. Because it has been so long since he had this, and this, this is Isak. His Isak. Holding him and breathing softly into his neck. 

He is fast asleep. Smelling faintly of soap and shampoo. The Scent of a different washing powder lingering on the long-sleeved jumper he is wearing. His socked feet resting against Even’s calves.

He still does it, moves carefully out of Isak’s embrace and moves Marthe’s legs back under the covers. Mikki’s arm from Morten’s face. Covers them all up with the bare duvet filler. Stands there for a second and wonders why his chest feels so light. Why the sight of the four of them sleeping in his bed makes him feel things. Like this could be a thing. Like this could maybe work. Be a reality. Maybe be a future for them. Maybe Isak would agree to try. Maybe the kids would mellow to the thought of having Isak in their lives. 

Maybe he can see it. He can see it so clearly. Having Isak there in the morning when they wake up. Laughter and lightness and streams of sunshine fluttering thought his mind as he hobbles out in the kitchen where Malena is standing nursing a cup of coffee. Taking a sip and handing him his cup that is sat on the side. Full to the brim of hot dark liquid. 

‘’Pappa, why is that Isak bloke in bed with you? In bed with all of you?’’

‘’Because I asked him to. He is my friend. And I like having him around.’’

‘’Lame Pappa. Try again.’’ Malena is glaring at him. Eyes dark. Lines drawn on her face that he can’t quite decide if they are from anger or hurt or a mixture of both.

Even sits down at the kitchen table. Leans over letting his head fall into his hands. 

‘’Sit down Lena.’’ He begs. ‘’I don’t know how to do this. How to tell you all this’’

She does. Sits down opposite him and stares out the window. 

‘’I’m listening Pappa. It can’t be that bad. Unless it is.’’

‘’What would you define as bad Lena?’’

She lets a little laugh out. ‘’I don’t know Pappa, you owe him money? He won’t leave you alone? He is some crazy stalker that turned up in the middle of the night and slept in your bed? Pappa I haven’t got a clue what’s going on.’’

‘’Isak and I had a thing in school’’ Even starts. Looking up tentatively, like he is trying to gauge if this is the right thing to say.

‘’Pappa, I am not 12. You will have to be clearer than that. What kind of thing?’’

‘’I was in love with him. He was in love with me. I fucked it up.’’

‘’We both fucked it up Even. Don’t pin it all on yourself. It wasn’t your fault. I was there too.’’ Isak is standing in the doorway, holding Mikki’s hand.

‘’Pappa, Isak is making me breakfast again, I told him too. He makes good breakfast.’’ Mikki leans up and places a kiss on Evens cheek. ‘’Morning Pappa’’. 

‘’Hi Sweetie’’ Even cradles his head against his chest, before Mikki moves on and crawls up on Malena’s lap.

‘’Isak needs Kisses too Pappa. Everyone gets kisses in the morning. That is the rules. Right Lena?’’

‘’Maybe Isak doesn’t want Pappa-kisses Mikki.’’ Lena is glaring at Isak. Who is honestly looking a little bit freaked out.

‘’Pappa and Isak do kissy kissy.’’ Mikki scowls at her. 

‘’Sorry if he woke you up Isak. I’m sorry.’’ Even stands up. He doesn’t even know where to start with all this mess. And Isak has probably had less than one hours sleep and looks like death.

‘’Coffee Isak?’’ Isak nods weakly, whilst trying to say sorry to Malena with his eyes. This is not cool. He knows that. This is him intruding and making everyone feel uncomfortable.

‘’Isak! I want toast and butter’’ Mikki whinges, ‘’With cheese. You can have some too. I’d like cheese today. Please.’’ Mikki is looking very pleased with himself. 

‘’Malena, do you want toast? Isak makes good toast. I like when Isak makes me breakfast. Pappa you need to do kissy kissy with Isak so he can do my toast. He is waiting’’ Mikki waves his hand towards poor Isak who is trying very hard not to laugh through his stern smile, whist Even is flushed with embarrassment and Malena covers her eyes with her hands. 

‘’Go on Pappa. Kiss the dude. I’m not looking’’ She says. Hands over her face. The tiniest hint of amusement in her voice. Which makes Even’s heart skip a beat. Just a tiny one. So, he lets his hand caress Isak’s cheek, and places the softest tiniest cop-out-of-a-kiss if there ever was one, on Isak’s lips.

‘’Kissy Kissy!!!’’ Marthe squeals from the doorway. She stands there laughing holding Morten’s hand. Morten who just stares at them. Shrugs his shoulders. Whilst Marthe points at Isak and jumps up and down. 

‘’What the fuck Pappa? Are you gay now or what?’’ Morten says, more like a statement than a question.

‘’I think they are, Morten’’ Malena replies. ‘’They were like cuddling in bed when I walked in on them this morning’’

‘’So, you are Pappa’s boyfriend?’’ Morten is surprisingly calm and Even doesn’t even know what to say. 

‘’And you are cool with this Morten?’’ Malena almost shouts.

Morten just shrugs his shoulders. ‘’Tom at school has two Mammas, At least if Pappa has a boyfriend I can pull the ‘’I have two Pappa’s’’ card just to see his face. That would be epic.’’

‘’Pappa, help me here, this isn’t even funny. Is this a thing then? You and Isak? Is he moving in? Is that why we cleaned up and threw all Mammas stuff out? I mean that is just, Pappa, that is just not on. We have to live here too. This isn’t all about you.’’ Malena is losing her shit. That is obvious.

‘’Toast Isak! Pappa tell Isak to do my toast. I am staaaarving’’ Mikki does his amateur dramatics over the kitchen table. Banging his forehead against the surface and sighing deeply.

‘’Mikki, I am doing your toast. Hang on. What cheese do you want?’’ Isak shoots a glance at Even. Just asking with his eyes. Hoping that this is OK. That they are doing this right, as he opens the fridge and tries to find something that looks like cheese.

‘’Mikki likes the cheese in the red packet Isak’’ Malena sighs. 

‘’Can we all calm down?’’ Even is trying. Trying to take charge. To be the Father here. To reign this crazy situation in before Isak walks out and it all goes to hell.

‘’I’m calm’’ Morten sighs and lifts Marthe up in her highchair. ‘’Isak can you do toast for Marthe too? And do we have any Cornflakes? I want cornflakes. With yogurt. Why do you never order Yoghurt Pappa? ‘’

‘’Because you bloody don’t eat it when I do!’’ Even shouts. ‘’ Can we all just sit the fuck down at the table for a minute so I can think!!’’

‘’Language Pappa’’ Mikki squeals, and Malena is giving Even death stares again.

Isak quietly puts a plate of toast down in front of Mikki, who beams and immediately takes the cheese off the plate and licks it, which makes Even just stare at him.

What the hell is he doing. He can’t even raise his kids to be half normal functioning human beings, how the fuck is he supposed to get them through the trauma of trying, and he means that in the loosest possible way, to introduce Isak to them, and maybe make them like him? He just needs a break here, to take back control. To reign things in.

‘’Isak, can you come and sit down too please? So, we can do this as a family?’’ Not that Even knows if that is the right thing to say, but Isak’s heart is jumping in his chest, and he is so fucking tired. He can’t even think straight. He still sits down next to Even and mindlessly starts feeding Marthe toast. Just holding up the pieces of bread as she grabs them and shoves them in her mouth.

‘’Kids. This is Isak. I have known Isak since we went to school together a long time ago. I like Isak a lot. And I hope that you will like Isak too, because he is brilliant. OK? He is Pappa’s friend, and I like him. That doesn’t mean that he will be moving in and replacing Mamma, so stop saying shit like that Malena.’’

‘’But he will be staying over here? Sleeping here?’’ Malena is still on the warpath. Mouth tightly shut into a straight line. Arms crossed over her chest.

‘’I work nights Malena, So I won’t be around a lot. I won’t be here all the time, but If your Pappa wants me to, then I might stay over now and then. Would that be OK? Would you be cool with that?’’ Isak is looking at Even, hoping that it’s OK that he speaks. That he is not out of line.

‘’Where do you work?’’ Malena asks. Well she is not asking. She is clearly interrogating and Even is rather proud of his daughter, letting himself smile a little as Isak replies.

‘’I’m a midwife, so I work at the hospital delivering babies. I also teach people to be midwifes and I do these courses for people who are going to become parents and need to learn how to look after their babies. ‘’

‘’He also has this cool blog thing on PNN.no. He is like some celebrity Midwife.’’ Even is trying here. Trying to sell Isak. Isak is cool. Isak is hip. Please love Isak. Because I do.

‘’What does delivering babies mean?’’ Mikki asks. Mouth full of toast.

‘’He looks up ladies’ bottoms and pulls the babies out’’ Morten looks defiant.

‘’Bottoms!’’ Marthe squeals. And Mikki echoes ‘’Morten said bottom!!!’’ whilst laughing hysterically and pointing at Isak. 

‘’I don’t pull the babies out….’’ Isak starts, but he is fighting a losing battle here as Marthe is chanting ‘’Bottom! Bottom!’’ and Even leans across Isak and shoves a piece of toast in her mouth.

‘’Shut it kids. Now. Calm down.’’ Even is trying. Trying hard.

‘’Language Pappa’’ Malena mutters. 

‘’So, let us all start over. Properly. Can we all say Hello to Isak? Isak this is the Bech Naesheim tribe. Kiddos, this is Isak. Now say Hello.’’

‘’Hello kiddos’’ Isak blurts out. Attempting to smile. He is tired. He is falling asleep sitting here staring at the cup of coffee in front of him that he hasn’t got the strength to lift to his lips, whilst somehow strangely still managing to feed Marthe slivers of toast.

‘’Hello Isak’’ they all mutter around the table.

‘’Now Isak, if you are going to hang out here you should follow the rules. Right Pappa? We have to, so he should too.’’ Malena is ruling the roost. Again.

‘’What are the rules? Isak slurs. Because he can barely keep his eyes open.

‘’Rule one’’ Mikki shouts out. ‘’We all give Pappa kisses in the morning. It’s the law.’’

‘’I can do that’’ Isak laughs. ‘’Easy’’

‘’Rule two’’ Morten is leaning forwards. ‘’Do as you are told. Pappa has the final say on everything. ‘’

‘’Got it’’ Isak nods at him.

‘’No shoes inside. Hang your own damn jacket up. ‘’ Malena sounds tired. ‘’Laundry in the basket, not in your room on the floor. And no friends coming over at night, unless Pappa has said it’s OK. No sleepovers. Shopping order goes on a Tuesday, and the shopping comes on Thursday evenings at 7. Someone needs to be here to grab it. Marthe and Mikki need to be at nursery before 8. Picked up before 6. Morten and I sort ourselves out. We don’t need babysitting. And don’t sit down on the sofa without checking for metal spikes. The sofa is fucked.’’

‘’Language Malena’’ Even sounds even more tired than Isak feels. Deflated. He just looks over at Isak who frankly looks pale and ill. Struggling to keep his eyes open.

‘’Isak baby, go to bed. Go to sleep. I will sort the kids out and I will call you later.’’

‘’Do you want me to leave?’’ Isak asks. Looking so sad that Even just wants to kiss him right there. Lift him up and carry him to bed.

‘’No. Never. Just go back to bed and close the door. Sleep. Don’t worry about anything else.’’

‘’OK.’’ Isak stands up. ‘’Have a good day Kiddos.’’

‘’Isak, kissy kissy night night! ‘’ Mikki is blowing kisses at him and even Malena is smiling. Just a small smile. Barely there.

Isak falls onto the bed. He barely registers Even’s footsteps behind him, or the soft caress of his head. The blanket that Even spreads over his body or the soft kiss on his cheek. 

Isak sleeps. 

And Even wonders how his Children can be such little brats, whilst at the same time making him so immensely proud of them. How they make his chest swell with pride. With love. With amazement of how they have turned out pretty Ok under the circumstances. 

He needs to spend some time with Morten. He needs to tell Malena how fucking awesome she is. He needs to take Marthe to the Zoo. Do some silly Daddy and Baby classes with her. She has missed out on so much, all those things that Sonja would have done when she was too ill. Too tired. And Mikki. Darling little boy. Even gets tears in his eyes just thinking about him.

He walks back into the kitchen where chaos once again reigns. Where Marthe is standing up in her highchair, and Morten is nowhere to be found and Mikki is naked and Malena texting on her phone. 

And he thinks he is lucky. He is bloody lucky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SHAMELESS SELF PROMOTION.....  
> If you fancy something else to read whilst waiting for the next update, I have written a little RPF one shot that you will find below. I know it is not every ones cup of tea, but I have tried to make this one as inoffensive as humanly possible. Smut free, Angst free and totally plot free.  
> http://archiveofourown.org/chapters/24329907?show_comments=true&view_full_work=false#comment_107812680  
> And if you want a full shot of smut, and don't mind a bit of Larry Love, then this might just be for you. Harry and Louis. A first class toilet. And a whole lot of sexual frustration. Co Written with the brilliant Maggie Tulliver.  
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/10931022


	11. Chapter 11

11  
PAPPA: What are you doing this afternoon? I am going to leave work early so I can talk to Isak before everyone gets home.  
MALENA: So that is your way of telling me to not come home until later so I won’t walk in on something that I definitley do not want to see.  
PAPPA: No.  
MALENA: Liar.Liar.Pants.On.Fire  
PAPPA: Malena I just want to have some quiet time so I can talk with him. Alone. I will pay you to take Morten to the cinema if that helps.  
MALENA: How about you behave like an adult and take us all to the cinema?  
PAPPA: And who will look after Marthe?  
MALENA: Marthe loves the cinema. Pappa she will fall asleep. Come on.  
PAPPA: I can’t believe I am getting cock-blocked by my 16-year-old daughter.  
MALENA: PAPPA!!!!! SHUT UP!!!  
PAPPA: Sorry but you started it.  
MALENA: You are supposed to be the Grown up.  
PAPPA: You are the most awesome daughter ever. Thank you. If you book tickets for all of us I will pay.  
MALENA: Cool. I will book for the 6’o clock showing of that new Disney thing. It looks cool. Are we bringing your boyfriend?  
MALENA: I can’t believe I wrote that.  
MALENA: I can’t believe you are into men. Bloody hell Pappa!!  
PAPPA: I’m not into men. I’m into Isak. Just Isak.  
MALENA: Whatever. He’s a dude Pappa.  
PAPPA: I know Lena, He might be a dude, but he is lovely funny honest cuddly and awesome.  
MALENA: TMI. Bye Pappa.  
PAPPA: Love you baby girl. See you at home later. Good idea with the cinema. Would it be OK if we ask Isak to come?  
MALENA: Do we have a choice?  
PAPPA: You always have a choice. You can say No. It’s fine.  
MALENA: Fine. All booked. 6 people. You owe me. 

%&%&%&%&%&%

PAPPA: Malena has booked tickets for us at the Cinema tonight. Would it be OK if I ask Isak to come with us? You can say no. You have a choice.  
MORTEN: It’s cool Paps. Can we have Popcorn and Coke? And McDonalds after?  
PAPPA: Cheeky, you are pushing it kid.  
MORTEN: Isak and Popcorn. No Isak and No Popcorn. Hmmm Let me think…..  
PAPPA: Who taught you this crap?  
MORTEN: You Paps. I learned from the best.  
PAPPA: Damn. Popcorn or McDonalds. You choose. I get Isak.  
MORTEN: Good call Pappa. Popcorn. Thanks.

&%&%&%&%&%&% 

‘‘Hi’’  
Even is lying next to him on the bed. Just watching him come around from sleep. Deep heady exhausting sleep. Isak needs a wee. He needs to stretch. Yet he lies absolutely still looking straight at the man lying next to him, bathed in streams of sunlight coming through the blinds.

‘’Hi’’ He whispers back. ‘’What time is it?’’

‘’2.15. I took the afternoon off. ‘’

‘’Skipping work? Naughty Even’’ Isak giggles softly and Even smiles. Smiles that gorgeous smile that has been part of Isak’s daydreams for as long as he can remember. And now he is lying here next to him. Hair falling messily over his forehead. 

He has changed out of his work clothes and is just wearing a t-shirt and joggers. His hand reaching out. One finger carefully stroking the outline of Isak’s top lip.

‘’Sorry about this morning Isak. The kids can be a handful, and they are opinionated bossy little shits. They can be hilarious and well behaved and good kids when they want to be. Promise. They are just playing up because you are there. And well because I am a useless Dad why has no control and no discipline.’’

‘’Your kids are lovely Even. Mikki and I are friends I think. Well I am his personal breakfast slave, but that’s fine. ‘’

‘’Sorry about the bed too. I have bought new sheets, I will make the bed properly tonight. If you want to stay again.’’

‘’Do you want me to? Would the kids mind?’’

‘’No. I think they are OK. I think, I mean this is all new to me. I don’t know how we are supposed to do this.’’ Even is stroking Isak’s face. Just a finger drawing a soft line down his cheek. 

‘’Can I kiss you?’’ Isak has to ask. Because he wants to. He needs to. Needs to kiss. Touch. Feel.

‘’Isak, you never have to ask.’’ Even still doesn’t move. Just lies there. Still. Looking a little scared. Timid. Waiting for Isak to make a move.

Isak gets up on his elbow. Strokes a few wayward hairs away from Even’s forehead. Just looking. Admiring. Leaning down slowly. Closing his eyes.

Because it gets too much otherwise. Too much Even in one go, because Isak’s brain still struggles to grasp that this is really happening. That he has Even back, this beautiful all grown up Even. With the streaks of grey in his hair, the weathered skin and the crinkly kind eyes. His Even. His baby. Because he might be pushing 40 but he is still Isak’s baby. All his. He always was. Always will be.

He kisses. Soft little pecks on his lips. Letting his tongue sweep across that bottom lip. Whilst his hand moves down and strokes the skin on Even’s hip. Moving the T-shirt up so he can touch. Feel the muscles in his stomach move under his fingers. Arching a little. The tiniest whimper escaping Even’s lips. 

He is kissing back, hands firmly around Isak’s face, fingers moving down over his throat. Just stroking. Touching. Feeling. Mouths moving hard against lips. Tongue. Wetness. Isak’s finger lifting the hem on Even’s joggers. Just snapping the elastic. Wondering if it would be OK. Wondering if Even would let him. 

Even breaks the kiss. Just letting his nose lean against Isak’s cheek. Panting. Hand around his neck. Fingers fisting the fabric on Isak’s shoulder.

‘’I don’t know what I am doing here Isak. I want… I want to do so much with you. I just don’t know how. ‘’

‘’There is no rush baby. We have all the time in the world. Just let me touch you. Let me make you feel good. Would you let me?’’

The sound of Isak’s voice, the words he is saying, all Even can do is close his eyes. Pull Isak into him. Find his lips again so he can kiss the hell out of him. Because the kissing thing he can do. He can kiss. He can love. Because he loves. He remembers this, he remembers the feelings he felt. 

How he would hold onto this boy like he was drowning. This boy that made him feel alive. That turned him on with the tiniest touch of his fingers. Fingers just innocently touching the skin under his waistband. Stroking gently. Making Even shiver under the weight of Isak’s chest firmly pressing him down on the bed. 

He arches his hips. Just high enough for Isak to pull the joggers down. Dragging his boxers along. And Even doesn’t open his eyes. He doesn’t open his eyes when the cold air hits his cock, that springs free, hard and erect. He doesn’t open his eyes when Isak hand touches him. Just the softest of strokes from finger tips. Just up and down. Softly. 

‘’Are you OK?’’ Isak whispers. Letting his mouth trail soft kisses down the side of Even’s neck.

OK? Even thinks he is hardly OK. He is fucking dying here. Turned on and terrified. Because he doesn’t know what he is doing, and he wants this, God, he wants this to be good. To be amazing. He wants Isak to regret nothing, to not even contemplate that this could end in disaster. Because Even won’t let it. He won’t. He fucked them up once, and now, God, he doesn’t even know how or why or what, but he remembers. He remembers this.

There is a lot of things he has let himself forget. How he would kiss Isak’s neck in the dark. He was only 19. Horny and Greedy, but he had still done it. Let his hand snake around the front of Isak, and reached down in his pants. Stroked Isak through the fabric of his y-fronts. Let his fingers dance across the skin underneath. Teasing and touching. Letting his mouth wreak havoc on the skin pressing against him. Bruising Isak’s neck and back with his lips and fingers and a firm grip on a cock that definitely wasn’t his own. Pumping faster and faster as Isak was desperately trying to stay still. Stay quiet. Not whimper and moan. He would though. Make those noises that made Even see red. Like a bull to a flame. 

He would let his hand pump. Hard and fast. It wouldn’t take long until Isak was shaking against him. Whimpering and groaning and wet hot liquid spilling over Even’s hand. Even would wipe his hand on the duvet cover and Isak would hold onto his arms like he was about to fall off the edge of the earth, and Even would hold him, hold him hard and tight with Isak’s sweaty back against his own panting chest until their breathing would calm down and Isak would pretend to go to sleep. 

And Isak would lie in his arms and Even would rut against his back. Just tiny little movements until he would let himself release. Breathing heavily into the curls on Isak’s head. Pressing heady little kisses into his skin.

They never talked afterwards. Never mentioned it. 

And here they are again. And Even wants. He wants things to be different. To be right.  
‘’Isak, I need you. I need to..’’  
‘’what do you need baby. Tell me what you need.’’

‘’I want to make you feel good’’

‘’Just being here with you makes me feel good Even. Tell me what you want. Can I use my mouth on you? Can I blow you? Would that be OK?  
‘’You would do that? ‘’ Even is blushing. He sounds like a teenager.  
‘’I would love to do that. And I would enjoy every second.’’ Isak is smiling. Teasing. Damn him. And Even's breath is not right. He can hardly breathe. 

Even feels like he is floating. Floating on horny adrenaline and Isak’s hand that is palming his cock and stroking his balls and then there is kissing going on and Even thinks he might come before Isak even gets his mouth anywhere near Even’s cock. Which would be a shame because right now Even cannot think of anything that he wants more than Isak with his lips around his cock. Like right now. 

He whimpers with need when Isak’s mouth starts kissing its way down Even’s bare chest, with his t-shirt scrunched up around his neck, and Isak’s jumper flying across the room as soon as Even manages to drag it over his head. Because Even needs skin, and Isak’s skin is beautiful. All chest and muscle and that v thing that trails down to his soft flannel trousers that are riding dangerously low over his hips.

Even’s breathing is not right. It’s definitely doing funny things. Because he is lying here, in his bedroom. In the flat. And he is about to get a blow job. From Isak. Which is just. Even doesn’t know what to make of it. 

Half of his brain thinks that this might just be so fucking wrong. But Isak looks up at him and smiles. Keeps their eyes locked as he slowly, painfully slowly, places a kiss on the top of Even’s cock. Right on the slit. Which makes Even pump a squirt of pre-come, and let out a groan that he doesn’t even recognize as his own voice. It’s just incredibly sexy. A little dirty. Amazingly hot. And very very much Isak. 

Isak has his tongue out now, and Even is craning his neck as far as it will reach, so that he can see. So that he can watch as Isak’s mouth takes him. Lets him sink into the warmth and the pressure and then Isak sucks. Sucks him like a piece of candy with tongues and cheeks and Even lets his head fall back against the pillows and roars. It’s just too intense. Too horny. Too long. It’s been too long since he last felt like this. 

And Isak’s mouth is a menace. Even doesn’t even know what he is doing with his tongue, but Even’s hips cannot stay still and his heels are digging into the mattress and his hand is gripping the headboard whilst his other one is pulling Isak’s hair. 

He is probably pulling too hard, but Isak is making noises even though his mouth is full, and jerking his hips against Even’s leg that has somehow ended up between his knees, and then Isak is trying to hold his legs down and Even is arching up hard and he is coming. He is coming, right there into Isak's mouth, and Isak is letting him. Sucking and teasing. He is coming hard and heavy and his mind is falling into blackness and his mouth is shouting. 

Shouting and roaring and he is panting against Isak’s cheek as there is a body slumped on top of him with arms curling around his neck and Isak is right there, holding onto him and nuzzling into his neck and bringing him back down. Anchoring him back into reality. Back onto the bed on a sunny afternoon in a flat somewhere in Oslo. Where Even Bech Naesheim just got blown. By guy. By His Isak. And he can’t stop laughing. He can’t stop kissing Isak’s face. He can’t stop.

Holding and stoking and burying his face in Isak’s hair. 

‘’I want to make you come too’’ He laughs. It’s only fair.

‘’You already did’’ Isak giggles. ‘’I came in my pants like some desperate teenager. Right before you.’’  
‘’Oh God, you didn’t, did you? ‘’ Even’s hand finds its way to the front of Isaks’s flannel pants, and yup.  
‘’Ehugh, baby. You are all wet’’ 

And Isak laughs. He laughs that brilliant laugh that only Isak does. The laugh that makes Even feel like it's Christmas morning or something.

‘’Your Fault Even. You are just so damn sexy. I couldn’t hold it. Sorry.’’

Even just looks at him. They lie there and look into each others’ eyes like some love-struck teenagers. There is just so much to be said and neither of them can find the words.

‘’I can’t believe you are here Isak.’’ Even finally whispers. Fingers twisting in Isak’s hair. 

‘’There is nowhere else I would rather be’’ Isak whispers back. Leaning up to leave a soft kiss on Even’s lips.

‘’I know this is not going to be easy, with my kids and I have to work every day and sort out the kids and all, but Isak. I want you. I want you in my life. I know it’s only been a few days but I don’t want to mess this up.’’

‘’You won’t Even. As long as we talk, and we are honest, and try, then I can’t see how we couldn’t make this work. Somehow. Because I think we have the basics down. It’s not like we don’t know each other. And we love each other…’’

Isak quietens. Lies his head down against Even’s chest. Lets the hand on his head stroke his hair. Let’s Even kiss the top of his head. Over and over. Strong arms holding him tight. 

‘’We do love each other. I think we always have. Even when I made myself forget that you even existed Isak. I always felt that something was missing. That there was something that I had lost, and I couldn’t find it. Sorry, now I am writing crappy poetry in my head and it’s coming out of my mouth. Sorry.’’

Isak smiles against his chest. He can feel it. The way his cheek moves against his skin.

‘’Isak, would you be willing to try? Would you even consider taking all this on? Being part of this family? I mean it would be your family. We would be your family too. I know it wouldn’t be easy, and I have no doubt that the kids will make your life hell at times, but if we tried. Maybe if we tried the kids would grow to like you, to let you be part of their lives too. I am rambling, sorry, Sorry Isak. I shouldn’t be asking all this off you.’’

‘’It’s OK. I love that you are asking. And remember I am your crazy stalker friend who has had a hopeless ridiculous crush on you for the last 20 years. It’s not like I am going to say no, is it?’’

And Even laughs. Isak letting his chin rest against Evens arm. Both touching each other’s faces. Stroking. Feeling. Quite a few little kisses finding their way home.

‘’Let’s just take things slow Even. Let things happen. Let’s hang out. Be friends. Friends who find the time sometimes to do things like this. Like lie in bed on a Monday afternoon and kiss. Do more sexy things. Maybe get naked.’’ 

Isak winks. Isak bloody winks at him and Even can’t help smiling.

‘’Go get in the shower Isak. Let me sort out this bed. Make you coffee. ‘’

‘’Now you are talking baby. Mmm Coffee’’

Even wonders how it can be this easy. How it can be this right. How two people just kind of fit. How Isak fit’s in his space. How he doesn’t want him to ever leave. 

And Isak. Isak just beams. Smiles in the shower as he washes himself clean. Rinses his flannel pants in the sink before carefully placing them in the laundry basket. Wondering if that is OK, or totally out of line. Well the basket is full so he empties it into the washing machine. Finds the laundry tablets and figures out which button to press. START looks like a good one. Little socks and jumpers with childish prints swirling around inside the drum with the odd glance of his pants. It feels weird. Unreal. Homely.

Isak is terrified. Yet he is home. This is strangely exactly his idea of being home. 

www.parentingnetworknorway.no/askisak/blogg/thirdwheelingit

THIRD WHEELING IT

Thank you for all the replies to last week’s post. Again, I am overwhelmed by the response, the stories and the love that you have taken the time to send me. I appreciate all of them, and in a strange way all the outpouring of support has made me feel less alone. Less confused and much more confident in going forwards in my little adventure with E. Because so many of your messages tell me that I am not the only one finding myself in the situation I am in. Being the third wheel in a relationship where there are children involved. Where the situation feels so overwhelming that sometimes you think you should just walk away. 

A lot of parents that find themselves in the delivery room tell me the same thing. What have I done? How will I ever cope with bringing this baby into the world. How will I cope as a parent? How will I bring this baby up right? How will I protect this little person, and make them know how loved they are? How precious they are? And how, how can I help them become the best person that they can be? Yet how could I walk away? They can’t. And neither can I.

I am not a parent, and none of the babies that I have brought into the world are my own. And although I am supposedly and expert on the care of new-borns, I have never cared for or raised a child. I have no idea how it’s done. How parenting is done. How I would cope myself in that situation. I have nothing but admiration for each and every parent who walk out of this hospital with their baby. They are embarking on an incredible adventure as a family. A lifelong journey of love. Of hope and tears and dramatic life changes. Never ending twisting roads of choices and decisions and words and paths taken that maybe we didn’t intend to take. It’s not always our choice.

It seems that a lot of you are dying to find out what has gone on with E this week. Well let me update you on my life then. I have worked. Worked and slept. My life is probably just like yours, full of routine and patterns and ways that things are done. This week for me has been chaotic. Completely different. Strange. Incredible. Hard. Some days it has been incredibly hard.

I have spent some time with E’s family, His children. There has been a lot of hostility. Anger and hurt. The feeling that I am intruding. That I should not be there. But there has been laughs. Moments that I look back on and I can’t stop smiling. There has been love. Gratitude. And a lot of feelings that I can’t quite put into words.

It feels like E and I have jumped onto this rollercoaster, head first, and now we couldn’t stop it even if we tried.

He is an amazing human being. A gentle soul. As a father, he is loving and crazy and ridiculous at times. His children adore him, they clearly do. As I do. Because he is just the same as he was 20 years ago. Not much has changed. He is still him. The man I once fell head over heels in love with. 

I couldn’t walk away now. We are hopelessly entwining our lives again. Jumping right in without thinking. Yet we are older. Hopefully wiser. And we are talking. We are talking a lot. 

I am the third wheel in the relationship of every couple that I have the honour delivering babies for. They need me there, but I am always intruding. I am not part of their family, yet I am. I am invited into their lives for a few hours and I am incredibly grateful for the time that I get to spend with them. I get to be part of the most incredible experience their family will ever go through. The birth of their child. 

I am third wheeling in E’s family too. I am not part of the family. I am a stranger. An outsider. A man turning up at their family outing, and being treated politely. Stand offishly nice. 

Yet I have felt loved. Accepted even. Offered Popcorn, and asked what my favourite fast food treat is. Then laughed at and poked fun at. Of course. 

I am hoping, that if we tried. If we just took things slow. Maybe being part of E's family could be nice. Maybe this could somehow work. 

I don’t know what I am doing. But I will try. I will try and do the best I can to make this something good. Something we can build on. I will no doubt make mistakes, and God knows, I have said the wrong thing quite a few times already. But I hope, I hope that just trying, trying to do this right, that that will be enough.

This week I have focused on questions with regards to just that. All your ‘’I don’t know what I am doing’’ questions. Because I am right there with you. None of us know what we are doing in life. We just have to try. To do the best we can.

Isak  
x

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.reddit.com/r/askgaybros/comments/66c7y1/life_works_out/?st=J1PZPE6Y&sh=d4daa590
> 
> The above link will take you to the post that started off the idea in my head to write this story. I have borrowed the dialogue from that post, because it was just perfect. 
> 
> xxxxx


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry. I sat down to write a 717 miles chapter and it ended up being a Little harbour one. I am an idiot. ANYWAY, the new and improved 717 chapter is half done so it wont be long. 
> 
> Thank you as always for all the love, comments and the new friends I am making every day. It's lovely to talk to all of you on all the different SM platforms we are on. We are a crazy bunch of people but I love it.

12  
Even cannot stop. He just can’t. It’s there in his head all the time. Every second of the day. Even when he tries hard to concentrate and be all adult about it. He thinks about it all the time. 

Sex. 

And Isak. And the way his skin feels under his fingers. The way his hair strokes against his cheek. The way his mouth felt on his body. The way he held him tight after they came. After he released. After he let himself come into Isak’s mouth. Oh fuck, he get’s all embarrassed just thinking about it. He doesn’t quite know what the etiquette is these days, should he have asked? Should he have apologized? He did neither. He is such a dork. It was still hot as hell. Sexy as fuck.

See? He is doing it again. He is sitting at his desk and his colleague has just walked in, and normally Even would half stand up and shake his hand.

I mean it’s only polite. He hasn’t seen Sondre for a few days and a handshake would have been his usual thing. Now though, he is sitting down with a flush of red across his cheeks and just reaches out to grab the prospectus that Sondre has handed him, half-heartedly trying to concentrate on what he is saying. 

It’s not the first time this week. He jumps every time Sylvia walks through the door. Well it was bad enough on Tuesday when she almost caught him reading an article on ‘’How to give good head, a beginner’s guide’’ that he had found on the net. He deletes his browsing history and closes all his tabs. Like every 5 minutes. Then he opens them up again. He needs to re-read that article on ‘’How to kiss like a Man needs to be kissed’’, the one that he slammed shut so fast on his laptop that he accidentally deleted a student’s entire profile. He fixed it in the end, but it was a close call with a random person suddenly standing behind him in the classroom. 

‘’So, can I count on you to attend this year Even? It wasn’t the same without you last year and your expertise is much needed in the poetry section. We ended up awarding the best poetry book on a whim and it didn’t feel right. You know this stuff better than anyone else, and you will have read all the new releases, so will have a good grasp of who we should nominate and discuss.’’

‘’Uh?’’ Even is looking blank. Well his mind is racing. Fluttering between the way Isak’s face relaxes when he sleeps. The way his eyelashes curl against his eyelids. The small sounds he makes. Snuffles in the dark. And Oh yes. Sondre. 

‘’The Norwegian literary awards. Yes. Where did you say, the meeting is?’’ Even is randomly shuffling paper on his desk. Trying to find something. He hasn’t got a clue what.

‘’Stavanger. Three days and two nights. Press and Author meets, as well as sessions to discuss and evaluate. We need your nominations next week. Nathalie is booking the accommodation now so can you let me know? Can I count you in?’’

‘’Yes. Go. Yes, I will be there. So, New poetry releases from last year. Yes. Got it.’’

Even hasn’t read a single book this year. Even is fucked. 

Even needs to get fucked. Even needs to get laid. Like right now. 

It’s frightening how much he misses Isak when he is not there. Because Isak has been working. Isak has been running courses in the evenings and Even hasn’t seen him since Monday night when he left for work and in a way Even is dying. 

Monday had been an absolute blast, and as usual Even had given in. Been the worst father in the history of useless fathers with no willpower. No following through on the rules he had set himself. 

He had brought Isak with him to collect the little ones, walking hand in hand through the park over towards the nursery. Holding Isak’s hand and letting him reach for him and letting Isak kiss him right there. On the path. With people walking by. And Even had loved it. 

He had felt his chest swell with pride as they walked through the gate to the nursery and Mikki had come running across the playground shouting ‘’ISAAAAAAAK!’’, letting Isak lift him up for a hug. Even had grabbed Marthe, slung her in the backpack carrier, and they had walked into town, Isak and Even, swinging Mikki between them doing the ‘’One! Two! Three! JUMP!!’’ game until their arms were hurting and Mikki was squealing begging for ‘’Just one more time!!!’’. 

The movie was fun. Marthe had fallen asleep, before it even started, and the kids all had popcorn. And Coke. Followed by McDonalds. Even needs to get a grip. Even needs to learn. Even needs to stop letting his children get their way. But then they had all been laughing. Poking fun at Isak. Sharing their french-fries and asking to taste Isak’s stupidly sugary coffee concoction drink that he had ordered. All of them trying it and squealing in disgust. 

It had been like being a family again. He had been able to relax, without the constant pressure that it was all on him. That he had to reign them in. Make sure they behave. Shout at them to sit down. Don’t move. Eat up. Let’s go. It had been fun. And Even had been so proud. Even is still proud. 

Even is so in love with his little family that is slightly ridiculous as he sits at his desk and wonders why he hasn’t got any recent pictures of the kids in his office. Malena’s school photo is from grade 4 or something, all pigtails and freckles. He also needs to have a photo of Isak. 

He does have his wedding photo on the bookshelf. A yellowed faded photograph of a young skinny looking Even with his hair slicked back and a grin on his face, looking lovingly at a younger version of Sonja. Bouncy hair and flowers and too much make-up in that dress that she had loved. 

He can’t help looking. And she is looking back. And Even smiles. He somehow feels OK, knowing that Sonja would laugh. Sonja would find him hilarious. Ridiculous even. She would have stood there in his office, leaning back against one of his overstuffed bookcases. Cup of coffee in her hand. Glasses perched on her head and laughter lines around her eyes. 

‘’You are still making a complete mess of everything Even’’ She would have said. ‘’Are the kids eating their 5 a day? Do you actually buy fruit for them? Thank god for Nursery. At least they eat nutritionally balanced food there. ‘’

Yes. Even knows. He cancelled the whole Fruit and Veg section on his online food shop months ago since he was just throwing the whole bag in the bin every week. Except bananas. The kids go through a ridiculous amount of bananas. 

‘’ Go and see Isak’’ His imaginary Sonja says. ‘’You know you want to. You can catch up with work later. Go find him. Get yourself a hug. Some love. You deserve it sweetheart.’’ And she smiles. She smiles and drains the last drops of her coffee. 

Even knows. He knows he has essays to grade. He has books to read. Research to consider. Lectures to plan. He knows. He should also get some new work trousers and some kind of control inducing jockstrap. Because now he is thinking about Isak again. What his bum feels like when Even squeezes it through his trousers. And Isak wears these skinny black jeans that just do crazy things to Even’s brain. Isak is sexy. Isak is ridiculously sexy.

Even thinks he wants to just grab him. Be a little bit rough. Not in a bad way but Even wants to slam him against the wall and kiss the living daylight out of him. Rip his jeans open and palm his cock under his cotton briefs. He wants to put his mouth on Isak. On all Isak. Yes, even there.

He wants to taste what Isak tastes like. Lick. Touch. Palm. Taste.

Even is ridiculous. Even is hard. Even needs to get a grip.

%&%&%&%&%&%

PAPPA: Malena I am sorry.  
MALENA: What now?  
PAPPA: Could you do pickup today? Can you and Morten grab the kids?  
MALENA: It’s Thursday Pappa. Morten has hockey after school. I am supposed to wait for him and bring him home remember?  
PAPPA: Sorry, forgot. Damn.  
MALENA: Text Tom’s Mamma, see if she can drop him off.  
PAPPA: I haven’t got her number. I am useless. I am sorry.  
MALENA: *CONTACT CARD CAROLINE HULT FREDRIKSEN (TOM’S MAMMA)*  
PAPPA: Have I told you how awesome you are?  
MALENA: Say hi to Isak. Don’t have too much fun…..  
PAPPA: I don’t even know what to reply to that.  
MALENA: I am going to that thing with Nasreen at 6. Please be home for then OK?  
PAPPA: I will be. Thank you. 

&%&%&%&%

EVEN: Hi baby. Are you up yet?  
ISAK: Now I am.  
EVEN: Sorry baby. Are you working tonight?  
ISAK: No. I’m off for the weekend now. Done. Training next week so no nightshifts.  
EVEN: I am leaving work now. Can I come to you?  
ISAK: Yes! Come!  
ISAK: My dick is up too. You might have to do something about that.  
ISAK: I can’t believe I wrote that.  
ISAK: God this is the lamest Sexting attempt ever.  
EVEN: You are as bad as Marthe.  
ISAK: BOTTOM!! I love your bottom by the way. You have a sexy bum.  
EVEN: Are you naked?  
ISAK: I am now.  
EVEN: I haven’t got your address. How stupid is that?  
EVEN: I am hard. Damn you. Am getting on the bus with my bag on my lap.  
ISAK: I love you.  
EVEN: I love you too. Now where am I going? I need you!!  
ISAK: Take the tram to Majorstuen. I am on that corner on Valkyrie gate. Text me when you get off the tram and I will come down and let you in.  
EVEN: Naked?  
ISAK: I will be if you want me to be.  
EVEN: I am going to sound like Malena now. SHUT UP!!!  
ISAK: Ha-Ha *love heart emoji*  
EVEN: OH GOD why am I on this bus? You live down the road the other way! Getting off  
the bus now.  
EVEN: On a tram now. See you in 5.

%&%&%&%&%&

Even looks delicious, all windswept and handsome in his slacks and a shirt that he has unbuttoned just one button too far. Just enough that Isak gets a glimpse of his chest. A few dark hairs. The curve of his muscle. And by the look on Even’s face he is enjoying the view as well. Because Isak is not naked (he would never have dared. He might be cocky and brave at times but he is not stupid. And he is not that brave. And not that cocky. Honestly.)

But he is topless and letting his flannel pants ride low on his hips. He might have practiced how low in the mirror before hopping down the stairs to wait for Even in the doorway. He looks OK. He thinks. And PJ pants might not be sexy but they allow for easy access, and Isak is hoping for a lot of easy. An awful lot of access. 

‘’Hi’’ Isak tries to smile, but he is nervous as fuck. He doesn’t quite know why, but Even is just staring at him and swallowing hard. Maybe Isak should have worn a t-shirt. Maybe this topless thing was a bit too much. It’s not like Even hasn’t seen his chest before. But anyway. He looks good. He works out sometimes. He’s OK. He hopes that Even think’s he is OK. 

‘’I never knew you lived here, I mean I work just up the road. I pass here sometimes. Can’t believe I have never run into you.’’

‘’I work crazy hours. And it’s handy for the hospital. I don’t need a car, and can get around town. Come in.’’ Isak holds the door open. Letting Even walk in. Even who keeps staring at Isak’s chest. Staring at him. Holding his bag over his crotch. Which makes Isak laugh out loud. 

‘’After you’’ He offers and Starts following Even up the stairs. He might or might not be staring at Even’s bum. He wasn’t lying when he said Even has a nice arse. Because he has. And Isak can’t help stroking it. Just touch it gently as they reach the landing. Which makes Even jump. 

Even's face is all flushed. And Isak is blushing, because he is just a little aware of how little he is wearing and the fact that his cock is twitching and that Even is licking his lips, and they haven’t even kissed yet and Isak thinks, Isak hopes, that this is going to lead to what he wants it to lead to. 

‘’I am so fucking hard Isak.’’ Even whimpers as Isak closes the door behind them. 

And that is all it takes. Isak practically throws himself at Even who retaliates by slamming him back first into the front door, with some animalistic growl. 

Thank God for double plated security doors Isak thinks, otherwise they would have been on the floor on the landing and no doubt Mrs Mikkelssen opposite would have been out there in a shot giving them grief for causing all that noise. 

Instead Even is kissing him. Hard kisses making their teeth scratch and lips tangle and Isak is ripping at the shirt on Even's chest. Ripping buttons, that he can hear hit the hardwood floor in the hallway. Pulling the shirt down over Even’s shoulders, and letting his lips latch onto that soft bit on Even’s neck. Just on the side. The one that fits right on his mouth. And he sucks. Bites. Nuzzles so hard that he is probably causing Even to moan from a little bit of pain along with the obvious whispers of ‘’Fuck’’ and ‘’More’’ and ‘’Isak’’.

Isak loves when he says his name, because when Even says ‘’Isak’’ it sounds like a completely different Isak from the one he is. The one that is clinging to the man in front of him, with his leg trying to climb onto his hip and arms tight around his neck. When Even says ''Isak'' it sounds like a confident Isak. A sexy Isak. An Isak that can do anything. Because right now Isak feels small. Needy. Holding on to Even like a child. And Even lifts him up. He freaking lifts him up. Holding him tight against the door as he kisses bruises into Isak’s neck and Isak might be making some ridiculously loud noises with every touch. With every hump of Even’s hips jacking up against Isak’s groin. It’s just bad. They can’t do it like this. Not here. However hot this is, Isak needs skin. He needs naked. Oh, fuck he needs so much.

‘’Off’’ He says and pushes Even slightly. ‘’Now. Get naked. In.My.bed’’

‘’I love you’’ Even pants. Eyes almost black. Walking backwards stumbling as he kicks his shoes off and Isak is tugging at his belt and pulling at his trousers and the shirt is gone. His flannels fall with one tug of Evens fist and then he is naked. 

He is standing stark naked right there in his tiny flat, and Even is stepping out of his boxers and they are naked. In front of one another. And Even is beautiful. Tall and strong and sculpted in that natural way where there is just a hint of muscle. Soft smooth skin. And his cock is erect. Hard.

Straight up. Thick and strong and Isak wants. His mouth is watering. And Even grabs him. Hand around his hip, fist in his hair and that tongue is back in his mouth kissing all the oxygen out of his lungs. Making him feel lightheaded and tingly and out of control. 

So, he ruts. He grinds He touches. Hand palming Even’s cock as he gets pushed towards the bed. Not even breaking the kiss as they bounce on the mattress. 

‘’I want to look after you this time’’ Even whispers. He doesn’t know why he is whispering but Isak makes some crazy noise and looks like he is about to come undone, and Even feels brave. Horny. In control. And he has read ‘’The ultimate guide to giving head’’. Quite a few times. 

He makes it good. He hopes it is good. Kissing his way around Isak’s groin, letting the course hair caress his face. Painting lines up Isak’s cock with the tip of his nose. Teasing with his tongue. Kissing. And with every tiny kiss getting moans in return. Noises. And drops of liquid pulsing from Isak’s slit. He licks them off. Every time. Tasting. Moving the foreskin with his lips. Sucking. 

It looks easier in porn. He might have watched a few clips. Educational purposes only of course. He is a born researcher. He knows how to study. To put text into practice. Practice into perfect. 

He hopes this is perfect. Well the way Isak is pulling the hair on his head out with the roots and jerking his hips Even thinks he might be doing OK. Slightly better than OK. And Isak is parting his legs so Even can get a better angle, and then he lets go of Isak’s cock and goes for his balls. Licking the roundness, sitting high and tight under his cock. Using his hand to pump Isak as he kisses down underneath his sack. Not even stopping to think. Mesmerised by the idea. 

He keeps kissing. Letting his tongue lick. Prod. Parting the skin with his fingers so he can get access.

He licks. Tastes, and Isak is talking up there where his head is. Loads of words spilling out that just makes Even pump his shaft faster. Harder. 

Letting his tongue prod deeper. He can feel it. The tight opening. The smell of soap and sweat and Isak. Hairs against his lips. Isak who just cannot keep still. Shouting. Moaning. Jerking movements under Even's arms. 

Even needs. He is going to come. Just like this. Hands free. His cock throbbing. Not enough hands to help himself release.

He flicks his tonuge over the opening, again and again, holding Isak open with his fingers, pumping his hand. 

He lets one finger slide. Just prod at the opening, whilst Isak's hips roll underneath him. Shouting out his name.

He barely breaches him. Just the lightest of pushing against the muscle. And Isak stills. His body goes rigid. Even knows. He knows this feeling well. 

‘’Oh Fuck!!’’ Isak cries. And Even knows. He knows where Isak is in his head. Lost in lust. In pleasure, so hard that it’s almost painful. He knows. 

Even gives himself a hand. Pumps the last of Isak’s come with his hand whilst tugging relentlessly at his own cock with the other.

He barely needs half a minute before he spills. Before he covers Isak’s leg with his release. Hot squirts hitting the sheets beneath them.

He lets himself just lie there, with his head resting in Isak’s groin. Right there. Isak’s limp length wet on top of his nose. Which makes Even laugh. 

He laughs and he giggles and he kisses the skin in front of him and his body tingles with so many feelings and it’s just. It’s perfect. It’s calm. 

The trams outside are rumbling past, and the noise from voices on the street are constant but in Isak’s bed everything is only laughter. Laughter as Isak pulls at Evens arms, and somehow, he makes his limbs work enough to crawl up so Isak can scoop him up in an embrace. He holds him. Chest against chest. Nose against nose. Lots of kisses. Some of them on their lips. Most of them everywhere else. Isak can't speak. He is mute. Dumbstruck. In love. In love with the whole situation of having Even in his arms. In his bed. Here. Right now. 

''You are amazing baby'' Even whispers into Isak's hair. Lips pressing kisses onto his forehead.  
''You are mine'' Isak replies. ''You have always been mine. You always will be.'' 

Isak’s leg is curled around Even’s hip. And Even’s knee is tucked under Isak’s bum. And that is how they stay. Holding on and holding tight until the sun starts to set and Even starts to panic.

‘’I’ve got to get home Isak. I promised Malena. Will you come? Will you? Please’’  
‘’Do you want me to stay? The night?’’  
‘’Would you? I mean the bed has lovely new sheets on it and the shopping comes tonight so I can cook you something half edible for dinner. Mikki would love to see you.’’  
‘’Let me just grab some clothes. Of course, I will come’’  
‘’Even though my house is a tip Isak? I mean look at this place. It’s sparkling clean. No clutter. It looks like something out of a catalogue. It’s a great flat Isak’’  
‘’It’s tiny, but it’s mine. It’s just me here, and anyway I am a trained nurse too, I scrub shit for a living. I just can help it, I just automatically clean stuff. Occupational hazard.’’ Isak shrugs his shoulders. Still naked. Grabbing clothes from the wardrobe and stuffing them in a rucksack.  
‘’You must hate our place then’’ Even is sitting on the edge of the bed, trying to put a sock on.  
‘’Your house is fine. It’s full of children. Family. Laughter and mess. I always dreamed of having a family like that. I wouldn’t change a thing. Unless you want help, then just ask. An hour of elbow grease in that kitchen and it would be just like new. Not that it matters. I am honestly not bothered Even. Please don’t worry.’’  
‘’I love you. You know that?’’  
‘’I love you too. ‘’

&%&%&%&%&%  
MALENA: IT’S 5.58.  
MALENA: You do realize that Nassi’s Dad is in the car outside. Waiting.  
MALENA: I am leaving Morten in charge. I don’t care.  
MALENA: AND THE WORST PAPPA IN THE WORLD AWARD GOES TO:  
MALENA: You knew I had this dance thing today. I told you like 300 times.  
MALENA: Marthe is asleep. I gave her a bath with Mikki. Mikki is watching highly unsuitable shit on YouTube and I am not stopping him. Not my problem. Morten has locked himself in his room.  
MALENA: I sincerely hope that that is you running up the stairs. I am not kidding. I am closing the front door now.  
MALENA: If the flat burns down it is your fault. I’m out.

%&%&%&%&%&%&  
UNKNOWN NUMBER: Hi Isak, it’s Malena. Sorry about this but I got your number from Pappa’s phone just in case I needed it. He promised to be home at 6. I need to leave. Is he with you?  
ISAK: Hi Malena. We are here now. Sorry we are late. Just running from the tram. We will be there in 1 minute.  
UNKNOWN NUMBER: Thank god. Pappa is hopeless. Can you check that his phone is charged and on? He needs to pick me and my friend up from Bislett Dance studios at 22.30. Please remind him. Thanks.  
ISAK: I will sort it out. Don’t worry about it. Enjoy your evening. See you later. Is it OK if I stay over with Pappa tonight? Sorry if it makes you uncomfortable. I can leave before breakfast if it helps?  
UNKNOWN NUMBER: It’s cool Isak. Thanks. See you later.

%&%&%&%&%%&%

To: even.bech.naesheim@UiO.no  
From: sondre.paulsen.rehfsem@UiO.no  
Subject: Norwegian Literature Awards Nomination Meet 2038  
Hi Even, We are now booked in ready for the meet. You will be chairing the Poetry Awards and Recognition discussion which is planned for the Thursday morning at 10. Usual lecture followed by presentation of the suggested nominees and Q&A session afterwards. You have aprox 55 minutes for the lecture/25 min Q&A.  
Suggested nominees by next Friday please. Can we sit down at 1? I will get Bernt and Mathilde to sit in too.  
We have the Novelist nominees under discussion, would love to discuss this with you too. Let me know when you have a minute next week.  
There will be the usual Gala Dinner on the Friday evening. I know it is not my place to ask, but you have an option to bring a +1. No stress.  
Carla sends her love, she is pleased to hear you are attending. Hope the children are fine. She says she would be happy to help find you a babysitter for the week if you need one, she knows of this agency that can arrange things like that. I suppose you have that under control anyway.  
Talk next week.  
Sondre.


	13. Chapter 13

13

To: even.bech.naesheim@UiO.no  
From: sondre.paulsen.rehfsem@UiO.no  
Subject: Re: Professor Sana Bakkoush

Even,  
Professor Bakkoush in Bergen rang me this morning, she has been trying to reach you all last week and you haven’t replied. 

She has two Doctorate Students that have written their papers on Hauge/Ibsen and she needs you to come up and do your thing on their Orals.  
I know you have worked with Professor Bakkoush before, but just to remind you do not go easy on those kids, as she will hand your arse to you on a plate if you do. Trust me. (as someone who made that mistake once)  
Anyway, she needs you two days in Bergen Thursday Friday. Sanchez and Kjellstrom can handle your classes. Since you seem to be willing to travel again I have taken the liberty of saying that you will be there. I have emailed Sylvia the itinerary.  
For God’s sake Even, check your emails!

Sondre

%&%&%&%&%

To: even.bech.naesheim@UiO.no  
From: prof.sana.bakkoush@languages.UoB.no  
Re: Services needed  
Even,  
I hope life is good for you, and that your children are bringing you joy and peace.  
I need you again, please, because there is no one as bad-ass as you when it comes to Opponent exams. You rock my friend.  
Two doctorate hopefuls, I have attached both their papers. The first one is a lively cocky little shit. You should have fun with that one. The second one you will have in tears at least twice. I am placing my bets now.   
Both should be a walk in the park for you, and I am, as always, eternally grateful.  
I need you Thursday at 14.15 and Friday at 9.45.   
As a blatant bribe, I might throw in one of my legendary dinners. Yousef will be cooking of course as my delicate hands do not go anywhere near kitchen equipment.  
All my love to you my friend, may you always walk in the safety of Allah.  
Sana

%&%&%&%&%&%

Isak thinks it’s like coming home. It is a really weird feeling in his stomach. It’s not like when he kicks his shoes off in his bright and clean little apartment and throws himself down on his spotless sofa. No this is different. Here he has to check the sofa, for that spot where you will get stabbed in the bum, before you sit, but once you do there is a little person climbing on your lap and covering you with kisses and talking at two hundred miles per hour, trying to show you something on the iPad in their hand. And Morten actually comes out and grunts at him, well Isak grunts back, and Isak feels happy. He feels calm and safe and, well he feels included. Wanted even. Like this is OK. This is his little piece of home too. 

Even is makes them fishcakes and they all curl up in front of the TV, to eat, together, and Morten doesn’t even flinch when Isak leans into Even and lets himself be hugged. Let’s himself breathe in his scent. The faint smell of aftershave and cooking and, well sex. They both smell a bit of sex. And sweat. 

So Even puts the boys to bed, and Isak tries to wash up and put the shopping away, but it’s hard to know where to put things, and it’s a bit of a mess, and he feels awkwardly like he is intruding when he starts looking for something to scrub the top of the stove with, because there are a quite a few empty bottles of cleaning stuff that he kind of wants to throw away, but there is nothing that looks like what he needs and nothing useful.

So, he just stands there and looks at it all when Even comes in and lets himself curl around Isak’s back. Let’s himself be held. Rocked a little. Evens mouth kissing his neck. 

‘’This has happened fast hasn’t it. I can’t believe that two weeks ago I didn’t know if you were still living in Oslo, if you were even still alive. I thought I had lost you forever. And now you are standing in my kitchen and letting me hold you. And now I don’t want you to ever leave. You just fit here. You belong here with me. I know that is a bit of a crap thing to say, after two weeks, but I want you in my life. I want you here so badly. I missed you all this week.’’

Even is rambling. Spilling words into Isak’s neck and Isak can’t stop smiling. He turns around and cups Even’s face in his hands, pressing himself into his arms. Letting himself be held. His lips kissing Even’s. Just soft little kisses. A little bit of tongue. Just enough that Isak is breathless again. Shuffling his hips against Even. A little embarrassed laugh escaping him as he stands there and blushes and lets Even just look at him. Admire him.

Which is a whole different feeling on its own. Just letting someone love you with their eyes. 

Isak remembers this well, the way Even would look at him. Just as they would walk along the corridor in school. He would glance over and just meet his eye. And Isak’s heart would jolt and his cheeks would burn and Even wouldn’t even say a word. Isak just knew. He knew he was loved. That Even loved him as Isak loved him back. He wished he had been stronger back then. Braver. Dared to open his mouth and say it out loud. Make it real. Instead they had both just looked away. Even chewing his lip and Isak biting the nail on his thumb. Then the moment had been gone. Back to normal. So Isak would nudge Evens shoulder and Even would hug him good bye, and stroke his jacket. Just letting his hand linger on Isak’s shoulder that second too long. 

And now they are here. And Isak can say it. He doesn’t hold back. He tells Even over and over. That he loves him. That he is his. That he belongs wherever Even is. Wherever that might be. Hoping that Even will let him stay. Stay here forever where he is safe. Loved. Held. 

‘’I am running a bath. I thought we could do with one. Morten is watching TV with his headphones on, and Mikki is fast asleep. He asked for you, if you would be here in the morning. Said he needs you in the morning for his Breakfast. I love that he has that thing with you, something you have bonded over. ‘’

‘’Is Marthe still asleep?’’  
‘’She is in my bed. Malena sorted her out.’’  
‘’Your Malena is very cool. Bright girl. ‘’  
‘’I know. She is the best. I would normally put all the kids in the car and go and pick her up if she is out late like tonight, but since you are here, could I leave you to watch the kids when I pick her up? I mean they will all be asleep. I will only be 20 minutes, tops, as I have to drop her Friend off too.’’  
‘’Of course. You don’t even have to ask.’’ Isak is smiling. ‘’So, you are having a bath?’’  
‘’We are having a bath. If you want to. It’s a big tub.’’  
‘’Even I am almost 6 foot tall. Will we fit? Isak is laughing. And Even silences him with a kiss. ‘’

Undressing in front of each other in the bathroom is, well, awkward. A little embarrassing. But Even just drops his boxers and slides into the bathtub whilst Isak stands there awkwardly sporting a semi in his cotton briefs. 

Well he can’t really help it. Not when there is this amazingly fit bloke naked in the bath looking up at him and smiling at him. Winking. Tugging at his hand to get in.

They fit. It’s a squeeze, but Even has obviously done this before and Isak has to kind of squeeze himself down between Even’s thighs, but the water is hot and there is some kind of smelly bath oil thing going on and Even’s arms are around his shoulders and Isak lies there. His cheek on Even’s chest. His finger circling the dark skin around Evens nipple. And Even is stroking his hair and Isak feels. He feels lucky. Amazingly lucky.

‘’Did you use to do this with your wife?’’ Isak kind of knows the answer. But somehow, he needs to talk about it. Exorcise the ghosts. There will always be that feeling. The feeling that she is still here. That this is her home. And Isak shouldn’t be here, even if he knows that isn’t true. 

‘’We did. We used to lie in this bath and talk for hours. Especially when she was pregnant and her back was killing her. We used to lie like this and I would have my hands on her stomach and I would feel the baby move under the water. I will always remember it.’’

‘’I love that, at work, when the babies kick me back. I poke and prod, and they kick me right back. Like telling me to back off. Get out of their way. They can be temperamental when you mess with their living space.’’

‘’She would have liked you Isak. The two of you would have been great friends. Under different circumstances of course. But don’t ever feel like Sonja wouldn’t have approved of this. Of us. She would have. She would have found this hilarious. Told all her friends about me and my desperate attempts to make this place liveable so you will come and stay. She would have loved it. She would have hated to see me as unhappy and sad as I have been, I mean I made the children unhappy, and she would have had a right go at me if I hadn’t tried to make us a family again. And I am trying. I never even thought of meeting someone else after she died. It didn’t even cross my mind. Until you. Because it would always have been you.’’

‘’You sound like me now. Desperate Isak. Pathetically obsessed with my high school crush for all eternity.’’ Isak is laughing softly. Closing his eyes as Evens hands stroke his hair. Tangle in his curls. Lips kissing the top of his head. ‘’I never stopped thinking about you’’  
‘’I’m happy you didn’t, that you still loved me enough to give us a chance. That you didn’t walk away. I’m so fucking happy that you are here Isak.‘’ Even's voice is barely there.

‘’There is nowhere else I would rather be to be honest Even. When I am like this, with you, I feel like there is nothing wrong with the world. I feel happy. Safe. Loved. I just want to stay like this forever.’’

‘’Then Stay. Stay with me. Forever. That is all I ask. That we do this. That we try. Because I love you Isak. I love how we laugh. How easy our friendship has slipped back. How I can text you and you reply and I feel better. I love how you interact with the kids. That you give them space. Let them come to you. I see what you are doing, and I am grateful. I think they might learn to love you as much as I do.’’

‘’I think Lena hates my guts, but she is good about it.’’ Isak laughs. 

‘’If Lena hated your guts she would have told you. Probably to your face. She is scared, and rightly so. This is a huge change for all of us, having someone else in our life. In our home. It’s different for Marthe, she just goes with the flow. Mikki loves you. Morten, Morten is difficult. He is in that phase I suppose. Not a kid. Not a teenager. Not quite grown up enough. He just needs us to be there. Catch him if he falls. Pick him back up. Brush him off and let him get on with it. I suppose. I mean you and I must have been there at some point. I just don’t remember being so angry. So grumpy all the time.’’

‘’I do. I remember things. My Dad leaving my Mum. I was older, but I was still so angry. Angry at life. Angry at my Dad for being a coward and leaving. For not trying. Angry at my Mum for not trying harder to hold on. ‘’  
‘’How are your parents. Do they still live in Oslo?’’  
‘’Mum passed away a few years ago. Just old age. She was 72, and her heart was weak. Dad remarried and moved to Spain many years ago. We text sometimes. We are OK. He has two kids with the new wife. I couldn’t even tell you their names. How fucked up is that? They are my step siblings, and I have never met them. ‘’  
‘’That’s sad Isak. Why is that?’’  
‘’We just live different lives Dad and me. I have no interest in his golf and the wife and the life he leads. He has zero interest in mine. Sometimes that is just how it is. It’s fine Even. It’s no big deal’’  
‘’My parents live up in their cabin permanently now. I take the kids up now and then. I will take you next time we go. They would love to meet you, I’m sure they would remember you. You stayed over a lot at ours. Before we, well before we messed it up.’’ Even quietens. Strokes Isak’s hair. And Isak turns around so that he is lying on Even’s chest. Facing him. Letting the water slosh around them.   
‘’We messed up when we were young because we didn’t talk about the stuff that was important. We kept secrets. We messed around but we didn’t speak about it. Let’s not do that again. ‘’  
‘’Isak, I will always be honest with you. Always tell you what is going on, in my head or in my heart. I won’t mess us up again. ‘’  
‘’I know’’ Isak whispers. ‘’ I know. I trust you. I won’t mess us up either.’’

They lie there until the water is cool and their finger tips are wrinkled. Talking. It feels good to be talking. Laughing. Skin on skin. Even’s hand sloshing water over Isak’s back.   
‘’Work is going to be manic next week Isak. I have kind of roped myself into going to Bergen to do an Opponent gig on Thursday and Friday. I need to be gone overnight, and it is stressing me out. I am thinking I need to bring Marthe with me, and somehow get someone to watch her whilst I sit in on the exam. Mikki should be Ok with Malena, he will get really upset, but I can’t bring both. I need to ask if Morten can stay over with his friend, and at the end of it I’m not even sure how legal it is to leave Malena on her own with a 6-year-old. On top of it I have a shitload of stuff to read, and essays to grade and a couple of new doctorate hopefuls to interview and all I want to do is lie in bed with you every afternoon. So, as you can tell, I am fucked.’’

‘’Even. You are not fucked. You are obviously brilliant at what you do. You will be fine. And anyway, you have me. If you need help, just ask.’’  
‘’It’s too much to ask of you Isak. I can’t just up and leave and make you look after my kids.’’  
‘’Are you asking me to?’’  
Even blushes. He feels stupid. Of course, Isak wasn’t offering. I mean who would be stupid enough to volunteer to babysit his brood overnight.   
‘’Isak, I wouldn’t ask that of you’’  
‘’I would be upset if you didn’t. I know I haven’t known them for long, but I am a trained nurse. I deal with babies every day. I clean poo and shit and bodily fluids for a living. I am pretty sure I could cope with getting Marthe and Mikki to nursery in the morning, and picking them up afterwards. And I mean Malena would be watching me like a hawk reporting back to you every 5 minutes. I wouldn’t fuck up. I wouldn’t dare to.’’

‘’Would you sleep here? I mean you would end up with the kids in bed with you at some ungodly hour, and it would be hard work. I mean the kids would play up. Try to trick you into giving them ice-cream for breakfast and let Mikki wear no clothes to school. He would. He tries it at least once a month. Saying that the teacher says they are having a nudey-rudey day. No clothes allowed in school’’

Isak giggles. Leans up so he can place another kiss on Even’s pouting mouth. Because Even is a sap, and Isak is quite sure he could wrap Even around his little finger if he only tried.

‘’Baby, don’t worry about it. Let that be one less thing to worry about on your list of all the stuff you need to do next week. I will move in here on Thursday morning and take over, and you enjoy your trip away. Then I will have dinner ready for you Friday night when you get back. It will be fun.’’

‘’Malena will kill me. Honestly.’’

‘’I can talk to her Even. I can try to talk to her. See if I can make her at least tolerate that I will be here on my own. We might even talk to each other. I would prefer her to be here though, as backup, in case I am doing things all wrong.’’

‘’That is probably the angle we should go with. She will be in charge. You will be her second in command, and will be told to do whatever she says. She would probably find that hilarious. And agree to it.’’

‘’I am cool with that. I’ll the back-up slave. I am off Friday night, but then I am on nights again the whole weekend so she will have you to herself then.’’

‘’I can’t believe we are lying here having an adult conversation about work and childcare. Like a married couple.’’ Even is laughing. And Isak is in love. Trying to reach to kiss him as he scrambles out of the bathwater. All his bits on show. Being admired by Even who is all serious again. Mouth hanging open. Eyes stuck on Isak’s stomach. He thinks. They could be staring at his dick too. He is not too sure. 

‘’Thank you’’ Even’s voice is low and strained. ‘’Thank you for understanding me. For being so incredibly cool with all this.’’  
‘’How can I be anything else? You are like the coolest person that I know. I love you. Of course, I will help you. Whatever you need.’’  
‘’But what is in it for you? I have nothing to offer in return Isak.’’  
‘’I get you. I get to be with you. To love you. That is more than enough Even.’’

The water is cold but their bodies are warm, and Isak has to physically pull Even out. They are not young anymore, and Even might be slightly stuck to the side of the bath. It’s ridiculous. There is laughter hanging in the air threatening to burst out of Isak’s lungs. Not that he would laugh at Even. He wouldn’t. Even if he is stark naked in front of him looking adorably hot. Gorgeous. Beautiful. Damn Hot.

There is a bathrobe on the side that Isak wraps himself in, and Even ties a towel around his waist as he walks down the hall to get some clothes on. They still manage to touch. Kiss. Hold onto one another as Even steps into his shoes and grabs the car keys. 

He leaves Isak with a kiss in the hallway, closing the door carefully behind him. And Isak checks on Mikki, fast asleep curled up in his bed. Arms around a teddy and hair covering his eyes. The room littered with toys and clothes and childish drawings cello-taped to the bedposts. 

He knocks carefully on Morten's door. Let’s it fall open. Morten isn’t moving. Still in his clothes. Earphones on. Sleeping soundly where he lays. So Isak tiptoes in. Switches off the TV and takes the headphones off his head. Tries to find a blanket, but there is just a coat on the side, so he lays it over the sleeping boy. Tucks the hem in over his chin. 

Then he allows himself to slip under the covers in Even’s bed. Just lays there. Checks his emails on his phone whilst listening to Marthe’s snuffles next to him. 

He is tired. And Even is taking ages collecting Malena. Ages. 

He turns over on his side. And Marthe slings her leg in his face. Sits up. Lays back down again. Puts her arm around Isak’s neck.

And that is how Even finds them when he tiptoes back in half an hour later. His Isak asleep under the covers, and his youngest daughter with her arm around his neck. 

He knows he should tidy up the kitchen. Not stand here and marvel at the feeling in his chest. He knows he should sit down and do some work. Load up a few books on his kindle to read. Check his emails. He doesn’t. 

He turns off the light and slips under the covers next to Isak. Let’s his arm rest around his waist. His breath warm against Isak’s hair. 

He is home. He is safe. And he is loved. He is OK, and it is a comforting feeling. Things will be OK.

 

To: prof.sana.bakkoush@languages.UoB.no  
From: even.bech.naesheim@UiO.no  
Subject: Re: Services needed.

Professor Bakkoush,  
(It still gives me a thrill to write that! Well done you! So amazingly proud of you!!) So, you need me. Well as always, I shall be there. I will get Sylvia to email your secretary (whoever is currently brave enough to do that job), and I will come see you before the first exam sitting. I will assume that you have coffee, and I shall bring you a box of baklava from Zagros bakery. I am nice like that you see.   
Remember at school, remember the guy I used to hang out with? Isak? Was he in your year? Well he has become a bit of a celebrity. Check this out:  
www.PNN.no/askisak/blogg.   
All the best to Yousef and the kiddos.  
وتفضلوا بقبول فائق الاحترام  
Even

To: even.bech.naesheim@UiO.no  
From: prof.sana.bakkoush@languages.UoB.no  
Subject: Re: Re: Services needed  
Even, this is where you men don’t get how clever us women are.   
So, you and Isak? Thank God for that. He always had a thing for you. And you had a thing for him. We remember these things.   
I will expect gossip. There will be no mercy.  
مع خالص الاحترام  
Sana

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things will be hectic this weekend so next update should hopefully drop in a week.   
> Thank you for all the love and comments and kudos as always. xxxxx


	14. Chapter 14

There are a few things Isak has forgotten about, things that are coming back to him now. 

Like the absolute fact that Even can be a grumpy fucker. He can also be rude and obnoxious and pretty much evil when he is stressed. Isak remembers this. How he would feel warm when embraced in Even’s gaze, his skin sun kissed by love. Yet when you are standing in Stressed-out-Even’s shadow, life is very cold.

And Isak feels cold this morning, whilst Even is stomping around shouting at Malena for apparently hiding his pile of essays that Isak is quite sure are still next to the sink in the bathroom. He would go and fetch them if he could but somehow Marthe has decided to be all tearful and clingy and is wailing on his lap, whilst Isak is struggling with a pair of trousers that he is supposed to dress her in. Marthe is not cooperating. And Isak is sitting here rethinking some of his life choices.

Morten is shouting at Even. Something about money that he should bring to school and some hockey equipment that needs replacing. Even is shouting back. Isak can’t quite make it out.

Mikki is just silent. Lost in his head at the breakfast table pushing soggy cornflakes around on the table top. 

‘’Please be a good girl for Isak and let Isak put your trousers on Marthe’’ Isak whispers. ‘’I still need to get socks on you and I am struggling. Please baby girl.’’ Marthe just wails and Malena sweeps through the kitchen with her hair in a mess and a frown on her face.

And Isak tries. He tries to speak to her with his eyes. Tries to say, sorry. Sorry for stressing everyone out. Sorry that I am here. Sorry that your Pappa is so stressed. Because that is probably me too, keeping him away from his work and the things he needs to do. 

Malena just shrugs her shoulders at him. Grabs a banana and starts looking around on the work surface for a clean cup. 

‘’There is a clean one on the draining board’’ Isak says, whilst finally getting the last sock on Marthe’s reluctant feet.  
‘’Thanks.’’ Malena mutters, still with her back to him. 

So, he places Marthe down on the floor and makes a run for it. Grabs Even's papers from the bathroom and corners him in the hallway, pressing the essays to his chest whilst walking him backwards into the wall.

‘’You are stressed baby. Calm down. ‘’ he whispers whilst pressing a soft kiss into Even’s neck. His chest is rising and falling. Breathing far too fast. 

‘’I am so fucked at work Isak. I am trying. I am. Just loads to catch up on and the house is a mess, and I just seem to not have remembered anything this week. ‘’ Even’s hair is falling over his face, and Isak presses a soft kiss to his lips.

‘’You know what you need baby?’’ Isak tries to look seductive, but he thinks he might just look slightly deranged. 

Even just stares at him. Whining slightly when Isak’s fingers cup his crotch over his work trousers. And Isak is throwing a glance behind him to make sure they are alone. 

‘’You need to come to my place at 2 this afternoon, and I am going to suck your cock until you are hard and leaking, then I will lick your arse, eat you out like a gourmet dinner until you are begging, just begging me to take you, and then will fuck you so hard into the mattress that you will forget about all your worries and I promise, I promise baby, that you will feel much more relaxed after I have made you come so hard that you won’t remember your own name anymore. How does that sound? A little bit of destress this afternoon?’’

Isak bursts out laughing. Because Even is all flushed and glassy-eyed and is frankly looking terrified. 

‘’Or we can just have a cup of coffee and play video games and you can read me some of your essays and I can tell you my honest opinion on them…..’’

‘’Shut up Isak’’ Even snarls, whilst his mouth attacks Isak’s lips and there is more than enough tongue action going on, wet and sloppy and full of little moans and Morten shouts ‘’EHUGHH!’’ as he pushes past them in the hallway. 

‘’I will be at yours at 2, as long as you get out of my sight so that I don’t have to take my children to nursery with a very visible hard on Isak.’’  
‘’Perfect’’ Isak hisses against his mouth as he steals another kiss, making Even whinge against his lips.  
‘’Two o’ clock’’ Isak whispers.  
‘’Fuck Isak’’ Even’s hand is squeezing his bum and he is trying hard, very hard, not to grind his hips against Isak’s crotch as Malena comes running with Marthe. A stark naked Marthe.

‘’Isak you were supposed to dress her!!!’’ She shouts. Glaring at Isak and stomping into the bathroom.  
‘’I did!!!’’ Isak calls back. ‘’She had all the clothes on!’’  
‘’Well she took them all off again, didn’t she, including the nappy, and wee-wee’d on the floor. All over the clothes. Marthe! Stop it!!!’’

Marthe is protesting loudly and Isak catches a fresh batch of clothes that Malena throws at him and Even mumbles something about needing to potty train her and Isak catches a cleaned up Marthe as Malena practically throws her at him.

‘’Clothes on, then strap in highchair. Otherwise she takes them all off again.’’ Malena sounds tired.  
‘’Nudey-rudey’’ Marthe sing songs.

‘’Got it’’ Isak says. Sounding far more confident than he feels as he starts on the tights and dress thing combo. Tights. He is all about the Babygro’s at work. He can dress the wriggliest of babies in a Babygro with one hand. Easy. Tights though. He has dealt with tights a few times. Tights are the invention of Satan. Isak is pretty sure of that.

And Even has disappeared, probably pacing around the bedroom trying to get his cock under control. Well Isak knows the feeling. His own cock is still tingling from his little attempt at dirty talk. It worked though. Yay. 

Double Yay. 

Bring on 2 o clock Isak thinks, whilst smiling far too widely whilst Marthe gets her leg stuck in the tights. Winking very enthusiastically as Even straps her in the backpack carrier. Feeling all mushy and loved as Mikki plants a loud wet kiss on his cheek. 

‘’Love you Isak, thank you for my toast. You make good toast’’

‘’You’re welcome Mikki.’’

He gets a quick peck on the lips from Even, and a look so dirty that Isak blushes. 

His face is still red as Malena shouts at Morten and pushes him out the door, throwing a glance at Isak as he stands there awkwardly in his t-shirt and pyjama bottoms in the hallway. Bouncing on his heels, and wondering what on earth he is supposed to do now. 

Well he gets dressed. Grabs a shopping bag and starts clearing out all the bottles of cleaning stuff under the kitchen sink. Makes 3 trips to the recycling bin in the basement. There is really nothing that he thinks he can use, and anyway the cupboard is filthy. It should all go, and it does. 

There is crap everywhere. So Isak fills bags. Sorts cardboard from plastic. Opens cupboards and empties packages and crockery out on the kitchen table. There is not much but he makes a few more trips to the bins. 

The little shop on the corner has the basics, and Isak grabs what he need. A few sponges, 2 bottles of MrMuscle stuff and some antibacterial spray. Bathroom cleaner. That chlorine stuff that makes shit white. And some washing up liquid, because the stuff upstairs smells like someone’s bad idea of lemon scent, and Isak is doubtful that it actually does what it says on the bottle. 

So Isak unleashes his inner nurse, well years of scrubbing hospital germs has made Isak damaged beyond belief, because the state of the kitchen is thrilling, in the way that he can see his efforts paying off with every wipe. The work surfaces come up sparkling clean. The sink is gleaming. The dishwasher runs and runs, and before Isak knows it he is up on a chair wiping down the shelves in the cupboards. 

‘’Fuck me, what are you doing?’’ Malena’s voice makes Isak jump so high that for a second he is hanging from the kitchen cabinet with one foot in the air and the stool wobbling like a fairground ride.  
‘’Cleaning!’’ Isak half shouts back.  
‘’You don’t live here’’ Malena snarls.  
‘’Thank God for that’’ Isak hisses back. 

He can feel it. The tense anger running through her body as she looks around the kitchen, every piece of crockery stacked on the table. The windowsill clear and sparkling. The dead pot plants gone. The floor mopped and the dishwasher humming. 

‘’Malena, I don’t know where all the glasses and plates and things are supposed to live. Could you maybe show me where things go?’’

‘’Mamma loved those pot plants.’’ Malena’s voice is strained.

Isak steps down and plonks himself down on the stool.

‘’I figured they might have been hers. Otherwise your Pappa might have known how to keep them alive.’’

‘’He forgot to water them. They have been dead for months’’ Malena sits down on a chair at the table. Picks up a glass and puts it back down. 

‘’Why are you not at school?’’ Isak tries, he tries to sound supportive. Not condescending. Not accusing.

‘’I have a gap today. Not due back until 1.30 so I usually come home and chill. No chance of that today then.’’

‘’Sorry. I know I shouldn’t be here, but I got carried away. The kitchen needed a scrub. I have done the bathroom as well.’’

‘’I hope you haven’t got plans to do my room, because if you step across that threshold you are a dead man. I hope that you realize that.’’

Isak holds his arms up. ‘’I figured as much. I am not setting foot in your or Morten’s rooms. Promise. Do you think I can hoover in Mikki’s room or would that be wrong?’’

‘’You are pushing it Isak. But whatever. I suppose. Don’t move things around though, Mikki likes his toys where he drops them. Usually on the floor.’’

They sit there in silence for a while, sunshine streaming through the window and Malena’s fingers tapping on the table top.

‘’Pappa said you will be staying over on Thursday.’’

‘’Is that OK with you? I mean, you will be in charge. I am only here to back you up and help you. I can cook dinner and tidy up, and then just tell me what you need help with. ‘’

‘’I would lie if I said that it’s fine. It’s weird as fuck this thing with you and Pappa.’’

‘’I can imagine. I find it overwhelming too.’’

‘’I just don’t get why you want to be here, stuck in this mess with all of us here, and then Pappa, I mean, what is it with Pappa?’’

‘’It’s a long story Lena’’ Isak sighs. ‘’I mean I was just a year older when you the first time I met him.’’

‘’And he was with Mamma. Mamma was his girlfriend. You tried to break them up’’

‘’Malena. I didn’t know about your Mamma. He didn’t tell me. I walked away I found out about your Mamma and I never spoke to him again. Not that that makes it better, but don’t blame your Pappa, he loved your Mamma and he chose her. You need to remember that. He loved your Mamma enough that he let me go.’’

Malena just grunts.

‘’Your Pappa is an amazing man, he is kind and funny and sweet and lovely. He can also be stressed out and shouty and a bit bossy. I think he might be a total pain to work with. I know his type. But I love him Lena. I love him so fucking much that it actually hurts a little. That is why I am here. Because where else would I be? I need him like I need oxygen. I know that sounds a bit pathetic, but he is very very important to me, which makes you guys important to me too. I know you all come as a package, and if I want to be with your Pappa, then I will have to learn to love you guys too. ‘’

‘’Mikki loves you.’’

‘’Mikki is lovely. So are you, even if you hate that I am here. I’m sorry. I understand what it is like.’’

‘’You don’t know shit about what it’s like Isak.’’

‘’No. that’s true. I do know what it is like to have your Dad leave your Mum, when your Mum can barely function, and then your Dad goes and marries some younger chick he met online, and goes off and moves to Spain with her and has two sprogs that I don’t even know what he named. I know what it feels like to feel alone. I know what it feels like to be rejected. My mother passed away a few years ago, I know what it feels like to lose the person that loves you the most. I don’t know what it’s like for you Malena, but I get that it’s hard. I get that you feel that I shouldn’t be here. I can understand if you hate me. It’s fine.’’

‘’I don’t hate you. You are good to Pappa. You make him happy. He smiles. He is better with you around.’’

‘’Thank you. That’s good to hear. That you don’t hate me’’

‘’It doesn’t mean that I like this whole set up with the babysitting and you staying here all the time’’

‘’I get that. I will be gone all weekend, and I do work a lot, so you will have Pappa to yourself in the evenings. I promise. I will try to give you space.’’

‘’Cool’’ Malena looks down, and Isak can feel it. The tension. The weirdness. 

‘’The mugs go on the bottom shelf in the first cabinet. Glasses on the top shelf.’’

Isak gets up and starts moving cups from the table. Carefully stacking them on the shelf. 

That’s what they do. They work in silence. Malena grabbing things from the table and handing them to Isak with quiet instructions as to where they go. 

It’s fine. It’s almost peaceful.

Malena makes a pot of coffee and they sit at the table and Isak marvels at the clean kitchen and Malena smiles. It might be strained but it’s definitely a smile. A half-hearted attempt at a smile.

‘’If I buy some new pot plants, will you water them?’’ Malena asks.

‘’I would be honoured to.’’ Isak replies. 

It might be a small breakthrough. A tiny fragile sense of truce. But it makes Isak’s stomach warm and his cheeks ache as he walks down the street to catch the tram home. 

He left Malena on the sofa with her coffee. She even waved when he said goodbye.

He smiles. Smiles when he buys a pack of condoms and a bottle of lube from the chemist by the station. Smiles as he smoothes down the sheets on his bed. He showers. Let’s his fingers trace the skin on his chest. Shaves the soft strands of stubble off his chin.

The dressing gown is too warm against his skin but Isak still wears it. Curls up on his pristine sofa with his phone. Isak waits. He doesn’t stop smiling.

******************************************************************************************************

To: creative.writing-studentgroup38@UiO.no, poetryinmotion-studentgroup38@UiO.no, literature.history-studentgroup38@UiO.no, Norwegian.Doctorate-studentgroup38@UiO.no  
From: even.bech.naiesheim@UiO.no  
RE: This week’s assignment  
Students,  
This week’s assignment has changed with immediate effect. Below you will find a list of books, all are new releases from last year and current. I have assigned a book to you each, with a link to download the said book. 

I will expect a summary, review with personal and professional notes on the prose, poetic style and content, as well as a full write up on the validity and place this book has in Norwegian literature.

You will be graded on this as per the previously assigned work. I will need your papers submitted by Monday. This is an obligatory part of the course and will have a pass/fail mark. 

Apologies for the late change of assignment, and please discard the previous work assigned for this week. If you have already completed the work you are welcome to submit it for extra credit.

Best regards  
Even

*********************************************************************************************************************

EVEN: I am on my way.  
ISAK: I love you.  
EVEN: I hate you. You have completely ruined my day. All I can think of is you. And Sex.  
ISAK: You don’t hate me, and do tell me about what you have been thinking about.  
ISAK: About the sex I mean.  
EVEN: I might have spent an hour reading ‘’A dummies guide to Anal sex’’  
ISAK: Oh baby. You know we don’t have to do anything that you don’t want to do. It was a bit shit of me to just presume that you would let me fuck you.  
ISAK: I want to fuck you. Don’t get me wrong. There is nothing I want more.  
ISAK: I am doing it again.  
ISAK: Tell me to shut up. I am digging myself into a big hole here.  
EVEN: SHUT UP ISAK.  
ISAK: Ok. I love you.  
EVEN: I have bought lube. And condoms.  
ISAK: Me too. (heart emoji)  
EVEN: I can’t wait for you to make me come so hard that I don’t even know my own name.  
ISAK: I will do my best.  
EVEN: I need to remember my name for 4 o clock though so I can pick up the kids on time.  
ISAK: Got it. Can I come home with you again? I will give you time to work, promise.  
EVEN: Please come home with me.  
ISAK: I love you.  
EVEN: I am outside your door. I hope you are naked.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some of you lovely readers asked for Isak to take the lead, so thank you for that prompt, and I hope I have done Bossy Isak justice in this chapter!
> 
> 717 will update next and hopefully another LH chapter to come shortly. We have some babysitting to look forwards to....

15

To: isak.valtersen@kvinneklinikken-oslo.no  
From: hedda.sorrentino@UniHospitalpressoffice-oslo.no  
CC:Marit.Toresen@godmorgennorge.TV2.no  
RE: Interview on Good morning Norway

Isak, Just received this from TV2. Seems like a good opportunity for you if you are willing to do it. You have clearance from the press office to say yes. Please come and see me beforehand so we can talk about things that you should and should not say, as you will still officially be a representative of this Hospital. Just a friendly reminder.  
Regards Hedda

To: info@UniHospitalpressoffice-oslo.no  
From: Marit.Toresen@godmorgennorge.TV2.no  
Re: Isak Valtersen Midwife as seen on PNN.no

Dear Press office,  
I am trying to get hold of Isak Valtersen, one of your midwives, who is currently a very popular blogger on PNN.no. The Good Morning Norway team are very keen to invite him to come and speak to us on the Good Morning Norway sofa. Please forward my contact details to him, and let him know that we would love to see ‘’E’’ as well, as having the two of them as guests would be a tremendous honour for us.  
If you could see the sheer volume of requests we have had to bring him and his partner on the show, you would be amazed. It seems as your Mr Valtersen is quite a popular man.  
Kind rgds  
Marit Toresen  
Good Morning Norway Team leader

 

Even is still shaking as he gets off the tram. He does realize that he has done some shitty things to his students in the past, and that changing the assignment for this week at the last minute, might have been a seriously crap thing to do. But handing them this assignment with only half a week to complete it is probably a bit evil. And getting shouted at by two very well spoken and normally very reasonable doctorate students probably proves that. He gets their point of view. He does. He also knows that he is being a complete fucktard expecting his students to do the work that he should have been doing all year, and that it is a completely unreasonable thing to ask of them. 

Not that he cares. They will do the work. He will have a ridiculous amount of work to do next week to sort and categorize and make sense of his student’s reviews, well the ones that he will be able to make sense out of. Some of his students are bonkers. Some of the papers will be plain unreadable. At least he can make an informed choice on which books he might take the time to read himself.

Even managed to run his classes flawlessly today, speaking from memory and letting his words flow. The students were silent. He thinks he did well. He thinks he got to them today, got them under his spell, got them to understand his passion for words. The way you can string them together into something gut wrenchingly beautiful, then remove one word and make the sentence fall flat. He gets passionate when he speaks. When his arms flay and his fingers keep combing through his hair until it stands up at every angle under the sun. The way he gets hot under his collar and throws his tie across the room mid-sentence. 

He is exhausted when he finishes. Barely coherent to the questions the students are fielding at him, even though he has slept better these last weeks than he has done in months. He sleeps solidly through the night when Isak is there next to him. Isak’s body warmth soothing the restlessness in his dreams.

So, he went and hid in his office, letting himself rest his head against the laptop on the work surface in front of him. Willing the clock to tick faster so 2 o clock could happen quicker. 

He is nervous. Nervous as hell. Not because of Isak. He can’t wait to see Isak. He just doesn’t know what he has said yes to. He wants the sex. God Yes. Yes please. He wants all the sex. He is no virgin, oh no. He has done a few bits. A few things with Isak. That’s where his experience starts and ends.  
But he is about to get his mind blown, he is pretty sure of that. Well hopefully. God help him. His cock is throbbing in his pants again and he must take a swift walk down the hall to get another coffee before he starts to think about sex again. Sex Sex Sex Isak Isak Isak Sex Sex Sex. Isak is going to fuck him. Isak is going to fuck him into the mattress until he can’t remember who he is. Yes, please, to the last bit. And the rest. He hopes.

At least he got Sana’s Doctorate papers read. Piece of cake. Easy. He graded last week’s essays in a manic frenzy. Logged the results. Drank another cup of coffee. Smiled sweetly at Kjellstrom when he moaned about covering Even’s classes again.

Even knows he doesn’t mind really. Kjellstrom is a handsome bastard and a ridiculous flirt and the students love him. Well they definitely love Kjellstrom more than Even right now after Even has thrown this latest assignment at them. Even is evil. He cackled to himself as he slammed the door to his office shut behind him. Stuffed his suit jacket in his holdall and skipped down the steps to the bus stop. 

And now he is here. Standing in front of Isak in the hallway letting Isak take his hand and lead him inside as his heart is jumping out of his chest and his palms are sweating. 

‘’Hi’’ He whispers, letting himself fold into Isak’s embrace. Strong arms holding him tight. The soft scent of shampoo and soap and shaving foam. Skin against his lips. 

‘’Hi baby’’ Isak whispers back, nuzzling into his neck. 

‘’You are tense Even. Just relax. I’m sorry about all that crap I said this morning. I shouldn’t have just assumed that you want to do stuff like that. We don’t have to do anything that you are not ready for, I don’t want you to agree to do things just because I tell you that I want to.’’

‘’Shut up and just do it Isak. ‘’ Even snarls and presses his lips onto Isak’s. ‘’You can’t just threaten me with wild hot monkey sex and then back out like that.’’

‘’Wild hot monkey sex? And I thought that I was bad at the dirty talk!’’

‘’Well that is what it is isn’t it? I was promised a mind-blowing orgasm and I have come to collect.’’ Even is pressing Isak into the wall. Grinding his hips against the dressing gown. Tugging at the sleeves so he can get his mouth on Isak’s shoulder. Biting into the skin. Just softly. 

‘’You want me to fuck you baby? Is that what you are saying?’’ Isak’s voice is serious. There could be a smidgeon of a smile in there. A little bit of laughter brewing.

‘’Fuck yes Isak. I was promised. You promised to get me to destress.’’ He is biting again. Sucking bruises into Isak’s flesh. Leaving teeth marks on the soft skin under Isak’s shoulders.

‘’Do you want me to look after you? Do you want me to make you feel good baby? ‘’

Even nods. Lips trailing up the side of Isak’s neck. Nose stroking the line of his jaw. Lips attacking his own. There is nothing soft about Even today. His body is hard and his muscles are tense. He needs. He needs a lot. 

‘’Too many clothes Even’’ Isak hisses as he tugs at shirt sleeves with one hand and clashes with Even’s fingers with the other trying to unbutton his fly.

‘’Why the fuck are you still wearing this then?’’ Even snarls ripping the dressing gown off Isak and letting it fly across the hallway. 

It’s messy. It’s fast. Bodies moving across the floor, bumping into the doorway as they stumble across the living room. Lips against lips. Hair in fists and skin on skin. Clothes landing wherever they fall.

‘’Lie down on your back baby.’’ Well Even has no choice, not with the shove Isak gives him as he bounces against the mattress, Isak close behind, straddling him and grabbing hold of his arms.

‘’Hold on to the spindles on the headboard. Hold tight. Don’t move. This is all about you. Let me make you feel good baby, let me look after you. Ok?’’

Well Even tries to answer, but he is silenced with Isak’s mouth on his and a tongue in his mouth, his hands are curling around the wood and he finds that he just can’t speak. Groan. Yes, groan he can apparently still do, and he does. Ridiculous moans as Isak’s lips start their trail of destruction down his chest. He whimpers when lips clamp down on his nipples. The tip of a tongue flicking across the bud that tightens and tingles. Soft brushes of lips on his stomach, and wet trails of tongue flicking across the skin above his groin. 

There are kisses on his hips. Fingers stroking his thighs. Even hadn’t even realized that his hips were so sensitive, or that someone kissing your leg would make you shiver. Involuntary jerks of his hips with every barely there kiss. His cock hard and straining, begging to be touched. 

Not that Isak will touch him. Isak is fucking evil too, because now he is kissing Even’s knees. Worshipping his hairy legs. Touching him in places he didn’t even know he needed touching in. Even's mouth is making embarrassing sounds. Spilling noises he didn't know he had in him. Stupid sounding moans. Not that he honestly cares, especially when there are fingers stroking the softness between his legs. Just teasing him whilst his calves are being smothered in caresses. Kisses. Sounds coming out of Even’s mouth that are so desperate that he thinks that he might just be a tiny bit embarrassed about it all. How his knuckles are white from gripping the headboard. His body moving. His breath hitching. His cock leaking, leaving a trail of precome dripping down his shaft. 

‘’Please’’ He whines. 

‘’Please what?’’ Isak is speaking. Kissing Even’s toes. Just one by one. His body has slid down the end of the bed, and Even is cold. Even is burning up. He needs. He fucking needs it now.

‘’Just touch me. Fuck Isak. Just do it’’

‘’Where do you want me to touch you baby?’’

‘’Don’t fucking tease, just do anything. Oh God.’’

Isak laughs softly. He would speak but he might be sucking on Even’s toe. Which is not Isak’s thing at all, but he thought it would be a good idea. Teasing. Letting his tongue swirl around it like it’s a cock. Pretending. Driving Even mad. Because Even kicks his leg away and let’s go of the headboard, sitting up and grasping for Isak.

Anything Isak. Anything he can reach. Looking so desperately wrecked, chest flushed and hair all over his face and Isak can’t help but smile. Laugh. Crawling into his embrace and letting their lips do that thing they do so well. He loves the kissing, the closeness and softness of Even’s skin against his. Their cocks rubbing and grinding as they tumble back onto the sheets. 

‘’I thought I told you to hold on to the headboard and let me look after you?’’ Isak whispers.

‘’Fuck, you are so hot when you go all bossy on me.’’ Even whimpers back in his ear. Lips sucking on his earlobe.

‘’You like that? When I boss you around? Tell you what to do?’’

Even just sighs. Desperately. Letting his arms go back up to the headboard so fast that Isak’s cock pulses out a squirt of precome. Desperate Even is just so freaking hot, and Isak almost groans thinking he might just come here and now. It would only take a tug or two off his cock and he would spill all over Even’s stomach. He would just lean up and let himself go. It would be so easy. So good. 

But he doesn’t. He swallows hard. This is not about him, this is what he promised Even. This is about making Even feel good. Giving him something that Isak wants to give, well he desperately want’s Even to want this, to let him do this. This is them, and this is making love. Isak wants to make love to Even, yet at the same time fuck him so senseless that he will never forget who he belongs to. He wants to put his mark down, make Even see that this, this here is where he is, this here is where his happiness is. Where he is loved, where his body does what it is designed to do, to be loved and to love. With him. Nobody else. This is where he makes Even his. Forever. He is going to ruin him for anyone else forever. 

Isak doesn’t even think about it, he just lets go. Lets his mouth do all those things he set out in his head. He swallows Even’s cock down in one. All the way in. He is a bit over enthusiastic, I mean he chokes, it takes a few goes until he finds a rhythm. Until his hand and his mouth get the hang of this gig. Until he is sucking and swallowing around the head and Even’s hips just won’t stay still and there is a running commentary of filthy words spilling out of Even’s mouth above them. He is clearly losing his mind. Perfect.

The lube is right where he left it. Under the pillow. Even’s breath is short and fast. His eyes closed and his chest rising and falling, showing off the pearls of sweat on his abs. His hands gripping tight around the wooden spindles. The headboard creaking with every move. 

Isak’s fingers are dripping in lube as he starts to smear the cool liquid between Evens arse cheeks. Angling his legs up and telling him sternly to keep them right there. Letting his mouth lick the balls that are sitting high and tight under his cock. Angling Even's thighs further and dragging a pillow down so he can prop his hips up. 

He would lick him out. Rim him until he is a screaming mess of a man. But Isak is getting desperate too, and he thinks he has bare minutes, minutes until his cock will just release on it’s own. He is hard. He is so fucking turned on.

‘’Fuck you Isak. Fuck you for making me beg you’’ Even snarls as Isak drags Even’s arm off the headboard and places his hand on his thigh, making him hold himself up. Making him hold himself open. 

‘’Beg me’’ Isak hisses back. Arranging Even’s body the way he wants it. Open. Ready. So fucking hot. Ridiculously sexy. 

‘’Fuck Isak. Just do it. Don’t make me ask you’’ Even’s eyes are still closed. His cheeks bright pink. Lips swollen and chaffed.

‘’You are so beautiful baby’’ Isak says. His voice is cracking. He means it. Even is everything. Everything he ever dreamed of. 

So, he lets his fingers dance. Tapping and stroking around Even’s rim. Massaging the lube into his arse, all over his cheeks. Cupping his balls. Letting his mouth go back to worshipping that cock, licking lines up and down the length whilst Even throbs and leaks under his touch. Blowing on his hole and watching the muscle tighten and release under his fingers. 

‘’I’m going to go very slow. Just relax and tell me if you want me to stop. If I am hurting you.’’

‘’Do it’’ Even almost shouts. Turning his head to the side and trying to burrow under the pillows. Another bead of precome forming at the tip of his cock.

The first finger slides in easily. Just to the knuckle. Giving it a few seconds to let the muscle adjust before he moves.

He knows what he is looking for. Just slow movements in and out, letting Even’s breath stabilize and his body relax. Hips still jerking with every movement. 

‘’Give me more, I can take it’’ Even whispers.

He does. He lets his finger come back out and pushes two against the opening. Just slowly, revelling at the sounds Even makes. Tugging at his own cock. He can’t stop. He can’t help himself.

He loses control, just like he thought he would. There is no way he can go any slower. 

His fingers push in and out. Angling the right way. Nudging that spot. It’s right where he knew it would be, he is a fucking gay nurse for God’s sake. He knows his shit. And his lips curl up into a smile as Even roars. As he twitches on the bed, arching his hips up and shouting. Arms flaying and fingers grasping for Isak. 

‘’Hands on your legs baby, hold yourself open’’

‘’I need you! I’m going to fucking come before you are inside me, fuck Isak. Don’t let me disgrace myself and come before you get to fuck me. FUCK!!!!’’ 

Yes, Isak touches him again, soothes across the hard bump inside of him and makes Even’s body move. His nerve endings catch fire. Isak knows. He fucking knows how good it can be.

A few more strokes of his fingers. In and out. More lube. Condom. Fucking slippery little shits. He rips it open with his teeth. Watching Even below him as he stands up on his knees and rolls it on. More lube. There is lube everywhere. Dripping from the open bottle onto the sheets. On his hands. On his legs. All over Even. 

‘’Take a deep breath and bear down baby. I am going to go slow. I love you. I fucking love you so much. You should see yourself, you look so fucking beautiful like this, I can’t believe you’re mine, that you are all mine.’’ 

Isak is rambling. Letting all the words slip out of his mouth as he pushes the tip of his cock against Even’s hole. Pushing. Panting. Watching Even’s face as his mouth freezes into a snarl. Hissing. Going slow. Hoping he is getting this right. Pushing further. Holding Even’s legs up and letting them rest over his shoulders. Hips that are arching. Trembling. Eyes closed. Both of them with their eyes closed. 

Even's mind is lost. He can't even think. His body telling him there is pressure and fullness and maybe, just maybe some pain, deliciously toying with his nerve endings and making his body sing. He is lost. He is so fucking lost. 

Isak bottoms out with a whimper. He wants to cry. He wants to scream, and he wants to tell the fucking whole world that he is right here and inside the freaking love of his life and he loves. He loves this man so much that there is not enough air in his lungs to ever scream it out enough.

Instead he whispers. I love you I love you I love you I love you as a song and a mantra. His words meaningless yet everything. Breaths and Silence filling the room.

He pulls out. Slowly and carefully. Then moves back in again. Out. Slowly whilst Even whimpers and buries his face even further into the pillows. 

He pushes back in. Hard. Out fast. In. Finding a tempo. A rhythm that just keeps going faster. In Out. Beads of sweat dripping down his face. Voice to hoarse to speak, let alone form sounds.

‘’Isak!’’ Even shouts. His voice wrecked and raspy as he comes. His cock shooting stripes of white over his stomach as Isak pulls out and slams back inside of him. Over and over, as Even keeps coming. Randomly spilling his load in small squirts as Isak’s body moves fast and hard against him. Fucking him. His cock ruling his mind. His body switched off. His eyes closed. 

Isak feels. Isak feels so fucking much right now, there are just too many sensations. Too much Even. Too fucking beautiful underneath him with his face twisted into a blushed sweaty mess of emotions.

‘’FUUUUUUUCKCKKKK’’ Isak mouth shouts as he falls. As the darkness enfolds him. He is helplessly falling inside his mind. Dark and quiet as his body shudders and his arms tremble and he falls. His body relaxing as he tumbles on top of Even. Head on his chest. Arms helplessly by his side. Legs shaking trying to find rest against the sheets.

‘’Oh God’’. Even whispers. Awkwardly trying to stroke Isak’s head. He can barely move. His body sore, his arse singing. His cock still throbbing, and this dead weight on top of him. Not that he would change a thing. He thinks this might be his idea of perfection. Of perfect happiness. He wouldn’t change a thing. Not a single thing.

‘’What’s your name again? Isak giggles from somewhere on his chest.

‘’I haven’t got a fucking clue mate’’ Even laughs back. 

They laugh. Giggle like children lying in a pool if come and sweat and lube. There is lube everywhere. Tangled in each others limbs and lost in each others laughter.

Even thinks this might be the start of something more than amazing. That this might have been, whoever God is, this might have been his plan all along. Because right now Even is happy. Happy and sated and wondering what on earth he has done to deserve this. To be this loved. This lucky. This happy. He shouldn’t be, He shouldn’t be allowed to be this happy. Yet he is. 

For the first time in years Even’s chest is light. His mind might be foggy but he feels light. He feels amazing. 

He loves. And he is loved. 

 

 

www.pnn.no/askisak/blogg/GOFOURTH

GO FOURTH

Thank you for another amazing week of interesting questions and many many amazing emails of support and again, your stories. I have read every single one, and although I have no way of replying to each one individually, let me take this opportunity to tell you how much your words mean to me. 

I hear you all, and I am immensely proud that my words are inspiring you to share with me. 

You have told your stories of how you moved forwards after losing a partner, a child, a loved one. There have been stories of amazing courage. Of deep sadness. Of overwhelming grief that has slowly turned into something bearable. Something that you almost describe as good. Until life has found you and embraced you, taking you forwards to a life that you now cope with. Where you never forget, but where life treats you well. Where happiness is found in small portions and where you are grateful that you came out the other side.

I have read your stories of finding your place in a new family, and stories from those of you who chose not to stay.

There is no right or wrong. No rules to follow. No guidelines, and as I hear over and over again, sometimes very little support. We are all on our own as we move forwards, trying to find a place where we fit in our lives. 

This week I have stepped forwards when I should probably have stepped back. I have made rash decisions that might have been better off left undone. I have said too much, and said too little. I walk a fine line trying to balance my place in my new little family, and in this new relationship with E. 

I tread carefully and overthink every step. Yet I make mistakes. I have so much to learn.

I have found surprising joy in little things. The unguarded smile in the kids, the throwaway comments and the outbursts of love. I feel pride when I have been able to help, and deep sadness when I know I have overstepped the mark. 

Things will get better, and become less awkward and strained, I know this. We are all getting to know each other and getting used to each other’s little quirks. The way we like things done. Where the boundaries are, and where there are none. Because I am falling in love with my new life. I am falling in love with being part of a family. Of being needed and wanted. Maybe even liked.

Things are not easy. Things are not perfect. Well families never are.

But I am moving forwards. In leaps and bounds. Life is good. Hard. But good.

This week I am answering all your questions where you are finding pregnancy hard. Hard on your body, hard on your mind. Hormones can be your friend, but also your worst enemy. Sometimes just understanding where the little bastards are coming from will help you see their point of view. Sometimes having a good cry might just save the day. There are no rules here people. Dropping the Caffeine? Staying away from chocolate? Let life be good to you. Look after yourself. Allow yourself to love yourself a little bit. Have that bit of chocolate. Give your loved ones a hug. Let your body do it’s thing. 

There is nothing better you can do for your baby than to let yourself relax. Let your worries go. Take a step back and enjoy the ride. Hold on tight, because it might be a bumpy one.

Love  
Isak  
x  
PS: What about E? I can hear you shout. He is fine. We’re fine. With everything going on we are strangely more than fine. Solid. Loved. Happy. And that is a pretty cool thing to be able to put in writing. x

 

To: hedda.sorrentino@UniHospitalpressoffice-oslo.no  
From: isak.valtersen@kvinneklinikken-oslo.no  
Re: Interview on Good morning Norway 

Hi Hedda,  
Could you tell them NO. No way. Not happening.  
Thank you  
Isak.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the extended break, real life and work taking preference again. I will hopefully update faster and have another chapter up promptly. Thank you again for all the lovely comments and kudos! xxxxx

Isak is not proud of himself. He promised, he promised Malena to give her space. He promised Even to let him work in peace this evening. He promised. 

Yet here he is sneaking in like some cat-burglar at midnight after a night out with his colleagues from the labour ward. It was a good night, as always, full of laughter and crude jokes and stories of patients and gossip. There was alcohol involved. Quite a lot of alcohol, and normally Isak would have let himself go and gotten absolutely shitfaced.

He has had quite a few drunken nights out where him and Magnus and Paulina and Luca have ended up in some Kebab dive at 4 in the morning shooting the shit and pretending to be 18, when they are clearly not, and should just give up and go home instead of ordering massive drink fuelled kebabs and talking a load of crap. 

Yet today Isak wasn’t on form. He just didn’t feel like drinking, and he had this weird feeling in his stomach that there was somewhere else he needed to be. That he wanted to be somewhere else more than here hanging out with his friends and just having fun. Tonight, was fun, but he missed Even. Damn. He even missed the kids. The noise and laughter and screaming and fights and all the madness. He was going to go home afterwards and sleep it all off. Give everyone a break from Isak. He promised. 

So, he feels like a right idiot when he lets himself in with the key and sneaks into the bathroom. He needs to buy a toothbrush to keep here, he really shouldn’t be using Even’s toothbrush. Nor should he be getting undressed and fishing out those Pyjama pants that he threw in the washing basked this morning. He knows this isn’t a laundrette, and he doesn’t live here, yet his pyjamas got washed and folded up and left on the side in the hallway so Isak just keeps wearing it. Putting it in the laundry. Loading up the machine in the morning after breakfast. 

He tiptoes out in the kitchen, which is still surprisingly clean. Tidy. Grabs a glass of water and a handful of leftover pasta twists that are lingering in the pan on the stove. Turns off the light and lets his feet carry him down the hallway where the bedside light is still on on Even’s side of the bed. Even is fast asleep with Marthe curled up in a little ball next to him, his laptop on his lap and papers spread out across the bed. Isak has to stand there for a while, just leaning against the doorframe and let himself take it all in. Because Even is beautiful. Breath-takingly so. And Isak is in love. 

He has always been in love, but never like this. Never to the point that his chest aches with need when Even is not near him. Never to the point that the thought of going back to his own home and not sleeping next to this beautiful man was just unthinkable. Unbearable. Isak just needs to be here. He needs to be close to him. Feeling his skin against his own. Holding. Touching. Kissing. Lots of kissing. 

The laptop is placed gently on the floor, and the papers neatly stacked beside it. He doesn’t dare to move Marthe. It’s not his place. Not his child. 

There is only a small space next to Even, just enough for Isak to crawl under the covers and rest his head against Even’s chest, which doesn’t even startle him. He just groans gently in his sleep and wraps his arms around Isak. Nudges his hips slightly to the side so they fit. Legs all tangled up. Hands and arms and lips. Soft kisses on Even’s cheek. 

Isak knows he shouldn’t be here. But there is nowhere else he would rather be. 

 

&%&%&%&%&%&%&%%

Even wakes him up with kisses, just soft little pecks on the top of his head. Fingers tracing his jawline and tipping his chin up so that his lips can get kissed too. Just quietly. Softly and gently. Whispering that Isak should stay in bed a little longer because it’s really early and Even is only getting up so he can catch his flight. 

Oh yes. Isak’s brain is catching up. Fast. He is on babysitting duty. 

‘’I will miss you. I will miss you so much.’’ He whispers into Even’s chest.

‘’It’s only one night baby, and I am so grateful that you are here with the kids, so I won’t worry about them. I have never left them alone before, not since Sonja passed away. I haven’t been away from them so it will be strange for me too. And I will miss you. I love that you came here last night even though you said you wouldn’t. It was a lovely surprise to wake up with you in my arms.’’

‘’Sorry. I just needed you last night. A few beers apparently turn me into a lovesick puppy or something. Paulina was laughing at me when I said I needed to go home and cuddle you. They all know I am a hopeless softie now. And that I love you. I might have spent the whole night talking about you and how gorgeous you are.’’

Even laughs softly. ‘’You tell all of Norway how lovely I am every week on your blog.’’

‘’You shouldn’t read my crazy ramblings. It’s embarrassing. It all seems a like a good idea when I write it, then I post it and people go all crazy on me. I need to start to censor myself a little.’’

‘’What do you mean crazy on you? Should I be worried?’’

‘’Nah, just things like we had an invite to go on Good Morning Norway. They wanted the two of us to come and talk about our relationship on morning TV’’

‘’Fuck no. Why would they want that?’’

‘’That’s what I thought. I said no. I am not dragging you and the kids through that. Malena would die of shame.’’

‘’She would never speak to me again. And move out the same day. ‘’

They both smile. Kiss again. Evens body leaning over Isak’s, letting his chest press him down on the bed. 

‘’I need to get up. I’m sorry. I would much rather stay in bed with you.’’

‘’I know.’’ Isak replies. ''Me too.''

He does know. Somehow Isak wishes that they could have this sometimes. Just being able to wake up and lie in bed and make out. Talk. Without the children asleep in the bed with them. All he wants is to pull Even’s trousers down and let his cock slip into his mouth. He wants to Even to jerk him off. Fuck it, he would love Even to actually fuck him. Here and now. Hard. Fast and Dirty. He would love to let Even take him away, let his mind switch off and just let himself feel, let his body go and just let himself be loved. Touched until his mind goes blank and nothing matters but Even. It's becoming addictive, thinking about Even. Thinking about sex with Even.

Instead Marthe crawls up and lets her arms wrap around Isak’s neck and mutters something in her sleep. He wraps his arm around her and lets her settle back into his chest whilst Even is hopping around on one leg trying to put his sock on. 

‘’Isak?’’ Mikki sits bolt upright in bed. Isak hadn’t even noticed him tucked under the duvet. 

‘’Hi Mikki’’ Isak replies. 

‘’Is it time for breakfast?’’

‘’It’s a bit early Mikki. You can sleep a little longer if you want.’’

‘’Pappa Isak’’ Marthe squeals. ‘’Kissy Kissy Pappa Isak’’ She is wide awake trying to sit up on Isak’s chest whilst Mikki starts pulling at Isak’s arm.

‘’Isak, I am awake now so I need breakfast. I want cereal today. With chocolate milk. I don’t want bananas. I don’t like bananas. Bananas are Yuk. ‘’

‘’Not banana.’’ Marthe echoes. ‘’Banana yuk.’’

‘’Marthe you love bananas. Don’t be silly.’’ Even sounds stern but Isak can see his eyes twinkling and hear the laughter in his voice. 

‘’I love you’’ He mouths at Isak whilst buttoning up his shirt. 

‘’Pappa big poo poo Pappa’’ Marthe scrunches her face up. 

Isak gets up. He decides it’s the best option. 

He does get death stares from Malena when she finds him in the kitchen pouring milk into glasses and loading some strange Disney branded cereal into a bowl for Mikki. Slicing bananas onto a plate for Marthe and handing Malena a cup of coffee before she can start to protest. 

‘’I know I promised that I wouldn’t be here this morning Malena. I know I said I would give you space. I am an idiot. I got a bit drunk last night and couldn’t stay away, I just missed your Pappa too much.’’

‘’You are an idiot. I mean anyone who is madly in love with my Pappa must be an idiot. ‘’

‘’ I am an idiot. I fully agree. You are allowed to be disappointed in me today. You are allowed to be pissed off. I would be pissed off at me too.’’

‘’I will live’’ Malena snarls taking a sip of the coffee. ‘’Are you dropping the kids at nursery then? You know where to go?’’

‘’Yes. I should be fine. Then I will come back here and tidy up and then I will go home. I will be back for Mikki and Marthe and bring them back and cook dinner. If I get some Salmon and grill it would you guys eat that?’’

Malena shrugs her shoulders. ‘’If it comes with Pasta we should.‘’

‘’Cool.’’ 

Even leaves and Isak dies a little on the inside as he tries his hardest not to cry. Because this is hard. This is a lot of responsibility, and even though he knows what he is supposed to be doing, actually getting Mikki to cooperate in the ‘’getting dressed’’ game is proving harder than he thought, and Marthe will just have to go to nursery in her pyjamas because he just hasn’t got time to actually dress her. And anyway, she is a baby and the pyjamas is cute. She looks fine. So, he wrangles a pair of socks on her and puts her trainers on and almost gets her into the back-pack carrier without dropping her on her head. Almost. He hopes she is strapped in right and that he won’t lose her half way to nursery. 

He puts his hat on his head. Wallet in his pocket. Phone in his hand. Baby on his back. Child's hand in his hand. He can do this. This is easy.

They get on the tram and Mikki talks nonstop in his ear, and Isak feels strangely proud. Hoping that people around them think that this is Isak. Isak with his children. That people are looking at him and thinking, ’’Ahhw, look at that very capable father and his two adorable children’’. 

Because Isak can do this. This is a piece of cake. And Even texts him to say that he is on the Airport train and misses them all terribly. Saying ‘’thank you’’ repeatedly. 

They get off at the right stop and Isak does all the right things with Mikki crossing the road. Making him hold his hand and look right and left. Look and Listen. Cross carefully.

He drops Mikki at the door with a nod to the teacher and Mikki shouting ‘’Bye Bye Isak!!’’

Isak smiles. He just smiles. He loves this fatherhood stuff, even though it’s just pretend. He is just faking it. And loving it. 

The woman at the door at the Nursery looks Isak up and down with a disapproving look, and Isak decided he doesn’t like her. Straight away. Just like that. She just looks cold, and her face is in that permanent scowl of disappointment that drives Isak mad. His mother wore it all her life and it makes Isak shiver. 

‘’Where is Marthe’s Pappa today?’’ She asks. Like it would be any of her business. 

‘’Marthe’s Pappa is on a business trip today so I will be collecting Marthe later. My name is Isak.’’ He reaches out to shake her hand. Professional Smile on his face. Work mode on.  
The woman doesn’t even pretend to smile. Just stares at him and shakes his hand with the limpest of handshakes. 

‘’If Marthe is to be collected by someone who is not on the approved list of adults that Marthe’s guardians have submitted, then we cannot let them collect Marthe on their behalf. I don’t believe that we have had the form submitted to allow anyone else to collect Marthe, so I am afraid that you will have to get Marthe’s Pappa to come and collect this afternoon.’’

‘’As I said, Marthe’s Pappa has left me in charge of the children, so I will be dropping off and collecting Marthe and Mikki today and tomorrow. Their Pappa is away so he will definitely not be collecting.’’

Isak sounds like an arsehole, he knows that. But this woman is rubbing him up the wrong way. 

‘’I am the manager of this Nursery, and I know that Marthe’s Pappa is aware of the rules and if he meant for you to collect the children he would have submitted the online form. ‘’

Isak is gritting his teeth. He knows OK? He wrote a really good article on child protection routines in public institutions a while back. He does the bloody refresher course every year. He is well aware of the actual form that Even probably should have submitted. He knows. He still can’t control himself. 

‘’I am Marthe’s Pappa’s partner, and I will be collecting her later. I am dropping her off and I will be collecting her.’’

Isak is doing his stern voice. His ‘’I am the professional here and you will do as I say’’ voice. He uses that voice on the arsehole fathers who won’t let their partners get a word in when they should have the final say. He uses that voice on the ridiculous birthing-partners that are so out of line that Isak can’t help but mess with them. He uses that voice on himself when he is ridiculous. He is ridiculous now. He knows it. 

‘’I have known the Bech Naesheim family a long time, and I knew Marthe’s mother. I do not know who you are, but you are not being quite truthful now, are you.’’ The manager is looking very pleased with herself. Speaking to Isak like he is a child. 

‘’I have known Mr Bech Naesheim since we were teenagers. And he is my partner. You are being disrespectful about Marthe’s family, in front of Marthe, and I think you and I both know that you are very much out of line.’’

Isak is staring at the woman, who suddenly looks a little bit unsure of herself. Letting her fingers grasp the necklace around her neck. 

‘’Marthe’s father is not ….like that.’’ She snarls, with a tiny bit of desperation in her voice, and Isak doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry. He doesn’t know whether to be angry or back the fuck down. 

‘’I am not going to get into this discussion with you. You are being insensitive to Marthe, and you are insulting me as her stepfather. ‘’ Isak is definitely nobody’s stepfather, but he is on a roll, and the woman is taking a step backwards. 

‘’I will be having words with Even about Marthe’s care here, I am sure he will be saddened to hear your views on Marthe and Mikki’s family. ‘’

‘’This nursery has a very clear policy, we welcome families of all varieties and we have several parents within the LBGQT community. I didn’t mean to be insensitive, but I am sure Marthe’s Pappa would have mentioned a new partner and filled in the correct forms if this was the case. ‘’

The woman is clearly backtracking and Isak can see that tiny flicker of fear in her eyes. Yup. She knows. She is so out of line it’s not even funny. And Isak is an idiot.

‘’I won’t be leaving Marthe with you today, and I will be having words with my partner.’’ Isak turns around to leave. 

‘’But you must leave Marthe here, we are contractually obliged to care for her. She is already on the premises so we can’t let you remove her!’’

If Marthe had been trying to get down, if she had been reaching out for this woman wanting to be left at nursery, then Isak would have figured something out.

Isak knows he can just ring Even and get him to sort the form. He can get this woman to ring Even. There are ways to fix this. But Marthe is clinging to him, her little arms wrapped around his neck and she is saying ‘’Pappa Isak’’ with a stern little voice behind him and Isak just won’t. He won’t let this woman win. 

‘’I am sure Marthe’s Pappa will fill in all the necessary paperwork for tomorrow, but for now we are leaving.’’ He says and tips his head to the woman. Who just stands there with her mouth hanging open as Isak slams the door shut behind him. 

‘’I’m sorry Marthe, Isak is being silly.’’

‘’Silly Solveig’’ Marthe singsongs in his ear.

‘’Is that her name Marthe?’’

Marthe doesn’t reply. And Isak starts to panic. He now has to entertain a two-year-old girl who is in her pyjamas, for the next 8 hours. Oh fuck.

Isak can do this. He has to. 

ISAK: Malena I think I have fucked up.  
MALENA: Are the kids OK?  
ISAK: Yes, they are fine. I might have been intolerably rude and stupid at nursery.  
MALENA: Did Solveig say something?  
ISAK: Is that the Manager with the permanent pissed off look on her face?  
MALENA: That’s her. Evil woman.  
ISAK: Glad it’s not just me.  
MALENA: What did she say?  
ISAK: Gave me grief and told me I wouldn’t be allowed to pick up Marthe this afternoon. I got pissed off and told her some bullshit and walked out of there. With Marthe.  
MALENA: You didn’t. (shocked face emoji) What kind of things did you say?  
ISAK: I might have lied and said I was Marthe’s stepdad and that Even was my partner and called her insensitive and rude.  
MALENA: Oh shit, now they will have a go at me and ask me all kinds of weird questions.  
ISAK: If they say anything, and I mean ANYTHING to you Malena, then they are breaking all kinds of confidentiality rules and I will have them reported before they can even close up for the day. I promise you. So if they say anything to you please tell me.  
MALENA: You kick ass when you want to, don’t you?  
ISAK: I do. *proud*  
MALENA: Solveig has a crush on Pappa.  
ISAK: NO WAY!  
MALENA: I heard them talk when I picked up Marthe last week. They call Pappa ‘’HOT DAD’’. They get disappointed when I collect and it isn’t ‘’Hot Dad’’. Stupid women.  
ISAK: Ridiculous women. *High Five*  
MALENA: Do you want me to collect Mikki then? Since they won’t let you?  
ISAK: In a way, I want to go back and watch them try. But they are in the right. I need to get Even to sort out the permission forms. Would you be able to grab Mikki on the way home? I will make it up to you.  
MALENA: You owe me big time. I am keeping track of your bullshit Isak.  
ISAK: GOOD. Let me know when you need a favour.  
MALENA: I will cash in. Believe me. 

There is nothing Isak really needs to do today, and he now has a chance to prove himself. To bond with Marthe. To show Even that he can do this, that he can be helpful and trustworthy, even though he has already fucked up and it’s not even 9 o clock on day one. 

Well he knows a thing or two about childcare. And the supermarket on the corner has everything he needs. He buys a bottle of water, and a child’s Sippy cup that Marthe gets to choose. He buys a small pack of nappies. Baby wipes. 

‘’Strawberries!’’ Marthe shouts. 

Isak buys strawberries. He pays and stuffs everything in a plastic bag. 

They walk down towards town, Isak picking the tops off the strawberries with his fingers and handing them to Marthe, who is probably making a mess behind his back and covering his t-shirt in juice, but he doesn’t really care. The sun is shining and they are going to have a day out. He is going to ace this. 

They walk all the way down to the ferry stop in front of the city hall. 

‘’Boats!’’ Marthe squeals. 

‘’Do you want to go on a boat baby girl? ‘’ Isak laughs as Marthe jumps up and down on his back. 

‘’Boat Pappa Isak Boat! Marthe go on boat!’’

They do. They take the boat out to Bygdøy and marvel at the sea. Laugh at the seagulls and chase each other running around on the paths. 

They change Marthe’s nappy in a café and Isak orders a coffee and waffles. And he is happy. He is actually enjoying Marthe’s company, as they talk nonsense and smear whipped cream on the waffles. He revels in the looks they get. The smiles from pensioners enjoying a cup of coffee in the sun. The approving nods from the mothers gossiping nearby. 

Well he hopes that they are approving nods. They could be disapproving sighs that the useless bloke has taken the kid out in her pyjamas, covered her in Strawberry juice and is now feeding her dessert for lunch. But whatever. Isak has whipped cream on his t-shirt. Coffee drips on his jeans. And Marthe is clapping her hands and shouting ‘’Pappa Isak look!’’, squealing in delight at the cruise ships moving into the sound. 

ISAK: Even, I am a horrible person. I have kidnapped Marthe and taken her to Bygdøy for the day. I hope that’s OK. When you get a chance can you fill in the ‘’Approved Person to collect a minor’’ form for nursery as they gave me a bit of grief this morning. Sorry.  
EVEN: Got here OK and had a great meeting with Sana. Getting ready for the Oral Exams now. I am sitting in at an earlier one too. Sorry about the online form. I forgot. I am an idiot. Sorry. Will sort it out now. Hope Marthe is being good for you. I wish I was with you. I Love you Isak. I do. So much.  
ISAK: I love you too. I hate this backpack thing. Why haven’t you got a pram like normal people?  
EVEN: Normal is boring. I like the sling. (Heart emoji)

Isak should have planned this better. He should have bought a bucket and spade. He should have brought a blanket to sit on. Instead they sit in the sand and Marthe steals a spade of another child who cries and hits Marthe over the head with her bucket. They then just sit themselves down in the sand and play, like nothing has happened. Whilst Isak just stares at them and wonders what on earth just went down. He also wonders where the parent of this other child is, who is pouring sand over Marthe’s head and laughing at her. 

He is also the worst babysitter ever since he didn’t bring Marthe’s sunhat. She is now wearing his snapback which is far too big, and Isak’s scalp is burning up. 

But he can’t just leave, not when Marthe is screaming with laughter and making friends, having a ball and throwing sand in the other child’s face. Secretly Isak is cheering inside whilst he is telling her off and asking her to play nicely. Don’t throw sand Marthe. Don’t eat the sand Marthe. That is not nice Marthe. Please don’t do that Marthe. He sounds like his mother. 

‘’Your daughter is very cute’’ a voice says behind him. 

‘’She’s….’’He starts. Then he thinks, well whatever. ‘’Thank you. She is a bit of a handful.’’

‘’Well they are toddlers, they are supposed to be a handful. I’m Christina. Hi. ‘’

‘’Isak’’

They sit in silence. Watching the children cover themselves in sand and water. Marthe’s pyjamas is soaked. She has sand and mud in her hair. Laughing at Isak’s snapback that is now apparently a boat and is filled with mud half sunk down in the water. 

‘’Peder come and let Mamma put some sun cream on you darling’’

Oh, fuck Isak thinks. Yes. Sun cream. He should have brought that too. He is fucking useless.

‘’Can I be rude and ask if you would let me have a squirt of sun cream for her?’’ He asks. ‘’I am a really useless person. I forgot’’

‘’Of course. Don’t worry about it. My husband doesn’t even remember to bring nappies when he takes Peder out. I bet your wife nags you as well, that’s what us Mums do.’’

‘’I’m not married.’’ Isak blurts out. ‘’Marthe’s Pappa is my partner.’’

‘’Oh, sorry. I shouldn’t have assumed. You look familiar by the way. You don’t work at Telenor, do you? Would we have met there?’’

‘’No, I’m a midwife at the University Hospital.’’

‘’Oh hell!’’ Christina blurts out. ‘’You delivered Peder! You were my Midwife, weren’t you? It’s all coming back now. I am so sorry Isak. I was a complete nightmare patient. I think I called you some very rude names. Sorry!!!’’

Isak laughs. ‘’That’s Ok. I get that a lot. Were used to it, so don’t worry about it. I am glad Peder is doing well.’’

‘’He is a little monkey. It’s nice to meet you again. And your daughter. She is beautiful.’’

Isak smiles. She is beautiful. Even when she is covered in mud and sun cream and smiling and throwing herself at him shouting that she wants to go in the sea and swim. With Pappa Isak. Right now. Because she is all muddy and her clothes are wet. 

They paddle in the water and share their last strawberries with Peder. Splash water at eachother and laugh. They have laughed all day. And now Isak's jeans are soaking and his t-shirt is wet but he doesn't care. It doesn't matter. 

Marthe gets in the backpack wearing just a nappy, and falls asleep with her arms around his neck. She doesn’t wake up for the ride back on the ferry. She snores in his ear whilst he grabs some salmon from the supermarket on the corner. She is still asleep when Isak gets back to the flat.

He gets her down and curls up on the sofa with her body warm and sun kissed in his arms. 

It’s been a good day. The best day. He is just going to close his eyes for a minute. Just a little nap. A tiny one. Before he makes them all dinner. 

‘’Isak!!!’’ Morten is kicking his legs. ‘’Oi! Wanker!’’

Isak sits up with a jerk. 

‘’Malena says you need to cook dinner.’’

‘’Oh yes.’’ Isak is scratching his head. Sand snowing down on the floor in front of him. 

‘’Marthe!! Where is she?’’ Oh God. Isak is the worst. Isak is officially banned from babysitting. Isak needs to step the fuck up. He stands up and almost trips over his own feet, in a panic. 

‘’She’s in the bath with Malena. Do not go in there. She will kill you.’’

Isak steps back holding his arms up in the air. ‘’Not going anywhere near the bathroom. Promise.’’ Whilst his heart is beating in his chest and he feels a little bit sick. He fell asleep. And let a 2-year-old roam around in the flat on her own. Even trusted him. Even trusts him to look after his children. Oh hell. He is so useless. 

‘’I don’t want butter on my pasta.’’ Morten already has his back to Isak walking out of the living room.

‘’OK’’ Isak whispers. 

The salmon fillets are grilled to perfection. The pasta overcooked. Not that anyone seems to care. They all sit in silence eating. Malena with her hair twisted up in a towel, and Marthe’s face is pink. Clearly ‘’whoever took me out forgot the hat and the sun cream’’-pink.

‘’I’m sorry I fell asleep Malena. I had Marthe in my arms. I was just going to rest for a bit. I didn’t mean to be irresponsible.’’

‘’She was still asleep with you when I got back, I woke her up because she won’t sleep tonight if you let her nap too long. It’s chill.’’

‘’Oh’’ Isak replies. He doesn’t know what to say now. How do you hold a conversation with a bunch of kids who don’t really want you there?

‘’I had a good day at school. Ida fell over and hurt her knee. There was lots of blood.’’ Mikki is shoving another forkful of salmon in his mouth. 

‘’Was Ida all right? How did she hurt herself?’’ Isak tries to sound concerned.

‘’She got a plaster.’’ Mikki looks like he is deep in thought. ‘’The dinosaur didn’t get a plaster. That’s unfair. The dinosaur was hurt too.’’

‘’Didn’t bleed thought did it, the dinosaur.’’ Morten is pushing this piece of salmon around on the plate. 

‘’You don’t have to finish the salmon if you don’t like it.’’ Isak is trying. He is. Honestly.

Morten just grunts and leaves the table. 

‘’I’m going out tomorrow night, and I will be staying with my friend so you are on your own tomorrow evening Isak. Pappa should be back by 8.’’

‘’OK, as long as that’s cool with Pappa.’’ Isak has no right to parent. He knows it. And he is blushing a little. 

Malena doesn’t reply. Just leaves her empty plate on the side of the sink and walks out. 

‘’Is there more Salmon Isak? I like salmon. It’s yummy. Ida doesn’t like meatballs. That’s strange. Meatballs are yum.’’

‘’Meatballs’’ Marthe squeals. 

‘’Meatballs!’’ Mikki echoes.

Isak just wants to cry. 

EVEN: Aced opponent gig no 1. Now at Sana’s for dinner. Her kids are hilarious. Miss you all. Love you.  
ISAK: All OK here don’t worry. Morten hated my dinner.  
EVEN: Morten hates everything that doesn’t come from a fast food joint. Don’t worry.  
ISAK: Mikki is having seconds.  
EVEN: Mikki is a bottomless pit when it comes to food. I bet your dinner was delicious.  
ISAK: It was OK. I guess. Wish you were here. (heart emoji)

Mikki and Marthe fall asleep in front of the TV, because Isak doesn’t quite know how he is supposed to get them to go to bed. He was going to read them a story and be all adult and responsible, but they were enjoying whatever they were watching and Isak got a chance to catch up with his emails. 

He doesn’t dare to open the Ask Isak account. He knows it will be full. He has 1024 notifications on the little icon on the app. It’s slightly overwhelming, and his performance anxiety is on an all-time high. There is pressure as well, knowing that all these people expect him to tell them shit and make everything OK. 

He has offended a whole bunch of people too, they are telling him that every week. Not everyone is kind. There are quite a few people who think it is OK to be rude. Insensitive. Downright abusive, whilst hiding behind an anonymous user name on a parenting advice website. Isak just doesn’t get it. Well he does. He deals with some of these idiots every day. People with zero social skills, and illusions of grandeur. People who think that being rude makes you worthy of respect.

Luca has been great. He sat down and helped Isak delete a load of crap messages last week, and pick out some good questions. Luca is amazing. Isak is always in his debt. Every fucking day. Just that look he gives him when Isak is about to lose his chill with someone. The little smirk he does when Isak is about to fall apart. Luca always knows. He always makes Isak feel that things are OK. It’s just not Isak that is feeling all these things. He wishes Luca could tell him what to do. How to make this work. Because right now Isak feels a little lost. A little helpless as he carries Marthe and Mikki into Even’s bed and tucks the sleeping children up under the covers.

He knocks on Morten's door but there is no reply. He leaves him. He is old enough to sort himself out. Isak thinks. Isak hopes. 

He showers and laughs at the sand pooling by his feet in the bathtub. Puts on one of Even’s T-shirts and a pair of flannel pants he finds in the wardrobe. Crawls under the sheets and turns out the lights. 

ISAK: Thank you for your help today. I feel like I was no help at all. Will try harder tomorrow.  
MALENA: It’s cool.  
ISAK: Before I go and buy a stroller tomorrow, can I just check that you don’t own a pram? I don’t think my back can take another day of that back-pack thing for Marthe.  
MALENA: There is one in the basement. A red one. I will bring it up for you tomorrow.  
ISAK: Brilliant. Thank you. You are the best.  
MALENA: Piss off Isak.  
ISAK: Good night to you too Malena. 

ISAK: I love you Even. Sleep well. See you tomorrow evening.  
EVEN: Still at Sana and Yousef’s. I have eaten far too much food.  
EVEN: I love you more than you will ever know. I hope that you know that.  
EVEN: Can we please have another dirty date? I could maybe get out early on Monday afternoon again.  
EVEN: Love you. Sleep well baby. Xxxxx  
ISAK: Dirty date is ON. Monday afternoon. My place. I want your cock. In my arse.  
ISAK: Please.  
ISAK: Sorry. I should give up on the sexting. I am hopeless.  
EVEN: I am in Sana’s bathroom now. With a boner. Stop texting me.  
ISAK: Sorry.  
ISAK: I want your dick in my arse, I want you to fuck me so hard that I will feel you for days.  
ISAK: Love you. Sleep well. Give my regards to Sana.  
EVEN: Arsehole. I am going to have to leave and go back to the hotel now. Can’t have a wank in their bathroom. That would just be wrong.  
EVEN: Fuck you.  
EVEN: I will definitely fuck you on Monday. Believe me. I will make you come so hard that your head will spin. You’re mine remember? I will fucking own your ass. Monday baby.


	17. Chapter 17

17  
Friday morning is a mess. Well Malena is calling Morten a disgusting creature and yelling at him in the bathroom. Mikki is crying because he can’t find his green socks and Marthe has smeared butter all over herself. 

Isak has it all under control. Well he pretends that he has it all under control. He grabs Marthe and shoves her into the sink in the bathroom, desperately trying to find some handtowels that he can use to scrub the butter of her face.

He doesn’t notice Morten at first who is sitting on the floor in a pile of laundry, trying to get the door to the washing machine open.

‘’Do you need a hand with that?’’ Isak asks. He is trying to sound kind. Helpful. Please let me be a friend to you Morten, at least try to like me a little bit. I am trying so fucking hard here and I am getting so little back. Isak is on edge. Tired. Feeling a little bit deflated that he can’t make himself feel better about all this. 

‘’Leave me alone’’ Morten snarls. ‘’Have you got no idea of privacy Isak? The door was closed. So, fuck off’’

‘’I’m sorry. I can sort out your laundry when I have dropped off the kids. It’s fine Morten. Let me help.’’

‘’NO!’’ Morten shrieks. His face is red. Isak didn’t notice before but Morten looks like he has been crying. 

Marthe is half clean. Maybe a little bit shiny. Smelling slightly of dairy products. He still takes her out in the kitchen and straps her back in the highchair and begs Mikki in his most persuasive voice to please put the jumper and underpants on, and that he is looking for the green socks. Isak is trying his best. He doesn’t care if the green socks are covered in dirt and grime, he will find them for Mikki. He will. 

Morten is still on the floor where he left him, trying to pull the clean clothes out of the washing machine and holding onto his pyjamas in a firm grip. 

‘’He fucking wet the bed again Isak, I am not cleaning it up again. You dirty little fucker!!’’ Malena is shouting. ‘’I put my fucking hand straight in it! In your filthy shit!!’’

‘’Malena shut the fuck up!’’ That’s Isak. He can’t believe he just swore at her. 

‘’Oh, fuck off Isak. This has nothing to do with you.’’ Malena is fuming. Throwing another sheet onto the bathroom floor and furiously washing her hands in the sink.

‘’Malena I’m sorry I swore at you. Calm down. I will deal with Morten. Please. Please trust me on this and just go out in the kitchen. Please’’

Isak is begging. Pleading. Because if this is what Isak thinks this is Isak knows exactly what Morten is going through. Isak has been here. Being small and scared and trying to fix the mess in the morning so your mother doesn’t find out and make your life miserable. He has been there, and it’s a horribly lonely place to be.

‘’Morten, look. Can I ask you something? ‘’ Isak sinks down on his hunches, leaning against the laundry basket.

‘’Fuck off.’’

‘’Morten, I am a nurse. I am a medical professional. As such I am bound by privacy laws. Anything you tell me I am not allowed to say to anyone else. Including your Pappa and Malena. OK? So, if you want to ask me anything or tell me anything, you can, and I am not allowed to tell anyone else. It’s the law. I will go to jail OK?’’ 

‘’I don’t want to speak with you.’’ Morten mutters and starts putting his sheets in the washing machine. 

‘’That’s fine. I am not going to ask. But let me tell you something. Whatever caused your bed to be a mess this morning, is very very normal. You can google it. Unless you urinated in your bed, then there might be a small infection which we can go and see the health centre about and it’s something we can fix. Easily. It’s nothing to be ashamed about. If it wasn’t wee, but something else, then it is something called a nocturnal emission, and it is perfectly normal and it is really good if you are having them sometimes, as it means that your body is working just as it is supposed to do. You are growing up and starting to go through puberty Morten, and that is a seriously cool thing. OK?’’

Morten just hangs his head. Grunts.

‘’OK. I am going to make you a deal. If you want to talk to your Pappa about this then that might be good. But I get it if you don’t. And you don’t have to talk to me either. But I will write down my mobile number for you, and you can ask me anything. I mean that Morten. Just ask and I will reply, then I will delete the text. I will never show it to anyone else. ‘’

‘’Another thing, if your bed is a mess and you don’t want Malena to find out. Then just text me. Like a code word or something, and I can distract her so you can go and put your laundry in the washing machine. Would that work? Say, you text me the word, ‘’Tree’’ and I will know to make sure that you have a clear path to the bathroom. Would that help you?’’

‘’Tree? Are you serious?’’ At least Morten is speaking.

‘’Well choose something else. Just tell me so I know what to look for’’

‘’Tree. Fucking Tree.’’ Morten is muttering under his breath. 

‘’Tree it is. Let me know if you need help with starting the washing machine, but I am guessing you know what you are doing. ‘’

Morten doesn’t answer. But at least he is calm. Isak is calm. That went better than he thought it would. 

Malena still hates him and doesn’t even shout good bye when she leaves with Morten. Yet Isak aces getting both kids out the door. And he almost cries with joy to find a red stroller, that is covered in dust, sitting on the bottom step. He loves Malena. He really does. The stroller is fine, and Isak knows his prams.

He has seen enough helpless first-time parents struggling with the idiotic posh contraption that the wife insisted they buy, and neither of them can get it to fold up or figure out how to attach the car seat to the frame. Isak has seen them all. He has figured most of them out. He is a bloody expert at prams. And this one is no exception. Isak sends a silent thank you to Sonja for choosing a good solid basic model. Tips it upside down and shakes out the crumbs and raisins from the seat. Straps Marthe in whilst explaining that this is their new racing car pram and they are going to test drive it to Nursery. Tells Mikki to hold onto the handle and help him steer. 

Off they go. It’s so much easier. Brilliant. The pram lifts onto the tram, and Isak whistles as they race in swirls through the park in front of nursery. Mikki is running and screaming with laughter and Marthe is shouting ‘’FASTER PAPPA ISAK FASTER’’ at the top of her voice. Isak is happy. He is loving this. 

He is loving it even more when he steps through the nursery door and Solveig is nowhere to be seen. Instead there is a young nursery worker who introduces himself as Emil and says he is Marthe’s Key worker and how pleased he is to meet Marthe’s stepfather. Which makes Isak blush. He has done it now, hasn’t he? Even will kill him. Bloody kill him. 

It’s not fair and he knows it. He has gone and outed Even to the entire nursery. To people who are probably his friends. People who knew Sonja and will now look at him like he is a piece of shit. He didn’t even ask Even, he didn't even think to ask if it was OK. 

Marthe is jumping into Emil’s arms though and talking animatedly about her racing car and Emil just smiles. 

‘’Oh Isak, just to let you know that Marthe is pretty much dry here at nursery, could you discuss with Marthe’s Pappa about trying to send her in without a nappy in the mornings? We feel she is ready to be fully potty trained and the nappy is distracting to her. Would that be OK? Let me know. No pressure if you feel she is not ready. ‘’

Potty training Isak can do. ‘’Absolutely. I didn’t realize she was dry here, I will talk to Even and try to get her dry at home over the weekend. Thank you for telling me. ‘’ He shakes Emil’s hand. Mentally pats himself on the back for dealing with that without sounding like a complete wanker. He knows his shit. He knows how to potty-train. In theory. He teaches about it. Lectures about toddler care. He doesn’t think that he has ever seen a real-life potty though. 

ISAK: Malena sorry for being a dick this morning.   
MALENA: Piss off.   
ISAK: Do you guys own a potty? Nursery says we need to potty-train Marthe.   
MALENA: Nope. I chucked it out. It was rank.  
ISAK: Cool. I will buy one today. Thank you so much for getting the pram out for me, it was much easier. You are really cool remembering. Appreciate it.  
MALENA: I didn’t put the pram out. I forgot. It’s still in the basement.  
ISAK: Seriously? Please don’t fuck with me Malena.  
MALENA: I. DID. NOT. PUT. THE. PRAM. OUT.   
ISAK: FUCK  
MALENA: Wait, did you seriously steal someone’s pram? From outside our house?  
ISAK: OOPS  
MALENA: BLOODY HELL ISAK, we still have to live here!!!  
ISAK: IT WAS RED OK? YOU SAID THE PRAM WAS RED!!!!  
MALENA: Stop shouting at me, I am not the one who steals prams.  
ISAK: I am so fucked. I am seriously rubbish at this babysitting shit. You are supposed to tell me what to do and I am messing everything up.  
MALENA: NOT MY FAULT. You did this one all on your own. I am not helping you fix this one.   
ISAK: I am running back to nursery now to get the pram back. Will leave it where I found it. Should I leave a note? Any idea who it might belong to?  
MALENA: You are on your own.   
ISAK: Please don’t tell Even.  
MALENA: Too late. Texting him now.   
MALENA: Pappa is crying. With laughter. I am telling him he should break up with you before you cause any more disasters.  
ISAK: As of now I would break up with myself if I was him. I am so fucked. I am so sorry. 

Isak returns the pram where he found it, his face red with shame as he sneaks back up to the apartment. He bought a bag of chocolates and hid them in the pram. At least he means it. He is sorry. It was an honest mistake. Seriously. 

EVEN: You are hilarious baby, I am sitting here pissing myself laughing in a room full of serious people. I love you so fucking much. I mean that.   
ISAK: I am so sorry.  
EVEN: You are amazing. I think Malena likes you. She keeps texting me telling me all these funny things you are doing.   
ISAK: Please don’t break up with me. I will get better at this. I am trying.  
EVEN: I love you. I will never break up with you. Even though you steal prams.   
ISAK: Fuck you.  
EVEN: Yes please. 

Isak doesn’t know how people do this. How things get done when two parents help out and work and the kids just take up all of your time. Because Isak has been tidying up the flat, which took him more than two hours. Just hoovering and wiping down the furniture. Then he went over to the baby shop and bought a potty. A pink one that plays music when you wee in it. It is ridiculous. Isak gets it now. They had a perfectly good basic cheap potty. But Isak wanted the pink one. Because it’s for Marthe. And Marthe would love the pink one. That plays music. She would love it. Not that it is his place to buy Even’s daughter a potty but he still does it. He also looks at strollers. Decides it would be ridiculous to buy one. 

He picks up Marthe on time. Nods at Solveig who is standing by the door with her arms crossed. He is keeping his mouth shut. He is not saying a thing. Just scoops up Marthe who hugs him. Throws her over his shoulder in the back-pack carrier and winces as the weight hits his spine. He should have bought a bloody stroller. 

They have pizza for dinner. And even Morten smiles when the delivery guy buzzes the intercom. All of them on the new sofa with their feet up and Pizza on their laps. Curled together watching some family game show. Laughing in-between mouthfuls of cheese and tomato sauce. Stretchy bread and crust. Morten gets to share Isak’s coke. Malena doesn’t even complain. Just eats and watches TV. 

‘’Did you still want the pram out?’’ She asks. She actually sounds kind. Like she cares.

‘’If it’s not too much trouble that would be great.’’ Isak tries to smile.

‘’I will bring it up tomorrow. I am leaving in half an hour. Tell Pappa that I am at Nassi’s if he asks.’’

‘’OK. Have a good time.’’

Malena walks out. Leaves him with the boys on the sofa and Marthe on his lap.

He gives the little ones a bath. Manages to wash Mikki’s hair and get them both into what he hopes are pyjamas before 7 o clock. Tucks them up in Even’s bed and reads them the book about Plupp the troll. Twice. Because Mikki says that it is that good.

He lets himself curl up on the sofa next to Morten. Nudges him and hands him the remote control. He will happily watch whatever Morten wants to watch. As long as he can sit here and not be alone. Sit here and feel like he did better today. He kind of did. He hopes. Things were fine. Things are OK.

EVEN: Delayed. Thunderstorms in Bergen. Should be home by 1o.  
ISAK: All under control. Can’t wait to see you. I need a hug.   
EVEN: I do too. I need you to sleep on my chest again like you did the other night. Love when you do that.  
ISAK: Even though I am a horrible person? I am so sorry I outed you to everyone at nursery. I didn’t mean to. I’m so sorry.  
EVEN: What are you sorry for? You told everyone that we are together, which is true. I am not ashamed of you. I am not ashamed of me. I love you. I love that we are together. I am honestly so proud that you called yourself stepfather. Because you are. I want you to be. More than anything, I want you in our lives Isak.   
ISAK: I am having to hide behind the pillow so Morten doesn’t see me crying.   
EVEN: Don’t cry. I love you. See you at 10.

Morten falls asleep during the film which Isak has seen a hundred times. And Isak might be snoozing a little too. The new sofa is nice. Comfortable. Smelling clean and fresh. He strokes Morten’s hair. Let’s his eyes fall shut again. 

EVEN: Landed. Should be home in an hour.   
EVEN: On airport train now. See you in 30.  
EVEN: Bet you are asleep on the sofa. Do you like it? It’s big. We should all be able to fit on there.

%&%&%&%&%%&%

MALENA: Isak, can you come and get me? I am really scared. Please don’t tell Pappa.   
MALENA: Please Isak.   
MALENA: ISAK!!!  
MALENA: I fucked up OK? I went to this party to meet up with this guy who turned out to be an ass. I was walking home and I think someone was following me and I am now hiding out in the 7/11 on Holbergs Plass. Please. Just come down and get me. Please Isak. I’m really scared.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompts in this chapter form EVAK4EVER and SINCESLICEDBREAD. Thank you as always for your epic-ness.

18  
The aircraft finally pushes off stand, and Even shifts uncomfortably in his seat. They have been stuck on this plane for almost two hours and Even has had far too much time to think, to let his thoughts rumble aimlessly in his head. He is exhausted. Drained. Yet he is so incredibly happy. He shed a few tears earlier, burrowing his head in his hands when emotion took over. The woman next to him had patted his arm. Whispered that everything will be all right. Just let it out. 

He had let it out. Sobbed into his hands and into the tissue the lady had handed him. He couldn’t help it, it is just such a relief that he isn’t alone anymore. That it’s not all up to him. That he has Isak. That Isak loves him. He still can’t get his head around that he has him back, that Isak is right there, where he needs him the most. In his heart. In his brain. In his thoughts. 24/7.

He had thought a lot about what to say, how to explain it to Sana and Yousef. Even has never had to come out before, never had to justify himself. Sonja was just always there, a friend who stayed. Who just merged into being more than a friend. A girlfriend. A fiancée. His wife.

Isak is different. There are so few people who would remember them from school. To everyone else he is this stranger that Even has brought into his life. A man that he has carelessly introduced to his children.

He is his boyfriend. His beloved. His Everything. How do you explain that in the course of 5 weeks without sounding like a crazy person?

Yet when he spoke things came out right, he had just laughed as he told them the truth. Bathed in kindness and the safety of friends. He told it like it was. He loves Isak. He always has. Always will do. 

It’s a heady thought to carry, but the lightness is still in his chest. He is not alone. He is not on his own anymore. He has someone there who has his back. Who holds his heart. Someone who makes him so horny that he struggles to contain himself at the best of times. 

He opens his laptop and starts scanning his emails. Opens the first of the book review assignments and tries to ignore the throbbing in his trousers, as his eyes start to scan the text. The tightness of his underwear. The concerned look at his flushed face from the lady in the next seat.

Damn Isak. Damn Damn Isak. 

&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%#

Isak barely lets his lips nudge Even’s as he squeezes past him in the doorway, taking the steps two at a time on the way down. He is still in his pyjama pants with one of Even’s jumpers thrown on top (he missed him OK? The jumper smells like Even and it made Isak happy, just knowing the fabric had touched his skin was a comfort in itself.) Shouting ‘’I’ll be back in ten minutes, just hang on baby!’’ as he rounds the corner and heads out the front door. 

Isak knows where he is going, it’s not far, but he is still terrified. He keeps thinking that he shouldn’t feel like this, that she is just a stranger really, another man’s daughter. Yet somehow Isak can’t bear the thought of her being scared, or god forbid something happening to her. She is his responsibility, and somehow, and Isak doesn’t really know how, he fucked up. Again. He should have checked where she was going, checked with Even.

He should have asked questions. Or not. He should have trusted her, and she should have trusted him enough to be honest. Well in an ideal world that would be the case and right now Isak just wants to scream and pull at his hair in frustration. Why isn’t this easier? How can he stand in front of a room of expectant parents on Monday evening, telling them that they should listen to all his textbook advice, when in the real world everything just goes to hell? And back. And to hell again. 

Isak needs to rewrite his course. He needs to add a few home truths. Tell the poor people to go home and just don’t do it. Don’t have children. Your life will never be the same again. 

He slams the door to the 7/11 open, looking around like he is deranged robber. Well he would probably scare the living daylights out of himself if he ran into someone who looks as messed up as Isak does, but cashier just nods to the corner of the shop where Malena is perched on one of the stools sipping a cup of coffee.

‘’Your Dad’s here.’’ The cashier nods to Malena, who can’t even meet Isak’s eye as she climbs down and walks up to him. Head bowed, still chewing the rim of the cup.

‘’Your Dad? Really? Are you OK? Lena?’’ Isak tries to grab her arm but she just shrugs him off.

‘’I’m fine. I just want to go home. Is Pappa home yet?’’

‘’Do you think I would leave the kids on their own? Of course, he is home. And I think you need to explain to him what happened this evening, because I couldn’t even begin to tell him even if I tried. ‘’

Isak is fuming. He is trying to be calm. To think this through before he speaks. Because this is nothing more than what Isak himself did so many times at her age. Sneaking out so he could sleep at Even’s house. Turning up late at night, sending a text saying that he was outside and Even would buzz him in, meeting him on the stairs with a hug and a whisper. 

Lying to his mum that he had left for school early, when she questioned him. Lie after lie. Until he didn’t have to lie anymore and barely left his room. Heartbroken and destroyed. 

‘’None of your business. Just leave Pappa out of this.’’ Malena doesn’t sound too sure of herself as she walks along the pavement, Isak walking next to her with his arms crossed over his chest.

‘’Malena. I trusted you. I didn’t even question where you were going, because I thought we were friends. I thought that you respected me enough not to lie to me and mess this up. We had a good thing going on, and now we don’t. Even already thinks I am useless and a total flake, after trying to look after you guys for barely 48 hours. Now he will think that I am totally irresponsible and that I knew you were out and didn’t even question it, or ask him if it was OK. That last part is my fault. But you should have handled this as a grown up if you want to be treated like one. I am just really pissed off and disappointed. I thought I could trust you. I thought we were friends.’’

‘’We are not fucking friends.’’

‘’We fucking are. Why else do you think I am out in the middle of Oslo in my PJ’s? Do you think I am doing this for fun? You scared the shit out of me with those texts. I freaking ran here, to get you, thinking that something had happened to you. Because that is what friends do.’’

‘’You are not my friend. You are the dude that is shagging my Pappa, and it’s fucking hard to cope with OK? ‘’

At least she is not drunk Isak consoles himself. At least she is OK. Angry, yes, but she is fine.

‘’Stop.’’ He pleads. ‘’Please just stop.’’

She stands in front of him with a defiant scowl on her face. Lips pursed tight. 

‘’I’m sorry that I am so angry and upset, but I this is hard for me too. You should see it from my point of view too. It’s me against all 5 of you. I am trying so hard to make you guys at least accept that I am here, and I am desperately trying to make your Pappa understand how much I love him, and that I would do anything to make him happy. But if you guys are unhappy, that means that he will be unhappy and then I should leave. It would break my heart to leave Even, it would. But I love your Pappa more than anything in this world, and I kind of love you guys too. I love the banter you and I have when we text, it makes me laugh. I love that Morten grunts at me in the morning. I love that Mikki wants to have breakfast with me. I love that Marthe calls me Pappa Isak, however fucked up that is. I love being part of this family. It would destroy me to leave you. But you need to understand that I would, I would gladly leave if it was for the best.’’

‘’Then, why don’t you? If you are finding this so hard, why don’t you just fuck off back to your own life?’’

‘’Because my life is no life without Even. However hard these two days have been, I have loved not being alone. I have laughed. I have messed up and fucked up so many times that I have lost count, but in some ridiculous way I can’t wait to wake up tomorrow morning and do it all over again. It’s just the way it is.’’ 

Isak is rambling. Trying to make sense of the thoughts tumbling in his brain. Trying desperately to find something to say that will make Malena see what he is trying to say.

‘’We are still not friends.’’ She is pouting now. Arms tight around her body. 

‘’Maybe not friends, that might be the wrong words. But you are my support person. My wingman. The one I go to for advice. You might not want to be my friend, but I need you. I need someone to be on my side sometimes, the one I can ask for advice when I am too chicken to ask Even. Or when I have fucked up and need you to tell him so that I don’t have to tell him myself.’’

There is a little smile on her lips. Just a smirk. A softening of her features under the dim light of the street lights.

‘’So, I am your support person. And you are the one that rescues me when I fuck up and don’t want Pappa to find out.’’

He supposes that is an apology of sorts. A small humble admission of truth. 

‘’You did the right thing this evening Malena.’’ Isak’s voice is calmer now. ‘’You put yourself in a situation that didn’t feel right, and you got out of there. Then you didn’t feel safe, so you made sure that you were safe and asked for help. You did the right thing. So, in a way, yes, you fucked up, but you also proved to me that you have a good head on your shoulders and have sense. I suppose that’s a good thing.’’

‘’Thank you’’ she whispers. ‘’I’m sorry.’’

‘’I won’t say anything to Pappa, OK? But I expect you to talk to him.’’

‘’I don’t want him to know. He will be really angry and never let me go out again.’’

‘’Of course he will, but you are 16. You shouldn’t be out on your own in the middle of the city anyway. At least bring a friend Lena, don’t go out on your own. It’s just silly taking risks like that.’’

‘’Nassi told me not to, said it was stupid and that this guy was an idiot. I should probably have listened.’’

‘’Yes. Probably.’’

They stop in front of the door to the building, whilst Isak punches the code in the keylock and Malena fiddles with her phone. 

‘’Thank you for asking for my help though. It means a lot to me that you did. I just wanted you to know that.’’

‘’It’s not like I have anyone else I could call.’’

‘’That makes me feel really special Lena. Thanks for that,’’

‘’Well, you are my support person Isak. Don’t think that I won’t use and abuse you. Anything I need supporting with I will expect you to step up.’’

‘’Really? Well likewise Miss Bech Naesheim. I will expect favours. Support. Advice on how to keep your Pappa happy so he won’t leave me.’’

‘’Isak. Come on. Have you looked at Pappa lately? He is so obsessed with you that his eyes go all blank when you are around, and he has this stupid grin on his face all the time. And when you are not here he is grumpy as fuck. He would never in a million years leave you. ‘’

Well Isak has a stupid grin on his face all the way up to the apartment. Smiling so hard that his cheeks ache. 

He lets Malena walk in ahead, and verges off to the kitchen so she can go find Even. He hopes she will tell the truth, and that Even will be calm enough to see sense. He can hear them talking, just whispers of voices floating through into the kitchen. 

‘’I’m grounded for 4 weeks. ‘’ Her voice makes him jump. He didn’t even hear her come through the door. 

‘’I’m very proud of you for telling the truth. I respect that, a lot.’’

‘’Well If I hadn’t you would have ratted on me. Trust me, I know Pappa. He would have wrapped you around his little finger and made you spill.’’

‘’I wouldn’t have had to, because you are far too clever to think you could get away with lying Malena.’’

‘’Well, I kind of promised Pappa that I would take the kids to the indoor soft play tomorrow. In return for just 4 weeks of grounding instead of 8. I thought it was fair enough, and It’s kind of to say thank you to you too.’’

‘’Oh, so I am coming too? To soft play?’’ Isak smiles. He is sure he can survive a few hours of soft play.

‘’No, you twat, I take the kids to soft play. You and Pappa get 3 hours. No more, no less. That should be enough time for the two of you to get up to whatever shit you get up to. ‘’

Isak can’t help laughing. Holding his arms out so he can scoop this ridiculous girl up in a hug. She even hugs back. Just briefly. 

‘’Thank you. You are an epic wingman.’’

She just smiles before walking out, leaving him in the kitchen with a glass of water in his hand and a giggle brewing in his chest. 

‘’I love you’’ Even says as he walks over and takes the glass from Isak, drinking it down in one long go, whilst his eyebrow is cocking and his eyes are twinkling.

‘’I missed you so much.’’ Isak is plastered to Even’s chest. Arms around his neck and his face in is hair. ‘’Can I stay?’’

‘’Always.’’ Even whispers, his voice so sincere that Isak feels like crying. ‘’ Please don’t leave. I need you to sleep with me tonight.’’

‘’On your chest. With my arms around you.’’ Isak smiles into his skin. Leaves a kiss on his neck. And another. 

‘’I never want to sleep alone again Isak. You are addictive. In every possible way.’’

Isak just smiles back and for the first time in days he lets himself relax. Lets the tension in his back melt away in Even’s embrace. His arms tight around the man he loves, and his back being caressed by steady strokes.

He is home. They are all safe and home. 

www.parentingnetworknorway.no/ASKISAK/blogg/Takingthefifth.

TAKING THE FIFTH.

This week I will be answering questions about parenting courses and all your different options in things you can do to ensure that you are prepared for the birth of your baby. Both parents can benefit hugely from a wide range of knowledge preparing for parenthood, from the simple parents to be classes which serve as an excellent opportunity to meet other parents to be and make friends. Friends that will become your support networks and your allies once you have landed back home with both feet on the ground and a baby in tow. To the useful first aid courses for babies and toddlers, and more practical enjoyable courses like baby massage, baby signing and of course a wide range of Music and Movement classes. 

As I have said before, I have taught many of these classes for years, and have always praised myself for the feedback I get. I always thought I knew my range of topics, that I was educated and could raise a child blindfolded given a chance. I thought I was teaching you well.

I was wrong, and I apologize profusely. 

This is the part where I should take the fifth. Where I should, in the word of a very special 16-year-old: Shut the fuck up. I can’t though. I am going to have to tell you this. 

I spent the last 48 hours in charge of four children. E’s children. Four very reluctantly standoffish children who didn’t want me there any more than I would like to chew razor blades.

It didn’t start well. It got worse. I messed up more times than I can remember.

I would make a seriously bad parent, however many courses and lectures I run. I do not know shit. Honestly. 

So I would like to apologise most humbly for the mind-blowingly bad advice I have been dishing out to Oslo’s finest parents to be. I have been wrong. On so many levels that it is not even funny. 

For those of you signed up to one of my future classes, well don’t despair. I will be rewriting my courses. I will be telling you the truth. I will be urging you not to listen to a single word I say. 

Whilst I am still fully confident in my abilities as a midwife, and in all things related to the birthing experience, when it comes to raising your children, I have realized I have everything to learn.

I stole someones pushchair, a honest mistake, but if you were the parent who had to manage without one the other day, I hope you found it back where I took it. I didn’t mean to steal it. Honestly. Truly. I am so sorry. If it’s any consolation to you, I can assure you that my little family will never let me forget my short stint as a pram-thief. Unarmed but still dangerous.

I said the wrong things so many times I that I wanted to cry. I had no idea how to maintain a routine or deal with bedtime. I cooked an awful dinner that nobody really ate. I bought the potty that I would never have recommended anyone to buy. I outed the man I love to people he knows. And I broke someone’s heart. I think. Not bad going for 48 hours. 

I am back at work now, sitting comfortably in an office chair in the labour ward, with a baby asleep in my arms and 3 ladies birthing patiently under my care. This I can do. This is my life, where I am confident and happy. 

Yet even though those past 48 hours felt like hell at the time, I loved every minute. I laughed more than I have done in weeks. I made memories. Bonded. Giggled and cuddled. I was loved and I loved. I may have sucked at parenting these children, but I revelled in my awful attempts at adulting, and my juvenile ways of trying to make things work. It didn’t. I still loved it. I love those children. They may not know it yet, but I do. They are amazing. 

I wish you well in bringing up your children. I wish I had your patience and have the outmost respect for all of you who do this every day. For the mothers and fathers who bring your children up alone. For the parents who struggle every day. For the parents who realize they just cannot cope. I hear you all. I get it now. I understand. 

I have so much to learn. I have so much yet to comprehend. But I am grateful. Grateful and Proud that I have been given this chance, this initiation into the exclusive club of those adults who parent. Those people who I meet every day and never quite understood. 

I get it now. And I can’t wait for you to tell me how to do it right, because I am sure you will step up to the task and give me your best parenting advice for next week. Believe me, I need all the help I can get. 

Love  
Isak x

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am going to be stupidly busy for the next two weeks but I will try, desperatley, to keep updating. Please bear with me. xxx


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of Evak fluffiness as this week is slaying me and I just need to off load. So here we go. Morning cuddles galore.   
> Smut coming up in the next chapter. The boys need some release. And it will be Monday, won't it? (Wink Wink)
> 
> Sorry for the long wait, I should hopefully get another update in shortly! xxx

The weekend mornings are becoming Isak’s favourite time of the week, waking up with Marthe’s foot in his face, Mikki pressed to his chest and Even’s arm tight around his waist spooning him into the few inches of the bed that Isak has now claimed as his own. He’s the guy in the middle. The middle man. The one that gets the lumpy part of the mattress where no one else would ever sleep. He still loves it. He loves waking up like this, hot and sweaty and skin and limbs and hands and breaths. Waking up knowing his back will ache later when he is up and about, which he somehow doesn’t mind. 

Especially when he think’s back to last night. Getting carried away in the kitchen with dirty kissing and hands sneaking into pants and messy attempts at hand-jobs against the kitchen counter. Then both of them getting nervous at the thought of being caught, and giggling like little kids as they made out down the hallway, ending up with the messiest blowjob known to man against the washing machine in the bathroom. Even shooting down his throat as Isak shot all over the laundry basket. Then laughing hysterically as Isak tried to clean it off, whilst Even cleaned Isak up. With his tongue. 

Isak wasn’t sure he had two orgasms in a row in him anymore. Well he did. With Even anything is possible apparently. 

They fell asleep tangled up in each others bodies. Even whispering all the little words that Isak needed to hear in his ear, making him feel like he was floating on happiness. Safe. Loved. Not alone. 

Isak never struggled with his own company, with the long nights when he would sit awake for hours, when his body clock was so out of sync that he just couldn’t make his body relax enough to sleep. When he would sit in silence watching the sun set and rise out the living room window. Listening out for the last tram to rumble past in the street below, only to jerk out of his restless daydreams as the first tram of the morning broke the silence. Only then would he let himself fall asleep, sleeping solidly through the day with sunshine streaming through the blinds until the light would fade and Isak would sigh with disbelief that he had wasted another day. Set himself up for another night of sitting on the sofa. Alone. 

He would read. Research. Write and read up on medical journals until his brain couldn’t take anymore. Some nights he would let himself get lost in romance, in sappy films and sugary novels that made his heart ache just a little. He would wank off a lot too. Just hoping that the release would make his body tired enough to allow himself to sleep. Then throwing the pile of tissues on the coffee table in the bin, sighing in disgust with himself. 

Now he can’t even imagine going back to his apartment. The thought of sleeping in his own bed, alone, is a little bit terrifying. It’s like his body craves the warmth of his little pack. He is a lone wolf no more. Instead he is some kind of crazy wannabe wolf dad, trying to reign in the alpha wolf and his lunatic offspring. 

Which makes Isak smile again as he reaches out and pulls Mikki into his chest.

Well Mikki seems to have grown over night. And weighs a ton. And Isak sits up slightly to realize he has Morten pressed to his chest and Mikki is hanging over the side of the bed on the other side.   
Which is slightly awkward. Because if Morten wakes up like this he will be embarrassed. And if Isak pushes him away he will wake up. And Mikki will fall onto the floor and scream and everything will just go to hell. 

But there are soft lips at the back of his neck. Just breathing softly into his skin. Wet and warm.   
‘’Baby?’’ Isak whispers.  
‘’Mmm’’ comes back. Surprisingly awake. Even’s hand gripping his hip, small strokes of his fingers dancing over his skin.  
‘’What do I do with your oldest son?’’ Isak whispers.  
‘’Morten? ‘’ Even raises his head, just high enough, then cuddles back into Isak’s neck.   
‘’Just leave him. He is just cuddling. He needs some love too, he is only young, and I think we sometimes forget that he still needs to be a little boy sometimes.’’  
‘’Won’t he be embarrassed if he wakes up like this? With me?’’  
‘’Why would he? If he wanted cuddles with me he would have squeezed in between us and pushed you away. He always does, Pushes Mikki away so he can have a cuddle. So, he must have wanted an Isak cuddle.’’  
‘’Isak cuddle.’’ Isak giggles softly. ‘’Is that a thing?’’  
‘’It is now. I get Isak cuddles every night, and I love it. I think we should make it the law. I think you should stay here every night from now on, because I hate waking up without you. ‘’

‘’You wouldn’t get sick of my sorry arse lying here every night taking up all the space?’’ Isak turns his head so he can plant his lips on Even’s cheek. He can barely reach but he needs. He just needs to kiss. Touch. Feel. 

It’s a stretch but he manages to turn his body around, letting Morten move with him, so that he is stuck to Isak’s back. Breathing softly into the t-shirt he is wearing that is damp with sweat from being plastered to Even’s chest all night. 

‘’Better baby?’’ Even whispers into his temple, as Isak finds the spot he craves, letting his head relax into the space on Even’s chest that has Isak written all over it. The space where he can lie and hear Even’s heartbeat against his cheek. Where Even’s lips fit perfectly against his forehead. Where arms and legs just find their space. 

It’s almost embarrassing how loud Isak sighs. He loves this. This, right here. When it is quiet and peaceful, and it is just them. Isak and Even. Even and Isak. 

‘’I mean it Isak, I love you and I want you here. With me. You and I and the kids. All together. I want us to be a family. There is no one else for me Isak. I never thought about meeting someone else, and I would never have gone looking for anyone else. I had a wonderful life and I was grateful. I counted my blessings, and then I gave up on myself. If I hadn’t found you again I would still have been here, on my own. Wondering how I would make myself get out of bed in the morning and if there was any use to trying, trying to make this life bearable again. ‘’

‘’I’m glad you found me. I am so incredibly happy that I have you Even, you need to know that. I thought I was happy before, I thought I was OK on my own. I wasn’t, I know that now.’’

‘’Then stay. Don’t go back home. Come live with us.’’

Even blushes, when Isak looks up and meets his eye. It’s a look Isak hasn’t seen before, a look that is full of fear. Fear of rejection. Fear of having said the wrong thing. Fear of not being loved. And it breaks his heart knowing that Even even thinks that he needs to feel all those things, because he doesn’t. He never needs to doubt. Never. 

‘’Baby.’’ Isak can’t find the right words to say. So, he doesn’t. He talks with his lips, kissing this man underneath him with everything he has got. With lips and tongues and sights and moans and his hands grasping the soft hair on Even’s head. He kisses. Soft kisses on his cheeks. On his eyelids. The tip of his nose. The softness of his cheeks. Down the side of his neck. Letting his hand steady Even’s head, as he opens his eyes and meets Isak’s gaze again. 

‘’We will never be apart again.’’ Isak whispers. ‘’Never. Because I love you.’’  
‘’I love you too.’’  
‘’I just don’t want to mess up the kids, it’s a lot to get used to for them, not only that I am here all the time, but the idea that I would live here. Would they be OK with that? ‘’  
‘’Isak, they might behave like feral bunny rabbits most of the time, and Malena has enough attitude to break anyone, but you must see it Isak, you must realize that they adore you. Almost as much as I do.’’

Isak doesn’t know what to say to that. Only that his eyes prickle and he tries desperately to swallow down the sob that is brewing in his chest. 

‘’I know it will be a big change for you, and the lovely clean beautiful flat you live in, compared to this shit hole. I know it’s a mess. At least we have a new sofa that won’t give you internal injuries if you sit on it.’’  
‘’I don’t care about the mess, Even, I honestly don’t. All I care about is you, and the kids. I love your kids. I do. They’re brilliant, funny and loving and nutty and brave. And my flat is like a bloody showroom. It’s got no soul in it. It’s just this place where I kind of sat in silence. I wouldn’t say I lived when I was there.’’

‘’Well it’s a good place for, well, you know. Naughty business.’’  
Even is giggling into Isak’s forehead. His chest jumping under the weight of Isak’s head.   
‘’So, I move in here, and we use my flat for dirty afternoons full of…’’ Isak blushes a little and whispers ‘’Sex’’ into Even’s ear.  
‘’Well we could still have dirty afternoons full of, you know, here. But I kind of agree that your place is much more fun. Relaxing. Just us. No kids. No worrying about having to change the sheets so the kids don’t sleep in our mess. Because that is a little bit, well. Naughty.’’

‘’ Naughty indeed, Very naughty.’’

This is the problem. Because now Even has a bloody boner going on and Isak is nibbling at his neck and Marthe is sitting up clapping her hands and singing ‘’Bah Bah Black sheep’’ in her little voice and Mikki has just fallen out of bed. Sitting on the floor rubbing his head wondering how on earth that happened. Whilst Morten is snoring softly into the back of Isak’s t-shirt and there is a mobile phone ringing out in the living room. 

So, they all get up. Mikki settling in on the sofa with the TV on, Morten rolling over and going back to sleep with the duvet over his head, and Marthe walking around carrying her potty, planting kisses on the side of it and telling Even that it’s a ‘’Pincess Potty, because Marthe is a pretty Pincess’’. Which she is. Isak keeps telling her. Helping her remove her nappy and letting her sit on the potty in front of the TV as his mobile rings again. 

Which is why their epic 3-hour session of alone time gets cancelled as Isak gets called in for the early shift. They are seriously dangerously short of midwifes and, well, Isak doesn’t say no. I mean how could he. So now he runs around like a lunatic trying to get dressed, trying to find something that is clean to wear. Grabbing a hoodie in the hallway, before getting shouted at by Malena that if he steals her hoodie he is a dead man. Well he takes it straight off, whilst Even laughs and grabs him another jumper. Pulls him into a hug against his chest. Letting him breathe him in with little kisses. Eyes so full of love that Isak goes a little weak in the knees again.

‘’Think about it, OK? Let’s not be alone again baby. We don’t need to be alone, when we have this. When we have us, and our little family. Please at least consider it.’’  
‘’OK.’’ Isak wants to say more, but he is far too busy kissing Even. Letting his lips stick to his. Never wanting to let go.  
‘’Will you come back here tonight?’’  
‘’I might just pick up some clothes on the way, but I will come back here after. I will call you later baby. OK?’’  
‘’OK’’  
‘’I love you.’’  
‘’I love you too.’’

Which is all that Isak can think about as he sits at the reception desk on the labour ward trying to sort out his blog, with a screaming infant on his chest. Bouncing up and down on the office chair, shushing quietly in the baby’s ear and trying to soothe the distraught little one. Normally he would just switch into work mode. Just deal with everything. Straight up.   
But somehow Even has rocked his little world. Shook him out of his rut. Made him question everything he has ever known.  
He could move in with Even. Live there. Move all his things over. Not that he has much stuff, he doesn’t keep things. Has minimal clothing. Hardly cooks. Owns nothing that would be important enough to save in the event of a fire. Well, there are some photo albums. Maybe his Laptop at a push. Nah. Nothing really. 

It’s like he doesn’t belong in his old life anymore, like he has become a stranger to himself. He hasn’t got a clue who he is supposed to be anymore.

He walks down the hall and returns the now sleeping baby to his exhausted mother. Wraps him up in the blanket and smiles as the woman whispers ‘’Thank you. Thank God, he’s asleep’’.   
‘’Get some rest. He is well fed so you should be able to have at least an hour’s sleep. Use it well. I will come back and let you know when they are ready for you to be transferred upstairs.’’   
She just nods at him, and Isak closes the door behind him. 

He has 4 ladies labouring. Another 6 hours to go before he can go home. 

Home. He knows where his home is now. He is definitely going home. Home to his man. To his little family. He might have been called in for an extra shift, but it means he will be sleeping at home tonight, with Even by his side.

MALENA: Pappa is a pain in the arse. He is definitely missing you. When are you back?  
ISAK: I should be home before 8. Earlier if I can get these babies born.   
MALENA: Thank God for that. Pappa is ordering Pizza. He’s not thinking straight. He never orders Pizza for lunch.   
MALENA: Marthe is ace-ing the potty thing. She gets a cheese-doodle every time she wee’s on the potty. It’s working!   
ISAK: You shouldn’t reward her for doing what she is supposed to do anyway. Well that’s what it says in the handbook. I say fuck it. Give her cheese-doodles. Good Job.   
MALENA: (Thumbs up emoji.)  
MALENA: Raincheck on the softplay. Next weekend? I have a thing on Saturday morning, but could do the afternoon?  
ISAK: I am on nights so if you could do late afternoon? Would that work or am I pushing my luck? (wink emoji)  
MALENA: Fuck you. (3-6? You pay for McDonalds for all 4 of us and my friend Nassi.)  
ISAK: Deal. Thank you. I mean that. 

%&%&%&%&%%&

ISAK: I love you. Miss you.   
EVEN: Me too. (Heart Emoji)

%&%&%&%&%&%&%  
MORTEN: Tree.  
MORTEN: Was I supposed to say that if I just want to ask something?  
MORTEN: I just have a question.  
ISAK: Tree is for emergencies, but it doesn’t matter. Ask away. What do you want to know?  
MORTEN: Pappa says he wants to ask you to move in with us, and live here. Which is chill.   
ISAK: Thank you. It makes me happy that you think it’s chill. I love spending time with you and I would love to live with you. Your Pappa and I just need to figure out how it would all work.   
MORTEN: Well If you and Pappa live here together, you would kind of make a lot more money than when Pappa is on his own, so there would be more money for stuff, right?  
ISAK: I suppose so. I would pay half of the bills, because I would live with you and contribute to anything that needs paying.   
MORTEN: Cool. So, can I have an X-BOX5000i console then?


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy Pride Oslo People! Loving all the reports from the parade! Wish I was there! xxxxx

20

Even knows that he sounds like a broken record. He keeps telling Isak that he wants him. That he needs him. Please be my partner. Please be my family. Please love me. Please give up everything you know for me and my children. Please be mine. 

He knows he is being a dick. Bulldozing all over Isak’s feelings and trying to get him to do what Even wants. Well Even wants it all. Right now. Like yesterday. Because Even has no chill. 

The kids are all over the place, he can tell. Malena is being difficult. Mikki whinges all the time. Marthe is weeing on the floor as soon as his back is turned and Morten keeps following him around the house like he is trying to tell him something, and then clamming up as soon as Even tries to talk to him. And Even just huffs and puffs with stress and feels like he wants to curl up in a ball and shut the world out until he can get his brain back in gear.

He wants Isak to move in with them. He doesn’t have the time for anything else. He has wasted years of unhappiness already, wasted the kids’ lives with being sad, and now he is wasting precious time worrying if Isak will come home and sleep with him tonight. He hates when Isak is away. It doesn’t matter when he knows Isak is working, that is strangely kind of OK, but it’s the nights when Isak sleeps at home, without him, for no reason, that Even hates. He hates that he knows that Isak does it to give him space, to give the kids space, to take the pressure off them all. Yet when Isak is not there everything seems to fall apart. Even falls apart. He just misses him. He misses everything about him. 

EVEN: I know I am being a complete twat here.  
ISAK: What’s up baby?  
EVEN: I keep asking you to move in with us. I keep asking you to be part of my family. I keep pushing I know, and I know it’s wrong. I am putting a lot of pressure on you to do something irreversible and lifechanging and maybe premature. I don’t know. I just wanted to say sorry.  
ISAK: Don’t be a silly. You aren’t putting any pressure on me. I am here because I want to be here. I am just worried about the kids. Worried about us starting fresh. Worried about everything. I don’t want to mess up.  
EVEN: You wouldn’t ever mess up.  
EVEN: I think what I am trying to say is that you never say yes and you never say no. I just don’t really know where you are in your head. It just makes me worried.  
ISAK: Oh baby, don’t worry. In my head, I am already living with you. I have rearranged the kitchen, my books are on your bookshelves and we have bought a new bed. I am just stalling to give you time to figure this out. How this would work. Would you not get pissed off with me if I came in and started rearranging the flat and then the kids would hate me for moving stuff and having my shit everywhere. I have never lived with anyone before.  
EVEN: I think this flat needs a major shake-up anyway. I would love it. It would be a fresh start. If you are going to live here we need to make this your home too.  
ISAK: It would be easier if we bought somewhere new, but I know we can’t. It will be unsettling enough for the kids with me moving in.  
EVEN: Is that you saying YES then?  
ISAK: Maybe (Blushing face emoji)  
EVEN: Say YES.  
ISAK: YES. YES YES YES.  
EVEN: Do you know how much I fucking love you?  
ISAK: Yes, probably as much as I love you. Are you coming over at 2?  
EVEN: Yes. It’s all I can think about. I can’t concentrate on anything. I have 49 essays to grade today, and I need to choose 9 books to nominate for the Norwegian poetry awards and I am falling apart.  
ISAK: If you need to work, just say so. I will understand,  
EVEN: I need to work. Badly. But I need you more. I will have a complete meltdown if I don’t get to see you this afternoon. I need sex. With you.  
EVEN: Please.  
EVEN: And re houses, we can look at moving somewhere else if that would make you happy. I always wanted to live in a house with a garden. Maybe a ground floor apartment in one of those big houses with gardens. Something like that. The kids would be OK. We can talk to them, see what they think.  
EVEN: As long as you are with us, we can live anywhere. I mean that. You need to be happy too.  
EVEN: I love you so much.  
ISAK: You are a sappy shit. Get back to work. I am scrubbing the floor in Mikki’s room, trying to distract myself from thinking of sex. I have built 3 complete Lego models. Put 4 puzzles back together (You are missing pieces in all of them. Should I chuck them out?) Would Mikki kill me if I put his teddies through the wash? Is that a thing? Some of them smell.  
EVEN: No idea. Chuck the puzzles. Wash the teddies. Maybe. Or not. Let Mikki do it with you. Then he won’t hold it against you if the teddies all die a horrible death in the washing machine.  
ISAK: Good thinking. Now work! Stop texting. Love you.  
EVEN: Love you too. (PS. When do you want to move in?)  
ISAK: STOP TEXTING. I pretty much live here already don’t I? (Smiling emoji)  
EVEN: You know what I mean.  
ISAK: YES. Work baby. See you at 2.  
EVEN: xxxxxx 

Sondre doesn’t even knock before entering the Even’s office and parking himself in the visitor’s chair, letting the documents in his hands land heavily on the desk between them. 

‘’ Even. Seriously. You are taking the afternoon off? Again?’’

‘’Kjellstrom doesn’t mind. I have stuff I need to do.’’ Even is blushing. Guilty as fuck. He can barely meet Sondre’s eye.

‘’I know you have had a tough year, and I know things have been shit, but you are just starting to pull your shit together and I need you to keep things solid around here Even.’’

‘’Things are solid. I’ve got shit under control Sondre. Stop being an arse.’’ Even should stop now. Before he gets into a fucking argument with Sondre of all people.

‘’Even. Look. We have a meeting at 3, to do the nominations.’’

‘’Ahw Fuck’’ Yes, he remembers now. And he agreed to the meeting. He kind of has his nominations ready in his head, even though he hasn’t read any of them. The reviews were good though and he has a good grasp of content and style.

‘’Even, you know I’ve got your back. Always, but I can’t keep doing this shit forever. I have already moved the meeting to 12.30, which is in 5 minutes. As long as you are ready, we will do it now and you can fuck off and sort your crap after. But it has to stop OK? Kjellstrom is pissed off. I have had complaints from 3 students taking your literature class that you never show up to actually teach, and they all took the class to learn from you. Not Kjellstrom, however good he is, he is not you. Those kids want to say that they took your class, that they studied under the great Even Bech Naesheim. And you are letting them down dude. OK?’’

Yes, he knows. He fucking knows. 

‘’I am trying to get things under control at home. Trying to get our lives back on track again.’’

‘’I figured there is someone on the scene. I am assuming you are bringing this new woman to Stavanger?’’

‘’Woman?’’

‘’Yes, this new girlfriend you are seeing every Monday afternoon? It’s not like we all notice. You skip out the door with this cheesy grin on your face. You are getting some. It’s pretty funny Even. Sylvia and the girls are all placing bets on you getting remarried before the year is up.’’

‘’What the fuck?’’ Even actually laughs in Sondre’s face. ‘’Seriously?’’

‘’You know office gossip, we all want the story. ‘’

‘’Story?’’ Even doesn’t even know what to reply to that, but he is grinning so widely that even Sondre cracks a smile.

‘’Come on Even, I have known you long enough that you can tell me. It’s been over a year. Nobody blames you. You deserve to be happy. So, who is this lucky girl?’’

Even takes a deep breath. Tries to gather his thoughts enough to do this. To be brave. 

‘’His name is Isak.’’

‘’Isak? Like in a dude Isak?’’ Sondre is leaning forwards over the desk with a face that Even can only describe as ‘’in awe’’.

‘’Yup. Isak. Dude Boyfriend who I am trying to convince to move in with me. He is awesome and I love him. Kids love him. And I am probably delusional trying to make this work but we fucking fit Sondre, I need him like freaking oxygen and I am happy. For the first time in my life I am putting things right, making things good. So please try to give me a little slack. Things will work out. I am getting there. Just chill with me, please.’’

‘’Wow. Even.’’ Sondre leans back in his chair with his arms behind his neck. Smiling like a crazy person. ‘’How does that even happen? Have you been gay all this time and lived a lie? Or have you just decided to jump into the dark side? I mean, how do you go from a 20-year marriage and 4 kids to, well being in love with a dude?’’

Even just shrugs his shoulders. Smiling back like he just can’t help himself. Fiddling with his fingers trying to say things right. 

‘’I’m not gay Sondre, I am not bi. I am me, and I have no idea how to explain it apart from to say that I love Isak. It’s not some whim or phase or shit like that, I just love him. And he makes me irrationally happy. He is amazing with the kids. Marthe calls him Pappa Isak which makes me want to cry. With happiness. It’s just right.’’

‘’I don’t get it, but I kind of do. I must say I love it. I love that you are happy, it looks good on you. And seriously Even, I am kind of really excited to meet this Isak. What does he do?’’

‘’He’s a midwife here in Oslo. He does lots of training and courses and runs a blog on PNN, so he is fairly busy.’’

‘’Fuck me.’’

‘’No thanks’’ Even laughs. ‘’I only fuck Isak’’

‘’Wanker’’ Sondre laughs, ‘’no but he is that Isak then? The PNN guy? Carla keeps talking about him, and they talked about him on the radio the other day, the guy who met up with his crush from 20 years back? That, was you? You are this E guy??’’

‘’ Oh shit, they talked about us on the radio?’’

‘’Yeah, chicks apparently really love him and his blog, and they had some petition to get him to go on TV because people want to meet them, and see them for real.’’

‘’Yeah, Isak told me. Can you imagine? Malena would die of shame.’’

‘’The students would love it, they already all fangirl over you like you are some popstar dude, I mean you always get the most applications for your doctorate courses. It’s ridiculous. ‘’

Even laughs out loud. Again. ‘’Ridiculous is the right word. I have no idea why.’’

‘’Oh, come on Even, you do the best lectures, all dramatic and over the top. Throwing your clothes about and standing on chairs and being all theatrical about everything. The students love it. I have seen you in action, and the students are all sitting there in awe. And you know Agnetha in Languages has a crush on you, still. She has a photo of you and her as her wallpaper on her phone. Check it out next time you go and see her.’’

Even bangs his head on the desk. Smiling with giggles escaping his mouth. Letting his chest jump a little with laughter. ‘’Really Sondre? How fucking embarrassing. I don’t believe that. Agnetha?’’

Sondre just smiles and nods. ‘’Come on you wanker. Let’s go get these nominations done so you can go see your Isak dude. And I will pen him in as your +1 in Stavanger. Don’t even dare to say no, we will all want to meet him. Carla will freak. Any chance of dinner with the two of you next week? ‘’

‘’Absolutely. Let me check with Isak, I am sure he would love to.’’

‘’And please let me tell Sylvia and the girls the gossip, I am dying to see their faces!’’

‘’Really? You are going to out me to the worst gossip mongers at UiO? I mean they will have the press team up here before the day is over.’’ Even is joking, of course. But yet he is not. The radio thing is a bit of a worry. 

‘’I mean it’s better that people know than that there is gossip floating around. And someone has to break Agnetha’s heart. Gently.’’

Even just whacks Sondre on the arm. Gives him a grin. His face is red. His eyes crinkly with laughter. 

It’s good to be happy. To be free. To be himself for once. 

PAPPA: Just heads up. There is some radio petition to get Isak on TV, and he has been asked to go on Good Morning Norway to talk about us. Like in him and Me being together and stuff. Just thought you should know in case you hear anything at school  
MALENA: Why do people know about you two?  
PAPPA: Isak’s blog. He has a lot of fans apparently.  
MALENA: I read it. It’s good. He calls you E, nobody knows it’s you.  
PAPPA: Everyone at work will know by this afternoon. I might have told Sondre.  
MALENA: Fuck. Are you OK with that?  
PAPPA: Of course, As long as we don’t go on TV we should be fine. I wouldn’t do that.  
MALENA: Good. I don’t know if that would be slightly cool or worse than death. Honestly.  
PAPPA: Isak said No. I say No. We are not doing it. Don’t worry.  
MALENA: I told Nassi about Isak. She thinks it’s the coolest thing ever. She wants to meet him, which is seriously embarrassing. She is acting like he is some kind of celeb. Asked if she could have a selfie with him to put on Insta. I mean WTF.  
PAPPA: Hysterical. Tell him. He would laugh at that.  
MALENA: I did. He went bright red. I might have to make him do it. Just so I can tease him about it forever.  
PAPPA: Do it. See you later. Love you.  
MALENA: Shut up. Celebrity wannabe. Famous Isak Eh? 

Even manages to wing it through the nominations. He has kind of skimmed the book he thinks they should put through. He trusts some of the students. He trusts his instinct. He promises himself to read the ten books he puts on the table for the poetry awards. Honestly. He will read them all. Even if it kills him.

Luckily the others trust him. Why he doesn’t quite understand since he has been a shit colleague for the last year and half. He hasn’t really been involved, not contributed. He lost his passion, his drive and his enthusiasm somewhere along the way. It’s not back, not like he used to be. But there is something there. A little excitement. A sprinkle of passion showing through as he summarizes his choices, word perfect rip offs from the essays he has been grading. Not that it really matters. They are solid choices, from a wide range of styles in Bokmål and nynorsk. He even threw in a wildcard in Icelandic, from a Norwegian born poet. Why not. And the translation is good, from what the review said, especially since he trusts Hildur, who is half Icelandic herself, even though her own poetry sucks. Which Even thinks might make her a brilliant poet one day. If she can only control her style, then her words would work. 

Even is rambling again, making the others laugh. Pulling at his hair, waving the papers in his hand about, whilst raging over the sacrilege of student’s blasphemous choices in mixing words. He laughs too. He knows how carried away he gets when passion hits a nerve in him. When he just has to make his point across. He smiles, watching his colleagues laugh back at him. He smiles when Sondre squeezes his shoulder and whispers for him to ‘’get the fuck out of here’’. 

He laughs out loud at Sylvia’s face as she corners him by the coffee machine with a face full of questions. He just gives her a kiss on her cheek and whispers ‘’Whatever you heard it’s all probably true’’. Her face is a picture. And Even can’t stop laughing. 

He thinks of Sonja when he skips down the steps towards the tram. Smiles at the thought of her curling up with giggles. Because she would have laughed. She would have been in hysterics. 

In a way, Even is grateful. He will never forget all the things that Sonja taught him, how she showed him that he was loved. Even in his most ridiculous moments, she would always tell him. ‘’You are loved darling, so much. Don’t forget that. When life takes a shit at you, remember that. You are loved. ‘’

The memory wraps around him like a warm blanket, kissing his skin like summer sun. 

He feels so loved right now that it is ridiculous. 

EVEN: I am on my way.  
ISAK: I am naked.  
EVEN: I wish I was too.  
ISAK: That can be arranged.  
ISAK: Just don’t strip on the tram. It’s not a good idea.  
EVEN: I will try to control myself.  
ISAK: Good. Once you are inside my door there is a ‘’No clothes allowed rule’’ Ok?  
EVEN: Perfect. Now I have a boner. Ridiculous boy.  
EVEN: Fancy being my date for the Norwegian literature awards in Stavanger? Dinner Dancing, posh suits and staying in a hotel. Sex guaranteed. I’m easy.  
ISAK: Fuck yes. I’m there. Will your colleagues stare at me like I have two heads?  
EVEN: Nope. Well yes. I kind of outed myself today. They all know I have a famous boyfriend now.  
ISAK: Famous?  
EVEN: Famous. And I am about to fuck my famous boyfriend. Just letting you know.  
ISAK: Bring it on. Can’t wait.  
EVEN: I fucking love you so much.  
ISAK: I know. No hurry up and get here.  
EVEN: (running man emoji) (Love heart emoji)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut coming next. Promise. Sorry for dragging it out. Trying to write smut with a poker face in public. Need to find a corner of this cafe where the waitress can't read over my shoulder! Hahaha.


	21. Chapter 21

21

Isak is pacing up and down the hallway like a man possessed. He should really calm down and sit down before he makes himself have a heart attack. Really. He keeps talking to himself. Running his hands thorough his hair. Wondering what the fuck he is letting himself into.

He loves it. He loves this whole new life he is building. This morning sitting on the sofa with Mikki plastered to his front, whilst he was telling Isak all about something he had seen on YouTube. Something so ridiculously out there that Isak couldn’t help but laugh, as Mikki gave him a kiss on his cheek and promised that he would show Isak the clip on his iPad later when Pappa said it’s OK to have iPad time, and asking if Isak was allowed iPad time because if not he would have to ask Pappa. Because you must ask Pappa. And by the way Mikki would ask anyway because then Isak and Mikki can have double iPad time and watch all ten clips of ‘’The world’s scariest rollercoasters’’. Like it would be the most amazing thing in the world. 

He loves walking around with Marthe in his arms. He loves sitting opposite her when she is in the potty, singing Bah Bah black sheep over and over until she makes the potty play music and Isak pulls the bag of cheese doodles out from under the sofa to give her her reward. Which makes her squeal with delight. And Isak must have one too. He fucking hates cheese doodles but he will happily eat the whole bag just to see Marthe’s face when he grimaces in disgust as the cheesy sawdust coats his tongue. 

He loved that Morten sat next to him on the sofa. He loved that he curled into him when Isak tentatively placed his arm around him. He loved that Morten trusts him to do that, that he doesn’t flinch or move away when Isak strokes Morten’s fringe out of his eyes. 

He loves that Malena texts him. That they talk about mundane things. That she sometimes smiles when he walks into the room. That she takes the piss out of everything he does. 

The thought of him ruining what he has built is terrifying, yet he gets Even. He knows what he is saying when he says he hasn’t got the time for all the stuff they are supposed to do. Date. Take things slow. Stay over. Have time apart. Isak gets it. He truly does. 

He hasn’t got time either, and the thought of waking up with Even every morning is so tempting that his chest aches at the thought of it. He wants his things on his side of the bed. Well he wants to move the bed around so it’s below the windows, just so he can make the room his. So, he is not the one sleeping on Sonja’s side of the bed. Or Mikki’s. Or Morten's. Whatever, he wants it to be his side. With his things on the top of the nightstand. With his pillows mixed up with Even’s. With new curtains to make the room bright and happy. Yellow ones maybe. Or White. 

It’s not like he wants to erase everything that was Sonja, but he needs to make it his. 

It doesn’t really matter when Even’s key turns the lock in the door. Nothing matters. Not the thud of Even’s bag hitting the floor or the crash of Isak’s back hitting the mirror on the wall. Not the sound of their kisses breaking the silence. Not the heady moan that escapes Isak’s throat as he rips the shirt from Even’s back and pulls it over his head. He giggles at Even. He’s come prepared. The shirt is unbuttoned to his navel and the sleeves are rolled up ready to go. Not that that is important. Not when Even’s hands are around his neck and Even’s tongue is down his throat and Isak’s fingers are making light work of the trousers that fall to the floor as Even stumbles out of them whilst pushing Isak ahead of him.

‘’Bed. Now’’

Well that is all Even needs to say for Isak to start running, backwards with his arms around Even’s neck. Pulling and kicking his boxers off. Because he wasn’t quite sure weather being totally naked would be OK when Even walked through the door, or if Boxers would be better. Naked would have worked. The freaking Boxers are a pain to get off, especially since Even has gone commando and his cock is straight up red and angry rutting against Isak’s thigh whilst Even is bruising Isak’s neck and scratching lines into his buttocks. 

‘’I fucking need you. God Isak. What the hell have you done to me. I can’t wait to get inside you. ‘’

Even is wrecked. So fucking needy. Hands and mouth everywhere. It’s like he doesn’t know where to start. Weather to kiss or taste or just take. And Isak would let him. There is nothing Isak would say no to right now. 

‘’Just go slow.’’ Isak whispers. ‘’You can have me, anyway you want. But I haven’t done this for a while so, well, go slow. ‘’

Even stops, his hair wild, and his eyes on fire. Let’s his lips kiss Isak’s mouth. Just soft and heady, letting his eyes pierce Isak’s.

‘’I would never ever hurt you. Never. Tell me what to do. Show me. Take my hand and show me how you like it.’’ Even’s voice is like sandpaper, rough and hoarse whilst Isak just smashes his mouth on his and takes him. Kisses him. Devours the taste of him. 

They don’t speak. Isak just takes the lube from the side and coats his hand. Lets their fingers entwine as he stares at him. Lets himself drown in those eyes to the soundtrack of their fingers grasping. Sloppy skin against skin. 

‘’Touch me. Please. ‘’ Isak begs. He doesn’t know where this pathetic desperate voice is coming from but somehow, he needs this today. He needs Even to take control. To make him forget all the doubts in his head. He needs Even let him disappear and just feel, just for a little while. 

He closes his eyes. Reaches down and slicks Even’s cock up with his fingers. Just soft strokes against his shaft as Even humms into Isak’s neck. Moans coming thick and fast as Even’s fingers stroke Isak’s cock. Moans that get mixed up with whimpers and sighs as Even’s fingers cup his balls, letting the slick lube coat his skin whilst Even’s mouth sucks on his nipple. 

The sound of the cap of the lube clicking almost startles him as Even gently moves his legs. Positioning him like a mannequin whilst his mouth is trailing down his stomach, making his cock pump pre-come with every faint touch of Even’s lips against his skin. 

‘’ I love you Even. I love you’’ That’s all Isak manages to say. There’s nothing more he can make his mouth form. Not when there is a finger stroking his rim. Softly parting the skin, whilst there is a hot mouth licking the pre-come trailing down his cock, the fluid running slowly down his shaft for Even’s tongue to chase. 

‘’I love how you taste. Makes me fucking crazy’’ Even moans, whilst his tongue flicks around the head of Isak’s cock. Like some fucking pro. Like Even has spent the last 20 years doing nothing but sucking cock, and ace-ing at it. 

‘’Nggngn’’ Isak’s mouth is trying, he is trying to say words. But his hips are arching off the bed and Even’s mouth is licking his balls and there is a finger that is almost all the way up his arse, and Isak is losing his shit. Sweating profusely and twitching with every flick of Even’s tongue. Grasping the pillow above his head and twisting his torso when the sensations threaten to become too much. 

Because it is almost too much. Too good. Just being allowed to lie here and let Even wreck him. Isak knows that is what he is doing. Isak is falling apart. Just letting himself go. Forgetting all about that he doesn’t really like bottoming. That the last time he did this he hated every second. That he had promised himself never ever to let anyone else ever make him feel like that. Out of control and cheap and used and sore. Yet here he is, spreading his legs and arching up to meet Even’s tongue that is licking his rim, fighting for space with the two fingers that are pushing up into Isak’s passage. Cold lube drizzling over his skin, and Even’s breath hot against his hole. 

‘’Where is your prostate, am I hitting it??’’ Even’s voice is barely there. 

‘’Hard lump. Up a bit. Fuuuuuuuckck’’

‘’Is that it? ‘’ Even lifts his head up and tries to meet Isak’s eyes. Isak’s eyes that are so firmly squeezed shut that Even can’t help giggle.

‘’Am I doing OK baby? Making you feel good?’’ Even’s voice is full of laughter and Isak just moans, embarrassingly loudly as Even’s fingers touch that spot, over and over. 

‘’How do you feel baby?’’ Why is Even still talking? Isak’s brain is struggling now. Just fucking keep doing that and Isak will be the happiest man on earth. Like forever. 

‘’Ahhhhrgh…Oh… all loose. Sloppy.’’ Isak needs a filter. He hasn’t got a clue what makes him talk. ‘’Just get inside me. I need you. Your cock. In me.’’ 

Not only is he spurting out embarrassingly ridiculous words, but his body can’t seem to keep still, and his arms are trying to get Even back up so he can kiss him whilst at the same time almost screaming for Even to ‘’get your tongue up my arse.’’ 

If Isak wasn’t so far gone he would die of shame. Instead he laughs. His eyes squeezed shut and his cheeks burning up and sweat rolling down his forehead as Even’s soft giggles bounce against his neck. His breath on his forehead. His lips on his lips. Tasting of sex and come and musk and scents that he can’t quite put his finger on. Not that he cares. Smiling like a deranged lunatic into Even’s mouth. Letting his legs wrap around Even’s waist. His hips arching up and wriggling until he feels Even’s cock right there. Pushing gently against his hole. 

‘’Don’t hold back. Just go. Fuck me. Please. Please just fuck me. I want to feel you. Know what it feels like when it’s good. Please make it good.’’ Isak doesn’t know who is speaking. All he knows is that it’s not him. It’s definitely not him.

‘’I’ll look after you baby. I will always look after you.’’ Then Even’s voice is there. And his eyes are there. Piercingly blue staring into his and Isak is just mesmerized. Stunned by the look in his eyes as his cock begins to push inside of him. Not even blinking when the pressure builds. Because nothing matters. This is Isak and this is his Even, and where there once was two there is now one, and if this was the end of the world, right now, Isak would die happy. He has everything he ever needs right here as his legs push against Even’s back, driving him further inside him. 

Isak thinks he might pass out. Because fucking Even was amazing. It made him feel like a king. Fucking king of the fucking world. But this is something completely different. Giving himself to Even like this. Knowing that he must feel all those things right now, the pressure around his cock. The hard slide of skin. The slickness of lube. 

The condom. They fucking forgot about the condom. Not that he is going to stop Even now, not that Even would be able to stop. Not with that glazed look in his eyes and the way his breaths have gone all funny and the jerked twitching he has going on with his hips on top of Isak. Instead Isak laughs. Smiles into Even’s hitched breath as he urges him to move. Pushes with his legs alternating with rolling his hips to make Even slide out. 

It’s amazing. It’s freaking breath-taking. Isak’s fingers are scratching lines into Even’s shoulders. Even’s head resting awkwardly against Isak’s face as his movements become stronger. Hard drag out and fast slam in. Sloppy skin hitting flesh with slaps and moans and shouts. Isak might be shouting. Might be screaming for Even to go faster. Harder. More. 

In and out. Drool dripping from Even’s mouth as his voice starts to build. A long drawn out moan that is rising to a scream. His body twisting into a frozen state above him as Even’s orgasm claims him. As his body curls and his arms fold in around Isak’s body and his breath is held for the longest time. 

It’s all it takes for Isak to let go. To let himself rock those final jerks against Even’s cock. He comes. Hard. Shooting in between their bodies with a strangled moan. His legs shaking with the strain of being held up for so long. His veins tingling with the lack of blood to his limbs. His heart so full that he thinks he might just explode. 

‘’I don’t know what to say baby’’ comes Even’s voice from somewhere on his chest. Barely there. Soaked in breaths and awe.

‘’Then don’t. I know. I know.’’ Isak still doesn’t recognize his voice. Not that he would call it a voice. He is croaking out his words.

‘’I never ever felt anything like this before. I never had sex like this before.’’

‘’Me neither’’ Isak whispers. Trying to get his arms wrapped up tight around Even’s body, hating the feeling of the limp cock sliding out of him.

‘’I think I want your cock up my arse forever. We should just stay like that. You inside me.’’

‘’That’s not fair. I want to get fucked too.’’ Even has managed to raise his head. His face flushed and his hair damp sticking to his forehead like he has just showered. 

‘’I think we need a clean-up’’ Isak laughs. 

‘’Not yet’’ Even whispers, burying his drenched face in Isak’s chest. ‘’Need to cuddle first. I can’t make my legs work. Too wrecked to move’’

‘’Even. I hate to tell you, but you kind of forgot the condom.’’

‘’Oh fuck!’’ Even’s face is back up. Looking terrified. ‘’Oh Isak, I’m so fucking sorry!! I never even thought! I don’t know what came over me! Oh baby!’’

Isak just laughs. ‘’It’s amazing without those slippery fuckers. I loved it. And we need to get rid of those things anyway. I will get blood tests arranged for us and we can make sure we are both clean, which we should be anyway, but better be safe eh. Then we will ditch the condoms. Totally. ‘’

‘’You see, I fuck up. I get carried away with shit. I’m impulsive and unreliable and a little crazy sometimes. Are you sure you want to move in with me?’’

‘’Absolutely. Never been more sure of anything in my life.’’ 

Just saying those words are worth everything. Just to see the look on Even’s face. The way his eyes are shining. Twinkling and bright in the evening light. 

‘’Then come home with me now. And never leave again. Would you do that for me? Make me stop worrying every day weather you will sleep at ours or come here and sleep for no reason. I hate when you are not with me. So please, say that you will always stay with me. Sleep with me every night, when you are not working. I get that. That you need to work night. But all the other times. Stay with me.’’

The lump in Isak’s throat is threatening to tip him over the edge. The tears prickling in his eyes are not helping either. 

It’s the sob that comes out of his throat that makes Even wrap him up in his arms like a baby. Hold him tight against his chest as the tears fall down his face and his sobs slowly die down. Soothes him with whispers and kisses until he feels slightly like himself again. Warm and sweaty against Even’s chest. Held tight and safe in his arms. Loved. So fucking loved that he can’t even start to figure out where he should go from here. Apart from home. 

‘’Lets’s go home Even.’’ He whispers. ‘’I want to go home.’’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update will hit next week. Happy Pride and Happy summer everyone!! xxxx


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're back! Yay! Updates should flow thick and fast this month!
> 
> Notes for this chapter: I do realize that journalism in Scandinavia is much more respectful in some aspects and that names and allegations would not necessarily be allowed to be printed in the way that I describe in this chapter, but just humor me with this, and let me get away with it, as it's just make believe and is part of the story.

To: isak.valtersen@kvinneklinikken-oslo.no  
From: hedda.sorrentino@UniHospitalpressoffice-oslo.no  
Subject: This week’s requests  
Hi Isak.  
We are getting overwhelmed with requests to contact you, and I think you need to come in and have a chat with us asap to figure out how we are going to deal with this surge in interest in you as a person. Please see below some of the things we need to discuss.  
-You have had 683 applications to join your ‘’Parents to be’’ seminar next week. There are 25 places on your course. We cannot cope if these people turn up. We need to discuss having security on the door, and an approved list of local genuine pregnant residents assigned on your courses from now on.  
-The admin team have received over 500 requests for appointments and transfer of care to you. We are sending out a standard letter of reply now thanking them for their interest in our hospital.  
-Dagbladet, and VG are constantly asking for interviews. ‘’Se og Hor’’ are being a pain in the ass. Sorry but their reporter is deranged.  
-I have blocked the lady from Good Morning Norway, but I still get her emails. They are still desperate. Their words, not mine.  
-NRK are asking for a meeting to discuss a fly-on-the-wall documentary style project on the labour ward here, which in theory is a great idea and something we would gladly consider. They are adamant that they want you to feature in it. I am coming down to the Labour ward staff meeting on Thursday to put it forward to all the staff. (Between you and me, I think every single person on the labour wards deserves their own TV show, and I am slightly terrified of the thought of letting Magnus Fossbakken loose on live TV, but I trust you Isak. Think about it.) The NRK project manager is Vilde Hellerud Lien, she might contact you directly.  
Finally, you have a box of gifts and letters that have been left for you that is taking up space downstairs in reception. Hanne and Jane, have been very patient and accommodating with dealing with your ‘’fans’’. Can you please pop down and collect it at some point? (And buy the girls some chocolate, they deserve it.)  
I have time to meet with you on Tuesday evening before your shift, say 5.30? It’s urgent that we start dealing with some of these issues.  
Best,  
Hedda

They walk hand in hand home, with Marthe asleep on Even’s back, and Mikki running ahead, skipping down the pavement singing some alphabet song he has learned at school. Over and over again until Isak is quite sure he will be humming it whilst delivering babies through the night. 

Even keeps just looking over at Isak, just catching his eye. Smiles and giggles at the blush that keeps creeping over Isak’s cheeks with every squeeze of Even’s hand. The warmth that spreads through Even’s veins when Isak looks at him, just the way his eyes widen, dark and black with hardly any colour visible in his irises, until Even’s stomach jolts and his smile is so wide that he just has to look away.

It’s a heady feeling, knowing how loved he is. That Isak is doing all this for him, for Even. Who he still remembers is a bit of an arsehole plonker with a temper and four uncontrollable children who lives in a shithole and is barely managing to keep his job afloat. Because the Even he knows that he is under this love hazed surface, the real Even, doesn’t deserve to be this happy. This content. This loved. The real Even is terrified that everything is going to crash down around him, leaving him broken and destroyed and his children damaged for ever. He can see it all. He can feel the despair brewing in the back of his mind. If he lost this, if this went bad, he doesn’t think he could go on. The real Even behind the smile wants to grab Isak and lock him in the flat and never let him leave again. With the children. All safe and warm and curled up in the safety of arms, imprisoned in his heart. 

Even is writing ridiculous poetry in his head again, words that he wouldn’t hesitate to fail his students for if they actually had the guts to print them on paper. Even should not be allowed anywhere near pen and paper right now, because the words he would put down would be a pathetic jumbled mess of feelings that would land him right up there with the deranged poets of history. 

Instead he squeezes Isak’s hand and wipes away the tear that is forming in the corner of his eye as Isak chases after Mikki and swings him around on the path. Mikki who is howling with laughter and squealing when Isak lifts him up on his shoulders. Mikki who won’t stop talking and keeps calling Isak ‘’Pappa Isak’’. Just like Marthe. 

And Isak holds his hand. Strokes Even’s skin with the pad of his thumb. Leans over and lets his lips softly meet Even’s. Isak kisses him right there on the path. With people milling past and the evening sun shining through the trees and Even’s heart beating so hard that his ribs ache. 

Even should not be allowed to be this happy. He doesn’t deserve it. He is a remarkably crap human being in every sense of the word. He shouts too much, he skips his lectures, he treats his students like shit. He barely knows how to parent, and he doesn’t have a clue how he is going to make Isak love him as much as he loves Isak. He doesn’t have the faintest grasp on how to make Isak happy, how to make him stay, how to make him his forever and ever. 

It was so easy with Sonja, the way they just lived. They had just co-existed in a comfortable routine of family life and laughter. With Isak, this time around, Even wants it all. He wants it to be real. He wants the fucking fairy-tale where he skips off in the sunset with the love of his life. Where he loves like his life depends on it. 

Even is not a religious person, he gave up on God in all his forms a long time ago. Yet he prays. He prays to anyone that will listen to his pathetic requests and pleas. He prays so hard that his knuckles around Isak’s hand turn pale and Isak’s hand grips him back. Like he can read his mind and knows exactly what Even is thinking.

No Even definitely doesn’t deserve Isak. Yet Even smiles into the sun, and holds Isak’s hand even tighter. 

To: hedda.sorrentino@UniHospitalpressoffice-oslo.no  
From: isak.valtersen@kvinneklinikken-oslo.no  
Re: This week’s requests  
See you Tuesday evening. I am slightly terrified now, I didn’t realize that there was so much craziness going on. I am sorry about all the extra work the PNN blog is creating.  
Hedda, the privacy and protection of my family is my main concern and I have zero interest in being the public face of the hospital or such. Just so you know. I will decline all interviews that are not of a professional matter. Happy to speak to the Midwifery journal, and The Norwegian Medical weekly, but that is about it.  
Rgds Isak 

%&%&%&%&%&&%&%&%&%&

To: even.bech.naesheim@UiO.no  
From: sondre.paulsen.rehfsem@UiO.no  
Re: Your Isak  
Even,  
Carla just showed me an Isak Valtersen Facebook group she is part of. Your Isak is quite the celeb! I haven’t told her that I have asked the two of you over for dinner, or that you are this secret boyfriend of his. She is going to freak out. I may just become the husband of the year after this! Are you free Friday night? Dinner at 7?  
www.facebook.com/groups/ISAKVALTERSENSYUMMYMUMMIES  
Sondre

%%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%%%&&&%&&

To: sondre.paulsen.rehfsem@uio.no  
From: even.bech.naesheim@uio.no

Sondre,  
I’m not on Facebook, but Isak might be. Will check it out. Dinner at 7 sounds good, Isak is working nights but doesn’t start until late, so I can take him in after. Give my love to Carla and the kids.  
Even

%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&&

MALENA: Pappa have you seen this crap?  
MALENA: PAPPA! I am not dealing with this shit! Who are these people? Where the fuck did they get that photo? People at school are talking, it’s on the fucking front page of VG!  
MALENA: www.vg.no/news/IsakValtersen’smanrevealedmarriedfatheroffourleaveswifeforcelebritymidwife.  
MALENA: We have to stop this shit. They are saying that you left Mamma for Isak. They are making him out to be horrible. Do they even know that Mamma died? I hate this. I hate everything. Fucking Isak.  
PAPPA: We are home now, come home baby girl and we will fix this shit. Love you. 

%&&%&%&%&%&%&%&%%&%&%&%&

There is nothing serene and peaceful about being at home. It’s not like Isak can throw himself on the sofa and check his emails. It’s not like he can curl up on Even’s lap and get lost in kisses and touches and the warmth of skin. 

Even is stressed, texting Malena and trying to find something half edible in the fridge that they can turn into some kind of meal. Mikki is on the floor rolling around begging to have iPad time, whilst Marthe is on the potty with Isak on the floor in front of her, loudly and badly singing the alphabet song and coaxing a cheese doodle in front of her. A girl cheese doodle apparently who is doing crazy dancing in the air in front of Marthe, trying to avoid getting eaten by Marthe the monster. 

Then the door slams and Malena is shouting at Even and Morten comes into the living room with his shoes still on and throws himself on the sofa.

‘’Shoes Morten, please’’ Isak begs. He knows what will happen. More shouting. Stressed Even. And Grumpy pissed off Malena. It’s a recipe for disaster already. At least the potty is playing music and Marthe is sucking the cheese doodle into her mouth with a delighted squeal. 

‘’You are on the front of VG today. Malena is pissed off. She says they are writing lies about you and Pappa and she hates you.’’

‘’Oh’’ Well Isak thinks ‘’Shit’’ would have been more appropriate. Or ‘’FUCK’’. He also wonders why nobody has told him until how. Has he not got any friends that could have warned him? Well he supposes all his friends either work nights or don’t fucking read bloody VG. 

‘’Did Malena tell you what they wrote?’’ There is something deep and dark brewing in Isak’s stomach. Something uncontrollable and feral that Isak can only think must be some insane reflex of protection. Some instinct to keep his family safe. Because if bloody VG have in any way insulted his family then he is going to take them down. Piece by Piece. Limb by Limb. And it won’t be pretty. 

‘’She said it was all lies and bloody bullshit’’. Morten is shrugging his shoulders and pushing his shoes off, letting them land on the floor with a thud. 

‘’Are you OK? Did anyone say anything to you?’’

Morten just shrugs his shoulders and looks away. And Isak just wants curl up on the floor with Mikki and forget about the world out there. Where he has most probably fucked up majorly again. Why the hell couldn’t he just have kept his blog to fucking work. Nothing personal. He could have changed his fucking name for god’s sake. Been a bit clever about it.

‘’Morten, please just put your shoes away. Or at least hand them to me and I will put them out in the hallway before Malena shouts the house down.’’ Well Malena is shouting in the kitchen and Isak is balancing the potty in one hand and grabbing the shoes off Morten as he walks out in the hallway.

‘’It’s fucking embarrassing Pappa, they make Isak sound like some homewrecker and you come across as some bisexual slut.’’ Isak can just make out Malena’s voice from the bathroom as he cleans out the potty. 

‘’They don’t exactly write that, do they?’’ Even sounds calm. Calmer than Isak right now.

‘’Well that is what they imply. And people are stupid enough to believe it. Then there is the photo of you and Mamma on the front, I mean what are people supposed to think? And how did they find out?’’

‘’I don’t know Lena, but we will sort it out. It’s ridiculous anyway, and anyone who knows us knows the truth, don’t they?’’

‘’Granny and Granddad don’t. They will read this shit and think you have lost your mind. I am surprised Granny hasn’t been on the phone to you already.’’

‘’She has, I had two missed calls earlier. Shit. Fuck. Fuck Fuck Fuck’’ Even is pulling at his hair again. Stomping around in the kitchen with a spatula in one hand and Malena’s phone in the other. 

‘’What is going on?’’ Isak tries to reign Even in, tries to get him to stand still, wraps his hands around his face and steadies him until he is looking him in the eye. Slowly slowing his breaths down and meeting Isak’s lips. Just softly until he can think clearly again. 

‘’We’re Ok baby’’ Isak says, still holding Even’s face tight. ‘’We are fine.’’

‘’I’m not fine Isak, this is a bloody nightmare! Do you have any idea what I had to deal with in school today? This idiot year 3 dude coming up to me and calling my Dad a fucking cheating faggot? If Nassi hadn’t pulled me away I would have freaking landed him one.’’

‘’You should have, I would have come in and helped!’’ Even pants. 

‘’Even, violence solves nothing, Malena, well done for keeping your cool’’ Isak has both hands out now, trying to decide who to reign in first. Even who is stomping around again, throwing sausages into boiling water, or Malena who looks like she wants to cry.

‘’I called him every name under the sun. Fucking wanker’’ Malena blows her nose.

‘’Language Malena’’ Isak tries, but she only glares at him.

‘’I was defending you too Isak, I don’t know why, but that article is vile.’’ 

‘’Thank you.’’ Isak whispers. ‘’Should I read it?’’

‘’It will make you angry.’’ Malena nods to Even who hands Isak the phone. 

‘’VG Exclusive.’’ Isak reads aloud. ‘’PNN’s celebrity midwife blogger Isak Valtersen has finally revealed the identity of his elusive lover that he has intimately described on his weekly blog, captivating Norway as his enthralling love triangle drama has enfolded. Isak Valtersen has become the most sought after midwife at Oslo’s university Hospital since he started sharing his love life online. He has developed a following of devoted fans, who are creating face book groups and petitioning shows like Good Morning Norway to bring Isak on TV to finally be shown live for Norway to see. VG can exclusively reveal that Isak Valtersen is dating University Lecturer Even Bech Naesheim, known on the PNN blog as ‘’E’’, a married father of four, who teaches Media and the Arts at UiO. ‘’ Isak stops briefly and catches Even’s eye. ‘’What the fuck is this crap? Can they get anything right?’’ Isak’s face is red and Even is bashing the sausages with a fork making the boiling water splash over the sides of the pan. 

‘’Even Bech Naesheim is married to Sonja Haraldsen, a researcher at BioNord in Oslo. They have been married for 20 years and have four children. We have tried to reach both Even and Isak for comments’’ Isak shakes his head and hands the phone back to Malena. ‘’I am going to contact the press office at the hospital, I am sure Hedda would have an idea what to do.’’

‘’I say we do nothing.’’ Even snarls and throws handfuls of pasta into a pan. ‘’Let people gossip. Let people gorge on freaking scandalous stories and by tomorrow it will all be forgotten.’’

‘’I still have to go to school. I still have to deal with this shit tomorrow, listening to idiots talk behind my back.’’

‘’I will come into school with you in the morning, and speak to the headmaster. I don’t give a shit about gossip, but they have a duty to protect you. ‘’ Even says crossing his arms over his chest.

‘’Yeah, that would go down well. Everyone would take photos of you and post on insta. ‘’

‘’Bullshit. They are not interested in me. ‘’

‘’I think you are right baby.’’ Isak says, leaning back against the kitchen counter. ‘’I will talk to Hedda, but I think if we just leave this, and then somehow get the truth out, then that journo will have egg on his face. Fucking wanker. I kind of want to go on that Good Morning Norway show now and just throw shade on him. Call him out. Bad research, article full of shit and no clue about human dignity. I would love to have him come on with us. Fucking trolling idiot. ‘’

‘’Language Isak!’’ Malena giggles. ‘’That would actually be quite good. You would ace that.’’

‘’Are you going on TV then?’’ Morten says as he sits himself down at the kitchen table with a thud. Throwing his arms on the surface and letting his chin rest on his hands.

‘’No, well, maybe. I don’t know.’’ Isak says. ‘’What do you think Morten?’’ 

‘’Nothing.’’ Morten sighs. ‘’Nobody has said anything to me, I mean I don’t care.’’

‘’You know you can speak your mind Morten, your views and opinions are important too.’’ Even replies. ‘’Malena, what do you think?’’

‘’Family meeting. Now. With dinner.’’ She says, dragging her chair over to the table. 

‘’Family meeting?’’ Isak questions. 

‘’Yeah, it’s where we all sit around the table and shout at each other and throw food and then we all hate each other until the next morning. ‘’ Morten sighs. 

‘’MIKKIIII Dinner!!!’’ Even shouts and Marthe raises her arms to Isak and says ‘’Pappa Isak’’ like nothing is wrong with the world. 

She knows. Because she wraps her arms around his neck and Isak melts into a puddle of goo. ‘’Pappa Isak’’ she whispers as she plants a wet kiss on his cheek. And Isak just can’t let go. He carries her over to the sink to fill glasses of water, as Even loads plates with Pasta and sausages. 

‘’We need to eat vegetables.’’ Malena mutters. 

‘’I hate vegetables’’ Morten snarls.

’’Ketchup is tomatoes’’ Even bangs the ketchup bottle down on the table. ‘’So there, tomatoes. Part of your five a day.’’

‘’No ketchup’’ Mikki puts his hands over his plate. ‘’I hate ketchup’’

‘’You love ketchup!’’ Even almost shouts.

‘’No Kecchupp’’ Marthe sing songs.

‘’Sit down, please’’ Isak pleads as Marthe’s legs refuses to bend into the highchair.

‘’Family meeting!’’ Malena yells. 

‘’I have a thing to talk about’’ Morten shouts.

‘’Morten. Speak’’ Even sits down next to Isak and hands him a plate. 

‘’I need a haircut’’

‘’I can take you on Saturday morning. No problems’’ Even gets his phone out to make a note.

‘’No, I don’t want to go to that woman at the Coop, she cuts it so I look like a dork. ‘’

Even puts the phone down. ‘’She cuts it fine. Just tell her how you want it.’’

‘’I want Isak to take me to where he gets his hair cut. His hair is cool.’’ Morten sits back in the chair and puts a forkful of pasta in his mouth. 

‘’I go to a place in Frogner, I will take you. No probs. We can have a day out. ‘’ Isak smiles a little. Feeling all warm again. 

‘’I want a haircut with Isak too’’ Mikki pipes up. 

‘’OK, we can have a boy’s day out. Haircuts. Pizza. Stuff like that.’’

‘’No Mikki is a baby, I want to hang out with Isak, and do like grown up stuff. ‘’

‘’I want to come too’’ Mikki howls, with tears threatening to run down his face.

‘’Calm, calm, Isak declares, trying to wave his arms in the air and feed Marthe a piece of sausage at the same time. ‘’Morten and I will do haircuts one day next week after school, and Mikki and I will do haircuts another day. OK?’’ Isak is sweating a little bit now, stuffing a forkful of bland pasta in his mouth and chewing furiously as he tries to compose himself.

‘’I want to add something too.’’ He tries to keep his voice calm. ‘’Can I add some things to the shopping order? I would like to try to cook some dinners for you, some different things for you to try. Would you let me? You can ask if there is anything you want me to cook and I can try to make it. Would that be OK?’’ He tries to meet Even’s eye, hoping that this is OK.

‘’I like Taco’s’’ Malena states. ‘’And stewed macaroni. Dad doesn’t know how to make it.’’

‘’Waffles’’ Morten mutters. ‘’Do you know how to make waffles?’’

‘’Nutella sandwiches.’’ Mikki’s face is a picture, smiling like the sun.

‘’You can’t have Nutella sandwiches for dinner you plonker’’ Morten throws a piece of pasta at Mikki who starts to wail like he has had his arm chopped off. 

‘’Please kids just calm down’’ Even pleads and lifts Mikki up on his lap. ‘’I need to ask you something very important’’

‘’Are we all going on TV to trash this journalist?’’ Morten asks with a grin on his face.

‘’No, seriously, this is important.’’ Even goes quiet and grabs Isak’s hand under the table. 

‘’Isak and I want to live together, and I have asked Isak to move in with us. To live here all the time, with us, as a family. Would that be OK?’’ 

‘’I thought he already did’’ Malena snarls. 

‘’I don’t want to move to a new house. I like it here.’’ Morten stops eating and just stares at Isak.

‘’We are not moving to a new house. Not now. Maybe if we all talk about it and decide to look for a bigger house we can do that. Look around and see if we can find a house that we all like. It’s something we can talk about but for now we will all live here. ‘’ Isak takes a deep breath. ‘’I just need you to know that I might move some things around, and bring my things over here and it might annoy you and you might not like what I do, but please just talk to me and tell me if I put things somewhere where you don’t like it. ‘’ 

Isak is rambling, his hands shaking in Even’s grip. Even who takes his hand from underneath the table and brings it up so he can kiss his fingers. Mouths ‘’I love you’’ over and over again whilst the children squabble and talk nonsense over each other and Isak let’s himself get lost in Even’s eyes. Let’s himself breathe and calm down, his lips on Even’s lips. Right there at the table whist Morten makes disgusted noises and Malena shouts ‘’Get a room’’ whilst throwing her plate in the sink and Mikki has taken all his clothes off and Marthe is eating pasta. With a fork. Like nothing else matters. 

Isak thinks about it whilst he washes up and Even puts the children to bed. He thinks about it as he wipes down the kitchen table and gathers the laundry that litters the floor in the hallway. He thinks about it when Even comes back out in the living room and drags Isak off the sofa into his arms. 

‘’When do you need to leave for work baby?’’  
‘’Just after 9. Tram leaves at 9.12’’  
‘’That gives us 20 minutes. Can you come in 20?’’  
‘’Come where?’’ Isak laughs.  
‘’Come, Like in Come. Like I can make you come.’’ 

Even’s face is blushed. Crinkled around the eyes. Smiling as he kisses Isak. Kisses him with his hands around his face, with his tongue sweeping over Isak’s bottom lip. His eyes begging. The way only Even can do, looking at Isak in that way that makes Isak’s knees buckle underneath him.

So Isak follows. Follows Even’s hand that brings him into the bathroom, still misted from the children’s baths. The mirror clouded with fog and the sink damp with pearls of water as Isak leans back against it with Even’s body pressed hard against his. 

‘’I just want to leave you with something to remember me by when you go to work tonight,’’ Even whispers into his ear. ‘’I want you to think of me, lying in bed thinking of you.’’

Which is all it takes for Isak to get hard. Not that he wasn’t kind of at half-mast before with Even’s tongue teasing the back of his throat, but it’s ridiculous how just the sound of Even’s voice in his ear, the warmth of his breath on Isak’s neck, and the soft touch of Even’s fingers can bring Isak to a state where he can barely speak. Just hiccup into Even’s hair as, there is a mouth kissing down his chest, on top of his t-shirt. There are fingers unbuttoning his jeans, pulling the fabric over his hips. Warm breath kissing the cotton of his boxers, and fingers stroking his skin. 

He doesn’t need 20 minutes. It’s probably less than 4 minutes later that Isak is whimpering and squirming in front of the sink, his forehead sliding against the mirror on the wall, whilst Even has his tongue up his arse, that is deliciously sore and stinging with the intrusion of the one finger that is sliding in and out of his passage. 

It’s embarrassing how hard he is biting his lip as the click of the cap on the bottle of lube startles him from the haze he is in. He tries not to scream when Even’s cock breaches him. He is too far gone to care that it stings just a little. He still want’s this. He needs this. This. Right here. Right now. 

‘’I love you so fucking much Isak. ‘’ Even croaks into his ear, whilst his groin pushes into Isak’s behind, cock fully seated inside him. Both gripping onto each other’s hands either side of the mirror, whilst Even’s tongue licks up the side of Isak’s exposed neck, tasting the beads of sweat rolling down his skin. 

‘’I need you, I want you to move. I want you to fuck me. Hard. Like this. ‘’ Isak hisses, pushing his arse back into Even. Nudging him to move. Letting one hand fall, dragging Even’s hand onto his hip. Urging him on. Silently begging. 

And that is what he does. Quiet and determined, fast moves against the slapping of skin. Isak’s head hanging down between his arms. Even’s hips pistoning his length in and out of Isak as the tension builds though his veins. His words slurring as he tries to get them out. ‘’Harder’’ ‘’Faster’’ ‘’More’’ ‘’Give it to me, I can take it. I need you. I need you to make me come. I need you to fuck me’’ Words that will make Isak blush when he thinks of them later. Images that will flash across his mind and make him cringe when he dares to remember that the kids can probably hear them. That he needs to be quiet. That he needs to come. That he needs Even more than he can ever comprehend. 

It's Even’s hand that snakes round the front of him that pushes him over the edge, the jagged drag of his hand tugging at his cock, whilst Even’s breath hitches on his shoulder and his body freezes against Isak’s back. He can smell him. The come. The sweat. The breath wet against his skin. His body shudders with release as Even’s hand stills around him. Gently stroking the orgasm out of his body. Letting him release all over the sink. On the floor. Splatters of come landing on his socks. 

‘’I was only going to blow you, that was the plan’’ Even giggles against his neck. ‘’I got carried away. I just can’t stop myself around you.’’ There are kisses. Kisses on lips. Kisses on cheeks. Little kisses on Isak’s hands as Isak tries to get his clothes back on. Wet towels mopping up the mess on the floor. Isak’s arse wet and damp between his cheeks in his cotton briefs. 

‘’I will feel you all night.’’ Isak whispers in Even’s ear, his arms tight around his body, pulling him in and never wanting to let go. 

‘’I will feel you too. I love how you feel around me. I love how you feel inside me too. I love everything about you.’’

‘’We will deal with all the shit tomorrow baby. I’m sorry about all this crap that is happening. I’m so sorry for dragging Sonja into it, I can’t believe they wrote that. ‘’

‘’It’s out of our control Isak. We will just have to deal with it. It will be yesterday’s news tomorrow. As long as I have you, and you have me, we will be fine. Promise.’’ Even kisses the tip of Isak’s nose. Wraps a hoodie around his shoulders in the hallway and holds his hand as Isak walks out the door. 

Isak can still feel his hand in his palm when he boards the tram. The warmth in his stomach. The kisses on the children’s cheeks goodnight. The twinkle in Malena’s eye when she called out ‘’Good night arsehole’’ and slammed her door in his face. He can feel Even all over his body. The smell on his skin. 

He thinks about it all night when he wanders from room to room checking on his ladies. He smiles into the faces of new-born babies. Greets them and winks. 

‘’I’ve got a family too’’ he whispers to a tiny baby girl as she takes her first breath in his hands. ‘’Welcome to yours baby girl.’’

%&%&%&%&%&&%&%&%&%&

To: hedda.sorrentino@UniHospitalpressoffice-oslo.no  
From: isak.valtersen@kvinneklinikken-oslo.no  
Re:Re: This week’s requests

Hedda,  
I assume you have seen the front of VG. Please tell me that you know how to trash this piece of shit paper and it’s brainless journo.  
I trust you.  
Isak. 

%&%%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&

MORTEN: Isak are you really moving in to live with us? Like all the time?  
ISAK: Yes. Is that OK?  
MORTEN: Yeah, it’s cool. When are we going for haircuts? I look like a freak with all this hair. I want a buzzcut.  
ISAK: Your Pappa will kill me if I let you buzz it all off. He loves all that floppy hair.  
MORTEN: It’s too hot. And I have to brush it, and it gets all sweaty under the hockey helmet.  
ISAK: OK. I will check with Pappa and I will book in with my friend Jonas who is a really cool hairdresser. He has the wildest eyebrows ever. You will like him.  
MORTEN: Cool.  
ISAK: Are you sure it’s OK that I will be living with you? Nothing will change apart from that you will have to deal with some of my stuff being there. I have an armchair that might fit in your room if you want it. It could be your gaming chair?  
MORTEN: It’s chill Isak, you’re cool.  
ISAK: Thank you for being so good about it. I love hanging out with you guys.  
MORTEN: Next week can we buy some jeans too? Pappa buys me clothes from the Coop. I look like shit. I want skinny black jeans like the ones you wear. 

%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&

PAULINA: Issy baby, guess what? I was just added to a FB group called Isak Valtersen’s Yummy Mummies. Full of people who are obsessed with you. Loads of people who claim you delivered their babies. Birth stories galore. They are freaking nuts! I am taking a selfie with you tonight and posting it. It will be freaking hysterical.  
ISAK: I will fucking kill you if you do.  
PAULINA: I will, I will add you to it if you are not careful. People will freak out.  
ISAK: I fucking hate you Paulina. If you do I will swop you onto theatre duty for the next 3 weeks. Remember I do the rosters. I know people in the right places.  
PAULINA: It would be worth it. I work with a celeb. You have fans. It’s so funny!  
PAULINA: Sunita has joined now too, she is going to change her bio to ‘’Works with Isak Valtersen’’  
PAULINA: I have changed mine to ‘’Isak Valtersen has not seen my fo-fo’’  
ISAK: WTF is a fo-fo?  
PAULINA: You should know you stare at fo-fo’s at work all day. Lucky for you you are gay.  
ISAK: I really hate you.  
PAULINA: You love me. And I love you. Now get your arse up here so we can deliver some baba’s!  
ISAK: I am resigning.  
PAULINA: You can’t live without me. You love me too much.  
ISAK: True.  
PAULINA: I have coffee ready, I bought cinnamon rolls, and we have 7 ladies in labour. And Magnus has just walked in. Bring it on baby. Bring it on.  
ISAK: Coming up in the lift now. Don’t let Magnus eat all the cinnamon rolls!!


	23. Chapter 23

23 

‘’Hi honey, are you still awake?’’  
‘’Well I answered the phone, didn’t I Mamma?’’ Even doesn’t mean to sound sarcastic. It’s just that it tends to be his default mode when dealing with his parents these days. He knows he has been a shit son. He knows he should make a point of driving the kids up there to visit. He knows. 

‘’I have been trying to ring you all day, but I assumed that you were teaching and couldn’t pick up the phone. Pappa and I have been worried since we saw that article in VG this morning. Pappa has been googling, and you know that is never a good idea.’’

‘’Jesus Christ Mamma, what has he been reading?’’

‘’We both read this Isak’s blog. He is at Midwife now then? Clever boy that Isak, I remember him well. Always polite. I never understood why you two fell out, you were such good friends.’’

‘’Mamma, it was a long time ago. Don’t drag up the past, please.’’

‘’I just worry about you Even. I worry about the children. How are my babies? Thank God Malena writes to me on that Messenger thing. She sends photos too. My Marthe is growing up so fast! Please promise me that you will come up and visit us, we are half an hour away Even and we never see you.’’

‘’Well you have a car Mamma, you and Pappa can easily drive down and see us too.’’

‘’Yes, but you know how Pappa’s hip is giving him trouble and we can’t manage the stairs very well.’’

‘’I know, and the flat is a mess and everything is dirty. You tell me every time.’’

‘’Have you got someone in to help you clean Even? Remember I left you those numbers for cleaning services?’’

‘’No Mamma, the flat is nice and clean these days. Isak helps me clean sometimes, and I am not totally useless.’’

‘’I never said you were darling. But last time we visited the apartment was a disgrace. You said so yourself.’’

‘’Mamma please don’t nag me.’’

‘’I just don’t like the idea of my grandchildren living like that.’’

‘’Like what Mamma?’’

‘’Even, don’t start. Tell me about Isak then. Malena has been talking about him for a while. ‘’

‘’What has she told you?’’

‘’That he has been a good friend to you. A good influence it seems, and that he helped Malena babysit. Is he good with the little ones? I suppose he is used to dealing with babies working in a hospital and all, but is he really the right person to babysit your children Even?’’

‘’If you are implying that they need a female influence to care for them properly then let me just remind you that my children had the best mother anyone ever could wish for, and I am not about to replace her with anyone.’’

‘’I’m not saying that darling. You know we adored Sonja. I am just worried about my grandchildren. ‘’

‘’I know Mamma.’’

‘’How are you darling. Really. Are you coping at work? ‘’

‘’Mamma just ask. I know you are dying to. You have zero interest in my work. So, spit it out.’’

‘’This Isak. ‘’

‘’Yes Mamma. This Isak.’’

‘’Is it true what VG wrote? About him?’’

‘’That article is full of shit. But yes. Isak and I are together. He is living with us, and he is the most amazing man. ‘’

‘’Together. Like as a couple? Do the children know?’’

‘’Mamma, of course the children know. We are a family. Isak and I and the children. ‘’

‘’But you were married to Sonja. And now you are with a man?’’

‘’Yes Mamma. It’s nothing unusual. ‘’

‘’Pappa was googling it, he said there are different names for it, one was bi-sexual, and there is something called pan-sexual. We weren’t sure what the difference was. We just want to know how to explain it. We have the folk dancing club tomorrow night and I am sure people will ask. We are not quite familiar with all the terms, and we don't want to come across as uneducated and ignorant.’’

‘’Mamma, it’s fine. I don’t really know how to define it either, and I’m sure Isak doesn’t mind how you describe it. We love each other. I love Isak Mum. He is wonderful with the children, and he makes me incredibly happy. ‘’

‘’Would you bring him up to visit us? Pappa read some worrying things online and you know what he gets like when he gets worked up about issues. I think If Pappa and I could meet this Isak it would be less of a worry for us.’’

‘’Mamma, you have met Isak, many times. He hasn’t changed much. He is still kind and polite and funny and all those things you remember. Just because he loves me and I love him doesn’t make him a different person.’’

‘’I’m sure you are right, you know Lene and Peder down the road, their son is gay and you know all the trouble he got into last year. We just worry about you darling.’’

‘’Mamma come on’’ Even wants to bang his head against the headboard. Truly. But then he would wake up Marthe and even though that would be a welcome distraction and a fool proof way to get his mother off the phone, he can’t quite make himself do it. Not when Marthe is snuffling contentedly on his chest. ‘’You know Herman had an addiction to painkillers and robbed a convenience store. It had nothing to do with him liking men or women.’’

‘’Even. I know we have not always been the most understanding parents. I know we have been overbearing at times and distant when we shouldn’t have, but we are trying. And I need you to know that Pappa and I adored Sonja, and we know she made you happy. Knowing you were happy was the most important thing to us. If your Isak makes you happy then we will love him like a son, like we love you. There is nothing that would make me happier than seeing you back to yourself, back to being the happy lively son we know that you can be. ‘’

Well that is all it takes. Even is welling up. Tears prickling in his eyes, as his chest is tightening and his sobs threatening to escape from his lungs. 

‘’Mamma, I will bring Isak and the kids up on Sunday. Would that work? Would that make you and Pappa feel better?’’

He can hear his mother’s squeal, shouting to his father that ‘’They are all coming Sunday Bjorn! All of them!! ‘’ He can even make out his father’s grunts in return, he can picture him clearly at the kitchen table, with his laptop and coffee in front of him. His mother pacing the kitchen with the phone tightly pressed between her chin and her shoulder whilst she dries the dishes. 

‘’Darling come for lunch. I will make fishcakes, and bake apple cake for dessert, with that vanilla cream you like. Oh, I am all excited! Does Isak eat fishcakes? He is not one of those funny eaters, is he? Like those vegetarians?’’ Even can’t help laugh at his mother almost whispering out the word, like it is another unacceptable human trait. 

‘’Mum, he is not a vegetarian. Just chill. Isak is adorable and he will be really nervous to meet you so please go easy on him. No awkward questions. Just give him a hug and feed him, OK? ‘’

His mother just laughs. And Even shakes his head as he hangs up the phone. What the hell has he just agreed to. 

EVEN: Isak baby, I have just made plans to go for lunch at my parents on Sunday. All of us. Together. I am so sorry. Just warning you now, my parents are nosy interfering no question is too embarrassing to ask kind of people. They have read your blog. They will be outing us to the Lillestrom folk dancing society tomorrow night. Our lives will never be the same.  
ISAK: Your parents are lovely. I’m sure it will be fine.  
ISAK: I am shitting myself a little bit though.  
EVEN: They will love you. They always did. Mum will be too busy fussing over the children and if you just discuss ice hockey with my dad you will be fine.  
ISAK: I don’t know shit about ice hockey.  
EVEN: Fuck. We are doomed.  
ISAK: I can discuss current fertility research and I am reading a really good article on birthing pools. Do you think that would do?  
EVEN: Perfect. My dad will be googling totally inappropriate sites and sending you links in no time.  
EVEN: I love you. I miss you.  
ISAK: Are you in bed? Thinking about me?  
EVEN: I am in bed with Marthe. So, no funny business. No dirty ideas.  
ISAK: (heart emoji)  
EVEN: Oh yes, Sondre at work said there is some Facebook group you need to join. Something about tasty mummies.  
ISAK: IsakValtersen’s yummy mummies? Fuck Even, please stay away from Facebook. I am not even going to look at it.  
EVEN: My mother will be on it in no time. I bet she is making my dad google you now.  
ISAK: Ugh. I just delivered another baby and the mother asked me take a selfie with her whilst I was delivering the placenta. Her husband was mortified. That’s 4 selfies this evening and it’s not even midnight.  
EVEN: 4 selfies?  
ISAK: The three others were with the deranged idiots that unfortunately work with me. If you look up Dr Magnus Fossbakken on Facebook his profile picture is Yours truly giving him the finger.  
EVEN: Hilarious. Does this mean I should join Face Book?  
ISAK: NOOOOOO  
EVEN: I love you my little celebrity midwife.  
ISAK: Lucky for you, I love you too. 

It’s funny how Isak wakes up with a smile on his face in the afternoons. Letting himself roll over on the big bed that now has far too many pillows since Isak brought his bedding over from his apartment. The bed that has been pushed over so it now sits below the windows letting the sun stream down painting stripes of light over the sheets. He smiles at the pile of medical journals resting on the bedside table, fighting for space with a coffee cup, a book about Totte baking cakes and a plastic toy from a McDonalds Happy meal that Isak can’t even begin to describe. It still makes him smile because Mikki made Isak bring the plastic monster thing with three heads that shoots an arrow out of his eye, to work, for good luck. So, he would remember to think of Mikki when he was at the hospital pulling babies out of mummies bottoms. Mikkis’s words. Not his. 

They have figured out a good little routine this week, where Isak comes home and has breakfast with his little family, with all the shouting and rushing and mess that entails. 

Where Isak makes Malena a cup of coffee first thing, whilst she is still half awake, and makes her sit down for 5 minutes so he can actually talk to her before the madness begins.

Where Marthe crawls up on his lap and cuddles whilst she comes round from sleep. Where Mikki hugs him good bye and kisses his cheek before leaving. And Isak tumbles onto the empty bed and falls asleep delirious from lack of sleep and exhaustion. 

He picks the children up from nursery on his own in the afternoons, which gives Even an extra hour to work. Somehow that has made a difference to Even who comes home much less stressed to find Isak pottering around in the kitchen making dinner whilst Morten sits at the kitchen table with his headphones on and Marthe is on the potty feeding herself cheese doodles. Muttering ‘’Good girl Marthe, big wee wee’’ between mouthfuls as Isak chops lettuce and grates cheese. He is making tacos. He will provide tacos. Malena asked for tacos and Isak will give her tacos even if it kills him. He should be able to make tacos. Even though half of the taco shells are broken since he sat on the bag of shopping on the tram home, and almost dropped Marthe on her head trying to balance the pram with all the shopping bags on the handles. Because Isak went food shopping with two tired children in tow and almost had an aneurism when Mikki had a meltdown in the pick and mix aisle and Marthe refused to be strapped into the pram. 

He still made it home, grinning all the way after the cashier complimented him on his beautiful children, who smiled back with angelic smiles whilst Mikki held on to the bag of pick and Mix and Marthe almost broke her neck falling out of the pram. He still loves the pram. Thank God for the pram. Their pram. Nobody elses. Isak double checks. Every single time he picks it up. He has even scribbed ''Bech-Naesheim'' on the back seat to make sure. 

It is all worth it as Even wraps his arms around Isak’s back and presses his lips against his neck. He just stands there for the longest time, breathing in the scent of Isak, with his eyes closed and his mind at rest. Because this is all Even needs. Being home, with Isak. The sounds of his children moving around the apartment and the tv blaring in the living room. The dull thuds of the music from Morten's headphones and the soft fizzing from the frying pan where the mince is browning ready for the spice mix that Isak is trying to rip the top off with his teeth.

‘’Thank you’’ Even whispers into his skin. ‘’I love coming home knowing that you will be here’’.

Isak just kisses him. Soft little kisses against his lips whilst his eyes lose focus and his body relaxes into Even’s chest. 

‘’Isak?’’ Malena stands in the doorway, looking tentatively at the two of them jumping at the sound of her voice.

‘’Yes?’’ Isak smiles. Plants another kiss on Even’s lips. 

‘’I was going to ask you some advice.’’

‘’Do you want me to leave? Did you want to ask Isak alone?’’ Even takes a step towards the doorway as Malena shakes her head.

‘’Nah, it’s embarrassing though. I don’t know what to do. ‘’

‘’What’s it about?’’ Isak is stirs the mince and places the spatula on the side, leaning back against the counter next to Even. Letting their hips touch. Both with their arms across their chests.

‘’You look like bloody twins standing like that’’ Malena laughs. ‘’You are both wearing matching t-shirts too.’’

Isak grins as Even gives him a confused look. Well they are. Isak wears most of Evens clothes, because he likes smelling like him. And Even wears Isak’s shirts to work, mostly because Isak’s have been ironed straight from the dry cleaners and most of Even’s are in a wrinkled pile on the bedroom floor. Along with half of Isak’s stash that he brought over on Tuesday ready for his meeting with Hedda. 

‘’Did you hear back from the press lady at the hospital?’’ Malena jumps up on the counter and sticks her finger in the jar of salsa on the side.

‘’Yeah, she says to leave it for now. If we start arguing with them they will just print a retraction, which they will bury in the back pages and nobody will ever read it, but it will stand up in a court of law that they apologized and retracted their story. Hedda will keep an eye on it and if they print anything else we are going after them. Head on.’’

‘’Cool’’ Malena looks down at her lap, still sucking on her finger.

‘’What did you want to ask baby girl?’’ Even tangles his finger in the belt hook on Isak’s jeans, giving him a gentle tug to draw him closer.

‘’You know this year 3 dude that had a go at me the other day? The arsehole?’’

‘’Is he still being a dick? I should have come in to school with you and had a word. ‘’ Even’s voice is rising again, and Isak wraps his arm around his back, slowly stroking the curve of his spine to calm him down.

‘’No, he sent me a really long message apologizing. Says he just wanted to talk to me and that he is an idiot and all this shit just came out of his mouth before he could stop himself.’’

‘’That’s quite sweet Lena. Is he hot?’’

‘’He is not hot, and he is an idiot. What do I do? I mean he apologized so I feel like I should write something back.’’

‘’Did he ask you out or anything then?’’ Even’s fingers are tangled up in Isak’s hair, making Isak lean into him even closer. 

‘’Can you two stop making out for one fucking minute please? I am trying to have a serious conversation here?’’

‘’Sorry Lena’’ Isak blushes and sticks his hand down the back of Even’s jeans.

‘’You are hopeless’’ Even whispers into Isak’s curls and lets his hand fall down on his shoulder. 

‘’Sorry Lena, you were saying?’’

‘’What should I write back? Thanks for being an arse hole, next time control your fucking mouth?’’

‘’That might be a little harsh, I don’t know. Do you want to be his friend or do you want him to back off?’’ Isak turns around to stir the mince.

‘’He’s quite a cool dude, and he is a year 3. It’s always good to know people in year 3, I don’t know. I mean he is graduating in a few weeks and then he will be gone. Probably go to uni or something. ‘’

‘’Why did he want to talk to you?’’ Even is trying to look engaged but Isak’s fingers twinning with his and leaning into him is really distracting. Honestly. And Even is a little bit frustrated. He would really like to put all the kids to bed now, before dinner. And then lock himself in the bathroom and beg Isak to fuck him. It’s all he has been thinking off all day. Apart from the fact that he has almost finished his lecture for the Stavanger gig, and that he has only read 3 out of the 10 nominated poetry books. Which sucks. Big time. 

‘’I don’t know. I’ll ask.’’ Malena taps away at her phone and Even steals another kiss.

‘’Fuck.’’ Malena sighs heavily.

‘’What?’’ Isak laughs. 

‘’He says ‘’I just wanted to talk with you, because I know you have had a rough time and I know a little about what you have been through. I thought we might be friends. I’m sorry I fucked it up.’’

‘’He seems nice. Genuine dude. I say ask him out. See if he wants to meet for coffee? ‘’ Even is leaning into Isak again. Pushing his hips towards him making Isak have to grab the worktop to steady himself.

‘’Can you two not stop eye-fucking each other for one second?’’ Malena is tapping away on her phone again with a loud sigh.

‘’Sorry’’ Isak giggles. 

‘’Language Malena’’ Even’s voice is full of laughter. 

‘’I’ve asked him to meet me at KB tomorrow after school. Fuck. Morten. Can Morten go home with Tom tomorrow?’’

‘’I’ll pick up Morten tomorrow, we have a date with the hairdresser, haven’t we dude? ‘’ Isak shouts across the room to Morten who doesn’t even flinch, deep into his music reading something on his phone.

‘’Oh and Nassi and Michaela are on their way over.’’ Malena flicks her hair and walks out. 

‘’Do Nassi and Michaela want tacos?’’ Isak shouts after her. 

‘’Nah, they are just coming to take a selfie with you, fucking losers.’’

Isak still laughs about it when he changes into his clean scrubs at work, and fastens his Id on the collar. He giggles at the notifications on his phone. He is now friends with a bunch of Lena’s friends on face book which he knows will make Malena cringe with embarrassment. They have tagged him in photos as well. All of them grinning into the camera in the kitchen with Even making v signs behind them. 

He smiles when Mahdi high fives him in the corridor, whilst he is rushing around with an unsettled baby attatched in a sling and a pile of paperwork in his arms. He takes selfies with all 3 babies that he delivers. He takes selfies with the couple who come in with a false alarm, who are sent home smiling with his autograph on their hospital paperwork. 

He laughs at the email from Hedda suggesting that going on Live Tv might actually be a good thing. If he can show his face and smile on camera then maybe this madness will die down a little. Hedda has offered to come along, saying that any promo for the hospital is good promo for the hospital. Which Isak knows full well is just Hedda wanting to be on TV. Really. Truly. At least she hasn’t asked for a selfie. Not like Luca who has changed his profile photo to himself Isak and Magnus eating kebabs and looking like total dorks. 

He smiles. Because within all this madness lies an awful lot of love. And Isak is fucking happy.

 

MAMMA: Even darling, Pappa was reading something online and he was asking if you are a ‘’top or bottom’’. Apparently it’s something important in male/male relationships. I’m not sure why we need to know but I said I would ask.  
MAMMA: I have ordered some gay romance books to read to try to gain some knowledge. Have you got any recommendations? I have ordered one about two fbi agents that fall in love that sounded good. I have always enjoyed an action romance. I also ordered some children’s books about alternative families for Mikkel. I thought he could have them for his birthday. Have you booked a party yet?

 

www.PNN.no/ASKISAK/Sixweeksandcounting.  
Last week I asked for parenting advice and you, as always, rose to the task with gusto. I have taken note, learned, laughed, cried and marvelled at your incredible advice, the life changing parenting hacks and superb ideas. Below you will find my top ten parenting tricks as suggested. The most brilliant advice from Norway’s finest parenting experts: You. 

On a different note I feel the need to write a few words about the past week.

When I agreed to take on this gig with PNN.no and become your expert on all things with regards to pregnancy, birth and the care of your baby, I never in a million years thought that it would become the monster it has become. I say that in the kindest possible way. 

I am as always overwhelmed by the response my blog posts receive, and the very surprising and flattering intreresst in me as a person, and my family. 

I am going to ask this, as someone who has never been the subject of this kind of attention before. I know you all mean well, and believe me when I tell you that whilst I thoroughly enjoy meeting and interacting with you on social media in a professional capacity, I need you to remember that I am a person too. A human being who can become a little frightened and intimidated by the sudden outpouring of love from you incredible people of PNN.no. 

Many of you may have seen the article on the cover of VG and on VG.no with regards to my relationship with E, let me tell you that whilst it may seem petty to complain, there is not a single word in that article that is anywhere close to the truth apart from one. That I love E. With all my heart, and I have no problem with the world knowing that. I am incredibly proud of him. I am incredibly proud of us and our family. 

In my professional role I am bound by the restrictions of my profession, and although I would love to be able to care for every single one of you first hand, I just can’t. I do appreciate all the gifts, letters and cards that have been left for me, and the emails and interest in my lectures and courses.

Your words mean a lot to me. I do ask in the humblest of ways, please keep your communication with me to this blog. Whilst I cannot respond to every message, I do read everything you send me. Every word matters. Every email is read. Thank you. You are heard. 

Six weeks on in my new life with E, and we are taking baby steps into the future, tentative steps in every part of our relationship. I have chosen to share a part of my life here on this blog, and whilst I understand the craving to know more, I have to protect some of my dignity and privacy, and retain the choice to keep some parts of my life just that. Private.

Which is why it may come as a surprise that I have chosen this weeks ASK ISAK questions to center around SEX. Sex in a relationship where there are young children that drain every sense of alone time from your life. Sex, when you are too tired to want it or crave it. Sex when your partner needs it and your sex drive has just got up and left. Because these things are completely normal, and as in any relationship, finding the time and space to be intimate with your partner may take a tiny bit of cunning planning, and a sneaky encounter or two behind locked doors may just turn out to be what you both need. Or not. There are no rules here apart from respect, kindness and love. Because whilst full on sex may be what one of you needs, the other might be desperate for those couple of minutes when you just hold each other in silence and remember that you are not alone. That you are together in all this craziness. That having the other person there is what really matters. 

Go find your partner and give them a hug. It might just be what you both need right now.

Love  
Isak  
x 

PAPPA: Even, Son. Mother has ordered a rainbow flag for the flagpole. I just wanted to ask your opinion before we raise it on Sunday. She used the one day delivery option to make sure it arrives on time. Just know that we are incredibly proud of you and more than happy to fly the pride flag if it is the right thing to do. Does it sit above or below the Norwegian flag? Or on it's own? See you Sunday. Have you remembered to check the tyres on the car? I can check the oil and water as usual. Pappa


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, bear with me with the dragging and shaming of the journalists in this story, I do realize that this is NOT the way journalists would work in todays Scandinavia, but this is the way many papers work in the rest of the world, and esp in the UK. So as this story is set in the future, I am letting myself get away with it. Just humour me with the whole concept.

24

He wonders how he ever survived life before Even. How he lived. What on earth did he do with all that time he must have had. Because suddenly Isak’s life is moving at warp speed and he struggles to catch up with himself. It’s a never-ending circle of things to do, words to be said and hugs to be given. Of thoughts in his head that births laughter, where he sits on the tram and laughs out loud at something that happened earlier. Where he can’t help but fish out his phone and re-read his text conversations with Malena. 

How Even is even worse, completely unorganized and scatty and hilariously clueless. Isak wonders how on earth Even survived the last year with his heart and soul intact. How the children have lived through it all. How they have all ended up in this little mess together. Because it is just that. A mess. A total mess. 

Isak laughs, like he laughed at Morten’s face when he dragged Isak in to the Parent Teachers meeting earlier, that Isak didn’t have a clue was on the agenda. He laughs at the memory of the teachers confused face when Morten introduced him as his other Pappa. He laughs at his own clueless expression shaking the teachers hand, and laughing along with Morten, a new inside joke that only the two of them would ever understand. They had tried to retell it over dinner, only to be met with blank faces and eyerolls and sighs, whilst Morten and Isak were hysterically trying to explain how funny it was that the Teacher couldn’t quite figure it out, and how Morten had played along, with a blank face, whilst Isak tried to justify the idea of being allowed to be Morten’s parent. Because honestly Isak had no idea where Even was, and Malena had just laughed in his face. Over the phone. 

Isak’s chest is full of pride. Of warmth and smiles. He sat there beaming at Morten as the teacher went over his grades. Praised his work ethic and knowledge. His easy friendship with his classmates, and the support he has shown his friend Tom. Things that Isak had no idea about, but felt he should have known. Things that Even should have heard, but instead Isak had the privilege to share with Morten. Isak had wrapped him up in a hug there and then, making the teacher laugh and Morten squeal with embarrassment. It was just one of those moments. One of those firsts. One of those days when Isak feels larger than life. Whole. Full. Content. 

Isak beams as he takes the floor in front of the 25 parent’s-to-be that have gathered in the lecture hall at the hospital. Isak beams as they beam back at him. It’s obvious to him which of the couples know exactly who he is, but there are a few with blank expressions and worried glances. Hands grasping across tables. And the one single mother lowering her eyes whenever he tries to meet her eye. He always chose an uneven number of participants to ensure he could pair up with the lone parent, as there is always at least one. The one that enters last and hides at the back. The one that wishes things had been different. The one that is the strongest one in the room, the one who will do this alone. Isak has always known, but he realizes now how strong these ladies are. He smiles at the lady and nods his head. He has her back. He’s got her. Don’t worry. 

He has done these courses hundreds of times, but this evening he shines. Paces the floor, and laughs along with his crowd. He lies. He cheats. He ridicules his PowerPoint slides and ensures everyone rips page 25 out of the hand-out. The page that tells you the do’s and don’ts of parenting. Because Isak knows, he knows what a load of bullshit it all is. And the room erupts in laughter and cheer as he makes everyone scrunch the page up and chuck it in the waste basket that he hands around the room. 

‘’Throw the rules out the window’’ he shouts. ‘’Because no one should tell you how to be a family. No one has the right to tell you what is right and what is wrong. This is your gig. This is your show. Make it yours. Own it. Make things right. Look back at your childhood and grab everything that was good. Use it. Take all the bad things and leave them behind. Change the future. Change your life. Don’t even look back. If not for yourself, then do it for me. Make things good. Make things right. Because everyone deserves to be happy. Everyone deserves to be loved.’’

He almost blushes when he finishes his speech. Looking nervously around the room hoping that people don’t think he is a total nutcase. He never used to be like this. Isak Valtersen is not brave. He is not crazy. Isak Valtersen follows the script, delivers the standardised course as per the manual. Isak Valtersen does not behave like a lunatic, with a beaming smile on his face. He just doesn’t. Yet Isak Valtersen is standing in front of his audience of parents and wondering what has happened to him. Realizing that this is him. For the first time in forever he knows who he is. He is Isak. Partner. Parent. Father. Friend. And it’s OK. It’s more than OK. 

ISAK: How did the date with the arsehole go?  
MALENA: Crazy  
ISAK: What do you mean? Was he nice? Are you seeing him again?  
MALENA: He is an arsehole. But, we talked like constantly for 2 hours. I have no idea how what happened.  
ISAK: Good. So, you are friends?  
MALENA: I don’t know. We are hanging out tomorrow again, and he gave me a hug when we left. I’m fucking confused.  
ISAK: Confused is good. Nobody has everything figured out after one date.  
MALENA: What did you and Pappa do on your first date?  
ISAK: Drunk coffee and laughed.  
MALENA: Tobias isn’t my type at all. Nothing like what I like. I just felt comfortable with him, like I didn’t have to try. I think I called him every name under the sun. I listed him as ARSEHOLE in my phone and he laughed. He took a picture of it and posted on insta. Totally nuts.  
ISAK: Sounds like your kind of guy. Bring him home for dinner. I can order pizza, and we can all take the piss out of him. See if he passes the Bech Naesheim family challenge.  
MALENA: As long as you are there, because Pappa might just kill him, he will just stare at him and ask him awkward questions.  
ISAK: I will be there. Friday night?  
MALENA: No because you and Pappa are going for dinner at Sondre and Carla’s Friday night. I am babysitting.  
ISAK: Are we? Fuck I need to buy a calendar.  
MALENA: Isak! Use the fucking calendar in your phone and coordinate it with the rest of the family. This is the electronic age you wanker. I will sort it out on your phone later.  
ISAK: What else am I doing this week that I don’t know about?  
MALENA: Dinner Friday, you have 3 hours alone time with Pappa Saturday afternoon, then Sunday we are going to Granny and Granddad, and that’s it. Can you put your work schedule in the calendar too so I know when I need to pick up the kids?  
ISAK: You need to teach me. I am useless.  
MALENA: Anyway, I might bring him home one day. I don’t know. I don’t know shit. I don’t know if I even want a friend. Or a boyfriend. Or whatever. Ugh I’m so confused.  
ISAK: Do whatever feels right. I trust you, so trust yourself. Hang out. See what happens.  
MALENA: I just want what you and Pappa have. The disgustingly adorable shit.  
ISAK: (heart emoji) You deserve all the disgustingly adorable shit in the world Lena. Don’t settle for anything else.  
MALENA: (heart emoji)  
MALENA: Did I just send you a heart? That’s it, I am losing my shit. I did not send you a heart.  
ISAK: Yes, you did and I love you too. You are fucking amazing.  
MALENA: You are cool Isak.  
ISAK: You are cool too. (fist bump emoji) 

Even should be nervous, and be fidgeting in the car driving out to Sondre’s house in the suburbs. He hates these kinds of things. Dinner and drinks, at people’s houses. Pressed shirts and polished shoes. Light conversation about things he has zero interest in. Sports and politics. Bloody gardening. Always feeling judged and looked down on by the women, and underwhelmed by the company of the men. Sure, Sondre is his friend, but it’s not like they have anything in common apart from work and supposedly a passion for literature. Which Even struggles to even find in conversation with the dude who is standing in the doorway when Even parks the car on the drive and squeezes Isak’s hand. Isak who’s face is pale and there are sweat marks forming on the collar of his shirt, whilst Even feels surprisingly calm. Defiant and proud. 

‘’We can leave whenever you want, just say the word and we are out of there. Even if it’s in the middle of dinner, just fake an emergency at work and we are gone,’’ Even leans over and kisses Isak’s cheek. Unbuckles his seatbelt. Grabs the cheap petrol station flowers he picked up on the way. 

‘’For two gay dudes, we are fucking rubbish at this.’’ Isak laughs. I thought we were supposed to know this shit, choosing epic flower arrangements and bringing well thought out gifts to the hostess' of dinner parties.

Even just cocks his head and raises an eyebrow. 

‘’I might just be the worst gay dude in the history of gay dudes. I mean I don’t even know if I should call myself gay. I have kind of decided that I am Isaksexual. It just makes things easier in my head. I love you. I fancy you. I want to have sex with you all the time. That’s enough for me Isak, and I am not even going to define myself as anything else.’’

Isak just beams back at him with a face full of laughter and lips pursed for a kiss. Pouting and tangling his fingers in Even’s finely gelled hair, messing up the whole 3 minutes that Even spent trying to make himself look presentable. 

‘’I like that about you. Isaksexual. Well I am going to be Evensexual then, because there is no one else for me but you. Never was, never will be.’’ Isak whispers in-between kisses and laughing at Even who is giving Sondre the finger through the open car door, as Sondre shouts at them to either get inside or go get a room. 

They make their way up the stairs, hand in hand. Shaking Sondre’s hand and Isak introducing himself and Even beaming and Sondre with a face full of laughter.

‘’Look Isak, my wife is a fan of yours, she’s a bit crazy, and she is 7 months pregnant, so please just humour her, and at least I feel safe knowing that if the shock of finding out that she is having the famous Isak Valtersen over for dinner makes her go into labour, I know she is in safe hands.’’

‘’I am still getting used to the idea of people knowing who I am. I have no idea how this whole famous thing happened. I am just a midwife who writes on a parenting blog, and then suddenly the whole of Norway loses their shit.’’ Isak is shaking his head.

‘’Well Carla has certainly lost her shit. She is in the kitchen, and thinks Even is bringing his new squeeze for dinner. She has no idea that it’s you. No idea. ‘’ 

Sondre looks like an excited child. Isak doesn’t know what to do with his hands and Even just laughs and walks ahead down the corridor.

‘’Carla!! Hi” Even wraps the tiny woman with a significant bump in a hug and swings her around the room whilst she squeals and shouts for him to ‘’put me down you crazy man’’.

‘’Even you look good! Lovely to see you! How are the kiddies? And where is this new woman of….’’

Carla’s face just drops as Isak is leaning back against the kitchen counter, and Sondre is bouncing on his heels looking incredibly pleased with himself. 

‘’Carla this is Isak Valtersen, Even’s partner, Isak, this is my beautiful and very blooming wife Carla.’’

‘’Oh God!’’ Carla pants. ’’I’ve never met anyone famous in my life. Bloody hell! Are you really Isak Valtersen? Oh fuck of course you are, fuck me. Even I fucking hate you why didn’t you tell me? Of course you are bloody E. Of course. I am fucking stupid!!! Sorry for swearing, I never swear, Oh god I think I have to sit down..’’ 

Isak grabs her arm and gives her a kiss on her cheek. ‘’Lovely to meet you Carla. How far along are you?’’ Isak does work mode. It’s not like he can do anything else. I mean how do you reply to something like that? Instead he asks questions. Let’s Carla blush through the attention. Asks to feel her bump. Marvels at the kicks. Smiles and lets their glasses of water clink together in a toast to the baby. To dinner parties. To roast salmon and Hassel-back potatoes. Homemade strawberry crumble and After Eights. 

Because Carla has a thing for After Eight chocolates. And ginger ale. And Tonic water with sliced tomatoes on the side. And Isak tries to charm her, and lets her ask all the embarrassing questions in the world. Promises to look out for her on the labour ward. Gossips about her midwife and happily looks over her birth plan. He can do work mode. He can even do friend ship and small talk. Discuss the change of leadership at the hospital board with Sondre, and feel like he knows what he is talking about. And Even keeps grabbing his hand and looking so incredibly happy that he can only smile back and mouth all the little words he needs to tell him. That he loves him. That he is so happy. Proud. He is so incredibly proud of him. 

‘’I am so looking forwards to Stavanger now Isak!! I usually hate those events, but you will be there now and we can hang out and have fun whilst Sondre and Even do their thing. There is a good café opposite the convention hall, and the shopping is good, and we could go on a tour and see Pulpit rock, I have always wanted to go, but maybe not up to Pulpit rock then because I will be ready to give birth any second, but you will be with me so it will be fine!’’ Carla is clapping her hands and looking so excited that Isak can’t help giggling as he turns to Even. 

‘’Will I?’’

Even looks crushed. 

‘’I haven’t even told you! God, I am useless. Please please Isak will you be my date in Stavanger for the National literature awards?’’ 

‘’What the fuck Even? It’s like the event of the year and you haven’t even asked Isak to make sure he is free?’’ Sondre is whacking Even on the shoulder and turning to Isak with an apologetic look on his face. 

‘’If it’s any consolation to you Isak, your absolutely useless fucker of a partner has actually told me that you are coming and your name is on the guest list, so it’s not like he wasn’t going to ask. But you know Even. If he didn’t have people to help him sort his shit out he would be fucked. Every fucking day.’’ Sondre looks at Even like he wants to kill him. Honestly.

And Even looks like he wants to die. 

‘’I was going to ask. I just forget. But please come. Please say you will be there with me. And Carla will need you, obviously, since you are now her own private celebrity midwife.’’

Carla squeals again and wraps Isak up in a hug whilst Sondre gets his phone out and snaps a photo, mouthing ‘’for Facebook’’ to Isak, and Even begs. Isak can tell. Just the way Even looks at him, with a face full of love, yet his eyes are saying ‘’I’m so sorry, I am so useless. Please just love me as I am because I am trying. Trying so hard and I love you so much.’’ 

Isak knows. Of course, he knows. 

They leave in a frenzy of laughter and handshakes. Kisses on cheeks and promises to do this again. 

Notifications on Isak’s phone are lighting up the car as they drive towards the hospital, high on laugher and adrenaline from having had a night out. A night as adults. Free and happy. Drinking water and having nice food eaten at a table with matching crockery without the constant interruption of children and screaming and arguing and demands. 

Isak is now friends with Carla and Sondre on Facebook. He has been tagged in photos. Added to groups. Isak doesn’t even dare to look. He just switches off the ringer and lets his hand roam lazily over Even’s back. 

‘’Thanks for coming with me. I used to dread going to things like this, but tonight was ok. The last time I went to a dinner party was with Sonja, and she was feeling really unwell and I was worried and it was just such a crap time. Horrible. Full of worries and arguments and she was so tired and I just couldn’t cope Isak. I just didn’t understand what she was going through. I should have known, I mean I lived with her, I knew her so well? And I just shouted and made her come out with me and it was just shit. I have so many regrets. I should have done things differently. ‘’

‘’Don’t Even. Just don’t. Not when we have had a nice evening, and everything is fine. You did as well as you could. You can’t change the past, just the future. Let’s make the future better baby, you and me and the kids. We can do whatever we want, as long as I have you and you have me, we will be happy. We will be fine.’’ Isak strokes his back. Leaning over so he can kiss the skin on Even’s cheek. His nose burying in Even’s neck and his lips on his collar. 

‘’I am so fucking lucky Isak’’ Even whispers. ‘’So fucking fucking lucky’’.  
‘’I know. You have me.’’ Isak laughs. 

PAPPA: Everything OK? Just dropping Isak at the hospital and then I will be home.  
MALENA: All fine. Arsehole keeps texting me.  
PAPPA: Is that good or bad. Do I need to go and kick ass on the way home?  
MALENA: No. It’s chill.  
PAPPA: Good. Ask him out tomorrow night? Isak and I are home. As long as you are back by midnight Cinderella.  
MALENA: Isn’t he supposed to ask me out?  
PAPPA: Why? Because he is a boy? If he wants to be with you then he isn’t looking for some girly girl with no guts. Ask him out. He might just think it’s the coolest thing ever.  
MALENA: True.  
MALENA: I will totally blame you if it all goes to shit.  
PAPPA: If it goes to shit it wasn’t meant to be baby. Make it epic.  
MALENA: Tobias asked if he could send me flowers. I told him to fuck off.  
PAPPA: Go Lena.  
MALENA: I am going to bed. See you tomorrow.  
PAPPA: Love you. Xx

‘’Is everything OK at home?’’ Isak asks when Even puts the phone down.

‘’Yep. All good. I wish you were coming home with me. ‘’

‘’Me too. Just one more night shift this week. One more night baby.’’

‘’I am horny as hell Isak, I wish we could just go home and fuck for hours.’’

Isak laughs out loud, letting his hand lean across the console so he can grip Even’s crotch.

‘’We can do something about that if you are up for it.’’ He laughs.

‘’What, right here?’’ 

‘’Why do you think I asked you to park at the back here? No cameras this end. ‘’

Even doesn’t even reply. Just swallows loudly and stares at Isak.

‘’Get your fly undone baby. I need to make sure you are taken care of so you can go home and sleep soundly all night until I get home in the morning. I would hate for you to walk around with that boner that you are sporting in those jeans.’’

Even means to say no, no he hasn’t got a boner. But that would be lying. Plain lying. Especially when Isak’s fingers are digging in his boxers fishing out his cock, and it’s embarrassing how loudly Even swallows when Isak’s breath ghosts over his bare skin. How he whimpers when there are hot wet lips on his length. Licks along his shaft. Mouth over Head. Sucks and moans and Even’s head leaning back against the headrest as Isak’s mouth does indescribable things to his cock. How he closes his eyes. He trusts. Trusts that this is fine. That this is OK. Because Even might have had a wild life, but not this wild. He never had sex in public. In a car. In a carpark. Never. 

‘’Isssss…’’ he starts. He means to say something, but he has already forgotten what. His body is too busy pushing itself into the seat whilst his legs are rammed into the foot well, trying not to hit the pedals whilst his fingers grip on to the steering wheel and his teeth are grinding in his mouth. 

‘’Fuck Isaak’’ he whinges. ‘’Fuck’’ Because he can. Because he can’t do much else with that mouth of Isak’s around his cock, and that fucking tongue doing that thing that Isak does and Even’s body has zero willpower when it comes to reacting. He can’t control it, he just jerks and spasms. Flings his head violently against the headrest, as his fingers grip the wheel and his cock pulses into Isak’s mouth. 

‘’Fuck’’ he pants. ‘’I fucking love you so much’’.

Isak would reply if he could. Instead he just leans down and lets his head rest. Lets Evens fingers stroke his hair, soft little random strokes, until Even’s breath is steady and his heart has stopped slamming so hard in his chest. 

‘’I just wanted to give you something to remember when you go home tonight. So, you know who you belong to.’’ Isak whispers. 

‘’You. I belong to you. Always.’’

MAMMA: So looking forwards to Sunday!!  
EVEN: Me too. The kids can’t wait to see you.  
MAMMA: I am friends with Isak on Facebook now, and you know Margit who used to work at the post office, she did that comment thing and said she knew who he was and asked how I knew him. I feel like a celebrity too!  
EVEN: Leave Isak alone. He has enough to deal with!  
MAMMA: He doesn’t mind. I am chatting with him on that Messenger. Lovely boy. He has promised to let me take some nice photos of all of you on Sunday and show me how to upload them. He said I can tag him in them. What does that mean?  
EVEN: I am not on that Facebook thing. Ask Malena. Or Isak.  
EVEN: No don’t ask Isak. Isak is at work. Leave him alone. He gets very busy at work.  
MAMMA: He said he is on a break, I am still chatting with him. Did you know he has been gay since he was very young? I asked him. He said he has always been in love with you. How cute Even!!  
EVEN: STOP TEXTING WITH ISAK!!  
MAMMA: Don’t be jealous darling. Isak is my other son now, I am allowed to talk to him.  
EVEN: Just don’t overwhelm him Mamma, let him have a little bit of dignity left!  
MAMMA: Nonsense Even, we are just chatting. I asked Isak how your sex life was and he just laughed. He can take it.  
EVEN: You didn’t. Please Mamma.  
MAMMA: I am still confused about this ‘’Top and Bottom’’ thing. Isak said you are ‘’Verse’’, but he didn’t explain what it meant.  
MAMMA: Never mind darling, Pappa can google it.  
MAMMA : See you Sunday darling boy, we love you all.  
MAMMA: Are you going to change your name? Or will Isak be Isak Bech Naesheim when you marry? You do realize that is allowed? I am so happy! I can plan a wedding now!

 

To even.bech.naesheim@uio.no  
From: julian.dahl.vg.no  
Subject: Forthcoming article in VG.no

Dear Even,  
The following article will go live on VG.no on Sunday, and we were hoping that you would like to comment on the article so you can get your view heard. We would be thrilled to speak to you.  
I can be contacted on the following numbers and on email as above.  
Kind rgds  
Julian Dahl  
Reporter Celebrity and lifestyle VG.no  
07757 232669 or The Lifestyle team 07757 633599

Isak Valtersen’s man E, here is everything you ever wanted to know about Even Bech Naesheim!

(evenbechnaesheimfamily.jpg photocredit oslopaps.no)

Celebrity blogger Isak Valtersen’s new squeeze, University professor Even Bech Naesheim, who leads the Norwegian and Languages department at UiO, has been enjoying his first week in the limelight after VG.no revealed his relationship with Isak earlier in the week. Our photographers caught up with the hot couple of the moment during a walk in central Oslo, with their adopted children. Even’s previous partner Sonja Haraldsen has commented through a friend that she is devastated over the break up. Her friend who wishes to remain anonymous told VG that ‘’Sonja never saw this coming, she was totally blindsided by the sudden break up of her marriage, and by the bisexuality of her husband of 20 years.  
Even apparently is a keen tennis player and keeps that hot body of his fit by spending hours in the gym after his classes. He is a very popular lecturer and has always had an almost obsessive following of female students. One former colleague told VG that she is surprised if there hasn’t been a fling or two with students before, and describes Even as dashingly handsome and very flirtatious with both women and men.

VG spoke to Even’s mother Berit Naesheim earlier in the week who told us that Isak is the most wonderful son in law and that a wedding is most certainly imminent. We wish this hot new couple all the best of luck in their relationship. 

Even Bech Naesheim has declined to speak to VG.no

Do you know Even Bech Naesheim? Call us on our hot tip hotline! Your call could earn you NOK250!

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To: julian.dahl@VG.no  
From: even.bech.naesheim@uio.no  
Re: Forthcoming article in VG.no

Julian.  
I am warning you now. If that article goes live there will be repercussions.  
Top tip. GET.YOUR.FUCKING.FACTS.STRAIGHT. I have never seen sloppier journalism in my life.  
There are innocent kids getting hurt here, families having grief thrown in their faces. How about trying to be a decent human being for once? Leave me and my family the fuck alone.

E.

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To: even.bech.naesheim@uio.no  
From Marit.Toressen@TV2.no  
Subject: Interview on Good Morning Norway

Dear Even  
The Good Morning Norway team would be thrilled to have you and Isak Valtersen as guest on the Good Morning Norway sofa, and we feel it would be an amazing opportunity for Norway to get an insight into yourselves as Norway’s hottest couple of the moment.  
We will of course be very sensitive to any topics you would like to address, and will have full control over the questions we will ask. Any topic you would like us to avoid will be respected.  
In view of the recent article in VG, and the article that TV2 have seen a preview copy of, that will be published in Dagbladet next weekend, we feel that it might be prudent to come and do this interview sooner rather than later to address any issues that might arise.  
We have repeatedly tried to contact Isak Valtersen via the Hospital press office but our requests are repeatedly rejected. We hope that you can appreciate what we are trying to achieve here and that we have your best interest at heart. 

Best regards  
Marit and the Good Morning Norway team.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to TotallyTinkerbell for sorting out the ship name. #Malenias rock.
> 
> Thanks for all the love and kudos and epic comments. All the love back right at you. xxxx

Isak hasn’t got a clue where he is when he wakes up. Honestly. Apart from that he is comfortable and thirsty and hungry and needs to pee. He is just too comfortable to move. Too lazy to roll over. Just perfectly content wrapped up in the duvet with no one else in the bed for once. Because it all comes back to him and he smiles. He is at home. Of course. In their bed. 

He gets up, reluctantly and hops down the hall to the bathroom through the apartment, that is far too quiet for Isak’s liking. He doesn’t like quiet. He likes noisy and warm and lively and even shouting and running around. It all makes Isak feel all mushy inside. That he is part of a family now. He has a partner. Children. All his. Parent’s in law, that might be slightly overbearing and unconventional but Isak would take Berit over any other mother in law any day. Berit is direct. No filter. No holding back. He laughs to himself as he empties his bladder in the toilet and stretches his arms over his head. And Isak smiles at the thought of Even trying to convince himself that he is nothing like his parents. Even with all his quirks and directness. He is just like his parents, he just doesn’t see it. 

‘’Baby, you up?’’ Even’s voice is floating through the apartment. 

‘’I am’’ Isak calls back as he splashes some cold water in his face. He looks like shit as usual. Dark circles under his eyes, chaffed lips from the warmth on the labour ward and his total inability to drink enough water through the night.

It was a shit shift to be honest. Two emergency C-sections, after hours of labour with exhausted mothers and a grumpy Magnus delivering. Magnus who needs to get laid before he completely loses his rag. Even the shit jokes Isak was throwing at him and the offer of showing him the delights of a bit of man loving didn’t brighten Magnus mood. It was a shit shift in the theatre. Then Emma lost a baby and they all lost their shit. It was awful. And whilst Isak had held it together at work, he had lost it in the stockroom and sobbed like a baby. Managed to clean himself up sufficiently to head back down to reception only to find Emma wailing by the coffee machines and Paulina was no help at all. None. 

A year ago, Isak would have gone home and got shitfaced on whiskey. Downed a bottle of Jack until he passed out. Then he would have felt like shit for days, but at least it would have numbed his feelings sufficiently. Today Isak went home and curled up with Marthe and sobbed quietly into her hair. Smiled through the exhaustion when Even’s hand gripped the hair on his head in his sleep. Fell asleep with Mikki on his chest. Evens hand in his and Marthe under his arm. Thinking he should take up religion so he knows who to thank for all this. For giving this to him. Because he doesn’t deserve all this love. All this content happiness that has found a home in his chest. 

Even appears behind him in the bathroom, all arms and stubble and lips pressing into Isak’s skin. Letting his head rest on Isak’s shoulder as they look at each other through the bathroom mirror. 

‘’This mirror needs a clean.’’ Isak laughs and draws a heart over Even’s face in the grime that coats the mirror. 

‘’I’ll clean it later. For now, we have 2 hours and 40 minutes left of our alone time. Malena and Nassi have the kids, and there is some kind of date going on tonight so she is dropping them at 5 promptly. We have been warned and told to be clothed and civilized and not smelling of sex. I asked how she knew what sex smelt like and she said she lives with a bunch of grown gorillas who can’t keep it in their pants. Of course, she knows what sex smells like. ‘’ 

Isak is spluttering with laughter. 

‘’Any chance I can have something to eat before I drag you into bed and ravish you?’’ Isak tries to wink. But he is smiling so much that his face just won’t cooperate. 

‘’You can eat my arse. Any time. Suck my dick. Whatever you fancy baby.’’

Isak does his pretend shock face. ‘’I might actually need proper nutrition first. I’m so bloody hungry.’’

‘’I know. I made you toast and coffee, it’s by the side of the bed. On your doctor’s magazines.’’

Isak whines. Whinges with gratitude and love and presses his lips against Even’s stubbled cheek. 

‘’I love that you haven’t shaved. Love the stubble. God, I am going to have stubble rash everywhere.’’

‘’Everywhere baby’’ Even sings back, rubbing his face all over Isak’s cheeks as they grapple down the corridor. 

They curl up in bed, with all the pillows piled behind Even and Isak half sitting up against his chest, inhaling the toast in seconds followed by greedy gulps of coffee. 

‘’Ugh. Food. I think I love you.’’ He pants and Even wraps him up in his arms. 

‘’I love that we can do this for once. Just have morning cuddles in bed like this with no interruptions and no kids in bed.’’

‘’Mmmm’’ Isak replies with his lips still around the rim of the coffee cup.

‘’I love just lying here cuddling you. Holding you. Like we are a normal couple.’’

‘’We are a normal couple though, I mean we live together, have kids and lives and jobs and all that.’’

‘’I know but our life is so messy and hectic and we never get to do this, just lie here and enjoy being us. Just holding you and cuddling. Loving you.’’

‘’Oh, by the way you had asked me about this Stavanger gig, I had it written in the calendar at work, I just didn’t remember. Sorry. Things have just been really busy. ’’ 

Isak puts his cup on the side and turns into Even’s embrace. Buries his face in the skin on his chest and sighs heavily as Even’s arms rub his back. 

‘’I thought I had. God, we are hopeless. Useless both of us. Thank god for Malena. I need to up her allowance money with all the jobs she does and the way she keeps track of us all. God help us when she moves out and goes to Uni, we will completely fall apart. ‘’ 

‘’We will just have to train Morten to take over. Teach Mikki to do some kind of handy Excel spreadsheet. ‘’ Even is rubbing Isak’s lower back. Letting his hands ghost under the elastic of his flannel joggers. 

‘’I was thinking we should buy a big whiteboard, and we could write everything on there about what is happening this week or something. Just to remind us. ‘’ Isak is pouting for kisses and Even’s hand is gripping Isak’s arse. Kneading it. Hard.

‘’I love when you talk schedules. It’s sexy. Turns me on. I am an academic after all.’’ Even sticks his tongue out and licks the tip of Isak’s nose, whilst Isak ruts helplessly against Even’s thigh. Pathetically. Really. 

‘’Shall I mention class schedules? Training modules? Would that help?’’ Isak teases, and Even whinges. Loudly. Sighs and swallows as Isak sucks a flat nipple into his mouth. 

‘’Uhgh. Yeah. Can you tell me about lectures? Standardized exams. Oh fuck. Oh yes. Right there.’’

Well apparently, Even’s nipples like the attention and Isak’s cock is hard. He just can’t help himself. He goes from 0-100% desperate in a few seconds flat when it comes to Even. A naked Even who is kicking off his boxers and pinning Isak to the bed. Holding his arms over his head as he kisses him. Hard. Eating out his mouth with desperate groans as Isak’s legs are scissoring around his waist and their bodies are moving against one another. Isak’s cock slapping against his stomach with every jerked movement from the man above him. 

‘’What do you need baby’’ Even pants. 

‘’Want to fuck you. Need to be in side you.’’ Isak groans back. 

‘’Want to be in side you too. So fucking desperate for you.’’

‘’Let me ride you then. Let me give it to you. ‘’ 

Isak flips him over, and Even lets him. Lets him roll on top of him as the bed creaks and the plate on the bedside table crashes to the floor. 

‘’Where’s the stuff?’’

‘’Uh?’’

‘’The lube baby.’’

‘’Oh. Marthe found it. Empty. All over the floor. It’s a bit. Lubricated on my side of the bed.’’

Isak giggles softly. ‘’So, no lube?’’

‘’Lube’’ Even holds his hand out. ‘’Do you really think I would let us run out? ‘’

Isak just kisses him back. Straddles him and covers his hand in silky liquid. 

‘’Let me watch you.’’ Even pants. ‘’I want to watch you finger yourself’’

‘’You dirty lazy sod. Do I have to do all the work?’’ Isak snarls. He doesn’t mind though. Not when Even is all flushed and crazy and there are pearls of sweat running down his forehead. Not when Even looks so freaking turned on as Isak puts his hand behind his back and pushes a finger into himself. Moving slowly. Just little movements. He can’t quite reach, but it’s good. It’s horny. He is riding his fingers, just slowly, watching Even coat his hand in lube. Watching him grab his cock and stroke it. Twisting slightly over the head. Letting his thumb play with the slit. Pumping liquid with every turn of his hand. Making Isak’s mouth water. Making Isak’s throat release sounds that make no sense at all. Desperate whimpers. Heady sighs. 

‘’You are fucking gorgeous Isak. So beautiful like this. Making me so turned on. Let me inside you. Please. Please just let me love you baby.’’ Even is wrecked.

And Isak loves him. He loves when they are like this. Lost in bliss and pleasure and the sounds of each others’ bodies. Soft slaps of skin moving against skin. The heat and the wetness. The force of Even’s tongue in Isak’s mouth when he leans over so he can grab Even’s cock. Even’s thick long lengths that is slick with lube already. Hard and prepared.  
Isak’s throws his head back when he sinks down over the head. He doesn’t mean to. He thinks he might look like a right porny slut doing it, but he just can’t help himself. Sinking into the pressure. Filling himself up with cock whilst Even roars and presses his fingers into Isak’s thighs. Scratches lines down his arse cheeks when Isak rises back up. Screams out load when he seats himself back down. 

‘’Fucking kiss me Isak.’’ Even shouts. ‘’I need your mouth on me.’’

Isak doesn’t argue. He kisses with all he has got. Letting his hips do the work. In and out. Shifting slightly so the angle hits him right. Spasming in pleasure when his prostate gets what it needs. Over and Over again. Faster and faster. Sucking marks into Even’s chest when his pleasure builds and the muscles in his stomach tightens and his balls are slapping against Even’s hand that is pumping his shaft. Hard and Fast. 

‘’I want you to come in my mouth Baby. Feed me your cock. Now. I need to taste you. Come here.’’ Even is grappling. Pulling Jerking against Isak’s need to ride. To feel. To be filled up and fucked until he comes. ‘’

Isak doesn’t let go. He just moves faster. Throwing his head back in pleasure, bruising Even’s thighs from how hard he holds on. Even’s hand pumping Isak's cock. Even’s mouth spilling obscenities like he is in some fucked up porno. 

He can feel him pulse inside of him. How Even’s cock swells and releases, as his mouth silences and his body tenses. The blush on his chest like fire. His eyes closed and his mouth frozen open. 

And Isak does what he’s told. Because he is good like that he thinks to himself as he leans forward and sinks his cock into Even’s warm mouth with an inhumane roar. He comes just like that. Hard enough to make his head spin. He sees stars. And Even’s mouth springs back to life sucking him dry. Hard and tight around his length as he spills his load down his throat. 

Isak can’t speak. He may just have died. Right there. Fucking hell Even.

‘’Who needs porn when I have you?’’ Isak pants. Out of breath. Dizzy. 

‘’Your fault.’’ Even whispers. ‘’ So bloody sexy. Naughty. Those fingers. Doing that to yourself. I nearly came there and then.’’ Even’s voice is wrecked. Saliva running down his cheek and Isak’s legs are cold and wet with sperm running out of his hole. Down his leg. 

‘’Kiss me. I want to taste your dirty mouth’’ Isak snarls. Then he attacks. Bites gently down on those bloody addictive swollen lips. Licks into Even’s mouth with a growl and tastes the saltiness at the back of his tongue. Feels his dick twitch at the thought. So fucking dirty. 

‘’Just hold me for a while. Let me come back down. My whole body feels like jelly.’’ Even is laughing. A little blush creeping across his face as he snuggles up on Isak’s chest and wraps his arms around him. Letting his fingers move up to Isak’s neck as he twirls a stray curl in-between his fingers.

‘’What do we do with the kids in Stavanger? Are they coming too? I mean we could bring Marthe, she would just fall asleep in the pram. And she’s cute. Stick her in a frilly dress and people will be begging to hold her all evening.’’ Isak is already making plans in his head. Wondering if Marthe even owns a frilly dress. 

‘’I am going to ask Mum and Dad tomorrow. They swore they would never come and visit again after last time. I had had a really bad week and all the food in the fridge was mouldy, the flat was a shit hole. Marthe threw up on the sofa and things just went to shit. I might have shouted at them to get the hell out of my life. I’m not very nice when I am stressed. You know that. Sorry.’’

‘’Do you think they would do it? Would the kids be OK?’’ Isak is worried. He genuinely is. He knows how Marthe panics when she wakes up and there isn’t a body next to her. How Mikki cries out in his room in the middle of the night before his footfall echoes down the hall. How hard he wraps his arms around Even’s neck before his body relaxes back into sleep. He knows Morten is desperate to talk. He is trying. But he just can’t. The words just don’t always make it out. 

‘’They would be fine. My parents kept me alive and well for 20 odd years and I am still a pretty functioning human being. Most of the time. The kids would be fine. ‘’

‘’Fine.’’ Isak hums into Even’s hair. ‘’How are we doing for time? ‘’

‘’1 hr 5 minutes. Ready for round two? I think you owe me a show.’’

‘’A show?’’ Even laughs. 

‘’Slick your fingers up baby, you are going to finger yourself open, and I am going to suck your dick and then, then baby. I am going to fuck that pretty hole of yours until you scream my name. You think you can manage that baby?’’

‘’Such hardship’’ Even snarls back. With an evil grin on his face. ‘’Pass me the lube baby.’’

Isak laughs, pressing kisses into the unruly mop of hair on Even’s head. Giggling softly as Even mutters. ‘’I’ll give you a bloody show’’ under his breath and squirts lube over his fingers. 

Then his mouth takes Isak’s and they don’t speak. Just hum and kiss until Even is screaming Isak's name and Isak has definitly died. Many pleasurable deaths. Over and over.

MALENA: Incoming. I have the Arsehole with me. You better behave. Please Isak. Keep Pappa under control.  
ISAK: We are showered and dressed and smell of Bubble-gum. I think we used the wrong shower gel.  
EVEN: We stink. Not of sex. Who the hell bought Bubble-gum flavoured shower gel?  
MALENA: You did. It’s kid's shampoo you wankers.  
EVEN: Language Malena.  
MALENA: FUCK OFF PAPPA. I am nervous enough as it is. Please behave. Don’t pull a grandma on me.  
ISAK: What is a grandma?  
ISAK: Scrap that. I get it. Berit.  
EVEN: Leave my mother out if this.  
ISAK: (Mouth zipped shut emoji)  
EVEN: Why are we texting each other? You are sitting on my lap baby.  
ISAK: Because it’s funny and we are chatting to Malena.  
MALENA: Leave me out of it.  
ISAK: See you in a second. Can’t wait to meet the arsehole. What is his name again? Thomas?  
MALENA: TOBIAS  
MALENA: I have only talked about him nonstop for the last week Isak.  
ISAK: Yes, but I only know him as Arsehole  
MALENA: True.  
ISAK: #Malenias  
MALENA: WTF?  
ISAK: Your ship name. Even and I are #ISEN.  
MALENA: #EVAK  
EVEN: Huh? Are we talking about boats?  
ISAK: What’s wrong with #Isen?  
MALENA: Sounds like something you find in the freezer section at the Coop. You are definitely #Evak  
ISAK: #Evak. Like it.  
MALENA: #Malenias  
MALENA: Not #Toblena?  
EVEN: Are we talking about Toblerone now?  
ISAK: Let me deal with Even. See you in a while! #Malenias (heart emoji) 

To: even.bech.naesheim@uio.no, isak.valtersen@kvinneklinikken-oslo.no  
CC: hedda.sorrentino@UniHospitalpressoffice-oslo.no From :Marit.Toresen@godmorgennorge.NRK.no 

Dear Even and Isak.  
Hedda has given us the all clear to go ahead. I suggest that you do the Tuesday morning show which gives us time to promote your appearance on Monday.  
We will need you in the studio at 04.45 in the morning where our resident make up team will prepare you. Please ask for Anu who will be in charge.  
Matti and Herman will be the studio hosts and will meet you at 5.30 to go through the questions and answers with you. Please don’t be nervous. If you could email me with any suggestions and do’s and don’ts with regards to what you would like to discuss, that would be a great help.  
Please feel free to wear whatever you feel comfortable in, but please stay away from bright colours and any visible logos. If you would like our wardrobe team to style you then get in touch and I can set up a meeting with our stylist Pontus.  
We are very much looking forwards to meeting with you, the whole studio is buzzing. You should know you have quite a few fans here.  
Best  
Marit and the Good Morning Norway Team.


	26. Saturday Evening

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As it turns out this chapter would have been ridiculously long, so I have split it into two to make it easier to read. So you will be getting Saturday Evening Chap 26, Sunday with Even's parents chap 27 and then we have that interview in chap 28 coming up. Phew. Bear with me. Tuesday will be lit with updates dropping on LH, Viking Airlines and a new venture as well. 
> 
> I know. I know. But there is no more SKAM and I have to do something with all these stories in my head!! xxxxx

It’s not the best start, when they promised Malena to be on their best behaviour. It’s not the greatest of starts to be meeting new people. Not when Isak is shouting at Even and Even is snarling at Isak and everything that was meant to be perfect is falling apart.

Because Isak may have told Hedda that it was probably a good idea. He didn’t mean it like that. He didn’t mean it in the sense of the word as ‘’Yes, I think dragging my partner on national television is a good idea. He doesn’t even know what he meant. But apparently Hedda took it for what it was and they are now doing it.

Well Even is fuming and pulling at his hair pacing up and down the hallway and Isak can’t help being pissy about it.

 

‘’Well someone gave them your email, so you must have said yes too then’’ He grits out through his teeth.

‘’They emailed me and I told them to piss off. Or maybe that was VG. The fuck do I know. No, I emailed back and said that I was impressed with their commitment to showing unconventional families on Morning TV and I wished them good luck. I think. Oh, fuck Isak. ‘’

‘’Well maybe you should have told me. I didn’t even know they had emailed you.’’

‘’I didn’t know you had already said yes!’’

‘’I fucking hadn’t!!’’

And then Malena is standing in the door way and Marthe is throwing herself at Even squealing ‘’Pappa’’ and there is a boy standing there with Mikki on his back just staring at Isak from under his fringe and Isak feels like a dick.

A jealous dick. Because Mikki is hugging this boy and beaming, and not only is Even being completely unreasonable, but now Isak is jealous too. Of some kid. Because Mikki should be hugging him, beaming at him. Mikki is his little buddy. His cuddle buddy. And Mikki has no right to be even half cuddling this dude with his floppy fringe and seriously cool black jacket who is now swinging Mikki around so he is wrapped around his hip and talking at 100 miles an hour about something that Isak’s brain can’t even figure out.

‘’Pappa, Isak, this is Tobias.’’ Malena looks terrified. You can cut the atmosphere with a knife.

‘’Even’’ Even nods and reaches out his hand. ‘’I’m Lena’s Pappa. And this is my Isak, Lena’s other Pappa.’’

It’s just words. Nothing more than words. But Isak’s shoulders sink and his heart melts just a little and all he wants to do is curl up in a hug with Even, who is putting Marthe down and looking at him with those puppy eyes again. The ones that say ‘’Sorry. I love you. I’m a total idiot and I know it.’’

‘’Isak?’’ Malena questions. Isak is just a little overwhelmed. Marthe is tugging at his jeans mouthing ‘’Potty time Pappa Isak. Potty and Doodles Pappa Isak.’’ And Mikki is laughing at him and Malena is just cocking her head and Tobias just stares at him.

‘’Babe?’’ Tobias says. Looking worried.

‘’Did you just call me babe?’’ Malena hisses.

‘’I talk a load of shit when I’m nervous.’’ Tobias whispers.

‘’I can’t speak at all when I’m nervous.’’ Isak laughs. He has kind of snapped back into reality. Reaches out and shakes Tobias hand.

‘’I’m Isak. Nice to meet you. Thanks for helping with the kids today, I hope they were good. Where’s Nassi?’’

‘’She headed off home. Had something on.’’ Malena shrugs her shoulders and stares at Isak.

‘’I see.’’ And Isak stares back. He is still completely lost in this conversation.

‘’Does anyone want a beer?’’ Even grabs Mikki from Tobias and leans down to help Mikki take his shoes off.

‘’I will need a whiskey or two once I have worded this email I am about to send to Hedda.’’ Isak sighs.

‘’Who is Hedda and what has she done?’’ Malena asks and pushes Tobias ahead of her into the living room as Isak follows with the potty.

‘’Even and I are now apparently going on ‘’Good Morning Norway’’ on Tuesday. Which none of us agreed to. ‘’

‘’To talk about gay parenting?’’ Tobias asks.

‘’Gay Parenting? What the fuck is that?’’ Malena is almost shouting. And Tobias looks like he is about to die.

‘’I mean, I have nothing against Gay Parents. I have two dads. I didn’t mean it like that.’’

‘’Your parents are gay?’’ Isak almost trips over Marthe on the floor who is digging into the empty bag of cheese doodles from under the sofa.

‘’Dooodles all gone’’ Marthe wails.

‘’Doodles Even!!’’ Isak shouts.

‘’Crisps and dip Pappa’’ Morten shouts and throws himself on the sofa. ‘’It’s Saturday night so we need snacks. Loads of them.’’

‘’Can we watch Finding Nemo Pappa Isak? Please. Tobias loves Finding Nemo, he told me’’ Mikki is pulling at Isak’s sleeves and Isak grabs him and squeezes him a little tighter than probably necessary, but he wants to. Has to.

‘’Best film ever. Apart from Lion king. I like that one too.’’ Tobias has now thrown himself on the sofa like he lives here and Mikki is climbing onto his lap getting comfortable and Isak has once again turned into a green-eyed monster. ‘’

‘’Mikki it’s bath time, so you must come and have a bath.’’

‘’No, I want to watch finding Nemo.’’

‘’Pappa Isak Marthe did wee wee on the floor. Naughty Marthe.’’

She has as well and Isak just wants to cry.

‘’Marthe, why baby girl? The potty is right here!!! ‘’

‘’No doodles’’ Marthe pouts. ‘’Doodles all gone’’ There tears forming in her eyes and her bottom lip is quivering and Tobias leans forward on the sofa.

‘’Do you want to go sort her and I will mop up the floor?’’ He looks sincere as well.

‘’I can’t let you do that’’ Isak sighs.

‘’My little brother is 3. I have mopped up more wee than you can imagine. It’s chill dude. ‘’

Tobias has already grabbed the kitchen roll from the coffee table and is down on his knees mopping the wooden floor.

‘’Are your parents actually gay?’’ Isak asks whilst trying to manhandle Marthe out of her wet tights. Bloody tights. He is going to go through that laundry basket tomorrow and throw away any tights he can find. Tights are banned from now on. Period.

‘’Yeah. My mum is an addict, and my Dads adopted me and then they have adopted all my siblings too as Mum has popped them out. She’s a bit of a mess. My Dads are ace though. Love them. Wouldn’t swap them for the world. ‘’

Isak just smiles, and he actually warms a little to the boy, when Tobias smiles shyly back.

‘’So, I know a bit about gay parenting or whatever, and if you go on Good Morning Norway and talk about it would be a great thing for a lot of kids. That’s why I was desperate to talk to Malena when I found out she had two Dads. I mean she is definitely the hottest chick in school and I have wanted to talk to her for ages, but I never knew what to say and then I behaved like a dick. I think she has forgiven me. I hope.''

‘’Shut it Arsehole. I like when you grovel. I might forgive you one day.’’

‘’You love me babes.’’

‘’Did you just call me babes? Again?’’

‘’Yup!’’ Tobias stands up. Wee soaked paper towels in one hand and a mischievous grin on his face.

‘’Don’t call me babes.’’

‘’But it’s cute!’’

‘’I have a name. Use it.’’

‘’Do you really want to argue with me when I have wee soaked shit in my hand? Babes?’’

Malena squeals and raise her hand as Tobias pretend throws the towels at her. He doesn’t though and even Isak flinches slightly. Malena would kill him. Honestly. Does this boy realize who he is messing with?

Then he blushes and backs away from it all and heads into the bathroom with a naked Marthe and a handful of clothes. Because Tobias has Malena locked in a one-armed embrace back in the living room and he is definitely locking lips with her and Isak doesn’t really know what he thinks about that. Not really.

‘’He’s hot. The arsehole.’’ Even is whispering into Isak’s neck. ‘’Marthe, please stand still so I can get the shower on you! ‘’

Isak is rolling up his sleeves trying to control the temperature of the shower whilst Marthe is jumping up and down in the tub.

‘’And yes baby, he seems nice. Gives as good as he gets. Clearly adores Lena. It’s good.’’

There is laughter ringing out from the living room. Squeals. They both smile.

‘’Do you think we should do this? Go out there on TV and talk about us?’’

‘’If it’s something you want to do, I will be right there with you. I’m sorry. It just stresses me out. The idea of it all. And I need to ring Sonja’s brother and apologize for all this shit, he will be hopping mad at me. I might as well grovel live on TV. It might just soften the blow.’’ Even sighs loudly.

‘’Tobias said something, about it being good for people to see, that we are normal people who are raising kids, and that there is nothing unusual about it all. Maybe it would do some good. People can be shitty about this kind of thing, two blokes raising kids. ‘’

‘’He did? Clever boy.’’ Even nuzzles into Isak’s neck. Wraps his arms around his waist and then jumps back when Isak flicks a spray of water over him. Just gently. Laughing as Marthe empties half the bubble gum shampoo into the bathtub.

‘’His dads are gay. He has two dads. Like us. ‘’

‘’Shut up’’ Even laughs.

‘’Honestly. He told me.’’

‘’Really? Oh God. Does that mean we should have them round for dinner? ‘’

‘’Yeah, why not? Could be interesting. Malena will be mortified with us on TV on Tuesday, we might as well go the whole hog and be pathetic and invite the future in-laws. For dinner. ''

‘’Don’t. Don’t even say it. Just let us please survive lunch with my parents tomorrow. If I am still alive tomorrow night then we will discuss it. Fuck, I can’t cook. What would we serve? Pizza? Could we order in from some restaurant?’’

Isak just growls. ‘’I do good pot noodles. Maybe it’s safer if we all go out. Then we can fake a childcare emergency and leg it home if they are stuck up arseholes. ‘’

‘’Good Plan’’ Even sighs.

‘’Marthe, no!! Please! Not the shaving foam. That’s Pappa’s special squirty bottle. Give it back. Now!!’’

Too late. Even’s shirt is sprayed in a fine mist of foam. And Isak just laughs.

‘’Pappa what the hell is going on in there?’’ Malena is standing in the doorway. ‘’We are leaving. Can’t I trust you to do anything right? What has Marthe got in her hair?’’

‘’Shaving foam’’ Isak sighs. ‘’We ran out of the bubble gum shit.’’

 

Malena puts Marthe to bed, Isak get’s changed, again, and Even gives Mikki a bath and Tobias just sits there like he has always been there. Chats about hockey with Morten eating crisps whilst Nemo get’s found and chaos erupts around them.

Isak insists, he practically manhandles Mikki into bed and snuggles up for a bed time story. Giving the little boy as many cuddles and kisses as he demands before tucking him up on his side of the bed. Because Mikki is his little boy, and Isak has this un-comprehendible urge to make sure Mikki knows it.

Mikki who is the perfect little mini-Even, with his dark blonde waves and crinkly eyes. The same lips and freckles as his father. Same irresistible smile. Nothing like Morten who is the double of Sonja, with his fair skin and blond hair, that is now impossibly short after Jonas worked his magic on the unruly mop of hair he was sporting. Whilst Malena is her father’s daughter, and Marthe. Well Isak thinks she looks like him. She is Isak’s baby alright, same tight curls and impossible dimples, where the Gods of genetics has had a laugh and thrown some random genes her way. Isak bends down and kisses her cheek. ‘’Sleep tight my beautiful little monkeys’’ he whispers as he tucks the duvet around her and presses his hand to Mikki’s head.

He finds Tobias and Even in the kitchen making cheese on toast. With tomato. And there is bacon bubbling in a pan and Isak’s stomach growls. ‘’It’s now quite Croque Monsieur but I like the saltiness of the bacon with the cheese. ‘’ Tobias smiles at Isak.

‘’The boy can cook. I think we need him to move in. ‘’ Even pants and takes a sip of his beer. ‘’Tobias parents run a restaurant, so we are fucked if we invite them for pot noodle dinner.’’

‘’My Dads would find it hilarious. Pot noodle dinner. You should do it. As long as there is wine and beer they wouldn’t give a fuck what you serve to eat. ‘’

‘’We can’t cook. Well I try but I burn fish fingers and over cook pasta. I can make tacos?’’ Isak offers and Malena laughs and pats him on the back. ‘’The tacos were a good try Isak. They were fine.’’ Malena is looking at him with a sympathetic smile.

‘’There was nothing wrong with my Tacos!‘’ Isak tries to look shocked. Grasping his chest.

‘’Your tacos were epic baby’’ Even laughs and wraps him up in a hug, ‘’We didn’t mind picking out the burnt bits’’. And Isak smiles into his shirt, smelling of bubble-gum and shaving foam and beer and maybe cheese. Definitely a hint of cheese there he thinks as he presses a kiss to Even’s lips.

And that’s how they stay. The five of them around the kitchen table having a laugh over a few beers and some incredible cheese on toast. Morten on Even’s lap whinging about never getting cheese on toast, especially cheese on toast like this. And Tobias looks proud as fuck as he gives them all a hug before heading home.

It’s how it should be. Easy laughter and a lot of love Isak thinks as he crawls under the duvet and gently pushes Mikki over so Even can slide in behind him. Arms tight around his chest and warm breath on his neck. ‘’I fucking love my family’’ Even whispers. And Isak knows what he means. He fucking loves them too.

 

To Marit.Toresen@godmorgennorge.NRK.no

From: isak.valtersen@kvinneklinikken-oslo.no

CC: hedda.sorrentino@UniHospitalpressoffice-oslo.no

CC: even.bech.naesheim@UiO.no

Dear Marit. Thank you for your email. We will be there. No special requests apart from to please respect our children’s privacy by not mentioning them by name or asking specific questions about them. We are happy to discuss most other things, but would like to keep the topic on parenting and possibly mention the invasion of privacy from the press. Kind rgds Isak and Even

ISAK: Tobias was nice. We like him.

MALENA: We do.

ISAK: Sleep tight. See you tomorrow.

Malena added Pappa to the groupchat.

MALENA: I might as well have both of you on here since apparently Isak is now officially my ''OTHER PAPPA''

ISAK: Sorry. That was a bit of a dick thing to pull on you.

PAPPA: Isak is your Other Pappa. Suck it up babes.

MALENA: I hate you.

Malena changed ISAK to THAT OTHER PAPPA

THAT OTHER PAPPA: Honoured. Thank you.

MALENA: Suck it up dickhead. You are now stuck with me.

PAPPA: Love you.

THAT OTHER PAPPA: Love you too.

MALENA: Piss off both of you. Thanks for looking after Tobias. He had a good time. Hasn't stopped texting me.

MALENA:

PAPPA: (hearteyes emoji)

THAT OTHER PAPPA: Heart emoji.

MALENA: night night. xxx


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was inspired by the amazing JYDOODLES on instagram who draws Evak so true to life that it does strange things to my heart. The Evak in the bath painting is beautiful So thank you. 
> 
> https://www.instagram.com/p/BXSHHiflDlz/?taken-by=jydoodles

CREDIT JY DOODLES ON Instagram.

The morning starts well. Well as well as can be expected. Marthe has wet the bed because somehow her nappy just isn’t attached to her body anymore. Mikki is crying because his pyjamas are wet and Morten is fast asleep in the middle of it all, not remotely bothered by the growing wet patch on the side of his leg.

Even is pacing around the house reading something on his tablet, and Isak is trying to run a bath whilst Marthe and Mikki are running around the flat shouting and screaming and making each other cry. It’s a miracle the neighbours aren’t banging on the walls and calling the police since it’s only half past 7 in the morning. On a Sunday.

‘’I used to lie in bed on a Sunday morning with my laptop and a nice cup of coffee’’ Isak snarls and catches Marthe, turning her upside down over his shoulder and walking off towards the bathroom.

‘’Those long-gone days…’’ Even sighs and puts his tablet down.

‘’Babes, do you want coffee or posh coffee?’’

‘’Just coffee’’, Isak shouts back. ‘’Don’t waste the posh stuff when it will only go cold whilst I try to clean up these kids. MIKKKIIIIII!!’’

‘’I will come and help, just hang on’’ Even calls back and flicks the kettle on, loading instant coffee into two mugs and grabbing the milk from the fridge whilst Mikki attaches himself to his leg and shouts:

‘’I’m a baby dinosaur and I am hiding from the big bad Velociraptor’’.

‘’Who is the big bad Velociraptor?’’ Even whispers and drags Mikki along over the floor, still attached to his leg.

‘’The Velociraptor. He is a meat eater and lives behind the sofa. And if you don’t feed him meatballs then he will come out and chop your leg off.’’

‘’Oh right.’’ Even laughs. ‘’What if we hide in the bathroom? Will the big bad Velociraptor find us there?’’

‘’Silly Pappa’’ Mikki laughs. ‘’If you are naked the Velociraptor can’t see you, so you are safe. But you are wearing clothes so he will see you and he will munch on your legs and have your arms for a snack later. ‘’

‘’Oh right’’ Even starts dragging Mikki down the hallway, balancing two cups of coffee in his hands and a naked Mikki riding his leg. Clinging on for dear life and giggling with every step forwards.

‘’Have you seen any big bad Velociraptors lately babes?’’ Even hands Isak a cup and Isak just cocks an eyebrow at him. ‘’Velociraptors?’’

‘’Yeah. Apparently, he lives behind the sofa and eats meatballs.’’ Even laughs.

‘’Babes? Are you seriously picking that up now? I am ‘’babes’’? Isak is trying to look offended. When in reality Even just finds him irresistibly cute.

‘’I’m just moving with the times, trying to pick up the lingo. Hang with the cool people.’’ Even sips his coffee and laughs.

‘’You are an idiot. Lucky for you I still love you. Babes. ‘’ Isak is picking up Mikki pretending to be some deranged looking dinosaur and slowly lowering him head first into the bath.

‘’That’s my son, if you break his neck you are a dead man.’’ Even warns.

‘’That’s our son.’’ Isak says. Without even thinking. Looking at Even for support. Wondering if he overstepped again. If he should have just thought before speaking.

‘’Our son.’’ Even’s face is sincere. Kind. His hand reaching out and grabbing Isak’s shoulder.

‘’I love you. We all do. Pappa Isak.’’ And Isak feels like crying again. Well he doesn’t, because he is about to drop Mikki in the bath, and Marthe is pouring buckets of water over the edge of the tub and Isak’s feet are wet and Even just laughs.

‘’We are hopeless. I should be telling her off and mopping up this water. Seriously.’’ Even laughs. Instead he is pulling down his pants and getting in the bath roaring like some out of control dinosaur and splashing water all over Isak.

‘’Let’s get Pappa Isak all wet so he will have to get his clothes off and get in the bath with us!!’’ Even shouts.

‘’There are dinosaurs on the outside, and they are about to eat you Pappa Isak!! Get in the bath! It’s a safe zone in the bath, you become invisible in the bath, and Velociraptors can’t see you!! Hurry Pappa Isak!’’

‘’Oh No! Dajinosor!’’ Marthe squeals and points at the door where Morten just shakes his head at them and turns around.

‘’I am going to go pee in the kitchen sink.’’ He mumbles and Isak gets another bucket of water thrown over his pyjama pants.

‘’Seriously Even?’’ Isak just stands there. He is soaked. The towels behind him are soaked. The laundry basket is soaked. And Even has just loaded another bucket of bathwater and is aiming it at him.

‘’Do we want Pappa Isak in the bath or not?’’ He whispers to Mikki, who nods enthusiastically and Marthe claps her hands and jumps up and down in the water.

‘’I am going to count to 3 Pappa Isak’’ Mikki scolds. Looking serious. ‘’One.’’

Even is aiming the bucket. Mikki is giving him serious stares. ‘’Two’’

Isak doesn’t even think. Just strips out of his clothes and makes a swift jump into the bath, dropping down and lifting Marthe up over his head shouting ‘’There is a dinosaur in the bath and he is going to eat you all for dinner Roooooaoaoaoaooaoaorrrrrr’’

And Malena stands behind them brushing her teeth, rolling her eyes. ‘’I am not looking Isak. There are some things that I just do not need to see.’’

‘’Sorry’’ Isak laughs. Tickling Marthe and ducking from another bucket of water.

‘’Just so you know I am NOT cleaning this shit up.’’ She flicks her hair and walks out leaving the door wide open.

MAMMA: So excited to see you later. The weather looks good.

EVEN: We are all dressed ready to set off in a bit.

MAMMA: I sent Pappa shopping on his own earlier.

EVEN: Oh God, you didn’t. What did he buy this time?

MAMMA: He was only going to go down to the garden centre and get some fertilizer for the roses, but he came back with a paddling pool. And some toys.

MAMMA: He is out in the garden blowing things up now. 

EVEN: ???????

MAMMA: Yes? Blowing the inflatables. The children will love them.

MAMMA: Ha-ha See what I did there. I managed to get some sexual innuendo into a totally innocent sentence. Go me.

EVEN: Mamma……

MAMMA: Let me have some fun. I am loving all these gay romance novels. I have read three now. They are HOT. (fire emoji)

EVEN: What happened to my nice normal parents?

MAMMA: Who wants to grow old gracefully?

EVEN: True.

MAMMA: EEEK! Look at this one:

EVEN: What the hell is that?

MAMMA: A magical rainbow unicorn ride on. Love it.

 

They all burst into laughter when they realize that they only have 5 seats in the car. And that there are 6 of them standing on the pavement, all dressed and clean and pretty much on time. Give or take.

Malena gracefully offers to get on the train, and anyway she has asked Granny if she can bring Tobias, which Even and Isak both gratefully and over-enthusiastically agreed to. Encouraged even. Anything to deflect the attention away from whatever they are about to endure. Not that Isak dreads it. He has found a surprising friendship with Berit this week, and actually enjoys their banter. Whilst Even has used up every word for ‘’Apology’’ he can think of in the Norwegian language. Apologizing in advance for what Isak is about to hopefully live through.

The traffic is clear as they make their way through the city and down towards Lillestrom. Lazily enjoying the sunshine and laughing at Even’s ancient taste in music.

‘’Who the hell were the Foo Fighters?’’ Isak asks, flicking looking through the pile of CD's littering the footwell of the car. ''I don’t remember them.''

‘’Oh, they were brilliant. Did you not listen to Nirvana?’’ Even swerves slightly as he pops the CD in the drive.

‘’Were they a rap set up?’’ Isak asks? ''I mean I was all about NWA. Wu Tan Clan. A little Kanye.''

‘’Isak’’ Even whines. ‘’Kanye? Seriously?’’

‘’Have you heard of Brain matter Inc?’’ Morten asks, Headphones on his shoulders for once.

‘’Brain matter what?’’ Isak turns around. ‘’Are they a band?’’

‘’Yeah, they are so cool. It’s like rap death metal with a bass line. Really funky.’’

Isak is lost. But he smiles and nods.

‘’You will have to let me listen. I tend to stick to old school R’n’b these days. Vintage Rhianna if I feel adventurous.‘’

Even sighs and turns the volume up as ‘’Smells like teen spirit’’ fills the air and Morten and Mikki both shout along to the lyrics whilst Even head bangs and Isak seriously fears for their lives. He can’t stop laughing though, as he leans back and reaches out for Marthe’s Hand.

‘’On the way back we are going to play some nice Beyoncé. Teach these boys some proper tunes. What do you say baby girl?’’

‘’Potty Pappa Isak’’ Marthe replies and tries to cross her legs in her car seat. ‘’Big poop coming.’’

 

ISAK: We are running late. Just cleaning up Marthe by the side of the road. Bit of an accident. Potty training.

BERIT: OH!! I will send Pappa up in the loft. We might have a potty still up there! How cute!!

ISAK: We brought one, so it’s fine. She is usually good about it. She’s pretty much dry.

BERIT: Oh, don’t worry about it. We can manage. Did you remember to bring Swim suits?

ISAK: Swimsuits?

BERIT:

ISAK: WOW.

BERIT: Never mind. We will skinny dip. The neighbours are away anyway. Can’t wait.

 

It’s not bad. It’s actually really nice. Berit who wraps Isak up in the biggest of hugs and squeals with delight.

‘’I have been looking forwards to seeing you again, so so much.’’ She kisses his cheek. Ruffles his hair. Shakes his shoulders and squeals. And Isak feels 16 all over again apart from that he actually laughs and finds it funny now. And he feels loved. Accepted.

Even Bjorn hugs him and his smile is genuine and warm, as he points at the flagpole. ‘’Were a proper rainbow family now. I love it. And Kjelle next door is probably writing letters to the council as we speak, which is bringing me no end of joy, I can’t wait for the man to make a complete fool out of himself again. Did Even tell you he tried to cut down our birch tree over there? Claimed that the pollen made his incontinence worse? He wrote a letter to the local website as well. ‘’

‘’Really?’’ Isak just smiles.

‘’As you can see the Birch tree still stands. And Kjelle still tries to find ways to be a plonker. Never mind. Some people eh?’’ Isak nods.

‘’Let me grab you a beer son, and I will show you around the garden. Did Even tell you about my roses? I have a thing for my roses you see, they are like my babies, apart from Even, and the kids of course, but my roses are special. I planted a new one for every grandchild, and then I plant a new one on Berit’s birthday every year, so as you can imagine I have quite the collection now.’’ Isak just smiles. Nods. Follows along as Berit scoops the children up and Even sets off in the car to collect Malena and Tobias from the train station.

Lunch turns out to be a laugh, and Isak doesn’t quite understand why Even was so worried about it all.

‘’Did I tell you about the Pride float that I am organizing?’’ Berit is serving up potatoes, dishing out ladle full of tiny golden butter soaked new potatoes, sprinkled with fresh dill from the garden and Isak’s stomach is rumbling with anticipation. All whilst Even is flipping fishcakes by the stove and Bjorn is cutting up bread and Tobias is making salad dressing from scratch which has them all staring at him in awe like he is some kind of magician.

‘’She is obsessed with this Pride float’’ Bjorn Laughs. ‘’At least it keeps her out of my hair.’’

Berit strokes his cheek. ‘’No, I was thinking that the Lillehammer folk dance group could have its own float, but I could only get 4 people to agree to sign up, and anyway they were getting all antsy when I suggested we do same sex couples for the dances, so I went on the National Folk dancing Facebook page and rallied up a load of people, so I have 3o people meeting up in town for a planning meeting in August, and there is this gay couple who are the same sex folk dancing champions of Scandinavia, which is a thing apparently, Pappa and I had never heard of it, but Pappa googled and it’s quite an event apparently. You should take up folk dancing Even, it’s such good exercise. ‘’

Berit has to stop and catch her breath, whilst Tobias smiles enthusiastically and Malena rolls her eyes and Isak just laughs.

‘’Told you lot that Mamma has got a bee in her bonnet about this Pride thing’’ Bjorn sighs.

‘’Well anyway, we have a vehicle booked, and a driver arranged, and 30 couples to dance, give or take, and we just need to sort a theme. I was also thinking about getting rainbow themed bunads made for us, I mean it would be seriously different and eye-catching. Because you must stand out and get noticed. There is no use doing these things half-heartedly.’’

‘’It sounds brilliant Berit’’ Isak laughs. ‘’The hospital does a float each year, and a few of the clinics to stands, so maybe I will get involved this year. Support the cause.’’

‘’Oh, you should. I will add you to my group chat so you can stay involved. Give your input as an actual Gay man. Because I am not quite sure how some of these things work. But never mind. Pappa can just google it. ‘’

Berit looks very pleased with herself as she puts the pan of potatoes back on the stove and kisses Even on the cheek.

‘’I love having you all here, it’s been far too long!’’ She sighs, and strokes Tobias arm.

‘’I love how our little family has grown. All these beautiful people! I’m such a lucky granny!!’’

‘’You are a loopy Granny’’ Bjorn laughs. ‘’ But we still love you.’’

‘’We do’’ Even laughs.

‘’We should make this a tradition Granny’’ Malena places a bowl of lingon berry jam on the table.

‘’First weekend of each month we have lunch with you guys. Nobody is allowed to cancel or duck out. It’s family time. Period.’’

‘’I’m in.’’ Tobias shrugs his shoulders. And Isak winks at him. Nods. Smiles. Berit squeals and claps her hands and Isak suddenly gets where Marthe gets it from as his little girl claps her hands in delight.

‘’Gramma!!’’ She squeals. ‘’More Tatoes. Marthe likes Gramma’s tatoes.’’

‘’Of course you do darling. Granny and Granddad grow the best potatoes.’’ Marthe beams as Berit drops another ladle of potatoes on her plate, kissing the little girls head as she passes.

‘’Shall I put it in the online calendar then? Isak, you are excused if you need to work, but sleeping is no excuse. You can nap here. ‘’

‘’Gosh, you are bossy Lena’’ Isak laughs.

’’ Fine. If I have to work Saturday night, I will nap here. Sorry Berit.’’

‘’Oh, don’t you worry darling boy, we are all family here. You can sleep at the table for all I care as long as we get to see you and spend some time with you. Sweetheart.’’

‘’When can we go in the pool?’’ Mikki whinges. ‘’I want to swim!”

‘’After you have finished your lunch and someone can go out and supervise you.’’ Even gives Mikki his sternest look and Mikki just sighs.

‘’Tell you what my darling boy. You finish your lunch and Granny will read you a new book whilst we wait for everyone to eat up. It’s called ‘’Jenny has two Daddies’’ Just like you. You have two daddies now. How brilliant is that?’’

‘’Cool!’’ Mikki beams.

‘’I’ve got that book!’’ Tobias smiles. ‘’Blast from the past. My Dads used to read it to me. I have to go look if I can find it at home, and I might read it to my brother.’’

‘’O.M.G’’ Berit’s mouth is hanging open.

‘’What?’’ Tobias is giggling.

‘’Come sit down next to me darling boy and tell me all the gossip. Malena, you terrible girl, why didn’t you tell me? I live for this kind of thing, you know that! Unconventional families. Tobias. Sweetheart. So, your Dads. How did they meet?’’

‘’Culinary school.’’ Tobias sits down and put’s the plate in front of him. Takes a mouth full of fishcake and sighs. ‘’Gorgeous fishcakes. Just right. Lovely. Anyway. Pappa Mattias had a motorbike, and Pappa Chris had a broken motorbike in his garage, and they both loved cooking and wanted to open a restaurant one day, and as they say, the rest is history.’’

Birgit squeals. ‘’And then they got you?’’

‘’They applied to adopt, and waited for ages, and then I was placed with them when I was 2. I was a scrawny terrified skinny little thing apparently, shit scared of the two of them, because I had never really been around men before, it had just been me and my mum. She’s an addict. Shit parent, loves heroin more than her kids, but she is unwell. I have kind of learned to accept that now. Anyway, she has done one fucking brilliant thing in her life, and that was to hand me over to my Dads. Then she gave me the best freaking gift in the world because she kept having kids, we have no idea who the Dads are, but it doesn’t matter, because she has given me an amazing family. Brilliant siblings. The best Dads in the world. Wouldn’t change a fucking thing. ‘’

‘’Language Arsehole.’’ Malena smiles. But there is something else in her eyes and Isak beams.

‘’Language Malena’’ Even’s voice is soft. Full of Love.

And Berit has tears in her eyes and Bjorn clears his throat and mutters ‘’Mamma what about that pie that you promised for dessert. Is there Vanilla cream?’’

‘’Oh, fuck the Vanilla cream’’ Berit laughs. ‘’I think I am in love with this boy and his two Dads. When are you bringing them over for family lunch?’’

They all laugh. The sun is shining through the open windows, where a bumble bee is buzzing around in the flowers on the windowsill and the children are all stripping off into their underwear, shouting about swimming and having a go on the inflatable toys.

There is splashing and screaming as Tobias appears wearing nothing but boxers and throws himself in the pool, making all the inflatables fly out of the water. Then Malena is getting in, in her T-shirt, and Berit comes tip toeing out in a swimsuit, and some bath hat covered in flowers that makes Isak cry with laughter and he practically forces her to take a selfie wearing it. It’s his new profile picture on Facebook. Him with tears of laugher streaming down his face, Berit in the ridiculous excuse for a hat and Even kissing her cheek.

For the probably hundredth time of the day, Isak closes his eyes for a second and swallows his emotions. It’s been one hell of a day. The most gorgeous day. He hasn’t laughed this much in ages.

He grabs Even’s hand in the car on the way home. Mikki is asleep in his seat, with his arms around the ‘’Jenny has two Daddies’’ book. Marthe is naked in her car seat, and Morten has his headphones back on and his eyes glazed over.

‘’We are fucking lucky.’’ He whispers to Even.

‘’I know.’’ Even smiles back.


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a small tribute to the Finnish Fangroup, because they are all awesome and hilarious and come on, FINLAND! Definitly FINLAND!! The Finnish dialogue doesn't require translating as the characters make it clear in English what they are doing, and basically they are just gushing over Evak, in Finnish.

28  
MAMMA added ISAK EVEN and PAPPA to the group chat.

MAMMA: Darling boys thank you for yesterday, we had such a laugh. Loved seeing you all!  
EVEN: It was great. Thank you. The kids had a ball.  
ISAK: The lunch and company was fantastic. Thank you for having us.  
MAMMA: Any time darlings, I am so thrilled you came. I have such a crush on Tobias. What a sweet boy. And you of course my Isak, but I have known you since you were a shy awkward teenager so I have kind of gotten used to your charms now. My gorgeous handsome boy.  
EVEN: Mamma hands off Isak. He’s mine.  
MAMMA: EVEN! Pappa is on this chat. No naughty talk.  
PAPPA: I can take the naughty chat. I am sitting here drinking whiskey and reading fan fiction.  
EVEN: Fan fiction?  
PAPPA: I was googling something for Mamma and came across it. It’s Dr Who. They are all gay. It’s quite interesting.  
MAMMA: Pappa was saying he might start to write some himself. He used to be an editor you know.  
PAPPA: I was thinking I could write Star Trek. I always figured Captain Kirk had a thing for Spock.  
ISAK: I think that might have been done. But search it?  
EVEN: ISAK!! Don’t tell me you read fan fiction?  
ISAK: I might have. Not for a long time though. There is some good stuff on there.  
PAPPA: It’s entertaining. Enlightening.  
MAMMA: I might have a go then. After I finish this new book I downloaded. It’s a Ménage. Three men all together in a steamy relationship. Hot Hot Hot.  
EVEN: I am going to bed. Night night. I don’t know any of you anymore.  
EVEN left the group chat.  
ISAK: Night night. Thanks again. Enjoy your reading. Speak tomorrow.  
MAMMA: Good night my darlings. Xxxxx

Even has no idea how they actually pulled it off, but on Tuesday morning at 4.45 Himself and Isak walk through the doors into the Good Morning Norway studios, fully clothed, bellies full of coffee brewed by Tobias who stayed the night. and Isak is whinging because Malena made him wear a shirt he thinks is too tight, when in reality Even is slightly drooling over the state of his boyfriend, the love of his life, who is squeezed into a white t-shirt with a tight shirt on top and he just looks hot as hell. Whilst Even feels like the frumpy Dad in his checked shirt and jeans.  
‘’Remember to ring them at 7 so we can wake them up. ‘’ Even whispers to Isak as a security guard buzzes them through. The taxi ride didn’t help his nerves and Isak looks pale and tired.  
‘’They will get up. Tobias set his alarm and the kids will wake up at 7 on their own anyway. They won’t be late. ‘’

Even just whines slightly. He is so out of his comfort zone that it’s not even funny. Neither of them are fine with this. Both throwing glances at each other, blaming the other for the mess they have somehow agreed to. 

‘’Hi, hello, welcome!!! You must be Even and Isak. Hi. Lovely come on through.’’  
The lady looks kind, giving them both a firm handshake and a genuine warm smile. ‘’I’m Kati the studio manager. Come with me and we will get you settled and get this show on the road. How do you both take your coffee? We all live off Caffeine here, so we can cater to any taste. ‘’

‘’Eh, Just black thanks.’’ Isak needs coffee. Coffee is good. 

‘’Decaf? Regular? Americano? Espresso? We have a great Belgian intern here, she makes brilliant coffee, and does a decent job on the editing as well. Plus she calls us all out on or bullshit which is exactly what we need around here . We’ll probably take her on once her placement finishes. ‘’ The studio manager is leading them through a myriad of corridors, past people who look barely awake, most clutching coffee cups and nodding as they pass. 

‘’Americano, I suppose,’’ Even replies. ‘’That would be great. Just black’’

‘’Fab’’ Kati smiles and rants off in Finnish into her headset. Finishing off in Norwegian with something that Even thinks was something resembling ‘’two black Americanos for our guests’’. He hopes.

‘’OK, boys, let’s get you settled with Anu here, you need to be strict with what you want otherwise she will give you crazy hair, but trust me, she will make you look crazy hot in the process. ‘’ Kati raises her hands and waves them around and Isak just stares at Even as they get manhandled into a room that looks more like a salon than a studio. 

‘’Hi boys, I’m Anu, the on-set stylist, and this is Anu the make-up artist.’’

‘’I don’t think we need make-up’’ Even laughs and looks around, and Isak laughs, because Even looks terrified. 

‘’You are both called Anu?’’ Isak asks. Head still fuzzy from the realization that he is now seated in a chair with light bulbs around the mirror in front of him like some weird movie set on TV.

‘’Yeah, it makes it easy for everyone. If you need hair and makeup, you call for Anu. One of us is bound to turn up.’’ The other Anu laughs, and pushes Even into the chair next to Isak and starts stroking the skin on his cheek. 

‘’No make up for me’’ Even says, his voice a little too stern.

''Herranjumala miten kuuma! Mutta hemmetin töykeä. Ei Meikkiä. Haluaako hän näyttää televisiossa ameebalta vai kuumalta?’’ 

Isak just laughs. ’’What's with the Finnish?’’

’’Oh, we are almost all Finnish here,’’ Anu laughs. ’’We all used to run ’’Sunrise over Helsinki’’ until the bastards cancelled our asses’’

’’Runkkarit’’ The other Anu adds as she starts to pull a brush through Isak’s mop of curls.

’’ Olemme voittaneet palkintoja! Se ohjelma oli loistava! Arseholes. You get the jest. Then we all got headhunted over here to start up this show and now we are ace-ing it. As we knew we would. I mean come on. We’re Finnish. From Finland. Awesome.’’ 

’’Ok. Grumpy’’. Make-up-Anu puts her hands firmly on Even’s shoulders and stares at him like he is a child throwing a tantrum. ’’Do you want to look like an amoeba on TV, or do you want people to swoon and ring in shouting about how hot you are?’’

Well Even just stares at her and doesn’t seem to be able to form words. ’’Thought so’’ She continues as she starts dabbing a brush of concealer over his forehead. ’’Just sit back and relax and I will make you look like a bloody Disney prince in no time. Your boyfriend here will be all over you. I promise.’’

Isak just laughs and nods in gratitude at the girl bringing him coffee. 

’’Hi, I’m Jenni the script writer, and this over here is Terri, who is not Finnish but she always feels left out so we call her Taru, we just wanted to say hi, and we are going to come and go through the auto-cue with you later so you know when to speak and when to smile sweetly into the camera. Big fan of your blog by the way. I’m jealous you didn’t deliver my baby. ’’ The woman nods and Taru shakes his hand and then Anu is talking again, chatting to another lady next to her in Finnish.

’’Minna here suggested we straighten your hair, to give you a sleeker look. What do you say?’’

Isak almost spits his coffee out over his trousers 

’’Oh, I suppose that’s a no then. No niin, hän on edelleen kuuma, kiharoilla tai ilman.’’

The woman he assumes is Minna flashes him a smile and he breathes a sigh of relief. 

In the end, he looks pretty Ok, his curls tamed into submission and smoothly swept across his forehead, his skin glowing and he is wearing Mascara, which apparently will make his eyes ’’pop’’ on screen. Whatever that means. 

Even looks traumatized, his hair coiffed back into perfection and an angry pout on him.

’’You are wearing lipstick!’’ Isak is crying. Truly. And Anu swat’s his hand away when he tries to wipe his eyes. 

’’No touching your face! I don’t want to have to touch you up again before we even get you on that sofa. Now behave. Sit on your hands if you must, but do NOT touch your face. It is perfect. ’’

She looks at him and sighs, with a smile on her face. ’’ Hei komistus. Ja millaisista munista pidät aamuisin?’’ Don’t mind me, honey, I am just admiring my work. ’’ She winks and Isak carefully downs the last of his coffee, trying not to look at Even who is discreetly trying to lick his lips. Isak knows exactly what he is doing. 

They get ushered out onto he studio floor, where Isak gets just a little bit star struck to realize that Herman is THAT Herman. Which is stupid, because Isak has watched Good Morning Norway enough times to know the main host, whilst Even looks completely bewildered. 

’’I look like a right tosser. Please don’t let them film me like this. ’’ Even looks like he wants to die and Isak gets his phone out and snaps a selfie. Then immediately regrets it. Even is right. They both look ridiculous. 

’’Isak? Even?’’ The woman who is Matti appears in a mist of hairspray. Well of course she is Matti. Award-winning journalist and the darling of the nation, who rules daytime TV. 

They shake hands. Exchange greetings and she gets them seated on the sofa next to her, whilst Herman is whinging into his mobile phone and the Anu’s are trying to get him camera ready. They are both swearing loudly in Finnish, and Herman is trying to swat them away with an irritated scowl on his face.

’’Herman is being a bitch, don’t mind him.’’ Matti laughs. ’’We are doing this thing where we make Herman try a new diet fad every week, and then he has to tell the audience about his experiences. He has been on the cabbage soup diet since Sunday and he is a complete mess. I doubt he will last until Friday without us having to bloop out every word that comes out of his mouth. Just ignore him. He is only here to look pretty on this sofa anyway.’’

’’Thanks Matti’’ Herman snarls. ’’I am underfed and grumpy and not up for being ridiculed by you in front of the guests.’’

’’But you still need to look pretty so fucking sit still Herman!’’ Make-up-Anu has his face in a death grip and is wafting powder over his cheeks whilst Hair-Anu is standing by with a brush and an industrial sized tin of hairspray. 

Matti just shakes her head and continues. ’’We are all here to make you feel comfortable, and make you look like supermodels on TV, so firstly, don’t look so shocked about the make-up that is caked on your faces. If you look over at Ulrika, our camera woman on the left, then you can see your faces in the monitor on the floor. See? You look completely natural, with a glow of health, which is exactly what we are aiming for. The camera is incredibly unforgiving, and our Anu’s here know what they are doing. Trust us. ’’

’’Secondly, we are going to start the show with you already on the sofa, and the lights will be on us which will become incredibly hot. The Anu’s will come and touch you up every chance they get, and they will keep an eye on anything that would show up on screen, so just trust them when they charge at you. Just relax and enjoy. Now, you can follow the auto-cue that will tell myself and Herman what to say, but as soon as we start asking questions, please look at me, and ignore the screens. Just pretend we are all sitting here and having a nice conversation. There are no rules, except please don’t swear, and if I ask anything you don’t feel like answering, just tell me. It’s fine and the audience loves honesty, and an unscripted feel. Just follow our lead and you will ace this. OK?’’

Even whinges, but Isak takes his hand. His heart is beating out of his chest and Even is blinking into the spotlights over their heads. 

’’We know this shit baby’’ Isak whispers. ’’Just treat it like a lecture on TV. And I am doing a freaking Parent’s to be course. It’s just people, and we are just going to talk about being us. It will be fine. ’’

’’I don’t know why I am so nervous. ’’ Even gasps. ''I have done worse things than this. Big lectures in front of famous authors and stuff, and I was fine! Absolutely fine!’’

’’And we will be fine with this too. ’’ Isak leans across to kiss Even, only to be shouted at by Make-up-Anu, and reprimanded for almost messing up her perfect lip- work. He apologizes then laughs at Herman who is leaning back with a hot cloth over his eyes and Hair-Anu working his hair with an angry snarl on her face. Spluttering out what must be Finnish swearwords whilst Herman behaves like a diva.

Then suddenly the studio is full of buzz and Matti is back on the sofa in a different outfit with a blinding smile on her face, and the room goes quiet and things just happen. Right there. Herman is sitting up straight flashing a million-dollar smile, winking at his audience as he reads from the auto-cue, gesturing with his hands. Matti, introduces Isak and Even by their full names and titles which is so surreal that Isak just giggles and Even can’t help but smile like an idiot. Then the music fills the air and the opening titles roll, and Isak takes a quick sip of the coffee in front of him. 

’’Good morning Norway! And welcome to this morning’s show. Well what can I say, you have emailed us. You have written to us. Our phone lines have been on fire every morning with requests since Isak Valtersen took up his blog on PNN.no, and here at Good Morning Norway we like giving our audience exactly what they ask for, so I am incredibly proud and humbled to welcome Midwife and PNN blogger Isak Valtersen, and Even Bech Naesheim, who is a world renown expert in the works of Henrik Ibsen, and who teaches Norwegian literature right here at UIO. Now let me start with you Isak. How did this blog first come about? Had you written anything like this before?’’

It’s funny how Isak just snaps out of it, and goes straight into work mode. He can switch on the smile and professionalism just like that, and somehow it works. He has fun. Joking and laughing about becoming a Midwife, of refusing to take up the blog, but being kind of forced into it and discovering that it was rewarding and fun. Well he lies little bit. It wasn’t all fun, but Even takes his hand and Matti swiftly moves into talking about Even. Softly mentioning the death of his wife, and asking sensitive questions about dealing with the declining illness of a loved one. Isak gasps at her directness, but somehow, she manages to keep it light, and Isak can’t stop watching Even speak. He has never seen him lecture, or teach a class, but he feels like a student, letting his mouth hang open as Even let’s words tumble out of his mouth. Describing the grief and desperation in words that sound like poetry in Isak’s head. The loneliness and how he felt like he had to push people away to protect himself from losing his mind. How in his darkest hour he thought about how to find something good to hold onto, so he wouldn’t slip under. He speaks of post-traumatic stress disorder, wondering if he suffered himself, how he read up about it recently and recognized the signs. He speaks to the camera and is so sincere and truthful in his grief, that Matti wipes a tear from her eye and Herman lets a sob escape. Isak thinks Herman might be faking it, but he is too busy trying to keep his own emotions at bay to even speak. 

’’And to top off the year after losing the person you loved the most, the mother of your children and your wife of almost 20 years, you stumbled onto a second chance of happiness. Even, tell us about Isak.’’ Matti beams what Isak can only describe as a supportive smile, and Even’s face completely changes, making the camera crew pan out so that they capture his hand grasping Isak’s, and how Isak smiles like he is on drugs, not able to keep his eyes off the man next to him. If he wasn’t so busy looking at Even he would have noticed the excitement in the crew around him. How the camera people are frantically changing angles to get the perfect shot. How Kati is waving her arms around trying to get instructions across without making a sound. How the auto cue is flipping between pages with instructions jumping around. 

’’One of my favourite poems is ’’It is the dream’’ by Olaf Hauge. He writes about finding that little harbour he didn’t know was there, how sometimes in life there is something we spend our whole life searching for, not knowing if we will ever find it. For me, last year, I thought I would never find peace. That I would never have the closeness and complete happiness that comes from having another person love you for who you really are. Selflessly and wholly, without prejudice. My wife loved me with all my flaws, with all my quirks and ways that I lived my life, but I was never whole. She knew that as well as I did, but sometimes in life we have to settle, and we were happy. I loved Sonja with all my heart, and she gave me the most precious gift, she gave me her love, her devotion, and she made me a father of four amazing wonderful little people that I am incredibly proud to call my children. I will always be eternally grateful to her for that. And she loved me. As I loved her. ’’

Even stops for a second to catch his breath, along with everyone in the studio. It is eerily quiet as he continues. 

’’I loved Isak from the day I met him when I was 19. And I was young and stupid and selfish, and I lost him. I have only myself to blame for that. I could have chosen to do things differently, but I made my choices and I can’t regret things now. I would never ever regret the last 20 years. But.’’ He stops and swallows loudly. Looks at Isak with so much love in his eyes that Isak let’s go and a tear makes a very public fall down his cheek. Captured in full HD on national television. as Even continues. ’’I found him again, and I will never ever let him go. He is my Little Harbour, the place I call home. He is where I am at peace, where I can just lay in his arms and breathe. I don’t have to be anyone else but me, with all my faults and scars and the enormous load of baggage I bring into this relationship, and Isak will just love me. All of me. And that is something I wish everyone watching this morning could find. We all have our little harbour in life, and some of us are lucky enough to stumble down that random path, the path that we didn’t think would lead to anything. But sometimes at the end of that path lies a little piece of heaven. A harbour of hope. New beginnings. Love. ’’ Even smiles into the camera, then looks at Isak again, and wipes a tear of his cheek. ’’I love you. Thank you. Thank you for being mine. ’’

They kiss. Of course, they do, as Kati is jumping up and down in a silent scream and Matti wipes another tear from her eye and swiftly announces that they will be right back after these messages.

’’Fuck boys, I don’t know where you pulled that out from, but that, was bloody epic. ’’ Herman is staring at them in awe. ’’That, what just happened right there, is what will win us Morning show of the year. ’’

’’Oh, fuck off Herman’’ Matti snarls and blows her nose. ’’That, is how you make an entire country sob into their breakfast cereal. Amazing Even. I’m shocked. Where the hell do I take this interview from here?’’

’’I was going to slag off that Julian Dahl from VG, but I kind of went off track I think.’’ Even laughs and kisses Isak again, whilst Make-up-Anu is internally screaming as she tries to cover up the tears running down Isak’s cheeks, and touch up the black smudges from under his eyes. 

’’Oh, can I have the honour of doing my ’’disgraceful journalist of the week’ thing?’’ Matti laughs and claps her hands and Isak can’t help thinking of Berit, making a note in his head to mention her in the next segment so she can have her own 15 seconds of fame. 

The cameras are back on and Herman slips into his auto-cue with ease and does a perfect turn in the interview to steer them onto the topic of today’s intrusive journalism. Matti aces it of course, and Isak can’t help but smile and nod, as she quite publicly drags a certain journalist through the dirt with a point by point description of his sloppy research and blatant fantasies that he is apparently well known for. 

At one point Even is laughing so hard that he has to ask for a tissue, and then Isak asks to have Hair-Anu come and fix his hair again live on camera as he has pulled at it by mistake during a fit of laughter, and then Matti asks about his parenting skills, and Even and Isak are both talking at the same time, finishing each other’s sentences, and all Isak’s disastrous attempts at cooking are now public knowledge as is the full story about the stolen pram, and how the children are the light of his life now, thinking he would never get to parent and to be honest Even is so proud.

He just can’t stop saying it live for the world to see. Right there on camera. He tells Isak how proud he is. How much he loves him. How he has saved him from something he couldn’t save himself from. How he has dragged his little family out of darkness into something that is happy and bright again. 

There are hands being held. Kisses being exchanged as Herman throws his hands in the air and declares himself jealous as fuck and could someone, and he means anyone, please come up on the sofa and kiss him before he completely loses his rag? Well the whole studio squeals with laughter as one of the camera men offers his services and plants one on Herman whilst still wearing his headphones and there are wires trailing behind him as Herman pulls him down and does a very public display of ‘’Man-loving’’ for all of Norway to see.

‘’I can’t sit here and watch these two getting it on without getting a little man-on-man action on my own’’ he laughs as Kati is throwing her script in the air, and the auto cue has gone blank. 

‘’I don’t think we have ever done a show like this’’ Matti laughs into the camera. ‘’For those of you waiting for the segment on the new development on Malmoya, this will come up next, we apologize that we are running behind schedule today. After the break, celebrity chef Jan-Martin Hoye will cook pasta four different ways, for those of you who have family members who just can’t decide what to have for dinner, and Even and Isak will be here to take your questions, our Twitter feed is ready for you to ask away, just tweet @GoodmorningNorway! We will be back after the break. ‘’

MALENA: HOW DID IT GO?  
PAPPA: I apologize now baby. I wore make up live on TV and held some kind of epic speech. You might never want to speak to me again.  
THAT OTHER PAPPA: He was bloody amazing. I just cried live on morning TV. For a full 20 minutes. I will never work again. Or show my face in public.  
MALENA: OH FUCK> Do we all need to move to outer Siberia? Will I be able to go to school tomorrow or should I just break up with Tobias now?  
THAT OTHER PAPPA: For fucks sake don’t break up with Tobias. You will break Granny’s heart.  
MALENA: I am not breaking up with Tobias. I am breaking up with you two. How do you legally disown your fathers?  
MALENA: I am being serious.  
THAT OTHER PAPPA: I just want to come home and curl up on the sofa. Ugh. Although I must admit it was a really fun morning. Apart from the crying.  
MALENA: Oh Fuck.  
PAPPA: What now.  
MALENA: Tobias just texted saying his Dads spent the morning sobbing on the sofa. They adore you and want to have that pot noodle dinner asap.  
MALENA: He says they are like some rabid super fans pestering him to give them your numbers.  
THAT OTHER PAPPA: God help us all  
MALENA: I met them the other day. They are much more normal than you guys. You could probably learn something. I am forwarding your numbers to them now.  
PAPPA: OH GOD>  
THAT OTHER PAPPA: Does that mean I should buy pot noodles on the way back home?

To: Isak.valtersen@kvinneklinnikken-oslo.no  
From: Marit.Toressen@TV2.no  
CC. even.bech.naesheim@UIO.no  
Subject: Today’s show.  
Dear Even and Isak.  
I just wanted to congratulate you on this morning’s appearance. The response has been overwhelmingingly positive and you will be pleased to know that Julian Dahl from VG has agreed to come on tomorrow to try to defend his journalistic skills against Matti and Herman. I think it will be a great show. (Off the record I can assure you that he will not make it off that sofa with his reputation intact.)  
Again, You were both amazing guests and we wish you all the best.  
If you want to see some of the reactions from today’s show please visit our social media pages www.facebook.com/goodmorningnorway. Instagram GMNofficialTV2 Twitter @GMNTV2 or @goodmorningnorway. Snapchat GOODMORNINGNORWAY2  
Best  
Marit.  
PS. The Finnish squad wanted to say thank you for all the selfies. They adore you. Very loudly both in Finnish and Norwegian.

 

MAMMA: SQUEEEEEEEE Our phone hasn’t stopped ringing since this morning. You were gorgeous. Pappa and I are so proud!!!  
ISAK: Thank you. We are still in shock I think.  
MAMMA: Thank you for my shout out! I filmed it on my phone and uploaded it on FaceBook. I have 32 likes!!!!

 

07787365999: Hi guys, My name is Chris Pedersen, and my husband is Matthias Pedersen. I have a feeling our kids are desperate to set us up on some kind of Pot-Noodle date. Sounds epic. Matthias insists on contributing with a frozen Grandis if that is the theme. He loves that shit. Let us know when you are free and have a baby sitter and we will do this thing. Matt and Chris.


	29. Chapter 29

Thursday morning descends into chaos as usual. Even has an early lecture and Isak is getting the little ones ready and Malena is shouting at the top of her voice at Morten. 

Isak is trying to block them out. Honestly. It’s a little much when he is trying to figure out Mikki’s particular breakfast taste for this minute right now, fully anticipating a U-turn as soon as he plates up the toast in his hand.

Marthe is dressed, strapped into a highchair and has a tea towel tied around her neck, which is Isak’s desperate attempt to keep her clothes clean. He really needs to get on top of the laundry, and figure out where Marthe’s clothes go. If there are more clothes for her somewhere, because he has used every item that looks like it would fit, and he is pretty sure that she is wearing Mikki’s socks. 

‘’ISAK!!! ‘’ Malena’s voice is really pissing him off today, making the hairs on his neck stand up.

‘’For fuck’s sake Lena, what now?’’ he snarls and throws the plate of toast on the table.

‘’I don’t like jam!’’ Mikki screams. 

‘’You asked for Jam” Isak sighs. Begging. Leaning his elbows on the table and banging his forehead into the table top.

‘’I wanted orange jam. Apliclot. ‘’ Mikki smiles like the sun. 

‘’APLICLOT’’ Marthe echoes. 

‘’Apricot you plonkers’’ Malena picks up Mikki’s toast and shoves it in her mouth. All of it. In one go, with crumbs flying everywhere.

‘’YOU ATE MY TOAST’’ Mikki screams. 

‘’YOU SAID YOU DIDN’T WANT IT’’ Malena screams back. 

‘’SHUT THE FUCK UP!!’’ Isak screams. 

They are all as bad as each other. 

‘’I need a hug.’’ Isak sighs. 

‘’Well Pappa is at work. Go hug a tree or something.’’ Malena is still chewing. 

‘’What the fuck is wrong with you this morning?’’ Isak snarls.

‘’Fucking Tobias’’ Malena sighs and slams the fridge door shut, making the glass bottles in the door clink alarmingly inside. 

‘’What now?’’ Isak leans his head against the table top again. He is just going to rest here. Just for a minute. 

‘’He hasn’t texted since last night. He always texts. He never replied. Fucking wanker.’’

‘’What’s the last text you sent to him?’’ Isak is speaking into the wooden surface. He just wants to lie down. Honestly. 

He needs to ring the estate agent and sort renting his flat out. Sort out his furniture. He needs to check when he is supposed to teach at the Midwifery training college, and Paulina has been texting all morning asking if he can swap shifts next week. Isak just wants to scream himself. Throw a little tantrum right there and then.

‘’I told him to fuck off and he never replied.’’ Malena huffs. 

Isak just groans into the table. ‘’Fucking figures. For God’s sake Lena, he’s a bloke. You just told him to fuck off. Text him and apologize, before I text him myself and tell him that you are a brat.’’

‘’I’m not a brat. He was being all twatty with me.’’

‘’Where is Morten?’’ Isak bangs his head against the table top again. 

‘’ He says he is sick. Won’t get up. You are the freaking Health professional here, go tell him to get his arse out of bed. I am leaving in 5, and I am dragging him to school in his underpants if I must. I don’t care. ‘’

 

Isak points at Marthe. ‘’Stay Baby girl. Don’t move. Eat.’’ 

She just stares back at him, and stuffs a piece of toast in her mouth. 

‘’Mikki. You are going to get dressed, and I will make you another piece of toast with Apricot jam, just please don’t shout at me, I can’t take it.’’

‘’Sorry Pappa Isak.’’ Mikki looks like he means it, but Isak doesn’t trust himself here. He is just exhausted, and he has been up less than an hour. 

‘’Lena please pop some toast in the toaster for me, and I will sort Morten.’’ He begs. He is truly begging here.

‘’Do you want coffee? ‘’ She offers. 

‘’I would love a cup’’ he whinges back. ‘’ Please.’’

 

He can hear Morten cough as he pushes the door open, the room smelling of morning breath and feet. Stale air and dust hitting the back of Isak’s throat. 

‘’Morten, are you OK? Can I come in?’’

‘’I’m staying home. I’m sick.’’

‘’That’s fine.’’ 

Isak kicks the clothes on the floor to the side and sits down on the edge of the bed. He can barely see the boy from underneath the duvet and the red winter coat that he still sleeps with. 

‘’Was this your Mamma’s coat?’’

‘’Yeah. It doesn’t smell much like her anymore. Nothing smells like Mamma anymore.’’

‘’What did your Mamma smell like?’’ Isak reaches out and lets his fingers trace the lining of the coat. 

‘’I don’t know. ‘’ Morten sounds small. Tired and jaded. ‘’I can’t even remember what she looked like.’’

‘’But you must have pictures of your Mamma? Videos?’’

‘’Pappa doesn’t like to talk about her. It makes him sad, and then he becomes angry and huffs and puffs.’’

‘’You can always talk about your Mamma. She was the most important person in your life, and you should talk about her. Remember her. I never knew her, so you could perhaps tell me things about her? I’d like it if you did that. Told me about her.’’

‘’She was loud like Pappa. Shouty and stressed, but she always cuddled me. Every evening she came into my room and she would lie down in my bed and play with my hair and talk to me. Nobody talks to me anymore.’’

Isak wants to cry. He wants to go find Even and bang his head into the wall and scream and shout. He wants to bang his own head into the wall. Of course. This 12-year-old boy shouldn’t have to spell it out. Morten is quiet and easy, just hides in his room and suffers in his silence, and Isak hasn’t been alert enough to notice.

‘’That changes now Morten, from now on we make some new rules.’’

‘’It won’t last. Rules never last. Pappa just forgets and nothing ever changes.’’

Isak reaches over and strokes his hair. Jerking slightly when the heat from Morten’s forehead touches his palm.

‘’You are burning up sweetheart.’’

‘’Told you I was sick.’’

‘’I know you did. I am going to get you some medicine, then I am taking the kids to nursery and then I will be back to look after you. OK? ‘’

Morten just nods under the duvet and Isak sighs. Sighs with the weight of it all. This was never going to be easy, he didn’t ever think it would be. 

He finds medicine, that is in date, and Morten seems to settle, so the chaos endures as Malena goes to school, and Isak manages to drink half a cup of coffee that is kind of hot, and Mikki and Marthe both end up in the pram, Mikki in the seat and Marthe squealing on his lap as Isak makes a run for nursery. 

It’s probably not safe, it’s probably stupid and both of them will end up smashing their faces on the pavement any second, but Isak steps on the tram with them both in one piece, breathless from running and with two children climbing onto his lap, squealing with giggles and holding on to him as the tram starts its raggedy ride towards town. 

He kisses them both, repeatedly, whilst laughing into their hair. His little monsters. His darling babies. 

‘’I saw you on TV yesterday.’’ The lady next to him pats his arm. Smiles supportively. ‘’Your husband has a way with words, I enjoyed hearing him talk. I lost my husband a year ago, and what he said yesterday made me smile. Could you tell him? Could you say thank you?’’ 

She wipes her eye, pretending it’s nothing. But Isak can see. He knows. He feels a little bit overwhelmed himself sitting here with the children laughing and giggling on his lap when the world is such a cruel place. 

‘’I will tell Even’’ He says back, his voice quiet and soft. ‘’Thank you. It will mean a lot to him to know that someone listened, and understood him. I hope you are OK. Sorry to hear about your husband.’’

She just nods. Gently squeezes his arm. ‘’ I never understood homosexuality, didn’t think it was right with two men raising kids, but seeing you and your Husband yesterday, it was beautiful. He loves you. Remember that. Now I will leave you in peace. Enjoy your little ones. They are beautiful children.’’

‘’Thank you’’ Isak can barely look up, hiding his face in Marthe’s curls. He lets the soft strands of hair wipe away the tear in the corner of his eye. He is an emotional mess. 

 

‘’Oh, for fucks sake’’ he snarls to himself as he pushes the pram through the gates to nursery. Because of course it is Solveig who is by the door, with her arms crossed and a smirk on her face.

He still leaves the pram, careful to park it within the designated space by the gate. Lift’s Marthe up and makes sure her shoes are buckled up right. Grabs Mikki’s hand and hugs him just a little too tight when he leaves, skipping down the path to his classroom waving at his teacher. 

‘’Good Morning!’’ Isak gives Solveig his most charming smile. Wanting to add something else at the end but he is a grown up. Really. Truly. 

‘’Not on morning TV this morning then Isak?’’ Solveig probably thinks she sounds friendly and casual but she doesn’t. Not at all.

‘’No, my days of TV are now truly over. Thank God.’’ Isak smiles sweetly back. 

‘’It was an interesting display.’’ Solveig replies. And Isak can’t help himself. 

‘’Display?’’ He turns around and just stands there, with Marthe curling her arms around his neck.

‘’Well, you were very, affectionate.’’

‘’Of course, we were. We love each other. We are partners. Parents. Family. What else would we be doing?’’

Solveig has run out of steam. Looking lost and unsure of herself which makes Isak feel slightly regretful. Maybe he should just be kind.

‘’I knew Sonja well. She would have been mortified.’’ Solveig looks away. 

‘’I think Sonja would have wanted Even to be happy. She would have wanted the children to be happy. I didn’t know Sonja, but I know how she lived. She was a kind and loving person, who loved her children more than anything in this world. If anything, we should remember that. She would probably have laughed at us, and yes maybe she would have been embarrassed at how sappy and emotional we were, but it was live TV. It was two people talking about love and grief and finding something good in the middle of a horrible situation. ‘’ He shrugs his shoulders. He hasn’t got a clue what he is talking about and Solveig has gone bright red. 

‘’You don’t like me’’ Isak continues, ‘’and that’s fine. But you are here to be professional and care for these kids, who are the most important people in my life. So please let’s just try to do that. ‘’

She nods. He thinks he might have just behaved badly again, ranting off about things he hasn’t got the right to rant about, but he just can’t help himself. 

‘’Emiiil’’ Marthe squeals and Isak puts her down, as she runs and jumps up in Emil’s arms. 

‘’I saw you yesterday on Good Morning Norway, that was awesome. My Dad was spilling his tea on the sofa ugly-crying when that cameraman went for Herman.’’ Emil laughs and reaches out to shake Isak’s hand. 

‘’Glad you enjoyed it.’’ Isak says, with a lump in his throat. 

‘’Bye Bye Pappa Isak’’ Marthe shouts and waves as Emil takes her inside. And Solveig gives Isak a look that he can’t quite put his finger on. 

‘’Look after that man of yours’’ she says, and for the first time ever Isak thinks she might actually sound kind. Sad. But kind.

‘’I will’’ he answers quietly.

 

ISAK: Baby, what happened to Sonja’s phone? Have you still got it?  
EVEN: Why? Yes. I have it.  
ISAK: Did she take selfies? Would there be photos on the phone still?  
EVEN: I suppose so. It’s probably out of battery but I could charge it. I don’t know how I feel about it.  
ISAK: Sorry. It’s probably not my place to ask.  
EVEN: What do you need?  
ISAK: Morten needs pictures of his Mum. We need to talk to him about Sonja. He is really upset, thinking he has forgotten her. I was hoping you could get a few printed out that we could frame for him. Maybe send some to his phone?  
EVEN: Hang on. I need to go hide in the toilet. Getting a little emotional.  
ISAK: I’m so sorry baby.  
EVEN: No, it’s fine. It’s been one of those days. Is there anyone in Norway who didn’t watch Good Morning Norway yesterday and has a fucking opinion?  
ISAK: I know what you mean. Had a small run in with Solveig this morning.  
EVEN: oops. Devil woman.  
ISAK: I think Malena is right. She fancies you.  
EVEN: Not happening. Eurhg. Poor woman. No taste in men obviously.  
ISAK: Are you saying that I have poor taste in Men?  
EVEN: I am a mess of a man. Can’t even behave on TV.  
ISAK: You were amazing and I love you.  
EVEN: I love you too. Sorry. Blubbering now.  
ISAK: Do you want to come home? Take a sickie? Morten and I are on the sofa with the big duvet drinking hot chocolate. There is a small space in the middle just waiting for you.  
EVEN: I am 40 years old and hiding in the toilet at work crying into my phone. WTF happened to my life.  
ISAK: Life happened baby. Come home.  
EVEN: Will try. God I’m such a mess.  
EVEN: Fuck it. I will blame Morten being sick. I’m coming home.  
ISAK: Will go make you a hot chocolate now. Love you.  
EVEN: Love you too. X

 

To: even.bech.naesheim@UiO.no  
From: sondre.rehfsem@UiO.no  
CC: Marit.toressen@TV2.no, isak.valterssen@kvinneklinikken-oslo.no, hedda.sorrentino@universityhospital-pressoffice.no  
Subject: Friday

 

Hi Even. Good job on TV. You must have Impressed! I have approved your second appearance on Friday, although Kjellstrom can’t cover the afternoon session so we need you back in for the 13.30 Literature lecture. Can you cope?  
Sondre

 

To: sondre.rehfsem@UiO.no  
From: even.bech.naesheim@UiO.no  
CC: Marit.toressen@TV2.no, isak.valterssen@kvinneklinikken-oslo.no, hedda.sorrentino@universityhospital-pressoffice.no

WTF? What is happening on Friday?  
Even

 

He doesn’t let himself fall apart until he has kicked off his shoes and sees Isak on the sofa holding the edge of the duvet up ready for him to climb in, as he sobs quietly into Isak’s jumper whilst Morten cuddles up under his arm. 

It’s ridiculous really. He is old enough to be able to keep his emotions in check, but today he just hasn’t got the strength. It was hard enough to deal with the comments this morning, although Victoria in Foreign Languages came and gave him a hug, and Lisa in Scandinavian studies sent the sweetest email that made him cry. 

Still some of his colleagues were mocking him, all in good spirit he thinks, but it still hurts a little. He feels raw, like he laid himself bare and is now walking around naked for everyone to see. The ladies by the coffee machine eyeing him up. Smiling sweetly but there is something that un nerves him with every glance, like everyone is judging him. Judging his choices, the way he lived his life. The way he let his heart show on the outside for everyone to see, when he should have hidden his family away to protect them from all this. Yet Even was never subtle. He never hid anything. He used his emotions and feelings freely in his teachings and lectures, and his students always told him they loved how he made things real. How he made them feel, and made them brave in their writing. 

Even wants to make his children brave, he never wants them to hide or make the wrong choices out of fear and the need to conform. He wants them to grow up and live, not hide and miss out on all the amazing things that life could have given them.  
He wants so much but instead he is here, hiding in Isak’s arms letting his tears fall and his sobs ring loud and clear through the background noise of the TV.

‘’Are you sad about Mamma again?’’ Morten asks, letting is hand stroke Even’s fringe out of his eyes.

‘’Maybe.’’ Even replies and leans over to kiss Morten’s forehead. ‘’Most of the time I am OK, but sometimes I just remember the sad things and I get upset. It is OK to be sad. It is also OK not to be sad. I’m just sad today Morten. But this is helping, cuddling you and Isak and just being at home. That makes me happier. OK?’’

‘’Yeah.’’ Morten looks like he is deep in thought. ‘’I miss Mamma. But it’s nice having Isak here too. I think about that. That I would give anything to have Mamma back, but then I would lose Isak and that would make me sad. It’s complicated, isn’t it?’’

‘’It is.’’ Isak sighs and closes his eyes for a second, letting himself nuzzle into Even’s hair. ‘’We should remember Mamma, she wouldn’t have wanted us to forget her. She is the most important person in this family, because she gave birth to you guys. Imagine that, she made 4 of you in that tummy of hers, and she raised you into these amazing little human beings. That’s quite a brilliant thing to do, isn’t it?’’

‘’Yeah, and she still had a job doing research and writing papers and things, and she cooked and baked and looked after us. She hated cleaning though. She was always telling us that we needed to clean so she wouldn’t have to do it. ‘’ Morten lets a little giggle escape. ‘’We never clean. We are rubbish at cleaning. Mum would have been so mad.’’

Even laughs softly. ‘’She would have been furious. Stomping around the flat shouting that the place looks like a place not fit for pigs to live in, and she liked pigs. She wanted one of those Micropigs as a pet, do you remember Morten?’’

He laughs at the memory. ‘’She wanted to call it Peppa, like Peppa Pig. Mamma loved Peppa Pig, she used to sit down and watch it with us when there was a new episode she hadn’t seen.’’ 

‘’I quite like Peppa Pig. It’s funny.’’ Isak smiles. 

’’We quite like you.’’ Even smiles back at Isak. Leaning up and pouting for a kiss. 

‘’I quite like you too’’ Isak laughs back before stealing the kiss from Even’s lips

 

TO: isak.valtersen@kvinneklinnikken-oslo.no, even.bech.naesheim@UiO.no  
From: Marit.Toressen@TV2.no  
Subject: Friday Morning

Dear Isak and Even  
We have a huge favour to ask, and as time is limited I have taken the liberty of getting clearance from all parties this morning, and we seem to be good to go if you agree to help us out.  
Herman has come down with food poisoning and will not be able to host the show tomorrow morning. Matti has a pre-arranged commitment and is out of the country, and the guest host we had arranged has pulled out. As you can tell we are in trouble.  
As your appearance on Tuesday is still causing ripples across the country, we would love to have you host the show on Friday morning. Our scriptwriting team are busy writing up the show to suit your style and you will have a wide range of interesting guests and topics to discuss that we hope you will find rewarding to work with.  
The team will all be in early on Friday to allow you extra time to prepare with them, and we would appreciate if you could arrive at the studio for 4 o clock. Kristin from our stylist team will meet you to dress you for the show, so don’t worry about clothes.  
You will get an email from Silja in Contracts and Accounting shortly outlining your contract and fees, which we hope you will find agreeable. You will be paid our standard guest host pay with added unsociable hours pay and travel expenses. Please submit your travel receipts by email direct to Silja and she will arrange to reimburse you.  
I would appreciate if you could get back to us and confirm this appearance as soon as possible to enable us to finalize the plans for tomorrows show.  
Best,  
Marit  
CC:sondre.rehfsem@UiO.no  
CC:hedda.sorrentino@universityhospital-pressoffice.no

 

‘’Pappa what are we doing for my birthday?’’ Morten is slowly coming around from yet another afternoon nap, Even is fast asleep curled up under Isak’s arm and Isak is trying to organize his life from the comfort of lying under the duvet with Even snoring gently into his armpit. 

‘’I think Pappa is still asleep pumpkin’’ Isak replies absentmindedly.

‘’Pumpkin?’’ Morten giggles. ''What is that all about?'' 

‘’It’s cute. And you are a little pumpkin, aren’t you Morten?’’ Isak laughs. 

‘’Not a pumpkin.’’ He mutters back. ‘’Anyway, it’s my birthday next week so what are we doing?’’

‘’We go to McDonalds as we always do.’’ Even mutters, still drunk on sleep and trying to curl back up against Isak. 

‘’You can’t do McDonalds. It’s his birthday!’’ Isak nudges Even in the ribs.

‘’Ouch! We always do McDonalds on birthdays’’ Even grouches.

‘’I like McDonalds.’’ Morten whinges.

‘’We should do something fun. Have a barbecue on the beach. Go see Granny and Granddad. Go to the movies.’’

‘’We could go to the beach. That would be nice if the weather is good. Are you working nights next week?’’ Even is sitting up now, scratching his head and fishing his phone out of his pocket to check the time. 

‘’I’m Teaching all next week, so I should be home in the afternoons. Makes a nice change. Anyway, shall I have all my furniture shipped over here? Malena can have my double bed, then Morten can have Malena’s old bed and Marthe can take over Morten’s single. She will need a proper bed soon anyway.’’

‘’Sounds good’’ Even yawns. ‘’What else is coming?’’

‘’The Sofa’’ It could fit in Morten's room if he wants it, the armchair in Mikki’s room and the bookshelves I will just dump. They are half empty anyway if you don’t mind me sticking some boxes of books in the loft for now?’’ Isak tapping away at the screen and Even leans over and kisses his cheek. 

‘’Whatever you want Your Highness. My castle is your castle.’’

‘’Nerd’’ Isak quips back. 

‘’Prince Charming’’ Even laughs. ‘’I will go and pick up the kids. You coming?’’

‘’Can’t leave Morten on his own.’’ 

‘’I’m almost 13. I am going back to sleep anyway,’’ Morten yawns and curls up next to Isak’s leg. 

‘’Come for a walk baby’’ Even grabs Isak’s hand and pulls. ‘’Come get the kids with me. We can go to the park on the way back. I will even buy you a Mochaccino from KB on the way.’’

‘’Ugh. You smooth talker. I might be persuaded. Does it come with a lemon Muffin?’’

‘’For you. Always.’’ Even presses his lips softly against Isak’s. ‘’You can have anything you want baby.’’

 

www.parentingnetworknorway.no/ASKISAK/Blog/SEVENTHHEAVEN

What a week! Thank you for all the amazing messages and questions, and I am glad you seem to have enjoyed E and Myself making complete spectacles of ourselves on Good Morning Norway. We had an amazing time and I would like to take the opportunity to thank all the staff and crew who made us feel so welcome. 

I have written about some sensitive and sad subjects on this blog so far, and this week I am going to talk about joy. About happiness and light, because despite the heaviness of responsibility that comes with pregnancy and parenting, we should remember the fun in life. How pregnancies come from the simple act of two people who love each other making love and creating a life. This tiny little human who comes into our world and brings the people around them happiness and a life long bond of love. Well for most of the time. 

I am not proud to admit to the tantrum I threw this morning over the children’s inability to complete simple tasks like eating food and not killing each other at the kitchen table. I am also not proud of my use of foul language over the jar of jam that smashed on the floor. Nor that I had to send the youngest to nursery covered in jam and butter as I couldn’t find a single item of clean clothing in the rush to leave. 

But in amongst the chaos and stress, we laughed. The oldest made me coffee and showed me texts from her boyfriend. The middle one finally spoke to me in a way that made me understand him. I know how he works. I kind of get him now. I see things I didn’t understand and that fills me with enormous joy. He made me happy today, and I hope I made him happy in figuring out how we can make his life a little bit better. A little bit easier to bear. 

Then our little ones made me incredibly happy by just being their happy boisterous selves on the tram. 

I say ours. I am overstepping the mark again, but these children are mine. I might not have known them long but I love them more than they will ever understand. They have let me love them, despite their reluctance to let me into their lives, and the happiness they have given me I can’t even begin to describe. I belong, and it is thanks to them. I think through all the mess, the chaos and shouting and screaming of family life, we have all fallen a little bit in love with each other, and that to me is family. Through thick and thin, through the good and bad, I have become tangled up in being one sixth of the chaotic mess that is the Valtersen-Bech-Naesheim family. 

There is no use pretending, you all know our names anyway, and we kind of outed ourselves to the entire nation the other day. So, let me introduce you to my family. The love of my life and our children. We are not perfect. We are not in any way role models. But we are happy. I am so blissfully happy. 

The words of strangers who recognized me from TV made me emotional this morning, and some of your emails made me sob. I was crying big ugly tears into my coffee earlier trying to figure out how to say thank you to you for getting me. For understanding where I am coming from in this wonderful little mess I have found myself in. 

Today’s questions and answers will all be about happy occasions. Finding out your pregnant. Figuring out how to keep healthy and happy. Dealing with multiples. Breaking the news to your nearest and dearest. And some hilarious stories you were kind enough to share with me. 

All the love, Always.  
Isak xxxxx


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all of you who has let me use your names, and your guest appearances in this story. I hope that you enjoy the continued adventures of Isak and Even and the kiddos. 
> 
> The amazing Christina Stern has kindly let me use her drawing of Isak Even and ''Marthe'' for Little Harbour. Thank you. It is beautiful and just fit's this story perfectly. I am trying to upload it but I am in Sub-Saharan Africa and the Wifi is not being nice. Bear with me. The link for the artwork is here https://www.instagram.com/p/BXyGcxsnEPp/?taken-by=christinastern

 

30

 

Even finds himself sitting in the same chair as last week, at 4 o clock in the morning with Hair-Anu manhandling his locks as he is trying to get a sip of hot coffee between her rough combing through his unruly mop. He wonders how the hell he actually got here, and why. Why the hell he is putting himself through this again when it fucked with him and bloody well wrecked him a few days ago. On top of it all, him and Isak spent the last 24 hours pretty much shouting at each other and arguing over the pro’s and cons of doing this again. Going on national TV. And no doubt making complete fools of themselves again. Again. He shakes his head. Closes his eyes. Mutters a few choice words in his head that he knows probably comes out loud.

‘’Hei, sulla on ihana hymy ja kauniit hampaat. Onks ne omat? Meille vai teille? Don’t look so grumpy I’m just messing with you. You will look like freaking George Clooney once I am done with you.’’

Hair-Anu sprays him with a cloud of hairspray and Even coughs helplessly as he downs another sip of coffee the wrong way.

‘’I hate this. I really do. I don’t know why I agreed to do this again. ‘’ He splutters and coughs as another burst of spray hits the back of this throat.

‘’Because you were amazing last time and our ratings went through the roof and what they are paying you is probably paying your mortgage next month so you thought What the hell, let’s do it. Am I right?’’

‘’Something like that. It’s not a lot of money but it would probably pay for a cheap holiday in the sun for us all and that would probably be a nice thing to do. That is what Isak said and I agreed with him and then suddenly it was like BAM! It was all done and decided. Oh Fuck.’’ He throws his head down in his hands and Hair-Anu squeals in distress and yanks his head back up by his ears. ‘’DON’T RUIN YOUR HAIR YOU BASTARD!’’ She shrieks at his reflection in the mirror. ‘’I don’t get paid enough to do this twice. Hands. Off. Your. Hair. And your face. If Anu notices that you have smudged the blusher she will have kittens. It won’t be pretty. She might kick you in the balls. She did that to Herman once when he was being especially bitchy, he threatened to sue her and have her sacked and she just blew him a kiss and said something un-repeatable in Finnish. He’s a softie really. All that attitude is just for show.’’

Even giggles and shakes his head. Maybe this isn’t that bad. Maybe things are just a bit shit and stressful as his whole life has gone a bit grey and fuzzy around the edges, like he has completely lost control of his own life, and it just keeps thundering along at warp speed and if he doesn’t get a grip soon he might just fall off the Even Bech Naesheim rollercoaster and completely lose the plot. He hopes not. Yet there is hope, as that lovely Belgian intern is back and pats his arm supportively and hands him a fresh cup of steaming hot coffee. Nodding at the napkin she puts down in front of him, revealing a pastry inside. Life is quite good. Life is really good, he sighs to himself as he practically inhales the baked goods. He needs to remember to speak to that girl later, say thank you properly, not just stuff everything into his mouth that she brings to him behaving like a starved animal.

There are good things in his life now though. Like falling asleep curled around Isak for the last week when he hasn’t been on night shifts. Like that there hasn’t been any more vile articles about them in the press, just a few follow ups on their appearance, that he must say were all quite nice. Pleasant. Surprising.

Like how Malena is smiling more. How she and Isak squabble like teenagers over breakfast, shouting and hurling abuse only for Malena to cut up an apple, and hand half to Isak without asking, and for Isak to automatically pour out 3 cups of coffee like he is family. Which he of course is. And Even cannot remember life before Isak anymore, he just can’t. Or won’t, because life before Isak was a fog of hurt and struggles, whilst now, everything he shouted and ranted over last night suddenly seems trivial and childish. And Morten. Darling sweetheart Morten. They spent an hour looking at pictures of them all on Sonja’s phone, laughing at memories, and listening as the printer in the hallway chugged out pictures that Morten cello taped straight onto the wall over his bed. Then he fell asleep on Even’s lap on the sofa and this morning he was curled up against Isak’s chest, snuffling gently into his T-shirt and looking at peace for the first time in days.

It’s true what they say, people need people. And Even has spent so long shutting everyone out that he is amazed to find that people just turn up when you need them. Tobias is asleep on the sofa at home with Marthe on his chest, as she woke up and wouldn’t settle anywhere else. Mikki and Morten are in their big bed. Malena, well she was up waving them good bye and dying with shame shouting at them that her life was over, that she could never show her face at school again and that she was moving in with Tobias family, who are nice and normal and ‘’DON’T FEEL THE NEED TO GO ON TV TWICE IN A FUCKING WEEK.’’

She still smiled when they left. He knows she won’t admit it but she is proud. Happy. Secretly thrilled. He can read her like a book. The fact that all her friends are coming over tomorrow to hang out and no doubt take more photos of themselves chilling out with Malena’s maybe-a-little-famous-enjoying-their-15-seconds-of-fame parents is quite funny. Malena loves it all, and her friends are fun. Nice. Honest in their brutality and open questions, which makes Isak laugh out loud and Even hide in Isak’s neck, laughing softly at his own awkwardness.

 The kid’s friends always used to come over when Sonja was in charge, the flat used to be full of random children, and parents turning up to collect their hyped-up offspring at dinner time and random teenagers milling about on a Friday night, but somehow Even shut that down too, too wrapped up in his own panic-stricken grief to have the energy to deal with anyone else but his own brood.

He glances over at Isak who is sat with the two scriptwriters going through the schedule for this morning, looking all serious and nodding and taking notes like this is completely normal. Like this is absolutely fine. He can see him laughing, nodding and giggling at something one of them has said, his face crinkled with laughter and his eyes bright and clear as he chews on the rim of his cup and glances over towards Even.

They don’t really need words, he can tell from his eyes what he is saying. And he says it right back. Fuck everyone else. This is fun. This is different. This is stuff that most normal people never in their wildest dreams get to experience, and it’s not like they can’t do it. He has done lectures like this before where he speaks from a PowerPoint prompter at the back. It’s not astrophysics. It’s just talking about things that are actually quite interesting.

‘’Even, if you are ready do you want to come over and let us brief you?’’

The woman is gesturing over towards where Isak is sat, and Even gingerly follows as Make-Up Anu grabs his arm and yanks him to a halt.

‘’You touch your face and I will do unspeakable things to your balls. Are you with me?’’ She is smiling. But she is not. ‘’Kiveksesi….’’ She winks. Makes a crushing gesture with her hands. Then laughs at his shocked expression. ‘’We love you boys. Much more fun than bloody Herman! Now go and totally ace this thing so we can have you back again. Next Friday would be good, gives us something to fangirl about!’’ She nudges Hair-Anu and they erupt into a cackle of laughter spilling things in Finnish that Even is not quite sure he wants to know what they mean.

‘’I am excited now! Oh God. You look delicious by the way! Is that pink eyeshadow?’’ Isak teases as his phone keeps going off in his hand.

‘’Is everything all right at home?’’ Even grapples with his phone in his pocket as Isak’s phone plings again.

‘’Yeah, I have the whole night shift at the Labour ward firing questions at me, did you know we have Health minister Leslie Moe coming in? I am going to grill that woman, she knows we are going to fire questions about the recent cuts to the University Hospital funding, which, yours truly wrote an article about a few weeks back, so, Wow. I am buzzing. Paulina wants to get in a taxi and come down and join us, in her scrubs. She would scare the living daylights out of everyone! Hahah, but luckily, she is delivering twins in theatre in 20 minutes so we are safe for now. ‘’

Isak is talking like he is on speed, wired and nervous, spluttering out words as he just shakes his head and plonks himself down in front of Hair-Anu who starts waving her straightening tongs at him and Even bursts out laughing as Isak’s face goes white and his arms start waving trying to protect his hair.

 

‘’Even, OK, let’s do this. The show will start with the normal brief, where you go through the mornings schedule, and you introduce our guests, they will all be on the sofa drinking coffee so you just should just nod and say their names. Everything will be on the monitor in front of you, you are blue, Isak is Green, and as you are new to this we will print your names in front of each sentence. Just remember not to read out your names. Please don’t. ‘’ The script writer who Even thinks he remembers being Jenni, is rolling her eyes at him and he laughs.

‘’I have worked with teleprompting before, it’s fine. I should manage. I might go off on a tangent and forget what I am supposed to say….’’

‘’Which is why I am here and I am the queen of speed-typing. I will catch up with you on the monitor so when you are ready to come back to the script there will be a little red arrow where I need you to pick up. Minna here will be double checking every word, and if you just trust us on this we should all be fucking fantastic. Clear?’’

‘’Crystal’’ Even laughs, and his chest feels light again. This is not hard. This is a piece of fucking cake.

 

 

2 hours later they are sitting on that sofa, Isak’s hand in Even’s, with their faces caked in makeup and Even is pretty sure if someone accidentally touches his hair his whole head will snap off his neck. Just like that.

They both look a million dollars, he must admit to that. Kirstin and Pontus, the two stylists, turned out to know their stuff, having picked out suits without measuring them and they fit perfectly. Well almost. Isak has safetypins all down the back of his jacket and Even’s trousers has some sort of clips holding them in at the waist under his belt, but his shirt is spot on and he needs to remember to ask where he can get one to keep because he really likes it.

‘’Your suit is from Thomas Hayes, his office contacted us and asked to dress you. Said you were perfect for the brand and had the right look. I am sure they would be interested in dressing you for any other events. I will leave you my card if you need us again, and I can arrange to get you sorted. Whatever you need.’’ He could barely understand what Kirsten the stylist was saying, since she had pins in her mouth and a measuring tape over her shoulder and her phone glued to her ear, but whoever decided this suit was for him deserves a medal. He looks good. Seriously good.

Isak just looks edible, in a fitted blazer and an open neck polka dot shirt and those jeans are pretty much spray-painted on him. And he is wearing boots. Fuck-me boots. Which Isak needs to never ever take off, at least not until Isak has ridden him into oblivion. Wearing those boots. Naked.

 

‘’Good morning Norway! I’m Isak and this is my Even and we are here to keep you company this morning as we take you through the next 2 hours, and what a morning we have planned for you!’’

Jenni is nodding and smiling behind the monitor, her headphones on her head and her fingers tapping furiously on the keyboard in front of her.

‘’And before I continue, ‘’ Isak is already going off track, and he can practically see Minna panicking, and if Jenni could type any faster the keyboard would probably combust. ‘’I just want to thank you all for all the lovely comments and feedback we received over social media and from people who have stopped us on the street to say hello. We had a fantastic time on Tuesday and we are thrilled to be back here on Good Morning Norway to hang out with you over breakfast.’’ Isak picks up his cup of coffee and takes a sip before toasting the camera and winking and Even just wants to explode with laughter. Instead he completely ignores the teleprompter and ruffles Isak’s hair which probably makes Hair-Anu have a complete meltdown behind him but he just laughs and says ‘’Isak, you are not supposed to flirt with the audience! Good Morning Norway! As Isak said, we are honoured to be back and not only have we got some fantastic guests and segments for you, you also get to experience first-hand our first ever attempt at hosting a TV show. We haven’t got a clue what we are doing, and we will probably mess up, go completely off topic, and forget half of the things we are supposed to say, but remember, this is your show, this is your Good Morning Norway, so tweet us at @Goodmorningnorway and let us know how we are doing, and if you have questions for us or our guests, you know what to do! Our social media team are sitting here’’ He waves off camera, and Ulrika the camera woman doesn’t miss a beat zooming in on Twitter-Heidi and SocialMedia-Morten who are looking shell-shocked and confused but happily wave back at the camera, ‘’and they will relay everything live to us here on the sofa. So, have you got your coffee? Feet up on your coffee table? Dressing gown on? Then let’s get on with the show! ‘’

Then the introduction music starts blaring out and Even hyperventilates.

‘’Wow’’ Isak laughs.

‘’Fuck’’ Even laughs back. ‘’We suck at this. I didn’t read a single thing of the monitor.’’

Isak just laughs.  Leans over and kisses him on the sofa in front of the Health minister of Norway, who just smiles back at him and winks.

 

They are live on camera for 2 hours and it feels like minutes. Health minister Leslie Moe has read Isak’s article, queue Isak blushing like a teenager and mumbling incoherent stuff until Even gives him a kiss, and Isak holds up his mobile where Emma, Paulina, Luca and Magnus wave from his live feed on Facetime and fire questions at her, whilst Kati the studio manager looks like she is about to pass out and Jenni is shaking her hands from cramp of rehashing the teleprompter text.

Even totally aces the interview with Tonje Holm, the head researcher at the new Environmental impact faculty at UiO, going several minutes over their allotted time to the point where they set up a date for lunch to continue talking, right there live on camera which makes everyone laugh.

They both get involved with Miriam, the head artist behind a new Children’s interactive art museum and Isak makes the worst attempt at finger knitting whilst Even’s still-art drawing of the display Miriam has set up gets the nod of approval from everyone involved, and Isak gets overly excited at the cooking station, where Northern Irish chef Janine, who has just published a book on simple food that appeal to the palate of growing children, and smiles like he can’t stop smiling when he pulls off an omelette first time. He almost jumps Even trying to show off the plate, leaning over to kiss poor Janine who is in hysterics over Even’s attempt at banana yoghurt parfait. Which looks like slime in a glass. With a blueberry on top.

They totally skip the segment on the Oslo summer weather impacting the tourism industry as Even is begging to have a go at soda bread which was the back-up recipe, and there is not a dry eye in the house when the perfect loaf of bread comes out of the oven and Even has now managed a total hat-trick of everything he promised he would not do on TV today. He wouldn’t be a sap and kiss Isak (which he has done so many times that he has lost count), he would not tell personal embarrassing stories about his family (he rehashed several stories which he is not proud about) and he promised himself he wouldn’t cry. Yet here he is sobbing over a fucking loaf, and loving it. Smiling and blowing his nose in a Good Morning Norway tea towel whilst every freaking person watching is too busy ordering Janine’s cookery book and Kati is doing a wild dance behind the cameras, high fiving a bloke who he thinks he remembers is Janine’s agent.

Then just like that, it’s done. It’s over and the credits are rolling, as he is shaking everyone’s hand and doing polite small talk, with his phone in his hand exchanging numbers with Tonje, and Miriam is arranging for them to bring the kids in for a private session to the Children’s museum and Isak is hugging the Health minister and laughing and Even feels like he is about to explode with adrenaline. Because this wasn’t at all what he expected, it was hysterical, but fun. The adrenaline pumping through his veins is making him a little bit dizzy and everyone is talking to him, Social-Media-Morten is asking if they can set up an official Even@GoodmorningNorway account to deal with the onslaught of tweets at him, and Janine’s manager is asking for an official picture for her social media and then suddenly Isak’s arms are around his neck and everything goes quiet.

‘’You looked like you needed a hug’’ Isak whispers in his ear.

‘’I did’’ Even whispers back. ‘’I needed you, and now everything is OK’’

 

Someone snaps a photo of them there, in the chaos of the studio, surrounded by people laughing and chatting, with the two of them locked in a silent embrace, with their eyes closed. It gets over a million likes on the Good Morning Norway Instagram along with a line thanking the two of them for a brilliant show. They stood there for the longest time, just catching their breaths, grounding themselves back into reality.

‘’Let’s go home. I just want to lie in bed with you for a few hours and forget that the rest of the world exists. ‘’

Isak has tears in his eyes and Even just kisses him. ‘’Let’s go’’

 

MATTIAS PEDERSEN: Hi guys, just finished watching the show. Well done, that was the most entertaining episode of Good Morning Norway ever, If I was Matti I would be worried. Hahahah. Anyway, I am off to the supermarket and am going to buy Grandis pizza and crisps and sweets and all the rubbish that Chris won’t let the kids eat, so will you two come over with the kids tonight and have an epic ‘’Let’s eat rubbish and feed our kids E-numbers’’ dinner? Around 5? We would love to meet you guys and Tobias will be mortally embarrassed, which will make it all worth wile. What do you say?

EVEN: Fuck yes. Thank you sounds brilliant.

ISAK: We would love to. So, we are bringing the kids? There are 4 of them, are you sure?

MATTIAS PEDERSEN: We have 5, and the house is a tip, so just bear with it.

EVEN: 5??? Wow!

MATTIAS: Yeah, and Chris is the most childish one out of us all. He is worse than the kids. Looking forwards to seeing you. Peace. X

ISAK: See you then! Thanks again!

 

They stumble through the door and Isak barely gets his jacket off before Even jumps him and presses him chest first up against the hallway wall.

‘’I need to fuck you now, I could barely control myself with you in those boots.’’ Even hisses in his ears.

‘’Lucky for you they let me keep them then’’ Isak giggles and waves the bag in his hand.

‘’Lucky for you I begged them to let you keep them. Kristin was laughing at me. I was desperate.’’

‘’Lucky for you I had already asked.’’ Isak moans as Even is licking down his neck and ripping at the buttons on his shirt, pulling and scratching and dragging his t-shirt over his head until he releases a moan that is pretty much embarrassing in its desperation, when he finally gets his bare chest against Isak’s skin, and his mouth bruising the skin on Isak’s neck.

‘’In bed now’’ He mumbles as Isak is trying to stumble out of the jeans that are pooled around his ankles and Even is doing little jumps trying to get out of his slacks whilst shamelessly grinding against Isak’s arse.

‘’We haven’t had the house to ourselves for weeks’’ Isak moans. ‘’I need sex. Dirty sex. With you. Loud. I love it when you are loud. ‘’ Isak falls face first onto the bed with Even crawling all over him.

‘’Fucking need your arse, I am going to fuck you so hard that you will be struggling to walk.’’ Even pants as his cock is bouncing in his underpants, which are wet with all the precome that is causing that unflattering wet patch on his front.

‘’Where is the stuff?’’ Isak grunts as Even is biting his hips, licking and kissing and grinding shamelessly all over him.

‘’Fuck. Bathroom. No. Fuck. Not sure.’’ Even pants as Isak twirls around underneath him and shimmies out of his boxers, and there is that cock. Even’s favourite plaything, and it’s inevitable really because even though Isak may have meant to get closer to the bedside table to rummage around for ‘’stuff’’ he now has his cock so far down Even’s throat that he cannot think a single coherent thought.

‘’You are far too good at that’’ he whispers, his words all jumbled in moans and whimpers, laced with sloppy grunts from Even, and then that wet pop when his mouth lets go.

‘’Going to give you the sloppiest blow job ever, then we won’t need lube. ‘’ Even says sternly before swallowing Isak down to the back of his throat making Isak’s hips arch of the bed and his mouth spill out embarrassing crap about how Even is God and Isak needs to marry him.

‘’The God of Blowjobs?’’ Even laughs, drooling all over Isak and wiping his mouth before licking a perfect circle around the head, paying extra attention to the slit, moaning headily at the saltiness of the liquid spilling over the rim.

‘’Ahjljlgoonn’’ Isak moans and throws his head back again.

‘’I love your cock.’’ Even muses.

‘’My cock loves you back’’ Isak mumbles and arches his hips again as Even’s mouth is back where it fucking belongs, well according to the gospel of Isak.

‘’And on the 5th day God invented the blow job’’ Even pants and Isak giggles because truly, neither of them has a clue what they are on about.

‘’And on the 6th day Isak almost came before Even got his fucking cock inside him and that would have been the work of Satan’’ Isak snarls.

‘’So, on the 7th day Isak learnt patience and spread his legs so Even could get his fucking tongue in his hole where it belonged.’’

‘’And on the 8th day Even learnt to stash the lube under the mattress so he could fuck his desperate boyfriend. Fuck I need you…. fuck. FUCK’’

Yes, Even is doing that thing again. The thing where he puts his tongue in Isak’s hole and licks and squirms and Isak is such a glutton for Even’s tongue and he just wants Even to fill him up and fuck him into oblivion so he can just forget everything and just get a little bit lost in Even and all things even and FUUUUUCKKKKKK……

‘’Just do it’’ Isak shouts.

‘’I’m not hurting you’’ Even pants and reaches over to the bedside table, yanking the drawer out of its brackets making the contents shatter all over the floor. Luckily the bottle of lube is bouncing along the wooden tiles and Even cheers with delight as he flicks the lid and lathers his hand with slick shiny liquid.

‘’Arse up’’ he grunts at Isak who turns around faster than light.

‘’Hard and dirty baby’’ Isak hisses back.

‘’Hard and dirty’’ Even repeats as he pushes his fingers into Isak. Twisting. Slicking.

‘’Don’t need fingers. ‘’ Isak whinges. ‘’Cock. Your dick you bastard’’

Even doesn’t reply, just moans like he does as he pushes himself all the way in. He is probably a little rough. Probably a bit fast. So fucking hard. And his fingers are no doubt leaving marks on Isak’s skin.

Isak who is arching his back like a cat and moaning like only Isak can do, those little sounds that make Even’s cock twitch and fill faster than a teen watching his first porno. It doesn’t take much. It’s not that either of them are going to last. Moving fast and desperate against each other whilst the bed is creaking and the curtains are moving and the earth is shaking. The earth is definitely shaking.

There are stars. Darkness and light and noises and shouts and moans and groans and everything is quiet, so so quiet. There is nothing else, just them as Even is shuddering with the release that is making his blood boil and freeze to ice in one fragile second where everything stops. And Isak slumps down on his stomach dragging Even down behind him, getting blanketed and held tight in his arms. Covered with all this skin. Heat. Love.

‘’Fuck’’ Even whispers.

‘’I’m in the wet spot’’ Isak giggles.

‘’You deserve it. Dirty boy. Making me fuck you like that’’ Even is blushing at the filth coming out of his mouth, and Isak is wriggling around underneath him until they are face to face on their sides.

‘’Just lie with me here, just for a while’’ Isak whispers and kisses him. Just the softest of kisses.

‘’I need to go to work’’ Even protests, and Isak’s hand lands on top of his mouth.

‘’Just for a little while. I won’t let you fall asleep. I just need us to be us for a while. You and me. Just like this. No interference. ‘’

‘’Okay’’ Even smiles.

‘’Okay’’ Isak kisses his nose.

‘’Don’t fall asleep.’’

‘’I won’t fall asleep’’

They still do. And Even still makes his 1.30 lecture in a taxi, and Isak changes the sheets and gets some work done and picks up the kids and swears loudly at the weekend schedule and that he is back on nights and he is so very very tired and a little bit sore but fuck it. Fuck it all.

He smiles. Life is good. Life is so very very good.

 

Link to Christina Stern's Artwork on Instagram <https://www.instagram.com/p/BXyGcxsnEPp/?taken-by=christinastern>

 


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again a massive thank you to those of you who comment, leave kudos or simply read my ramblings in my Little Harbour world. This is my happy place and I absolutly adore this Isak and this Even. 
> 
> I am rubbish at replying to your comments, but I read and appreciate every single one. 
> 
> I think Little Harbour has a few more chapters to go, from what I have plotted out. You never know, I am not very good at sticking to my well laid out plans. But dont despair, the remaining chapters will be everything you asked for and hopefully more. 
> 
> Viking Air has one more chapter to go, and then I will start my brand new fic which will be another multichaptered bunch of angsty ramblings. There will be more. I have plans. Be afraid. Be very afraid. 
> 
> All the love, Always.  
> S xxx

Chapter 31

Credit ChristinaStern@instagram with kind permission

It’s one of those afternoons when things are magical. Where the early summer sun is shining and the air is warm when it shouldn’t be. Where the children are playing on the beach, screaming and getting wet when they should be thinking of staying warm and dry. There is laughter in the air and Even’s chest is light and he just can’t stop smiling, which is a strange trait, unfamiliar and unexpected, even after all this time.

He still struggles with allowing himself to be happy. Accepting that he is. That he is OK. That he is allowed.

He is leaning back against a rock, with his head thrown back to shield his eyes from the sun, keeping a firm eye on Marthe who is throwing sand and twirling in a circle to some silent music only she can hear.

The other children are all engaged in something that he should probably have put an end to long ago, involving far too much water and sand and screaming than he would have once been comfortable allowing. Yet here he is laughing and even egging Isak on as he is chasing Tobias with a fistful of seagrass whilst Mikki is jumping up and down and yes. There we go. Morten is now in the water. Fully clothed. Screaming whilst one of the twins is dunking his head under water.

Even needs to get a grip and get their names right, Ada and Adelie. Or Emilie. Or something. He should know better than to not remember but they look the same and they both adore Morten, where his floppy fringe has grown back out and his smile is bright and he is growing up. The frown is still there. The quietness and grumpy glares. Yet he is happy. He is a happy kid. And those are the things Even notices these days, even though he is hopeless with remembering the names of Chris and Matt’s kids. At least he knows Tobias, followed by the twins, the little boy who follows Mikki around like a shadow and the baby who is Troels. A little bundle of charm and dimples who is fast asleep in his father’s arms on the blanket where the remains of their birthday pick nick are blowing around in the wind, and the last crumbs of the birthday cake is getting picked at by the naughty seagull roaming over their heads, divebombing every so often to grab another crumb. Well it was fantastic cake. Rich and soft and filled with buttercream and jam, covered in marzipan and roses which made Morten squeal with embarrassment at his ‘’girlie’’ cake. Even though the bakers had piped MORTEN 13 with blue icing between the pink swirls of icing on the top. Not that it mattered. Not when there were all these amazing people sitting around him on a beach singing happy birthday at the top of their voices and cheering at him trying to blow out candles before the gusts of wind blew them out, and Morten was beaming with equal measures embarrassment and pride at the attention.

Isak had been right. This was just the best way to celebrate a birthday, rather than Even’s well used tradition of McDonalds and TV, this has been a magical end of the day. Laughter and sunshine on Huk beach, barely half an hour from home, yet Even can’t remember the last time he took the kids here, just for fun. Just for some sea air and sand and just enough junk food that Even is more than happy to want to lie down and fall asleep and not really think of the task ahead involving cleaning the kids up enough to bundle them into the car and go home. He doestn want to go home. Not now. Not yet.

He doesn’t even flinch when Isak throws himself on top of him and kisses his lips. Pouting again and again for another kiss. He doesn’t even notice that Matt is lying on Chris’ lap, as Chris gently strokes his hair whilst rocking Troels over his shoulder. They are just families out enjoying the evening sun. They are family. Friends.

It’s a strange feeling knowing he has gained this unlikely band of brothers, this support network, how he suddenly has friends. Not just acquaintances that he nods at when they walk past him in the street. Not just work colleagues that he passes in the corridors at work. No somehow, he has Matt and Chris who he texts randomly through the day to catch up, and it’s not even weird. How Matt sends him pictures of food like it’s totally normal. How Chris whinges about the children and asks what he is watching on TV. Like they are friends. And how Even loves it. It makes him smile almost as much as the texts from Isak. Almost. Because there is nothing like the burning warmth in the pit of his stomach when he sees Isak’s name light up the screen. The little hearts. The words of love. How he tells him he loves him. Every fucking day. How he lets his lips brush over the nape of his neck every time they pass in the kitchen. How he can’t stop himself touching Isak’s hair as he sits down on the sofa and curls up next to him. How he can’t sleep when Isak is not there. How he misses him the minute he walks out the door. Yet how he is so stupidly content here on the ground, with this man looking at him, so close to his face that their noses are touching. Rubbing gentle eskimo kisses against the tip of his nose. Isak’s breath full of sugar and sausage and laughter as he presses another kiss to his lips.

‘’I love you’’ he whispers. ‘’Thank you for today, this is brilliant.’’

‘’It was your idea.’’ Even whispers back. ‘’And you were right. I think Morten has had the best afternoon.’’

They both glance over to the water where all the kids are now pretty much out of control. Well they are all in the water, fully clothed throwing seaweed at each other and squealing, even Malena is knee deep in the cold water with Marthe on her shoulders whilst Tobias is totally soaked, splashing water and throwing the smaller boys around like they are ragdolls.

‘’They will be freezing in a minute, running up here to complain that they are cold and want to go home’’ Chris laughs and sits up, letting Troels gently curl up on his lap as Matt gets up to head down to the water, roaring like a bear and chasing the little ones back onto the waters edge before fully getting soaked by a stampede of children, dragging him into the water to a symphony of screams.

‘’He’s like a big kid’’ Chris mutters and laughs as Matt gets dragged under, only to pop straight back up screaming ‘’Fuck that’s cold!’’.

‘’Thanks again for coming with us’’ Isak smiles and nudges Chris’ shoulder with his fist. ‘’The kids are loving the company.’’

‘’So are we!’’ Even laughs and tries to manhandle Isak off his lap so he can sit up.

‘’It’s been really good for our kids to hang out with you guys. They have never seen a family like ours, I mean we tried to join in with some of the LGBQT family days out, but we never really found a family we felt we could hang out with, not like yours. Not like this, like this…’’ Chris stops and lets his hands wave in the air ‘’Like we just all clicked from day one. It’s been great. Really fun. The kids need this, they need to feel like they are normal, like they are not different from other kids at all. ‘’

‘’They are brilliant kids.’’ Isak laughs and points at Matt who has Mikki and Torstein on his back whilst the twins are trying to carry Morten. Which he is loving. Totally.

‘’I think we need this as well, it’s nice not to feel like we have to explain ourselves, or clarify the setup. We might not be related by blood, but we are all family. I always wanted siblings, not to feel so alone in the world. And now. I mean fuck. This. This is just mindblowing. I suddenly have a partner, a family and Even’s parents are amazing with me and now I have you two and your lot and I kind of feel overwhelmed. In a good way.’’

Chris just laughs and gives Isak a fistpump. ‘’Bro’s. For life. Or whatever it is Tobias insists on saying to you. ‘’

‘’Bro’s’’ Isak says back, with his face full of dimples. ‘’Definitly Bro’s’’

 

BERIT created the GROUPCHAT ‘’MARTHE NEEDS A DRESS’’

BERIT ADDED YOU, MALENA and EVEN to the GROUPCHAT ‘’MARTHE NEEDS A DRESS’’

BERIT: We only have a few shopping days left until Stavanger. If you are still insisting on bringing my Marthe with you then please at least let me dress her. You do realize that the press will be all over you and there will be photos.

ISAK: It’s up to Even, have you checked with him?

Even left the group chat.

MALENA: PAPPA!!!

MALENA added EVEN to the groupchat ‘’MARTHE NEEDS A DRESS’’

EVEN: FGS just buy her a dress Mum. I’m sure it will be fine. Leave me out of it.

BERIT: She will need matching shoes and socks that don’t have firetrucks on them.

MALENA: I can get socks, but she will need to try on the shoes? I can check the size.

BERIT: I have some great ideas.

ISAK: Should I worry?

MALENA: Yes. You should.

BERIT: Don’t be rude Malena. Now what colour ties are you and Even wearing? I hope you will be matching. It is so couply and sweet when partners dress to match.

ISAK: I have asked the stylist from Good Morning if she can dress us. She said she can get some good deals. I have asked for toned down basic stuff. Just suits. With ties.

BERIT: Oh don’t be boring. Would you like me to source some ties for you?

EVEN: NO MAMMA! Let Isak do it.

BERIT: Don’t you trust my impeccable taste?

EVEN: NO. Step away from the computer Mamma. No online shopping for you.

BERIT: Just look at these outfits. Look at this! Marthe would look adorable in this! And it would make a statement! I saw rainbow ties! Adorable!

MALENA: GOD HELP US ALL

ISAK: NO. Oh god Berit. Can we please go a little more subtle?

EVEN left the GROUPCHAT ‘’MARTHE NEEDS A DRESS’’

ISAK added EVEN to the GROUPCHAT ‘’MARTHE NEEDS A DRESS’’

BERIT: What about this one?

EVEN: What about I wear THIS?

BERIT:*Pouts*

MALENA: ROFL

ISAK: Can we discuss a nice normal reasonably priced dress?

BERIT: THIS? Please?

EVEN: NO

ISAK: Berit….

MALENA: This?

ISAK: Don’t you start Lena……

BERIT: Yassssss! Love it Lena, send me the link.

MALENA: I’m on it!

EVEN left the GROUPCHAT ‘’MARTHE NEEDS A NEW DRESS’’

ISAK: Malena…..I though you were on my side!!

MALENA: You get shoes then Isak? Granny and I will do dress and stuff and you get to choose shoes. That’s fair?

ISAK: *bangs head against wall in defeat.*

BERIT: Are you sure I can’t interest you in a rainbow tie Isak?

ISAK: NO. Just No.

MALENA: I actually quite like these! They are cool. Granny?

BERIT: O.M.G where from?

ISAK: I never thought I would do this but SHUT THE FUCK UP!

BERIT: Isak my darling boy. Language.

MALENA: I would wear those. Come on Isak. We could be matching. You and me.

ISAK left the GROUPCHAT ‘’MARTHE NEEDS A DRESS’’

 

 

[www.parentingnetworknorway.no/ASKISAK/blog/MAGICEIGHT](http://www.parentingnetworknorway.no/ASKISAK/blog/MAGICEIGHT)

 

Apologies for the delay in updating the ASK ISAK blog, but not only has my work schedule been unforgiving, I have also had to deal with now having two teenagers instead of one (which the newly turned 13-year-old has been quick to cash in on in every single way) but I have also had the absolute pleasure of watching an amazing class of future Doulas graduate from the Midwifery college. These brilliant people will now be starting their journeys, assisting those of you who are planning on a Doula as your birth partner. I have also been involved with the new graduate midwifes who will be taking up positions all over Norway during the summer. I wish them all luck in their chosen career and look forwards to working with those of you who have chosen to come to the University Hospital.

With summer coming close and the celebrations of graduates, Russ festivities and the end of the school term drawing close I thought we should talk about celebrations.

Many of you have asked about Baby showers, an American trend becoming popular in Norway too. There are baby gender parties. Babymoons. All sorts of new found celebrations and ideas that are all amazing if that is really what you feel like doing. There are cultural celebrations to celebrate the birth of the baby, and presents, gift list and registries where you can tell your friends what you need.

But honestly people, those things don’t matter. Yes, your baby will need things, and let’s not kid ourselves, a baby will cost you money. Your friends will want to buy your gifts, and buy things for your new-born.

 We all want the best. The latest and the most beautiful things for our children. I am not trying to dissuade you from having big celebrations or from buying that item that you have your heart set on. I am as guilty as the rest of you sitting here flicking through websites trying to decide on a party dress and shoes for a 2-year-old that she is no doubt going to point blank refuse to wear (as it hasn’t got motor vehicles as a pattern, which is currently a ‘’thing’’ in her little world) but she will also get it dirty and spill on it and to be honest she would be better off in a pyjama. She would be happier wearing a pyjama. And I would be just as proud taking her to the event we need to go to wearing something she would be comfortable and happy in. Yet I know she needs to wear something nice. And I will be more than happy to buy it.

Yet material things are not the be all and end all of family life. In the words of a very wise lady, us people need people. We all need friends. We need people we can laugh with, people we can cry with. People we can love, and talk and argue with, and people who will tell us they appreciate our friendship, just as much as we appreciate theirs. I never knew I needed so many people in my life to get my family to simply function day by day. I never thought I would be surrounded by so many wonderful people who not just shower me in friendship, but they tell me that my friendship and support is essential to them too. That I mean something. That, is a sobering thought. That I have somehow enriched my friends life, like they are enriching mine.

I had good friends before, but I appreciate them tenfold now, when I am not as easy and free as I used to be, when I come into work and can let of steam to some wonderful people who will pat me on the shoulder and tell me ‘’I told you so.’’ I have fellow parent-friends who text me to make sure I am ok, that I am alive and well and survived the horrors of bedtime. Who tell me stories of their day and listen to mine.

I have made friends with people at the children’s schools. Mums and Dad’s who shake my hand. Teachers and carers who know my name.

But most of all I have the most amazing man who loves me. He tells me every day. Even when we argue and I drive him mad. When I am over tired and grumpy and hungry and picking a fight. When the kids drive me crazy and I stand in the kitchen trying to remember why I am still there and not running out the door kicking and screaming wishing I was single and alone.

He tells me he loves me. That I am his, like he is mine.

The 16-year-old cuts me down with a single word. She keeps me on my toes with her insults and snarls. Yet she texts me a simple ‘’Good night’’ every evening. She doesn’t know how that brings tears to my eyes. The 13-year-old smiles at me and hugs me good morning. The 6-year-old makes me sandwiches for breakfast. They are crooked with far too much butter but I eat them, happily. Because it makes him smile when I do. And I have a baby girl who kisses me goodnight. Who kisses me good morning. Who I would happily spend however many kroners it would cost to get her a dress covered in firetrucks if that would make her smile.

I am besotted with my family. Truly and whole heartedly in love with being part of their lives.

So maybe I am coming full circle in my confusion and thoughts on celebrations. Maybe we should throw that big party. Invite those friends who we love. Bring the family all together. Laugh and live and eat and remember those people who matter. Maybe we should remember the people who support us every day. Maybe we should laugh a little bit more. Hug the friend that greets us in the morning. Thank the co-worker who tells you crap jokes every day. Tell the school mum who rushes past you with an apologetic smile that you understand. You get it. You know what it’s like. And it’s OK.

Whatever you decide it will be OK. Celebrate. And love. Because your life is pretty damn amazing.

 

Love Isak x


	32. The Norwegian Poetry and Prose awards conference, Stavanger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We made it to Stavanger! Hooray! 
> 
> Thank you again for all the love, kudos and comments. (blows kisses and throws unicorns and rainbows and loveheart emojis around). Thank you . I mean it. 
> 
> Massive thankyou to Evak-4-Ever, Heidipeidi, Pagnilagni, MarthaMouse and Evakkk and everyone else who keeps me sane and bounces ideas with me. And to Morten for kicking me into action today. xxxxx

Even is being a dick. He wasn’t a dick earlier. Not when they finally made it to the airport in one piece with their fancy suit carriers and a suitcase and the pram and yes. They remembered Marthe.

The afternoon had been another crazy whirlwind of packing and organizing and yelling at Malena who will be staying at home, alone, well with Tobias and there are whispers of a party and Isak is trying to be stern and Even is just laughing telling him to chill. Well if Even trusts Malena Isak supposes he should too. It is just that he has kind of gone all out on this being a Dad thing and now he is nervous. He went to these parties when he was a teenager. He remembers the chaos. The mess. The alcohol. The vomit. And the prospect of coming home on Sunday finding the flat trashed is scaring him to be honest.

‘’Lena, promise me I will still have a home to come back to on Sunday. Whatever happends.’’

‘’Fuck off Isak. I am not going to do anything. Tobias will be here. I will be here. You are the ones who are off partying.’’ Malena just stares at him.

‘’Isak, I trust Lena. You need to trust Lena. If she fucks up I expect her to fix it. She is grown up and sensible enough to know what is acceptable and when to calm the fuck down, and so should you.’’ Even uses that calm voice he pulls off even when the rest of his body is screaming with stress as he pushes past Isak in the hallway with an armful of documents and his laptop and the kindle that he has been glued to for the last couple of days.

Because Even is stressed. More stressed than Isak has ever seen him before. He kind of understands the pressure, knows what it feels like to stand in front of an auditorium of people expecting you to know what you are talking about, and feeling small and underprepared and pretty much fucked. Yet Isak doesn’t think Even is fucked at all, having heard him mutter his lecture under his breath every minute of the day for the last week. Even knows his stuff, and he is an excellent public speaker. Carla has told Isak he just must come and listen, and that Even’s sessions are the only ones she will go to, because apparently, he is really entertaining and throws his clothes around the room and makes people stand up and interact and read out poetry in silly voices, and she says he’s great. Isak doesn’t doubt her for a minute. Even though she is 8 months pregnant and the size of a house.

He has told her she shouldn’t travel, that she should stay in Oslo. She told him to shut up and bring his rubber gloves, because wherever her favourite midwife is, she is going. Even though it means she is going on the 7-hour train journey over to Stavanger with Sondre, as she is far too pregnant to be allowed on an aircraft. And if that means she will be having this baby in the cloakroom at the Stavanger convention centre, so be it. As long as Isak is there to catch her baby.

Even calms down once they hit the airport train and Isak has a full melt down when he realizes that they have left Marthe’s bunny behind. Only to find Even is laughing at him, holding Marthe on his lap. Marthe who has her bunny firmly in her grip, looking very amused at Isak in his flustered meltdown. In public. On a train.

They have two suit carriers. One Suitcase. Even's work bag. One pram. One two-year-old and one bunny. And two Dads who are both in a right state.

‘’This is supposed to be fun. This is supposed to be a break away.’’ Isak whinges. ‘’Our first romantic mini break.’’

‘’Romantic, yes, but with a baby in tow. And a shitload of work thrown in. I can’t wait for Saturday evening when I can finally relax. I might get drunk. Demand a blowjob in the men’s room. Be all frivolous and stupid.’’ Even laughs.

‘’With a 2-year-old in tow. Where is she going to be during this blow job you will be demanding?’’ Isak is whinging like a teenager.

‘’Asleep in the pram. Watched by one of my 2 undergraduate students who will be there acting as my personal slaves for the weekend. ‘’ Even smiles triumphantly.

‘’Can I demand a blowjob when we get there? Me pressing you against the hotel room window and feeding you my cock?’’ Isak whispers, whilst his cheeks go bright red and he looks around nervously. He shouldn’t attempt dirty talk in public. Not only is it embarrassing but he also gets a boner from making Even blush and that is a slight problem.

Even just looks at him and Isak reaches out to grab Marthe from his lap.

‘’Nope. You can’t have her.’’ Even whispers back.

‘’Why?’’ Isak whinges and grabs his jacket. He kind of needs something on his lap when Even stares at him like he is staring now.

‘’Sort out your own problems Isak. I have the perfect cover for mine’’ He winks.

‘’Even!’’ Isak tries to sound stern, but Evens cheeks are as flushed as his and if Marthe wasn’t here Isak might just have dragged him off to the on-board toilets for a bit of …. Relief.

‘’Anyway, we are almost here. Bags or pram?’’ Even is trying to look in charge. Organized. Whilst running his hands through his hair and chewing his bottom lip.

‘’You are the worst. How do you do that?’’ Isak giggles, barely able to meet his eyes from under his fringe.

‘’What?’’ Even smiles.

‘’You know what.’’ Isak smiles back.

‘’You are going to get it. Don’t worry. As soon as we get to that hotel room you are mine. Just so you know. ‘’ Even snarls at him under his breath and steals a kiss. Not just a kiss, but one of those wet lipped soft dirty kisses with a tiny hint of tongue that makes the hair on Isak’s neck stand on edge. And he has goose bumps on his arms. And they are on a train, in public and Marthe is standing up in the pram jumping up and down hitting Isak with her bunny.

Whilst the two of them are making out like teenagers.

Somehow, they make it through the airport, onto the plane. On time. Without losing bunny. Somehow Marthe falls asleep before take-off and Even is working on his laptop and Isak sits there with his overpriced beer and his baby girl drooling on his shirt.

‘’Even, calm down. Have a drink. Just relax baby.’’

Even leans over and kisses him again.

‘’Just a little bit more to do tonight, then I am all yours. Just a little bit more.’’

He works the entire flight. He is still tapping away at the laptop, precariously balancing on the luggage trolley at Stavanger Airport. And Isak is carrying Marthe who is snoring like a trucker after a night out.

She is wide awake when they check into the hotel, squealing with delight at the pen the receptionist hands her, and charming everyone in the hotel lobby by running around screaming and waving her arms about pretending to be an airplane. Well some of the other guests are smiling along with Isak. Most of them look annoyed but Isak can’t care less. She is happy. That makes him happy. Fuck the rest.

He orders her a fancy ham sandwich on room-service and feeds her little morsels of bread whilst she pretends to be a mermaid in the oversized bathtub. All whilst Even is still on the edge of the bed writing away on the laptop.

And Isak reads her a bedtime story that he finds online, and tucks her up in the middle of the big king-sized bed, not the little hotel travel-cot that is neatly made up in the corner. And he starts to think that Even is being a little bit of an arse.

‘’Even?’’ Isak sounds just as pissed off as he feels.

And Even doesn’t reply.

‘’Oh, just forget about it.’’ He snarls.

‘’I have one more PowerPoint slide to edit. One more.’’ Even replies mindlessly tapping away.

‘’Night night Marthe. Pappa Isak loves you.’’ He snuggles into her hair and curls up on his side.

She is fast asleep next to him when he wakes up with a jerk, his mobile pinging in his pocket.

 

MORTEN: TREE

ISAK: What’s up kiddo?

MORTEN: Can’t sleep. Granny and Granddad's house is like a freaking ghost mansion.

ISAK: I’m pretty sure Granny would have scared off any ghosts living there.

MORTEN: Everything creaks. Freaky.

ISAK: Where is Mikki?

MORTEN: He has gone to Granny’s bed.

ISAK: Can’t you go and sleep with Granny too?

MORTEN: UGH. No.

ISAK: Where is Granddad?

MORTEN: Watching TV I think. The light is still on.

ISAK: Go snuggle up with Granddad then. I’m sorry you are scared.

MORTEN: I am not scared. Just can’t sleep.

ISAK: It’s just two nights. Put your headphones on. Listen to some music. Watch something on Mikki’s iPad. I packed it in the blue holdall.

ISAK: You can text me all night. I will be up for a while. Don’t worry. Just chill. Put the light on and relax.

MORTEN: I miss you and Pappa. Is that weird?

ISAK: We miss you too. It’s not weird at all. We are family, it’s completely normal to miss each other.

MORTEN: I am going to look up some scary movie on Netflix.

ISAK: Probably not a good idea.

MORTEN: Then I can be scared of the movie instead of being scared of this creaky old house.

ISAK: Dumbass.

MORTEN: Ha-ha. Talk later. Kiss Marthe. She’s funny. I miss her too. Even though she farts.

ISAK: She snores worse than you.

MORTEN: I don’t snore. Fact.

ISAK: You do. Double fact.

MORTEN: Piss off.

ISAK: Love you. Now chillax. Text me if you need company. Xxx

MORTEN: x

MORTEN: Does that mean kiss or hug?

MORTEN: I meant a hug.

MORTEN: (Hug emoji)

 

Even has moved over to the desk and is tapping furiously at the laptop. His fringe is hanging down over his eyes and his tongue is sticking out at the side of his mouth and there is a bottle of water opened next to him, that he has taken one tiny sip out of by the looks of it.

‘’Even’’. Isak doesn’t mean to sound so stern, but Even jumps almost knocking the water bottle over with his wrist.

‘’Fuck Isak’’ Even mutters and turns around in the chair.

‘’You need to stop, if you don’t you will keep changing it and it will be a mess. It is perfect. It was perfect yesterday and it will be even more perfect today. Promise baby.’’

Evens shoulders just sink and he looks tired. Deflated in a way.

‘’Come and lie down with me. Just for a little while.’’ Isak begs.

‘’If I lie down I won’t get back up again.’’ Even sighs.

’’ l’ll ring room service and order two cold beers. Ice cold. In those frosted glasses they do in hotels. ‘’

‘’Oh.’’ Even rubs his eyes. ‘’I’m sorry. I’m sorry for getting caught up in work again. I know I promised we would have a break, that I would take you out tonight. I think I promised dinner too and I fucked up didn’t I.’’ He sounds sad. ‘’I am more nervous this year than I was two years ago, probably because I have barely read anything and feel like a complete fraud.’’

Even stands up and crawls across the bed, letting his head come to rest on Isak’s chest as he folds his arms around the body underneath him with a loud sigh.

‘’On top of it everyone knows why I didn’t come here last year, because I was too much of a mess to even get out of bed, let alone read a book or hold a lecture. I can’t even remember why I said no, or how I got away with not going to work most of the time.’’

‘’You had just lost your wife baby. Nobody will judge you for not being here.’’

‘’I know. It’s just I studied with a load of these people, and some of them have been my students over the years, and they all look at me. You know, like I am old and damaged. Like I have lost my marbles or something. I don’t want to feel like that, I want to blow them away tomorrow with something they will remember and I just feel like I am winging it. Making it up as I go along. ‘’

‘’You will be great. Carla said so. And you know Carla is always right.’’ Isak laughs softly.

‘’She is. Have they arrived yet?’’

‘’She will text me when they do, she’s very communicative. ‘’ Isak laughs as his phone pings again.

‘’They have arrived. Apparently, I am needed for the ‘’Even and Sondre’s abandoned partner’s’’ breakfast tomorrow at 9.’’ Isak laughs and Even buries his face in Isak’s neck. Just lies there and breathes. Let’s himself relax for the first time in what seems like days.

‘’I don’t know what I would do without you Isak’’ Even whispers. ‘’Thanks for sorting Marthe out tonight. She loves you, more than she loves me.’’

‘’Bullshit. You’re her Pappa. She will always love you the most.’’

‘’We are her Pappas. You are her Pappa too. We make a good team you and I. Even when I am selfish over-worked dick. ‘’

Isak doesn’t reply, he just wraps Even up in his arms. Rocks him gently and kisses the hair on his head.

‘’You are just you. And I love you. Even when you are a dick.’’

He doesn’t reply and Isak just sighs. Thinks of ringing down for that beer and longingly remembering the blowjob he was promised.

Even is fast asleep.

 

MALENA: Just to let you know we haven’t burned the house down or had a visit from the Police or been arrested for possession of illegal drugs. I have had two beers. There are 4 of us in the kitchen. We are playing cards. How lame is that for a Friday night? See photo evidence:

She has sent him a picture, four smiling faces in the kitchen that looks remotely like it did when they left. And Isak can’t help smiling with relief.

ISAK: You are the best. Have fun. Pappa has passed out and I have had ZERO beers. He is the worst boyfriend ever.

MALENA: God you are pathetic.

ISAK: I know.

MALENA: Leave him to sleep. Go down and get yourself a beer.

ISAK: Can’t get up. Even is asleep on top of me.

MALENA: *Grabs brain bleach* *Tries to eradicate mental image presented by Isak*

ISAK: We are still fully clothed.

MALENA: No need to elaborate.

ISAK: Have a brilliant evening. Be good.

MALENA: I am always good.

ISAK: I know you are. Love you. A lot.

MALENA: Shut up. I might say something fluffy and ridiculous.

ISAK: I know you love me too.

MALENA: Shut it. I mean it.

ISAK: (Love heart eye emoji.)

 

‘’Baby!! ‘’ Even is pulling Isak off the bed, dragging him along the edge by the arms. And Isak does not want to get up. Not really. He is nice and warm and comfortable and Even is being a pain. Again.

‘’Come on baby!!’’ Even is trying here. He has been up since forever and he has 40 minutes. 40 minutes exactly until he needs to be grown up and adult and professional and all that crap. And right now, that is the very last thing he wants to be.

‘’Up you get baby!’’ Even pulls and Isak grumbles. Rubs his eyes with his knuckles and yawns right into Even’s mouth, where Even is planting a kiss on his lips, laughing in disgust at Isak’s morning breath and cupping his face in his hands.

‘’Pappa Isak!’’ Marthe squeals from the travel cot where she is sat eating a banana and watching cartoons and Isak can kind of figure out what is going on.

 

Clever Even. Smart. Very clever Even.

 

‘’Come on!’’ Even pulls, one final jerk of Isak’s hands and he stumbles backwards, hitting the wall and feeling Isak’s body bounce against his chest.

‘’Easy tiger’’ Isak giggles and pouts for another kiss, full of morning breath mixed with toothpaste and sweat and yesterday’s clothes that are twisted awkwardly around his body.

‘’We have 35 minutes. Shower now.’’

Isak pouts. ‘’I was hoping for some action’’

‘’You are getting action!’’ Even says cocking his head and motioning to the bathroom. ‘’There is only so long it will take for Marthe to eat that banana and get tired of TV. Now go!!’’

So Isak stumbles into the bathroom and Even waggles his finger to Marthe. ‘’Stay baby girl. Watch TV. Pappa is just going to get Isak showered, OK?’’

‘’Isak dirty?’’ Marthe asks and smudges the banana between her fingers.

‘’Yes, baby girl. Isak is really dirty. He needs a good shower.’’ Even doesn’t even blush, just leans over and kisses Marthe’s head, before sprinting into the bathroom.

 

He still marvels over the human body, how a woman’s body with its softness and curves can be so attractive, yet Isak, with his bones and straight lines make his breath hitch and his stomach warm. The roundness of his arse, and the broad shoulders. Those lines on his stomach and the hint of muscle under his skin. Because Isak, as far as Even is concerned is pure perfection.

He is already standing under the water in the shower, massaging shampoo into his hair. Arms up over his head giving Even a full display of nudity which has already made his cock feel heavy and uncomfortable in his briefs.

He lets his hands fall gently on Isak’s chest and presses his lips against Isak’s mouth. Soft and dirty, under his lips making him moan, he just can’t stop himself. Little noises coming out of his mouth as Isak’s hands cup his hips and their bodies instinctively start to move against one another.

‘’I promised you a blow job.’’ Even whispers against Isak’s ear, his mouth filling with soapy water making him splutter.

Isak just kisses him. Hard needy kisses full of whispers. He knows what Isak is saying without actually being able to understand a single word he is saying whilst his mouth is being devoured. Eaten at. Sucked and licked. And Even says it all back, pressing hard kisses into Isak’s chest as he lowers himself down on the hard tiles. He is going to feel his knees for the rest of the day. His back will ache. His balls heavy against his thighs as he leans in and licks a line up Isak’s cock, that is fully erect, straining against the assault of the water flowing over their bodies.

 Not that he gives a flying fuck. Because this. This right here. Making Isak feel as good as Even knows it can be, because he is one hell of a lucky fucker, having Isak as his partner. Isak who can make him come with his mouth and his fingers within a couple of minutes, hands down. And Even has picked up a few tricks along the way. The way Isak lets his mouth relax, going all soft and sloppy around him when he moves along his skin. How lots of wetness makes things feel. How flicking your tongue, just the tiniest of touches can make him shiver to the bone. And Even has read up on how to do this right, he is a perfectionist at heart, and if you read up on how to do things, you should in theory be able to do anything. Apart from blow jobs apparently. Because whatever he has read on line doesn’t always work in real life. So Even has let Isak teach him, paying attention like it’s exam day every time he has been lucky enough to get Isak on his knees. And he knows he is good. He knows the sounds Isak is making above him aren’t just for show, or that the hair that is being pulled out of his head as he takes Isak’s cock all the way down his throat is just not Isak faking it. No Isak is shaking under his touch. Pressing his body against the cold tiles in the shower as Even lets his mouth swallow around the fat head of Isak’s cock, devouring the taste of precome that is assaulting his taste buds.

He moves his head steadily against Isak’s hands, humming to himself as Isak’s thrust grow more forceful. He doesn’t mind this, not at all. That’s another thing he has learned about himself, that sometimes it is good to let go. To let the other person just take the lead and do things to you, because then you can really just switch off and let your body feel. So that is what he does. He lets Isak fuck into his mouth whilst Even’s hand finds its grip around the base of his own cock in time to get a few good tugs going before Isak’s body goes ridged and Even’s mouth splutters around the come that is coating the back of his throat. Moaning into the heat and the flavour. Licking and tasting the skin that still rests against his tongue as Isak is panting heavily above him.

‘’Up.’’ Isak’s arms are under his shoulders pulling him up off the floor. His knees creaking in protest at being forced to move as Isak props him up against the wall and promptly sticks his tongue in Even’s slack mouth, his hand still pumping his straining shaft, his breathing low and shallow.

‘’Come for me baby’’ Isak stutters against his lips, kissing him whilst his hands are roaming Even’s chest. His hips jerking against Isak’s body. His eyes glazed over and his mouth unable to form words.

And then Isak is on his knees and Even’s cock is plunging into the warm heat of his mouth, and all that comes out of Even’s mouth is ‘’OH FUCK’’ as he spills into Isak’s mouth. He meant to tell Isak that he loved him. He meant to say thank you. Thank you for putting up with me. Thank you for always being there. Thank you for being you. Instead he blurts out another explicit rant of swearwords as Isak licks him clean. He sinks to his knees in exhaustion, letting the water run over them as he wraps his arms around the man on his knees in front of him. Arms holding each other tight as their breathing calms down. As Marthe’s voice echoes through the room shouting ‘’Pappa is Isak clean yet? I want toast. The banana is mushy. I don’t like mushy banana. PAPPA ISAK!!’’

‘’I love you.’’ Isak laughs. ‘’You will ace it today. And Marthe and I and Carla will be there, cheering you on. ‘’

Even just laughs and shouts that they will be there in a minute to Marthe, whilst sneaking in another kiss. A kiss full of scents and shampoo and sex. Of laughter and giggles, as they help each other up.  Another kiss as Isak turns the water to cold as he steps out, making Even squeal in horror.

Marthe is covered in banana and Isak just laughs and runs her a bath. And Even sets off a whole 7 minutes early, with his laptop in his arms and a smile on his face.

 

 

ISAK: Lena, Can I trust you?

MALENA: Of course, you can.

ISAK: If I give you my Facebook password, can you sort my account out?

MALENA: What’s wrong with it?

ISAK: I have 423 friend requests. I have 134 friends. I don’t even know that many people!! Help!

MALENA: The hardship of fame. I have 542 followers on my Insta. I don’t know who the fuck they are. But then I just post snarky memes and pictures of my school dinners.

ISAK: Can you set me up an Insta? I thought I could may be do a ‘’life as a fake Dad’’ thing? Just an idea I had. Put my disastrous dinners and those times Even dresses Marthe in really crazy combinations. Do you think people would like it? Just for a laugh. And I wouldn’t put any faces in there just discreet shots.

MALENA: Sure. But what if you know one or two of those 423 people?

ISAK: Can you see where they work? Anyone working at the hospital or the Midwifery college ask me about. And maybe if people work for TV2 or the Good Morning show. I can’t think of anyone else I might know.

MALENA: OK, I will go through them. Anyone unsure about I will leave as ‘’requested’’ the rest I will delete. Is that OK?

ISAK: Thank you!! Password is ‘’EpiSotomY900’’

MALENA: What the fuck is that password. Sounds like a satanic ritual or some shit.

ISAK: Medical procedure equipment. I have zero imagination.

MALENA: Holy shit. You weren’t kidding.

ISAK: Nope.

MALENA: Give me a few hours.

ISAK: I love you. You can be my Social Media Manager.

MALENA: Don’t let your pseudo fame go to your head. Here today gone tomorrow.

ISAK: Shut up. I am proper famous. Someone asked for a selfie at breakfast this morning.

MALENA: *rolls eyes*

ISAK: Thank you. X

Even doesn’t ace his lecture. He fucking smashes it. And Isak might have a small tear rolling down his cheek as the audience gives him a standing ovation at the end of his Q & A session. There was standing room only earlier as Even balanced on top of the pulpit so he could see the people at the back. He had random people come up and read out poems. He had people standing up on their seats shaking their arms shouting out words. He had words spilling out of his mouth before he could think. Random thoughts that had the audience screaming with laughter. Then the next minute he is reading sentences from a book and people are wiping the tears from their cheeks. Silence fills the room where people try to hide the fact that they are moved. Only for Even to break out in one of his speeches of how words can make us feel. How one sentence can change your life. How a ‘’Yes’’ or a ‘’No’’ can be life changing in reality and that poetry should be the same. Choose your words. Choose your path. Write. Put your voice out there. Everyone can write. Everyone can make someone else feel, as long as you can feel it yourself. Love who you are. Love what you do.

Even is glorious, with every single person in the room hanging on to his every word like some American gospel preacher converting sinners to his new poetic religion.  And it might have been Isak’s fault for letting Marthe down on the floor. He was only wiping his eyes and clapping his hands when she disappeared for a mere second. The next thing he knows she is in Even’s arms at the front of the room squealing ‘’PAPPA!! Can we have McDonalds now? I’m bored,’’ making the room erupt in laughter.

Not that Even misses a beat. He finishes the lecture with Marthe on his shoulders waving her arms around and repeating random words, Even prompting her to read his favourite passage from one of the books, making her repeat ‘’innocuous presumption’’ until the room cheers at her perfect intonation.

There are cameras. Reporters asking questions that Isak doesn’t quite grasp. Cameras in Marthe’s face until Isak can get up the front and whisk her away, holding her tight against his beating chest wanting to tell her off for running away from him, yet he adores how confident and funny she was up on that stage, completely unphased by the commotion.

He is aware that he is being photographed. He is aware of Even coming up to him and wrapping his arms around the two of them. Right there on the side of the stage in the auditorium. He is aware. Yet he doesn’t care. Just smiles apologetically at the reporters who try to speak to him as he makes his way back to Carla and helps her up out of her seat.

‘’Isak, can we go to McDonalds now? After I pee. I need to pee so badly. Almost as badly as I need a Big Mac and a strawberry milkshake. Honestly.’’ Carla is puffing and panting like she has run a marathon and Marthe shouts ‘’Mc Donalds!” at the top of her voice.

Isak doesn’t argue. He knows better than to argue, knowing what a hungry two-year-old and a heavily pregnant woman would do to him if he even mentioned the word salad.

He doesn’t argue. He scoops up his girls and take them to lunch.

 

 

PAULINA: FUCKING HELL ISAK, just saw you on the news! You had more screen time than that book of the year winner!

ISAK: I bet I looked a mess. I lost Marthe during Even’s lecture.

PAULINA: Father of the year. Hahahah. Love you.

ISAK: See you Monday. Having a good time.

PAULINA: Jealous. Delivering breech twins in 15 minutes. Dad is a google-doctor. Apparently, an expert on C-sections. Demanding shit I haven’t even heard of.  Wish me luck.

ISAK: Better you than me. Tell him to put a sock in it. Love you too.

 

 

By 9 o clock Marthe is being spun around the ballroom by Sondre, waltzing to some disco beat that is doing Even’s head in. They have lost their ties. They have danced. In public. He has swung Isak around the room, dad-dancing to the point that he knows Malena would have screamed with embarrassment. He never dances in public. He never did, however much Sonja tried to coax him onto a dancefloor. Instead he would stand on the edge of the room with a drink, watching her move her body to the music. Laughing with her friends. Waving at him making him smile.

Yet Isak has killed of every inhibition in his exhausted body, and here he is moving his body to some ridiculous beat with Isak’s arms plastered around his neck and Isak’s mouth slurring words into his neckline.

‘’Carla, can I just take Isak to the loos for a minute. He needs some water and sobering up. Will you watch Marthe?’’

Carla just laughs at him. Laughs at Isak’s attempts to say that he isn’t really drunk. He is just drunk on dancing. Drunk on being happy. Drunk on being Even’s. All his.

Even still pushes him into the cubicle, holding his body up as he presses his chest into Isak’s back and slobbers into his neck. He might have had a few himself. Not that he is drunk. He is in charge of a child for god’s sake. He is just letting go. Letting loose. Being silly. Being very very silly he thinks to himself as Isak giggles with his face pressed to the cubicle wall.

‘’Fuck me. Right here. Just be quiet. ‘’ Isak is laughing but he is serious enough that Even starts tugging at the slick trousers Isak is wearing. The shiny belt around his waist. The soft grey shirt that shows off his eyes. Isak and his fucking eyes. Even has been half hard for the last hour wriggling around like a deranged rattlesnake on that dancefloor. With people who know him watching. People patting him on the back. Man hugging him. Saying it’s good to have you back. Not where he wants to remember where he has been. Not right now. Not here where he can just be free. Just for a little while with no responsibility more than making sure Isak is fucked. And fucked good.

‘’Have you got lube?’’ he moans into Isak’s ear.

‘’You have some in your back pocket. I put it there’’ Isak pants against his mouth as he kisses him. Desperate. Hot and hard. Lips and teeth and spit as his hand digs in his back pocket and both their trousers are pooling on the floor beneath them.

‘’Yesssss’’ Isak hisses as Even’s slick fingers push at his hole. He wants to take his time. He doesn’t want this to be over too fast, yet he can’t help pushing his finger all the way in, feeling Isak tense underneath him. Kissing his way around his neck, whispering that he loves him between letting his lips taste the skin on Isak’s chin. Moving his head so he can kiss his closed eyelid. Lick his way back down to the neck where red blotches are already marking his skin.

‘’More’’ Isak says, his voice stern and strained. His hands either side of his body, steadying himself against the wall as Even adds a second finger, dropping the empty sachet of lube on the floor as his other hand pumps his cock, coating it in slick liquid in time with his fingers disappearing into Isak’s body, rhythmic jerks accompanied by little moans spilling out of Even’s mouth as Isak pants and sighs and twitches his hips trying to get more. Fucking himself against Even’s fingers to the rhythm of the slick pumps of Even’s hand moving over his own cock.

‘’Do it Even. Fuck me. ‘’ Isak pants.

‘’You are killing me’’

‘’Then fuck me before I do kill you.’’

‘’So fucking hot. Love how you feel.’’

‘’It will feel even better once you get inside me’’ Isak hisses and angles his arse up. Letting his hands come down and holding himself open. Right there. Flashing his slick hole at him in a dimly lit cubicle in a men’s room in Stavanger and Even has to take a deep breath to stop himself coming right there and then.

There is movement outside, someone else using the cubicle next door, as Even sinks inside him, biting his lip until he is sure he has left a mark. It’s just so good. Isak’s face flush against the wall with his eyes closed, his mouth wincing with the pressure. The pleasure. Heat and skin and wetness.

The flush goes off next door and Even moans hoping the sloshing water will hide the noises he is spilling out as he pulls half way out of Isak and lets himself sink back in. Out. Slam. Isak’s breath hitching under his mouth. Dirty kisses and sloppy wet tongues. Isak’s hands still holding himself open and his body holding his weight against the wall as Even slams into him. He thinks they are alone now. Hopes they are. Doesn’t really care.

He doesn’t care. Not when his orgasm slams through his body and his hand forces Isak’s face around enough so that he can half scream into his mouth as Isak trusts into Even’s other hand that wraps around his cock. His hips pistoning desperately against the friction until Even’s hand is wet and warm, liquid seeping through his fingers and his tongue is slack in his mouth and his forehead is resting against Isak’s shoulder.

‘’What was that?’’ Isak giggles softly.

‘’Hot-as-fuck toilet sex? In a public bathroom?’’ Even whispers as the door slams and voices fill the area outside the cubicle.

‘’Hot-as-fuck are the right words’’ Isak looks almost embarrassed as he tries to bend down to grab the hem of his trousers.

‘’Sorry, I .... I would never have done this with anyone else. Just you. I trust you. I can let go with you, and be … just me.’’ Even looks down. He is talking a load of over sentimental shit again. Letting his brain spill out emotions that he should probably keep to himself.

‘’No.’’ Isak spins around and grabs his face. Holds him firm so he is looking into his eyes. He can’t look anywhere else. Not when Isak is there pinning him down. Staring into his eyes with such intensity that Even couldn’t look away if he tried.

‘’This is us. You and me. This is us. Fuck what everyone thinks. We both needed this. We have had the best night. The best. We deserve this, just being us. Being stupid. Fucking in some bathroom like teenagers. What does it matter. I love you.’’ Isak kisses him. Just softly, still talking whilst his lips are pressing little kisses all over Even’s face, and Even just closes his eyes. Let’s himself feel. Hopes he will remember this when his brain casts doubt on his life. When he forgets how fucking lucky he is. When he stupidly forgets that he has it all. That he always had it all.

He has always been loved. Cared for. Supported and held tight.

When he lost it all, his children never let go. They clung to him in the night. Held him when he couldn’t find the words to soothe their hurt. When he couldn’t bring their mother back to them, however hard he would have tried if he could.

He needs to start giving back. Love the shit out of everything right back. Just like the world tends to love the shit out of him. Not that he deserves it.

‘’We deserve this’’ Isak whispers. And for this moment Even thinks he is right. He does deserve this. He deserves Isak. And Isak deserves him. A happier, more relaxed, kinder not so stressed out Even.

‘’I want to try, try to love you better. Not work so much. Not be so stressed. I just want us to be happy’’ He slobbers another kiss on Isak’s cheek and lets Isak hold him. Tightly pressed into the shoulder of the man he loves. Who loves him back.

‘’Then let’s go get our baby and go home. Let’s go back and cuddle.’’

‘’Can we get kebab on the way back to the hotel? ‘’

‘’Kebab?’’ Isak laughs. ‘’Who says no to Kebab?’’

‘’No one’’ Even laughs as he opens the cubicle door and scans the empty bathroom. ‘’No one’’

 

 

ISAK: Thank you for Marthe’s Dress. She looks amazing. You did good.

BERIT: I know I did. I should be one of those Stylist people. I would be great at it.

ISAK: I’m sure you would be brilliant. How are my boys?

BERIT: Your boys are brilliant, Morten and Björn went to the garden centre, and Mikki and I made gingerbread biscuits.

ISAK: Isn’t that just for Christmas?

BERIT: We don’t care. We decided we wanted to. So, we did. Fuck convention.

ISAK: Language Berit.

BERIT: You are my favourite son-in-law.

ISAK: I am your only son-in law.

BERIT. (heart emoji)

ISAK:

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My new fic should go live by tomorrow. I have a few on the go so keep your eyes peeled! 
> 
> I will have a 2 week complete fic hiatus in October as I have to sit my exams, but as soon as I am done and (hopefully) passed I will be back with a vengeance! Wish me luck! xxxx


	33. Chapter 33

Chapter 33

Even can’t remember how the summer started. Or how he will cope when it ends. It has been a blur of frenzy, of schedules and an apartment full of children and noise. Of laughter and cooking smells coming from the kitchen. As soon as one meal has finished the next one has begun as the insatiable appetites of little people have ruled their lives since they finished school in June. 

Isak went to all their graduation ceremonies. Isak held the fort. Isak dealt with most things until Even caved in and agreed to his scheduled 4-week holiday. Sondre insisted. His paternity-leave would kick in in August and Even would cover for him as Head of Norwegian until further notice. 

Sondre had looked at him with glassy eyes and whispered ‘’I don’t know if I can come back. I don’t know how you have done it. How can I go to work when I have a family at home? When I have this little thing that depends on me? I don’t know how to cope. I don’t know what to do?’’

And Even had had that sinking feeling in his chest as he replied ‘’I don’t know. I don’t remember. It was all a blur.’’

Because Sonja had coped so well. She had sat there on the sofa with whoever their new-born was clinging to her chest, breastfeeding on the go as she milled around the apartment dealing with the children and their needs, waving Even off to work with a smile and a shouting demand of whatever she was reminding him of that he needed to do before coming back home. She had coped so well, and Even had not coped at all. 

And then one day in June Isak had gone to work and left Even at the table with his four children staring at him and realized that he was in charge. All day. That Isak wouldn’t be back until his 10-hour shift was over and that it was all on Even. He had the kids all day. No nursery. No school to save him. No one to help him cope. 

Malena had laughed at the terror in his eyes when she announced that she was working in Matt and Chris’ restaurant for the day. If she behaved they might make it a permanent thing. And that poor Tobias oversaw the kids at their place. Even had shuddered with fear. Seriously. Malena had laughed in his face. Kissed his cheek and told him to man-up.  
Even had phoned Chris and screamed in his ear, letting the other man’s laughter echo through the flat. 

He coped. Of course, he did. They went to the park. They went to the toyshop in town and spent an obscene amount of money on plastic tat they didn’t really need, but Even laughed.  
He beamed with pride as Marthe handed the cuddly snake to the cashier to scan though the till, explaining that ‘’the snake will chop your head off’’ to the cashier who just smiled as Mikki told her off and graphically explained that ‘’the snake will strangle your body and swallow you whole!’’ making his body shudder and twist as the pretend snake brought him to his untimely death. On the floor. In public in a toy-shop in Oslo. 

And Even had laughed, not a care in the world. 

Whilst a year ago he would have told them all to be quiet and stand nicely and behave, now he beams with pride at the ridiculous charades they are bringing on, listening to the chuckles from the people in the queue behind them with a content smile and pride. He almost rings his Mum to tell her how funny they are. He almost gets his phone out and snaps a photo. Instead he kisses Morten’s head and doesn’t even question the choice of Video-game he has in his hands. He just pays for it. Lifts Marthe back up in the back-pack carrier and walks them down to the waterfront. 

They had had the best day. Eating ice cream on the Sørenga boardwalk, letting the children paddle in the water as the evening Ferries slipped out of the sound, creating waves and cheers from the children in the water. Fuck he had even taken his socks off himself, stood knee deep in the cool evening water, chatting to the lifeguard on duty and not even getting angry when Mikki splashed him. He didn’t even scold Morten for getting his clothes wet. He just laughed and walked them home, letting Morten wear his hoodie and carrying their wet clothes in a plastic bag. He carried their toys. Marthe asleep with her snake on his shoulder. He coped. He coped well. 

Malena worked at the restaurant, and she beamed with pride every evening. She had a job. She was earning money and praise. She was getting tips from tourists. Then in the evening she would have her feet up on a chair and the laptop on her lap, Tobias leaning into her side and Isak bent over her shoulder creating posts for his new public social media. She was good. She was insanely good Isak kept saying. And Even would laugh. Because what else could he do? There was happiness in his tummy threatening to come out and the most random moments and he could do nothing to stop it. Not that he wanted to. He is happy. Fact. He is so very very happy. 

So, he doesn’t understand why his stomach is hurting today. Why he is nervous. Why his fingers keep twitching every time they brush over the bulge in his jeans pocket. He feels like an idiot. He thinks he is an idiot. Maybe this is all wrong. 

It’s Sunday, That kind of Sunday. The Sundays when they all go to his parents and have lunch. And with all of them, he means all of them. Because he can’t even remember a time when this wasn’t his family. He has forgotten the lonely Sundays of the past where he felt suffocated by the hours that would creep by, painfully strangling him with the pressure of just having to survive. Now Sundays are messy. They are full of phone calls and hurried shouts to ‘’Get your shoes on already!’’ ‘’We’ll be late’’ and ‘’Have you got all the stuff?’’. And as always there is the mammoth task of getting Isak in the car. Isak who has had 2 hours sleep and has the brain capacity of an amoeba. He is wearing a t-shirt the wrong way around, and his jeans are too long which is probably because they are Even’s jeans, but their clothes are all muddled up with their belongings and to be honest Even doesn’t know what is his and what is Isak’s anymore.

‘’Theirs’’ suits most things in life these days. This life is theirs. 

‘’Pappa Isak sleep in the car’’ Marthe coo’s as Isak lifts her up in his arms and leans against the door frame.  
‘’Pappa Isak will sleep. Pappa Isak can sleep standing up if he needs to.’’ Isak mumbles and scratches his nose with the back of his hand. ‘’Come on guys, let’s go. I need to sit down.’’  
‘’But it’s your birthday Pappa Isak! No sleeping on your birthday!’’ Mikki is jumping up and down. ‘’You can’t sleep because I need to give you my present!!!’’  
‘’I have been up all night Mikki, I can have a little sleep. Just a tiny one. Please?’’ Isak begs.  
‘’Not until after you have opened your presents.’’ Mikki sulks. ‘’It’s a good present. I drew it myself. It’s a fairground. I drew a rollercoaster for you. One day you need to take me on a rollercoaster. I saw one on YouTube. A big one. You go upside down. All the time. With your hair hanging out.’’  
‘’You are not supposed to tell him what the present is you dork.’’ Morten snarls and whacks Mikki over the head.  
‘’I’m not a dork’’ Mikki shouts back. ‘’Pappa Isak Morten hit my head!’’  
’’Don’t hit your brother Morten’’ Isak sighs, his eyes still closed and Marthe snuggling against his chest.  
‘’Tell-tale. Dork.’’ Morten teases and Mikki lashes out at him with his fist and Isak shouts ‘’EVEEEEEENNN’’ at the top of his voice and Even finally turns up. Slips his feet in his trainers and grabs the car- keys off the hook on the wall.  
‘’Get out you crazy lot’’ he demands.

So, they do. They scramble out of the flat with their assortment of bags. With swimsuits and books and tablets and toys in tow, like they are moving out of their flat for a month, when they are only going for lunch. But there are things that need to be brought. Things that Granny needs to see. Drawings to put on her fridge. And games that need to be played. 

Because the others will be there. The others. The other part of their brood, Matt and Chris and their kids who seem to have seamlessly morphed into Bech Naesheims without any fuss. 

Bjorn didn’t even blink when they turned up the first time. Just hugged the men and told them to call them Dad. And they did, like it was completely normal. Bjorn said he always wanted more children but they never could. Berit said bullshit. Said they had so many children now how could he want more? She dotes on them all. Pulls at Chris’s beard and tells him to never shave. Hugs Matt’s slim frame and tells him he needs to eat. Kisses Even’s cheek and says she loves that he smiles. And puts another blanket over Isak’s sleeping body on the sofa, surrounded by the chaos and voices of their family. 

There are 15 of them around the table for lunch these days. Even didn’t even know they owned so many chairs. 

They sing Happy Birthday to Isak at the table, standing on the chairs and screaming with laughter at Isak with his head in his hands. They bring out the presents making him open each one carefully to the sound of applauds and laughter. He get’s some amazing drawings. A handmade bowl made of playdough, that has fallen apart in the wrapping paper. He still loves it and carefully helps Marthe put it back together. Then she squashes it and asks Bjorn to help her make it into a snake. 

He blinks away a tear at the expensive aftershave Berit bought him. Whispers ‘’Thank you’’ through the water that clouds his eyes.  
‘’It’s very gay’’ Berit stage whispers. ‘’I asked in the LBGTIQ parents support group on Facebook. They assured me that Tom Ford was a suitable brand.’’.  
‘’Mamma!’’ Even laughs, ‘’There is no such thing as a ‘’Gay’’ aftershave.’’  
‘’There is! I asked. Some brands are not LBGTQI friendly and some are very macho and some I just didn’t like. I thought Isak needs a nice soft scent. Sweet. He is such a sweet boy.’’  
‘’I need a macho aftershave’’ Morten looks serious. ‘’You can choose one for me Granny, for Christmas. Although I quite like this one’’ He sniffs at Isak’s bottle, then shamelessly buries his face in Isak’s neck, sniffing. ‘’It’s cool. Smells good. What is it called again?’’  
‘’I like Gaultier. Always wear one of his. ‘’ Chris booms in his loud voice.  
‘’Gaultier is too camp for me. Makes you smell like you have swum in soap or something.’’ Tobias pops another strawberry in his mouth and gestures to Bjorn to cut him another piece of Isak’s birthday cake. 

Not that there is much left. Not that there will be any leftovers, and Even snickers at his unfounded worries that the cake would be too big. That the extravagant cost of a 30-piece birthday cake with a giant unicorn jumping over a multicoloured frosting rainbow shouting ISAK in rainbow letters would have been a step too far. Even though his Mum had ordered it and made Even collect it from the bakers. He had almost had a coronary when the baker had lifted the lid on the box. Smiled with pride and then his face had dropped when he had seen Even’s face. 

‘’For fucks sake Mum’’ Even had muttered and the baker had almost whispered ‘’Is something wrong? Is it not what was ordered?’’  
‘’It’s perfect.’’ Even had wiped away a tear and almost choked on his own laughter. ‘’My mum is crazy. Hilarious. The best mum in the world. ‘’  
‘’She was adamant this is what she wanted. She had it all drawn out on paper. ‘’ The baker had smiled.  
Even left a tip. He never tips anyone. It’s not the done thing in Norway, but he couldn’t help himself. Pressed the notes into the baker’s hand and told him to get himself a couple of beers after work. Said he deserved it. 

 

Isak is numb with gratitude, sitting on a wooden chair with all these gifts spread around him. With all his people in the room. Bjorn and Chris chatting at the end of the table, Matt and Even clearing away plates as Berit is whispering with the children in the corner, no doubt arranging some treasure hunt for the masses of sweets she usually hides for them to find. 

‘’Go and sit on the sofa baby, rest.’’ Even whispers in his ear and presses a kiss to his neck. ‘’You do smell nice by the way.’’

‘’Mmm. Isak replies, still too tired to actually think clearly. He is a little dazed from the wine. His stomach full of food and his blood wired with sugar. Then he is drinking coffee on top and he giggles to himself thinking that his brain might just explode with sensory overload from this whole idea of birthday celebrations. He has never had this before.  
His colleagues bought him a cake at work. They sung in hushed voices around the reception, all carrying restless infants in their arms. It had been one of those nights where the screams of the new-borns drowned out the sounds of the birthing mothers. He had carried babies around for hours, soothing them to sleep with formula milk in sterile ready-to-use bottles. Sung to them quietly as he did his paperwork with one in a sling strapped to his chest and another on his lap as he tapped at the keyboard with a pen.  
They always did the cake and singing for someone’s birthday. A generic card from the giftshop below. Kisses and hugs from colleagues who loved him. But this. This here. 

Overwhelming is not a word strong enough. 

Even takes his hand and drags him out of the chair and leads him over to the sofa. Sits him down and pulls the blanket over his legs. 

He wonders for a second what it is that is not making sense. Why Even’s eyes are fluttering. Why his breath is not calm and steady. Why everyone is suddenly quiet. 

‘’Even?’’ He questions.

There is no reply. Just everyone in the room moving in and placing himself around him. The adults taking seats where there is space. Tobias dragging Malena down on his lap, and Malena raising herself straight back up. 

Morten surprisingly speaks first, coming over and sitting down next to Isak. 

‘’We have something we need to ask you.’’ He says. Then he blushes. Turns away. Public speaking has never been his strength Isak thinks, as he pats his arm and tries to reassure him. Because he will answer whatever Morten wants to ask. He always does. It’s their thing. The bonding thing they do. It might be impersonal, exchanging random texts like they do, but Isak knows it works. It’s what they do. How they interact. Bond. How they tell each other that they are good. That they matter. That things are OK.

‘’What did you want to ask?’’ Isak asks turning his body to Morten, only to have Mikki jump on his lap and Malena kneel at his feet.  
‘’We need to ask something for Pappa!’’ Mikki squeals.  
‘’Yeah, ‘cause Pappa is too chicken to ask you himself.’’ Malena snarls and the giggles roam around the room.  
‘’Even?’’ Isak asks again and his stomach is suddenly full of butterflies. The room is full of love. Of everyone staring at him. He hates being the centre of attention. Yet the uncertainty of what is going on is like electricity buzzing through the room.  
He lifts Marthe up on his lap and she shows him what she has in her hand.  
A small velvet box, that she clumsily opens as Mikki grabs her hand and removes what is inside.  
‘’You need to put this on your finger. Because then you will be ours.’’ He says a-matter of factly. His face is totally serious. Staring at Isak, nodding towards the gold band in his hand like it’s totally normal.  
‘’You need to ask him first. He should say yes first you idiot’’ Morten hisses at Mikki who nudges Marthe.  
‘’Ask him Marthe!’’ He urges and looks back up at Isak holding the ring in the palm of his hand.  
‘’Pappa Isak!’’ Marthe squeals and claps her hands.  
‘’Ask him!’’ Mikki nudges her again and everyone is laughing.  
‘’Even?’’ Isak squeals and his body is shaking. He doesn’t want to cry. Doesn’t want to hope. Doesn’t understand what is happening right now. Yet he does. I mean how can he not with that gold ring in Marthe’s hand.  
‘’Yes!’’ Marthe shouts and grabs Isak’s index finger with a tight grip and starts to squeeze the ring over his finger.  
‘’You didn’t ask!’’ Mikki shouts.  
‘’Wrong finger!’’ Malena shouts.  
‘’You can’t answer for him, Isak needs to answer himself!’’ Morten squeals and grabs the ring from Marthe and slams it back down in the palm of Isak’s hand. 

‘’Oh, for fucks sake. You should have done this yourself Pappa.’’ Malena sounds angry, but her face is full of smiles. And a little blushed from what she is about to do. The words she is about to say. 

‘’Isak. Your fucktard of a mess of a boyfriend is too embarrassed to do this shit himself. So, he asked us if we would fix this. Which we said we would. So, you are stuck with us. If you want to. ‘’

 

‘’He said we had a choice. We could choose if we wanted this. ‘’ Morten says and looks at Isak. ‘’We said yes.’’

And Isak can feel the tears that are spilling down his cheeks. It doesn’t help that Berit is sobbing like a baby, turning her face and crying into Björn’s chest as he clumsily pats her on the back. It doesn’t help that Even can barely look at him, his face is red with pent up emotions. Isak can’t tell if its laughter or pride or love or some messed up mixture of them all. 

‘’We want you to be our Pappa. For real. With a ring.’’ Mikki exclaims and beams with pride. His smile is massive as he holds up the ring between his fingers. ‘’Look. Pappa wrote inside the ring. It says ‘’Folever Pappa Isak.’’

‘’No, it says ‘’Forever Even’s’’ Malena corrects. In Pappa’s ring it says ‘’Forever Isak’s’’. She holds up a box and hands it to Isak.  
‘’This is Pappa’s ring. So, you can ask him. If you want to. We weren’t sure how to do it. ‘’ She smiles at him and Isak breaks. Sobs convulsing out of his chest with uncontrollable spasms and sounds that sound more like howls. 

‘’Don’t you want to?’’ Mikki asks looking shocked and Marthe wraps her arms around Isak’s neck and squeals: ‘’No crying Pappa Isak. No crying.’’

‘’Yes’’ Isak almost shouts. ‘’Of course, I want to. I am just happy.’’

It sounds lame. Idiotic almost, the simplicity of the words that don’t even start to describe the turmoil in his chest. 

But Even is right there, scooping them all up in his arms, holding his little family close as Isak sobs and Morten buries his face in his hands and mutters that ‘’you are all so fucking embarrassing’’ as Malena pipes up ‘’SHUT THE FUCK UP so we can do this properly!!!’’

‘’So Isak. Would you do Pappa the fucking massive honour of putting up with him like for the rest of his life and being his husband? Marrying him one day and kind of officially agreeing to being our Pappa. Forever and ever amen and all that shit. ‘’ Malena stutters with laughter at the end, and Tobias shouts out ‘’Epic proposal Malena. Glad I caught that on camera. You will have to ask me next.’’ 

‘’Fuck off arsehole. I will make you grovel and ask me. Not doing this shit again, and look, he hasn’t even answered. He might turn us all down for all I know.’’ 

She is laughing though. She knows him too well. Knows that eventhough his face is buried in Even’s neck and he is shaking with tears and looks like a mess and hasn’t slept for since forever, she knows he is screaming yes. Over and over into Even’s shirt and everyone is laughing and clapping and screaming and Mikki and Marthe are fighting over the ring trying to force it onto Isak’s thumb. 

Isak holds his hand up in triumph and wiggles his thumb making everyone cheer and Berit appears with a tray of champagne glasses, and everyone is smiling. 

‘’Can I have mine too?’’ Even asks. His eyes wet and his lips are still kissing Isak. Over and over. Again and Again.  
‘’Do I have to go on bended knee?’’ Isak sniffles. Slobbers the words all over Even’s shirt and the back of his hand and Even kisses him again. 

‘’Pappa, you have to marry Isak now. Say Yes.’’ Mikki exclaims and yanks open the box in Isak’s hand as Marthe claps and Morten grabs Even’s hand and points out the right finger so Mikki can slide the ring on. The right finger. Huffing and puffing trying to squeeze it all the way to the top. 

‘’YES!!!’’ Marthe squeals. 

‘’Say yes Pappa!!!’’ 

Mikki is looking so stern that Isak can’t help the laughter that spills out. He hugs his children with all the strength he can muster. His arms around Mikki and Marthe who somehow still have hung on to their spots on his lap. He pulls Morten in under a steady stream of protests that he is being strangled. And Malena is there with her head against his cheek, whispering ‘’Good luck with us lot, I hope you know what you have signed up for’’. 

‘’I do.’’ Isak whispers back. ‘’I think I do.’’


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the amazing comments on the wedding proposal. I adored this chapter, and I am so glad you loved it too!!  
> Thank you for bearing with me thorugh the last couple of weeks, I have survived exam week, and will be updating as fast as I can. Next week will be hectic as the kids are on holiday again, so I doubt I will get much writing done, but I will get there. I have yet to abandon a story, and I do not intend to!  
> I am almost done with a brand new fic that will be part of the Skam Big Bang challenge, it is a sexy enemy to lovers Evak extravaganza and I hope you will enjoy it once it publishes next year! There is also the Christmas oneshots to work on and of course Infinity will update asap.  
> As always big hugs to the Larryshands girls, Heidipeidi, Pangnilagni and Evak4Ever who tirelessly prompt proofread and hurl feedback at me. You rock. Period.

 

‘’Even, I might have fucked up. ‘’

Isak hangs his head over the laptop on his knee, his feet already resting against the coffee table.

‘’Language Pappa Isak’’ Mikki quips from the bedroom.

‘’Bedtime Mikki’’ Isak shouts back. ‘’I said quiet time now, you had two bedtime stories and a glass of water and a sneaky biscuit. So no more. It’s bedtime. Period.’’

‘’Night Night Pappa Isak. Night Night Pappa!’’ Mikki singsongs back from the darkness of the bedroom and Even gets up and quietly closes the door.

‘’Too dark!’’ Marthe wails and Even just sighs and opens the door back up again.

 

‘’What have you done baby’’ he sighs and sits down next to Isak, letting his head fall against his shoulder.

‘’I applied for this job. I just thought it would be good to apply, to see how far I would get. If I had enough to get an interview.’’ Isak sighs.

‘’What’s the job?’’ Even tries to read the text on the screen. ‘’Fuck, you have an interview?’’

‘’Yeah’’ Isak sighs quietly. ’’I’m not sure I even want the job.’’

‘’But that’s brilliant Isak. If they want to interview you, that’s really good! What is it? Don’t say it’s as host to Good Morning Norway. I am NOT doing that again. You can’t make me. Please.’’

Isak can’t help it. He laughs into Even’s mouth and silences him with a kiss.  ‘’Arsehole’’ He mutters and Even just kisses him back. Quietly snickering and bumping their shoulders together.

‘’It’s for head of Midwifery at Oslo Medical. I would oversee the department, and there would be research opportunities. I always wanted to do research, and be part of a team like that. And I would be the boss. It would be, frankly speaking terrifying. In a good way. A lot of responsibility. I have no idea how I would cope, I have no formal management training. I have years of writing articles and teaching, and I’m a fucking good midwife….’’ Isak tails of and does a silent scream into the room.

‘’Would it be worth your while? Financially?’’ Even wraps an arm around him, tries to steady him and calm his shaking hands down by tangling his fingers in Isak’s grip.

‘’Money would be good, but working hours are Monday to Fridays. It would be long days and that would be the end of my quiet days at home. No more nights, which mean I would be in bed with you every night, but. But it would mean no more days of kidnapping Marthe from Nursery early and sneaking off on adventures. It would mean no more days for you and me to have alone time in bed. No more sex-hazed dates on a Monday afternoon.’’

‘’I heard that’’ Malena’s voice echoes from the kitchen. ‘’I don’t want to know what that means Pappa Isak.’’

‘’This is a private conversation’’ Even booms back.

‘’If you want a private conversation you need to buy a bigger flat.’’ Malena replies as she walks into the room and throws herself on the other side of Isak, and takes a bite out of the sandwich in her hand. ‘’What’s up Pappa Isak. You look pissed off.’’

‘’Applied for a job and now I am bricking it. They want me in for an interview, and I don’t even know if I want the job. I also have to submit papers and research proposals and my vision for the future training of healthcare personnel….’’ Isak buries his head in his hands again and growls.

‘’You love delivering babies. Would this job mean no more actually working as a midwife?’’

‘’I suppose so. I might still have to keep my hand in, so I know what I am doing, but I wouldn’t be doing full shifts. I wouldn’t be a midwife anymore. Not like I am now.’’

‘’You love your job. You love what you do. Why apply for this then?’’ Even asks, stroking Isak’s fingers.

‘’It’s kind of what’s expected? To keep pushing yourself in your career?’’ Isak answers, but he doesn’t sound like he believes himself.

‘’If I had wanted to be head of Norwegian, I would have pushed for it. I never felt the need to, because Sondre was so much better at the organizing being the boss side of things, and I was always a better lecturer than him. He hates teaching, just stands there and drones on, whilst I love the rush of capturing the room. He can organize anything and I can barely get to work on time. We are good at different things and I never felt I needed to move out of my comfort zone. I still don’t. I’m good where I am.’’

‘’You are Head of Norwegian for the next 6 months. Don’t forget that.’’ Isak laughs.

‘’Yeah, only because Sondre has basically done everything for me, you should see my schedule, he has written a detailed plan for every week. I’m basically just doing what I am told. Easy.’’

‘’I want to have more time with you guys, not less. Yet more money would be good.’’ Isak sighs.

‘’I was thinking.’’ Even says. Then tails off and looks at Isak.

‘’What?’’

‘’I was hoping after Christmas when Sondre comes back, I was thinking I could go down to 75%. Have one day per week off, and maybe use the time to write a book. I always wanted to. I was thinking since we had 2 incomes we could afford it. What do you think Isak?’’

‘’Oh. Yes. OK. That would be good. It could work. ‘’ Isak nods. ‘’I want to sell my flat.’’

‘’You want to sell it?’’

‘’I am not going back, and this renting business is stressing me out. I want to sell it. Cut ties with it.’’

‘’Are you sure?’’ Even cocks his eyebrow. ‘’Where is all this coming from? New job, sell flat?’’

‘’I am getting married, to you.’’ Isak smiles, his whole face lit up. ‘’I am happy. I don’t want anything dragging me back to my old life. I just want to live, be happy. Not worry about anything, not have any stress. The money could go towards a new place if we decide to move in the future. Maybe. Not that I want to move. I like it here.’’

‘’I used to think I never wanted to move. Then Mamma died and I wanted us to move. To go live anywhere but here with all the memories and we were all sad. But now, I think we have made new memories. There have been some good things happening in this flat. It’s not all bad.’’ Malena leans her head against Isak’s shoulder and he clumsily pats her cheek.

‘’Tell me something good that happened here’’ Isak says softly.

‘’We laugh. We laugh more now. Especially when you burn food, and then pretend you never cooked and order pizza.’’

‘’Thanks Malena’’ Isak tries to sound offended but Even is giggling in his ear and his own stifled laugh is threatening to give him away.

‘’I like having Tobias here. And the rest of the kids. It’s like the flat is alive again. Like it’s a home, just not this place where we all exist.’’ Even leans further into Isak. ‘’And you of course. Having you here has been, I mean, I still can’t believe how lucky I am. That you are here. That you chose us. ‘’

‘’I didn’t have a choice Even, you know that. I was always yours. It would always have been you. I couldn’t have walked away even if I had tried. ‘’

‘’I’m glad you are here too Isak. You’re Ok. You know that don’t you?’’ Malena says and Isak doesn’t dare to look at her. Because if he does he might go all mushy and his eyes might leak and it will be all messy and embarrassing.

‘’I do.’’ Isak says back. His voice is not quite as steady as he would like it to be.

‘’You two are embarrassing. Look at Pappa, he’s about to cry. Again. I’m off to bed.’’

‘’Oh Lena, I need to tell you what Even did today!’’ Isak stifles a giggle.

‘’No!!!’’ Even buries his head in his hands. Sighs in desperation as Isak claps his hands and throws his head back in laughter.

‘’You know we took Marthe to that trial swimming lesson at Tøyenbadet this afternoon?’’

‘’Yes?’’ Malena’s face is already scrunched up with held back laughter, like she knows what’s about to come. Because Even is curling up like a ball on the sofa hiding his face behind a cushion.

‘’It wasn’t my fault. That guy who was supposed to be a swimming instructor and teach the children water confidence, was fucking over confident. He was all over Isak. **_Flirting_**.‘’

‘’He was showing me how to hold Marthe so she could float!’’ Isak squeals.

‘’He had his hands on you! Smiling! He couldn’t take his eyes off you!’’

‘’Yeah, and then you got all snarky and sat like one meter from the edge of the pool and gave him death-stares for the entire lesson.’’

‘’Well he was an arse. A touchy-feely arse.’’

‘’There were like 10 other people in the pool. Lots of kids.’’

‘’Yeah, but he kept looking at you.’’

‘’Because I was the only bloke and I nearly drowned Marthe because I couldn’t figure out how to do it properly?’’ Isak nudges Even with his shoulder and Malena rolls her eyes with pent up laughter.

‘’So Pappa sat there like an exploding volcano and I bet he was all snarky yanking Marthe out of the pool at the end. Am I right?’’ She lets a little giggle out and looks expectantly at Isak.

‘’He dragged me out of the pool and tongue fucked me right there in front of all the other parents. Like some green eyed possessive twat. ‘’

Isak doesn’t mean for it to sound evil, but Even does pretend sulking so well. And he looks cute. Very cute. Pouting and refusing to look at Isak whilst Malena throws a cushion at him.

‘’So, are you going to sign Marthe up for lessons?’’ Malena laughs and Even gives her a look. She doesn’t ever wait for the reply.

‘’I take it that’s a _no_ then.’’ She says a-matter-of-factly. ‘’Did you get thrown out for indecent behaviour or something?’’

‘’No. Isak reigned me in and told me to go and calm the fuck down. I might have been a little bit….over reacting. Maybe. Or something. ‘’

‘’I managed to hold my hand over his mouth before he told the poor bloke to’ keep his filthy hands off my husband-to-be’, or whatever you were trying to shout at him. ‘’

‘’I can’t help it Isak. I get jealous OK? I realize how hot you are. I know how attractive you are, I mean look at you. I can’t function properly if someone else is giving you looks. I don’t like it. Because you’re mine OK? Mine. Mine mine mine. All mine.’’

Malena leans over and give’s Even’s cheek a quick peck. Then swats Isak over the head.

‘’Night you two. Keep the noise down. There is only so much I can stomach to hear before I need to put my earphones on. ‘’

‘’I have no idea what you are talking about.’’ Isak snickers and taps away at the keyboard with sudden urgency.

‘’Night Lena’’ Even laughs and hides his face in Isak’s neck.

‘’It’s funny how when I smell you my whole body calms down. Like you are a drug or something.’’ He whispers. ‘’But then you are my drug. I crave you, with everything I have got. You calm me. Complete me. Make me feel OK. Alive. Whole.’’ Even’s lips are kissing Isak’s skin, trailing softly down his neck. Playing with the neckline of his t-shirt. Nipping. Just a hint of strength in his lips as he sucks down on the soft muscle under his collar bone. ‘’I’m sorry I was an arse earlier. But he was flirting. He kept looking at your chest.’’

‘’He kept looking at Marthe doing doggy paddles, next to my chest. As I was holding her. We had fun Even. Just chill baby, that dude has nothing on you.’’ His fingers stroke Even’s cheek. A fingertip tracing his bottom lip.

‘’I’m not going to get this reply in this evening, will I?’’ Isak laughs, his nose already in Even’s hair. Hands under his shirt as the laptop falls off his lap onto the sofa.

‘’No. You won’t. But then you need to sleep on it and let the idea settle in your head. Shall I go clear out the kids? We might get an hour before the first one comes back. How does that sound? Baby?’’

‘’Mmm’’ is all he can say back, his lips already on Even’s mouth. ‘’Mmmm.’’

 

He sneaks in a quick shower whilst Isak carries Mikki back to his bed, and he carefully scoops Marthe up in his arms, making sure she doesn’t wake up, rocking her carefully against his bare chest as she settles back into sleep in his arms. He almost tiptoes out in the hallway, the towel tied around his waist slipping dangerously low as he walks.

She is the most beautiful girl in the world, he thinks to himself as he leans down over the cot in Mikki’s room. She is getting so big, so grown up. She will need her own room he thinks, again, and tries to push the thought out of his head.

They had never planned on a fourth child, Sonja being far too practical in her thinking. The flat had 4 decent bedrooms and suited a family with 3 children. A fourth, well there was simply no space for a fourth child. Until Sonja declared she was pregnant and that they would deal with it later. She had started to look around, researching areas where they could afford a bigger home, where transport links would work for both of them, and where Malena and Morten could commute to the same school to save uprooting them. They had talked about moving, and then life had turned everything on its head. They never mentioned it again. And Marthe was still sleeping in an infant cot in a corner of Mikki’s room, in worn out IKEA sheets they had bought when Morten was a new-born. He strokes the fabric with his fingertips and tucks his daughter in. Not that she sleeps in the cot much, she has mastered the trick of making a silent escape, climbing out of the cot in a few seconds, and will no doubt be climbing back into their bed within the hour.

She deserves a room. A girl’s room full of pink and ballerinas and fluff and dolls, all those things that little girls should have, yet Marthe sleeps surrounded by an avalanche of Lego and cars. Yet how could they leave? This is the children’s home. This is their safe haven, the space where they belong.

Even shakes his head, suddenly feeling cold. Sonja would have called him an idiot. It’s only walls. Plasterboard and Glass. ‘’A home is wherever your people are.’’ she would have said. ‘’The kids will adapt. Make it into an adventure. New house. New room. New fun’’ She would have shrugged her shoulders and popped a carrot stick in her mouth. Dangled it between her teeth like a cigarette. Nothing phased her. ‘’Find a house and make it a home.’’ She says to him like she is right there in the room.

Even unwraps the towel around his waist, and folds it around his shoulders. He half trips over a discarded toy on the floor and presses a kiss to Mikki’s head. He doesn’t even stir, fast asleep with his teddy pressed to his chest.

‘’Should we move?’’ he asks Isak as he crawls into the bed where Isak is already on his back, propped up by, well, **_all_ ** the pillows.

‘’Why would we?’’ Isak raises his arm so Even can curl up with his head on his chest.

‘’Marthe needs her own room. Mikki needs his space. We can probably get away with it for a while but we need to find a solution.’’

‘’Two more years and Lena will be off to Uni, not that I want her out, to be honest, I want her to live at home for as long as possible. Save up some money and travel and do things before she ties herself down.’’ Isak stops and kisses Even’s forehead. ‘’Not my decision though. It’s up to the kids. Maybe we should have a family meeting about it?’’

‘’Yeah. Good thinking. I keep thinking I want a garden, but I can’t think of anything worse than weeding flowerbeds and cutting the lawn. I grew up with my Dad making me earn pocket money by doing gardening. I hated it. Really hated it.’’ Even shrugs and burrows into Isak’s armpit.

‘’OK. So, we need a home with no garden. Or a garden with no lawn and no flowerbeds. Concrete. Maybe a tree. Does a tree need gardening?’’

‘’Bloody city kid you are, no clue on gardens either. I think it’s safe to say we shouldn’t be allowed to have a garden. But outside space would be nice, where the kids could ride bikes and play. Like a big veranda?’’

‘’Oi, look at us. We have less than an hour to have dirty quiet sex, and we are lying here discussing gardening? We are turning into an old married couple and we haven’t even tied the knot!’’

Even leans up and kisses his cheek.

‘’Oh, dirty quiet sex?’’

‘’Yeah. I need you to do really dirty things to me so I can stop fretting over this job interview.’’

‘’Oh, I meant to say, [Heiðdís](https://www.facebook.com/heiddis.s?fref=gc&dti=625893377621512) at work told me about this lady who performs Humanist wedding services, nothing remotely religious or churchy, but we could incorporate poetry and write our own vows and things, her name is Hege, I can send her an email and ask if we can meet her if you think it would be an option. I know we said no registry office, no church, just a simple wedding for us. What do you think?’’

‘’Even?’’ Isak leans up on his elbow.

‘’Yes?’’ Even has got that look again where his brain is running at 100 miles per hour and his thoughts are threatening to derail at any second.

‘’Sex Even. Get my cock in your mouth. Now.’’

‘’So fucking bossy’’ Even sasses and hurls the duvet off the two of them, revealing Isak’s very prominent erection.

‘’You got hard talking about gardening?’’ Even teases and straddles Isak’s thighs, letting his hands roam down his chest.

‘’I got hard because you were lying naked next to me, full stop.’’

‘’I can talk about weddings if that makes you… harder...’’ Even winks and leans down, his chin just nudging the tip of Isak’s cock.

‘’Even. My cock. Your mouth.’’

‘’Oh. Attitude.’’ His tongue is already there, licking a trail up Isak’s shaft. He keeps his eyes on him, watching as his head falls back against the pillows, his hips arching slightly off the bed as Even’s lips kiss the head of his cock. Lips soft and open, sucking gently on the skin, letting his tongue flick over the slit at the top.

‘’What do you need baby?’’ he whispers as his arm reaches out, fumbling in the bedside drawer, searching for the familiar shape of the bottle of lube.

‘’Shut up and suck’’ Isak snarls, but his lips are curled into a smirk, his dimples threatening to pop as Even swallows him down making Isak roar and stick his hand over his mouth.

‘’Did you say something?’’ Even doesn’t wait for an answer, just does it again. Takes Isak’s length as far back as he can, bobbing his head slightly, trying not to gag as he swallows around the thick length in his mouth. He loves this, how something so simple can make Isak come undone in a few minutes. It’s just mouths. Skin. Wetness and bodily fluids, but it has Even’s cock throbbing in his hand as he starts to jerk himself off, long slow strokes with his lube covered fingers, as his mouth devours the cock underneath him.

Isak’s hips are off the mattress, jerking uncontrollably as Even’s hand starts to join in with his mouth. Firm steady strokes, squeezing the shaft on the up, loosening the grip on the down, and letting his tongue work the head, even pressure, flicks and sucks. Lots of wetness. Sloppy sounds and smacking lubricated strokes.

‘’Fingers baby’’ Isak whines. He doesn’t need to say more. Even’s tongue has just been waiting for the right moment, the moment when Isak is so far gone that he doesn’t care anymore. When he starts to ask for what he really needs. When he doesn’t think, just takes. Tells Even what to do, what he needs to get off. And right now, right here, Isak needs Even’s tongue to go and bury itself in that arse of his.

He grabs a firm hold of Isak’s hips and tugs him down so he can get his legs up over his shoulders. His nose on the soft skin, course pubes against his eyelids and that heady smell. All Isak.

The ring of muscles clenches as he pushes his tongue right in. Pushes and licks and kisses and tastes, his mouth making noises as he goes. Little hums of pleasure escaping as he breaches and enters. Pushes and withdraws, as Isak howls under the pillow he has pressed over his face.

If they had been alone, Isak would have been shouting. Screaming and howling and egging Even on. Faster. More. Deeper. Use your fingers. Oh, fuck Even. Oh. Fuck.

And Even would have been rocking into the mattress causing the headboard to slam alarmingly hard into the wall behind them. There is just a slight creak today. Isak is clever Even laughs to himself, as his tongue plunges back into the silkiness and warmth. He has pulled the bed out from the wall again.

‘’ Cock.’’ Isak snarls from up above. ‘’Fuck me’’

‘’What do you need baby?’’ Even whispers. He loves to hear it. Needs to hear it.

‘’I need you inside me. I need you to fuck me until I don’t know my own name’’

‘’You need my cock?’’

‘’Need you to fuck me Even. ‘’ Isak is panting with every word. His hips rising from the mattress with every stroke of Even’s fingers, lube slick and scissoring with ease as he drips more lube onto his cock. He is hard. He is so fucking hard. He always is with Isak. Somehow sex with Isak is amazing. Freeing. Liberating. No rules. No worries of being ridiculous and corny and needy and demanding. Because Isak wants this just as much as Even does. Needs this.

He positions Isak’s legs again, throws them up over his shoulders as he lines himself up. Pushes slowly, watching his cock disappear inside Isak’s body.

There is nothing like it. Nothing hornier than this. The sounds Isak is making. The fucking sounds he is making himself. It’s like he has no control. Like his mouth is living a life of its own, spilling obscenities like a verse and a chorus as he slowly pulls out and plunges himself back inside as Isak’s body twists to the side in uncontrollable spasms of arousal.

‘’Pump your cock Baby, make yourself come. I want to you to come all over your stomach. I want spunk all over us, so I can come all over you and rub it over your chest. Fucking dirty boy. So fucking sexy. Come on.’’

He is struggling to keep his eyes open, torn between watching Isak as he writhers underneath him, his hands bruising his hips, holding on for dear life as he is pounding into Isak, who just cannot stay still, twisting and turning as his hand is feverishly tugging at his own cock. Precome pulsing from his slit with every tug. And it would be so simple just to close his own eyes and just let himself go. But edging himself on, just for a little while, trying desperately not to come as Isak is chasing his orgasm underneath him, is just such a turn on. A simple act of prolonging the inevitable fall, holding on for that minute longer so they can go under. Together.  

‘’That’s it baby, come all over yourself. Dirty fucking boy. Give me that load. Give me something to rub all over you. ‘’

His eyes fall shut as his release starts to build. Warmth and pain and that delicious tingling building through his body. He slams into Isak. Fucks him hard. Fast. Skin slapping against skin, as Isak turns his face into the pillow again. Screams into the fabric as he starts to come, his release coming in wave after wave, painting his chest with stripes. Little pools of white against his skin.

Even pulls out right in time, giving his cock a few hard strokes as he pants and whines with his orgasm rolling over him. He comes. His release landing on Isak’s stomach, pooling with Isak’s come that is already melting into sheer liquid against his warm skin.

He can’t stop panting. He half falls over Isak, holding himself up on his arms, panting like he has run a marathon.

‘’You dirty fucker’’ Isak giggles into the pillow. And Even smiles. Let’s his index finger swirl in the mess on Isak’s stomach.

‘’And Mingled we shall be’’ he whispers.

Isak just breathes, heavily and loudly, his eyelashes fluttering against his flushed cheeks. He is the most beautiful like this, when there is nothing to hold him back. Relaxed and sated, with nothing to worry him. Even wants to keep him like this. Safe and warm. Happy. Right here. Now. Like this.

Always.

‘’I am going to turn down that job’’ Isak whispers, his eyes still closed.

‘’Why baby?’’

‘’Because my life is pretty much perfect. Why should I add all the stress that this job would bring? I love being a midwife. I love that you get time with the kids when I work nights. I love when you wake me up in the afternoon. I love having days out with Marthe. I love being a dad. I love being with you. My life is good. I have balance. I choose when to write stuff for articles. I choose when to take on more training. I have the best work colleagues. And I have you. This works. We work. I would be mad to change things, especially creating more change for the kids.’’

‘’There will be other jobs. Other opportunities. But you are right, if you love what you do now, then stay. You need to be happy. Life is too short to not enjoy it, and we do work. We work like this.’’

‘’I love you.’’ Isak reaches out and turns off the bedside light. ‘’I am fucking filthy but I am too shagged out to care. I’ll shower tomorrow.

‘’You smell of sex’’ Even hums.

‘’You smell of me’’ Isak turns over on his side, dragging Even’s arm around him.

‘’Am I making the right decision?’’ Isak slurs and stifles a yawn.

‘’Turn off your brain and go to sleep baby. Sleep. No more worries.’’

‘’Love you.’’

‘’Love you too.’’

‘’Pappa Marthe wet.’’

The bedside light comes on and Even just stares at his daughter who is standing next to the bed. And yes. She is very wet.

‘’Isak did you not put a nappy on Marthe?’’

Isak just groans.

‘’Pappa Isak, bed is wet. Wee wee in Marthe’s bed too. Yukky. ‘’

‘’Even I will give you anything If you deal with it. Please’’

‘’But Isak, you honestly need a shower. It makes sense if you deal with it.’’

‘’I did bedtime stories. Twice. Please baby’’

‘’I did dinner. Remember?’’ Even whimpers. Presses a kiss on Isak’s shoulder. ‘’Marthe needs a shower. And a nappy.’’

The bed dips behind them and Mikki climbs in, burrowing his face in Even’s back. ‘’My room stinks. I can’t sleep there’’ He follows his sentence with a snore and a content sigh.

‘’Bath time Pappa Isak!’’ Marthe claps her hands. ‘’Bubbles! Bubbles in the bath.’’ She leans over Isak’s face, making him recoil as the wetness hits his skin.

‘’You owe me Even.’’ He snarls as he swings his legs over the edge of the bed and lifts up Marthe, holding her at arm’s length. ‘’Blimey how much did you wee baby girl?’’

‘’Big Wee Wee!’’ Marthe laughs. ‘’Big!!!’’

Even turns around and curls up with his face in Mikki’s hair.

‘’Night my baby boy’’ he whispers as Isak starts to run the bath in the bathroom, the sound of the bath toys hitting the side echoing through the flat as Marthe hurls them in the water, making him smile as he falls asleep.

Isak is right. Their life works. It definitely works.

 

[www.parentingnetworknorway.no/ASKISAK/cloudnine](http://www.parentingnetworknorway.no/ASKISAK/cloudnine)

I cried this afternoon trying to sort through the folder with the questions I am going to answer today. I cried because there are just some parts of life where words are not enough. There is nothing I can say to make things better. There is nothing I can write on this blog that will take away the awful drop from being on cloud nine expecting a baby, to the fall into the darkness of having lost everything. Because even if you have ‘’only’’ lost what would never have grown into a life, in that moment, it is everything.

Everything along with the inevitable crash and burn of having to pick up your life again. Of having to move on. Explain. Of having to put one foot in front of the other, even though all we want to do is curl up in a corner and never face daylight again.

Nature is a cruel mistress and her ways will not always be understood. And life is fucking unfair.

Conception and Pregnancy is a fragile dance of hormones and placement and maturity, that in some ways boils down to fate. Then when everything that can be done medically is done, it’s our bodies work to do what needs doing. And sometimes our bodies simply can’t do what they are designed to do. Sometimes that fragile dance just didn’t catch the beat. Sometimes fate just handed us that wrong card.

It hurts. It throws you into the darkest pits of despair. I have seen it many times, and although it wasn’t my child that was lost. My dream that crumbled. My life that just stopped in that instant.

It doesn’t mean that I don’t feel the pain. The loss. The absolute devastation and grief in the people who sit in front of me hoping that I can give them some answers. That I can magically explain what went wrong. It’s very rare to be able to tell. Life, is unreliable, distressing and fragile.

Most people choose not to talk about it afterwards. Some ask for help. Some come out stronger on the other side, having spoken to someone who would listen. Others take a longer time to heal. There is no right or wrong. People suffer differently and show grief in different ways. The important part of healing is being kind to yourself. Listen to your body. Take the time off from work, or go straight back into the eye of the storm of your workplace, whatever feels right to you is the right thing to do. Just be kind. Let yourself rest. Let your body rest. Listen to yourself, and listen to your partner. You have each other. Remember that. You don’t have to talk. You don’t have to use words. Just be there. You are not alone.

There are people who will help you, who will talk and listen. I will list the relevant forums and support groups below. I have worked with several of the wonderful people behind the names, numbers and web addresses. They are there for you, because they care. Because many of them have been where you are and have come out the other end in one piece. It wasn’t always easy, but they are here. They will listen.

I made some life changing decisions today. I made them because there is nothing else I can do. I need to follow the course life has thrown at me, or maybe fate has intervened, but I need to listen to what my body is telling me. I need to slow down and appreciate the life I have, but I also need to be happy. I need to do the job I love doing and I need to have the time to spend with the people who matter. The people I love.

I could have chosen more money. I could have chosen less shifts. I could have been at home in my bed every night from now on instead of sitting in a chair in a deserted hospital corridor at 3 in the morning, balancing my laptop on my lap and drinking cold coffee.

There is something magical about working through the night, those of you who like me work in the night time and waste the daylight fast asleep, will know what I mean. There is something still in the air during those dark hours, into the early morning light. The air is quiet, life is somehow on pause and all you can hear is the faint breaths of people resting. The occasional sounds of a woman in pain. The soothing words of a partner. A new life being brought into this world amongst the backdrop of darkness.

 And in among the quiet stillness you will find my colleagues shuffling around quietly, people like myself who chose this life. The life of living opposite the daylight. We are here because somehow this life suits us, and for some of us it is the only way to live. We work through the night, delivering babies and checking on our families to be, and like myself on my chair, we sometimes rest our legs for a few minutes. Sit down. Gather up our thoughts until It is time to go in and examine the lady in room 5.

She is almost there. I can’t wait to meet her baby. To greet the little person that she has made. A little person who I hope will grow up to be amazing, in every single way. And maybe one day I will see that person on TV, read his or her name below and think, hang on. I remember you. I was the first person you ever met. I am so proud of you. I am proud that the first person you met was me.

I made the right choice today. I am quite proud of myself too.

Love Isak x

 

 


	35. Just before Christmas...One year later

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for bearing with me with Isak and Even and the kiddos. We are about to embark into the future.   
> I adore this story, and this universe, and this version of Evak, and whilst I feel I have come to the end of their journey, mostly with regards to the children, I have decided to pull forward into the future to give the kids a chance to develop. There is still a little bit of life in the Little Harbour! I have a few updates ready to roll, bear with me with the timelines and we will get there in the end. 
> 
> All the love, Always. S x

_**ONE YEAR LATER** _

ISAK: Are you awake baby?

EVEN: Yeah. Can’t sleep without you.

ISAK: You sleep without me lots of nights.

EVEN: Yeah, but this is special. I wish I was at home. I feel like a kid lying here in my childhood bed staring at the walls. It’s almost like my life didn’t happen. Like I skipped the past 30 years and I am 15 years old riddled with acne and angst trying to figure out if I can have a wank.

ISAK: Idiot.

EVEN: What were you like when you were 15?

ISAK: I was riddled with acne and angst and wanking a lot.

EVEN: LoL

ISAK: Look at you all trendy texting.

EVEN: ILY

ISAK: ILY2. (blowing kisses emoji)

EVEN: So, are we doing this tomorrow?

ISAK: Yup. We are getting married Mr Bech Naesheim.

EVEN: We are indeed Mr Valtersen.

ISAK: And you promise there will be no surprises. We are going to the city hall with your parents and the kids, and Chris and Paulina will be our witnesses. End of.

EVEN: Then we are having a party at the restaurant.

ISAK: No surprises.

EVEN: No surprises. You know who are coming. Your friends from work, Sondre and Carla and the kid.

ISAK: Did you hear back from Sonja’s brother?

EVEN: Yeah, he sent us a gift voucher. I suppose that is a start.

ISAK: He didn’t need to. So yeah. Maybe you should call him. Say thank you. Not now, but in a few days. Just break the ice.

EVEN: Yeah. Are you bothered that your Dad won’t be there?

ISAK: Yes. And No. I mean I always thought he would be at my wedding if I ever got married, but I am glad I don’t have to deal with the stress of having him there. And meeting his wife and kids. This way it’s relaxed. As long as Berit behaves.

EVEN: Oh, she will behave. I read her the riot act earlier. No rainbow flags. No surprise folk-dancing. No disco lights. I might have peeked at the cake though. There are horses with silver glitter on them.

ISAK: Yeah, she likes glittery unicorns for some reason. I don’t quite get it. But if it makes her happy?

EVEN: She’s happy.

EVEN: Are you happy?

ISAK: You shouldn’t have to ask baby. I couldn’t be happier.

EVEN: You know you can have anything you want.

ISAK: I have everything I want.

EVEN: Do you think you want to have another baby?

ISAK: Seriously Even? It would kill us. We are barely coping as it is?

ISAK: But if you want more kids, I am right here. We could cope. I am sure.

EVEN; I just thought maybe you would like to have your own, I mean biological child.

ISAK: What difference would it make?

ISAK: I have four perfect kids. They are mine too. I’m greedy me. I love our kids.

EVEN: I just don’t want you to have any regrets.

ISAK: I have no regrets. None. I wouldn’t change anything. Even if I had stuck it out with you all those years ago, there is no guarantee we would have lasted in the long run. We weren’t ready. And we wouldn’t have had the kids.

EVEN: And I keep thinking of Sonja. She taught me a lot. I wouldn’t have made it here without her.

ISAK: You can talk about her. I don’t mind.

EVEN: The night before we got married we stayed in the flat we rented. I wanted to go home and sleep apart but she just called me a superstitious twat and told me to go to bed.

ISAK: You are a superstitious twat baby.

EVEN: You love my superstitious arse baby.

ISAK: I do.

EVEN: Are the kids OK?

ISAK. Mikki, Marthe and Morten are in bed with me. I am going to sneak out in a minute and go sleep in Mikki’s bed. I might get a few hours undisturbed kip that way.

EVEN: Thank you for doing this.

ISAK: What?

EVEN: For letting me do this. All the proper wedding things that you are supposed to do.

ISAK: We are getting married in the city hall with a humanist celebrant wearing knitted christmas jumpers that your Mum and her friend have designed. I don’t think there is anything traditional about our wedding.

EVEN: We can still change our mind. I would be more than happy to wear a suit if you want me to.

ISAK: Nope. I like it just like it is. A little different. Very much us. And the kids will look smart. Your Mum did good.

EVEN: We will look like twats.

ISAK: We will look like married twats. Especially with Husband and Husband embroidered on our chests

EVEN: I could have worn this:

ISAK: I could have made you wear this:

EVEN: Sorry about Mum.

ISAK: I love your Mum. It makes her happy.

EVEN: You make me happy.

ISAK: Look what you made me do. I am googling Christmas jumpers now.

ISAK: I shall order us these for the UiO Christmas dinner:

EVEN: Hilarious baby. Can I wear the tattooed one?

ISAK: Yup.

EVEN: Only if you wear this:

ISAK: That's a woman's jumper. Even. Come on.

EVEN: So? We are metrosexual liberated educated secure in ourselves men. About to get married. Oh fuck.

ISAK: Do you think anything will change? I mean when we are Mr and Mr Bech Naesheim Valtersen

EVEN: I want you to be Isak Bech Naesheim.

ISAK: I want you to be Even Valtersen.

EVEN: Arsehole

ISAK: Wanker.

EVEN: Go to sleep. 6 hours until the alarm goes off.

ISAK: 8 more hours of freedom. You can still run.

EVEN: I don’t want to run. Unless you want to go to Vegas with me baby?

ISAK: Nope. We will do this right here.

EVEN: Bring it on.

ISAK: You bet.

EVEN: Love you. See you in the morning.

ISAK: Love you too.

 


	36. 3 Years Later

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ''WTF happened to the damn wedding?'' I hear you shout. There will be flashbacks. Promise.

_**3 Years later** _

‘’Pappa Isak can you carry me, my feet hurt!!!’’

‘’She can walk’’ Even’s voice is stern, but then he is pushing a totally overloaded IKEA trolley in front of him. And Isak’s arms are about to snap out of his shoulder sockets with the load he is carrying in those damn blue IKEA carrier bags. He got 4. One for each child. Because after years of dragging laundry around in the old ones they had in the flat, they now have nice new shiny ones, with no holes in the base and fully functioning straps. And he fully intends to drill the kids to drag their own laundry bags down into the basement, and swap them for the ones containing their clean clothes. Well that is if they want to wear clothes. That don’t smell.

Isak is so bloody domesticated that it hurts. And Even just laughs at him as they reach the car.

They are broke. They are so fucking broke that it’s not even funny.

‘’Whose idea was it to buy a house?’’ Isak leans over and rests his hands on his knees. His arms are dead. His shoulders aching. His feet freezing in the converse he threw on. In the middle of December. But everything they own is packed in boxes and things are just a bleeding mess.

‘’Marthe stay close to Pappa and Pappa Isak please’’ Even whinges as Marthe is climbing up on the railings, no doubt to try to practice balancing on the rails. Which will make Isak whimper and drag her down before he she even gets fully stood up on the top. Little monkey.

‘’Marthe!’’ Isak squeals and scoops her up in his arms. ‘’You have to stop this obsession with balancing on everything. Come here. Look. Balance on top of the car. At least we can keep an eye on you there.

‘’It’s a brand-new car Isak!!! ‘’ Even whinges. Honestly he is as annoying as Marthe. Overtired and stressed.

‘’It’s 5 years old. It can take the weight a 5-year-old balancing on the rack I’m sure’’ Isak sighs and pops the boot open.

They have done it again. That thing they make a big deal out of laughing at when they see other people doing it. They have bought all these things that they now have to try to cram into a Ford S-max. With the seats down.

It looked huge before. Now it looks like they will both be standing there with egg on their faces. There is just no way for the flat packed bookshelf to fit. Nor will that other box that Isak can’t even remember what is inside it fit. Unless they strap shit on the roof. Not that they are organized enough to have brought rope, or bungee cords. They just didn’t think.

They were just going to IKEA for a few bits. A bookshelf for Marthe’s room, and some pot plants for the living room. A few Christmas candle arches for the large windows facing the road on the main floor.

Now that didn’t quite work. They also bought a chair for Malena’s flat over the garage, an obscene amount of kitchen ware that Even couldn’t put back down. And a stuffed moose for Marthe who she is hurling into the air on top of the car.

‘’I love my mooooooossseeeee’’ She shouts making the couple parked in the bay next to them laugh.

Even just stands there running his hands through his hair and huffing and puffing in pent up frustration.

‘’If I open the box for the bookshelf, then we should be able to slide the panels in between the front seats. It has to fit. It’s a big car. We bought a fucking big car so we could all fit. So, we could go to IKEA like normal people and buy a normal bookshelf. There is no way it won’t fit. ‘’

Even is getting irate, tugging at the cardboard.

‘’Here, let me.’’ Isak says, ripping a length of the box to the side. Plastic bags full of screws tumbling down in the snow beneath their feet.

‘’Screws’’ Even says and picks up the bags. Eyeing Isak up and throwing them in the back of the car. ‘’don’t blame me when you start to panic that we can’t find them. We put them in the car. Look. You watched me do it. ‘’

‘’Screw you’’ Isak laughs back and winks.

‘’Later Baby’’ Even smirks.

He knows full well there will be no screwing later. Because their bed is in the living room in a million pieces, the mattress covered in plastic and Isak doesn’t even want to know which box contains their bedding.

They should have marked the boxes better. They should have planned.

Instead they had had a Chinese takeaway meal on the floor in the kitchen last night, surrounded by boxes and dust.

Their last night in the flat. Their last night as city dwellers.

Things would be different now, as they would have to commute to work. Drive into the city, or spend half an hour on the bus that snaked up to town along the little suburban communities along the coast.

Everyone had been quiet. A little bit subdued. They had planned this for so long that it no longer seemed real that it was actually time. It was time to move. To leave all this behind.

The large kitchen windows overlooking the flats opposite. Their wide windowsills where someone would sit and look out the window. The windows that were always dirty from handprints and childish drawings over the damp glass. The pot plants that Isak yet again had failed to keep alive.

Malena didn’t scold him anymore, she would just throw them in the bin and give the ceramic pots a clean until a fresh plant would appear. A different piece of greenery that they would marvel over and then swiftly ignore.

Yet now they would have a garden. A nicely framed square of suburbia with a newly laid lawn that would no doubt die. You couldn’t lay a lawn in December, it was just ridiculous. But the new build villas had run behind schedule to the point that they would complete just before Christmas. And the garden was part of the deal even though the foreman who had showed them around had apologized in advance and promised that someone would happily take their phone call come spring. The phone call about the dead lawn in the uneven pit of mud that now was their garden.

They had looked at houses until their eyes couldn’t take another overenthusiastic estate agent. They had dealt with the bank. Sold their flat within a month, yet failed to be able to move out. Until now. Until they had decided to buy a newbuild outside Lillestrøm, closer to Berit and Bjorn, yet on the right side of town to stay close to Chris and Matt who had taken the plunge the year before and moved to suburbia and never looked back. They would have support. A brand new day-care centre and primary school around the corner and a bus stop at the end of the road. Morten could commute to school. Even would drive every day, and Isak would have to learn to drive. At some point.

He had put it off since the day he turned 18. He hated the idea. Hated the traffic. He had always been quite happy with the tram. The bus. His bike. He could run. There was nothing wrong with his legs.

He would have to, he could see it now. He would have to learn so he could take the kids places. So, they could see their friends. Well he would have to drive home after work in the mornings. Drive himself to work at night. The bus service out here was good, but it would never be ideal. And with the amount of Hockey practice Morten was throwing in, he needed to be there for him. Pick him up and drop him off. Keep him safe late at night when he would be tired and sore.

‘’We said we would pick up Morten on the way back. He’s never going to fit. Damn.’’ Isak shakes his head and lets out a small giggle as Even kicks the bumper of the car. The damn bookshelf sticking out the back like it’s taunting them. Marthe’s jumps on the car roof making the car shake.

‘’What if we lay the passenger seat down and angle it like this.?’’ Isak asks, and climbs in the boot, wiggling the handle under the seat until it tips forward so he can push the planks further in.

‘’Genius’’ Even smiles and stretches his arms over his head. ‘’Now where do we pack the chair?’’

Isak just laughs. Helplessly. ‘’Fuck we suck at this. So hard.’’

‘’Language Pappa Isak!’’ Marthe sings from the roof and hurls the moose at him.

‘’Look after Mr Moose Marthe, if he gets wet you will be upset. Don’t throw him around like that.’’ Even tries to sound stern, but he has never been able to keep Marthe on a short leash. She has him wrapped around her little fingers. Just like Isak. He throws the moose back up on the car roof into Marthe’s waiting arms.

‘’It’s a girl Pappa! Can’t you tell? Look! She is a ballerina!! ‘’

‘’Marthe please sit down on the roof, you are making me really nervous. If you fall off the roof you will hurt yourself and we will have to take you to the hospital and have the doctor put you back together. You won’t like it. And we have to get home to Mikki before Grandma needs to leave. ‘’

Even just shakes his head. It had been a mistake asking Berit to come and stay with Mikki. Not only had she started unpacking all their stuff and arranging the kitchen, which he supposes could have been a help, but she was ruthlessly throwing things away and talking of things not ‘Sparking Joy’ and yapping on about some Japanese interior design guru that had changed her life.

He had rescued his favourite coffee mug from the bin before setting off. He would have to go out and look through the trash with a torch later. See what else she has removed from their lives.

If they only can get the rest of this stuff loaded in the car.

Isak has already unpacked the armchair from its box and are trying to make sense of the shapes so they can fit against the book shelf planks. The pot plants wedged against the driver’s seat making it look like he will be driving back encased in a plastic jungle. There is a new mattress for Marthe’s bed. A bunch of pillows to be squeezed in. A double duvet for Mortens growing frame, extra-long to get those giraffe legs covered at night. And a load of blue bags filled with god knows what and then.

‘’Shit, we need you and Marthe to get in the car too.’’

‘’We could take the bus?’’ Isak suggests. Then swears loudly to himself. ‘’She hasn’t got a coat. And I am wearing summer converse. Fuck.’’

‘’At least I am wearing sensible winter boots’’ Even laughs. ‘’But then you don’t drive.’’ He cocks his head. Gives Isak that look. Yes, he knows. Isak fucking knows.

Even has offered to teach him. Take him out in a quiet suburban parking lot on a Sunday and let him practice in his own time. Sondre has a mate who is a driving instructor. Matt has offered to let him drive with him.

He just doesn’t want to. Simple. Life is good without having to subject the world to Isak behind the wheel. Fact.

‘’I love you’’ He replies, knowing full well that what he is doing. Deflecting. Making Even’s eyes all soft and mushy as he reaches out and pulls him in for a hug. Buries his face in that soft checked shirt Even is wearing under his winter jacket. Breathes him in.

‘’It’s coming up to our wedding anniversary. 3 years married. Who would have thought?’’ Even whispers.

‘’I would have bought you a fancy present but we are kind of broke.’’ Isak laughs. It’s true though.

Even with the sale of the flats they are stuck with a crippling mortgage. And the cost of the bigger car. More petrol. The kids commute. And paying Malena on top. Because they can’t cope without Malena.

They made it a deal when they bought the house. There would be a small flat on top of the garage, where Malena and Tobias would live, rent free, in return for Malena staying at university. She has been working almost full time for them this year, managing Even’s social media and his writing career, as well as Isak’s ‘’Fake Dad’’ insta, his ‘’The Fake Dad’’ book and the new ’’Fake Dad’’ blog that has taken off to the point that he has a good income from the advertising alone. They make a decent profit on top of their everyday jobs, both of them working 75% contracts. It still isn’t enough. It is never enough.

Even reverses out of the car parking space like he is an 80-year-old. He can’t see a fucking thing out the back, and Isak and Marthe are wedged against the back of his seat, giggling uncontrollably.

It’s dangerous. It’s an irresponsible thing to do, but Even is going to get them home in one piece, even if he has to drive at 30 miles per hour all the way. Making Isak call him a pensioner driver as they slowly navigate their way on to the main road.

‘’I can’t believe we got everything in the car.’’ Isak shouts from behind the plastic pot plants.

‘’This is fun!! Miss Moose wants to go in the car like this every day. We could sleep here, it’s like a tent!!’’ He can hear Marthe rummaging around behind him, squishing plastic, making Isak laugh.

‘’I can’t believe it either’’ Even giggles. ‘’I seriously thought I would have to be that customer, the idiot who can’t get the stuff in his car and has to go back in and pay hundreds of kroners to get one item delivered 20 minutes down the road. It’s ridiculous how much they charge. And I would have looked ridiculous.’’

‘’I’m sure it happends baby. At least we did it. ‘’

‘’Yeah. And I can’t wait to get home. I keep forgetting that we live here now. That we have a house. A massive big fuck off house with loads of rooms and a garden full of mud. I love it. Fuck I love it so much.’’

‘’Pappa, you swear a lot. Malena will be so cross.’’

Isak pulls their daughter in for a hug. Kisses the blonde curls on her head.

Even just laughs and shakes his head.

 

 

MORTEN: I am done now. Have hockey gear in tow so can you pick me up?

ISAK: In the car heading back from IKEA. Guess what.

MORTEN: Fuck. You have no space. Yeah could have guessed.

ISAK: I will send Pappa to get you, just bear with us. Give us 20 minutes to unpack the car?

MORTEN: It’s minus 10. I will just freeze to death.

ISAK: You could start walking?

MORTEN: Carrying 40 kilos of hockey gear? Isak? Seriously?

ISAK: Maybe not.

MORTEN: One more year and I will be able to start to take driving lessons. I can’t wait to be able to drive myself.

ISAK: How did training go?

MORTEN: IDK. New goalie is a prick. Doing ok on the ice but so fucking dry once he is out of gear. Has a stick so far up his arse he can barely see the light.

ISAK: MORTEN.

MORTEN: ISAK.

MORTEN: I am allowed to think people are stupid pricks. I don’t say it to his face, do I?

ISAK: Just be kind. Have you spoken to Ada?

MORTEN: Emilie is still pissed off with me for saying yes to taking Ada to that party. I can take both of them. They are not my girlfriends, and they get all jealous when I speak to one of them and not the other. I mean they drive me crazy. And now Ada has gone all weird on me over not lending her that jumper. What the hell is wrong with girls?

ISAK: Don’t ask me. I haven’t got a clue what to do with girls. Ask Lena.

MORTEN: She just laughs. In my face.

ISAK: Sounds about right. Just turning onto the drive now. At our house. We live in a freaking HOUSE.

MORTEN: A freaking house in the sticks that has no buses on a Sunday. Hooray. I am so thrilled that I can’t feel my feet. How long will you be? Will you pay for a McDonalds if I get one?

ISAK: I am your father not a bank.

MORTEN: But you love me and I am freezing and starving. Would you let your beloved son starve in minus 10 in central Oslo?

ISAK: Yes

MORTEN: Yes to McDonalds or Yes to you will let me starve and die in the street…..?

ISAK: take your pick.

MORTEN: Wanker.

ISAK: Pratt

MORTEN: Love you.

ISAK: Love you more. Get warm, get fed and I will text you when Pappa leaves.

ISAK: Will you get me one of those festive special apple pies? Hide it in your bag and don’t tell anyone else. Please. Love you.

MORTEN: They will sniff it out. Find the wrapper.

ISAK: No, they won’t. I have learned my lesson. Hahahah.

MORTEN: I know where you keep your secret stash of goodies.

ISAK: Not anymore. We have moved house. All new hiding places.

MORTEN: You kept stuff under the left-hand wardrobe, I know because the floor got scratched when you moved the panel in and out. You kept porn and something that I won’t even mention there as well.

ISAK: MORTEN!!!

MORTEN: Just saying you need to get smarter Isak. Hide things properly. That was just a grade 1 type hiding place.

ISAK: So where did you keep your stuff hidden then? I know you have things.

MORTEN: I don’t have anything. Everything is nicely hidden and pass worded online. (sticks tongue out emoji)

ISAK: Bullshit.

MORTEN: Prove it.

ISAK: Lose tile behind the washing machine in the bathroom. SAY NO MORE.

MORTEN: Fuck.

ISAK: Isak 1 Morten 0

MORTEN: Please tell me you didn’t look.

MORTEN: ISAK!!!

MORTEN: I hate you.

ISAK: No, you don’t. I didn’t read the letters. Promise. I put them back when I realized what they were and never looked again. I wouldn’t do anything like that.

MORTEN:  We’re not together anymore, it was just a stupid thing last year. She kept writing these dirty notes and I didn’t want Malena to find them. She would have made my life hell. I took them out and threw them in the bin when we packed.

ISAK: I love you. You know that don’t you?

MORTEN: I know. I love you too Pappa Isak. You should see these burgers. It’s hot and tasty. Yum. And I am not sharing.

MORTEN:

ISAK: As long as you have my apple pie thing when you get home.

MORTEN: Always.

ISAK: Pappa is leaving now.

MORTEN: Tell him to pick me up outside McDonalds. I can’t be arsed to walk back to school.

ISAK: OK. See you in a bit.

MORTEN: Thumbs up emoji.

 

Even wraps his arms around Isak. He needs a hug, that is clear. The house is beautiful. All white walls and those gorgeous old-fashioned looking windows with the black bars across the glass, the ones that Isak fell in love with when they sat down and finalized the plans. They had made some good choices. He is glad that they chose the things they wanted and didn’t skimp on details. Yes, things had cost more, but they have a house. A gorgeous house. A home that is all theirs.

He kisses the top of Isak’s head as Mikki and Marthe come rumbling down the stairs like the house is on fire.

‘’I love these staircases!!’’ Mikki shouts, completely out of breath. ‘’There is nothing in my room. Nothing. I can’t find the box with my Lego, and there is another box with my name on it in the basement but I can’t open it. I need a knife.’’

He looks serious as well.

‘’No knifes Mikki’’ Even tries to look stern and Mikki rolls his eyes.

‘’I’m like 9 years old. I am practically a grown up.’’ He’s got the poshest voice. Sonja would have been so proud. But then he has always talked like that, even as a baby. Big proper words and long sentences from the day he learned to talk.

‘’You are a great mature man Mikkel, but you are still not going anywhere near the basement with a knife. And anyway, we are having dinner now so get your hands washed and come sit at the table.’’

‘’Or not’’ He continues as he scans the room. They have the table but every single chair is stacked in bubble wrap along the wall.

‘’Floor’’ Isak says, determined as he rummages through the cupboards trying to find where Berit has put their bowls.

He has learned to cook. Finally. It took a lot of blood sweat and tears, but Isak Valtersen can single handed pull off a sausage stroganoff with rice. He makes a mean pasta. Cooks Bolognese sauce without even consulting the recipe book.

‘’Can someone text Lena and tell her it’s dinner time?’’ Even shouts out to the room as he tries to find a wine opener. Because they need wine. Red. A bottle he has saved for tonight. Their first night in their home. Their house.

There is no one on the other side of the wall. No one upstairs waking him up in the middle of the night with heavy footfall and flushing toilets. No neighbour’s downstairs complaining that the kids shout and run and cause noise pollution. Herd of Elephants. That’s what Mrs Khalifah downstairs had called them. Well they were his herd of Elephants and there was no stopping them now. They could run, jump, scream. Mikki had been out in the garden in his wellies all day. Never staying for long, just trying it out, because he could. Jumping from the top step of the wooden veranda into the snow-covered lawn. Throwing himself down making snow angels, then running back inside slamming the door closed behind him.

It was a heady freedom for a child. And the smile on Mikki’s face had told Even it was all worth it.

It had all been worth it.

There wouldn’t be any holidays in the near future. There would be no more extravagant purchases. No nights out. They had pretty much nothing left in the bank. But they had this. They had a home. They had a second-hand car that fitted 7 people pretty comfortably. With the boy’s hockey gear in the boot. They had bedrooms. Beds. A basement to store anything they didn’t need. A laundry room that had made Isak see stars. He had already mounted a perfect criss-cross of washing lines across the room over the washing machine, and marvelled over the tumble drier. There were baskets down there. Cupboards to house towels and clothes they didn’t need. A massive walk in wardrobe. He had laughed at Isak’s face. Imagined his brain working overtime thinking of all the things he could store down here. Organizing things on the shelves like he did at work. Little labels perhaps finding their way onto the shelves to help them keep his system in place.

Isak had swatted him away. Blushed in his excitement.

Most of all this had been worth it for Isak.

He knew Isak was happy in the flat. He knew he loved living with them. But he had come alive in a way Even had never seen before when they first saw the finished house. He had been a mess of tears and excitement. Of hopes and dreams.

This was his home. Their home. The place where they would grow old.

The only one who slept in his new room was Morten, who had gratefully grabbed his new duvet after dinner and disappeared into the basement where he had bagged his own little piece of heaven. A large airy room with a bathroom attatched that was meant to be the hobby room. It even had it’s own entrance at the back and it had had Morten’s name written all over it from the start. Isak had talked about maybe putting a kitchen area down there too so he could be totally self contained. Have a small fridge and a cooker, with a sink. He was old enough to cope. Poor enough that he would stay with them for a good few years yet, but he would have his independence and freedom.

He wished Lena could have had that. She would have thrived like this, in her own space. Instead she had shrieked with delight at her room over the garage, and been thrilled with being back home. She missed them she had lied. She wanted to be close to where they were.

They all knew full well that student living had been hard. That paying to live ate up every krona faster than you could think. That working and studying and keeping a relationship going was enough to wear you down. It had wiped her out at times, made her listless and depressed. She had begged to come home. She had broken up with Tobias more times than they could remember. Crawled into their arms on the sofa and sobbed.

She had made it work. Slowed down her studies until she felt she could cope. Taken on a few more shifts at the restaurant so she didn’t feel so strained financially. She had stayed with Tobias. He was her best friend. The man who knew her inside and out. The man who worshipped the ground she walked on. He had never changed. He told them over and over. He would wait. He would be there. Love her until he couldn’t love her anymore. And then he would still be there if she needed him.

They never worried. Not really. Even knew she needed to feel like she could manage. And anyway she leaned on Isak as well. She had people around her who picked her up. She had Tobias who kept her feet on the ground.

Even knew they asked a lot of her, but she never said it was too much. She said the work she did for them was what kept her sane. She felt needed. Enjoyed it. She had built connections and made a little name for herself running her business promoting her twat faced fathers. Her words, not his. It still made him laugh.

Isak was what kept him going. Not that he needed anything to keep him going these days. He loved his work. He adored Fridays when they both worked at home, sitting on the sofa with a laptop each. Lazy hours creating fiction in their heads whilst their feet touched on the coffee table and their elbows brushed in affection. He loved what they had.

The kids were happy. They were happy. He was so fucking happy that it scared him sometimes.

  The shouting knocks him out of his thoughts as something heavy comes tumbling down the stairs to the sound of hysterical laughter.

‘’What the hell?’’ Even shouts, but he can’t help himself. I mean they are grown-ups. Totally.

‘’Seriously Isak?’’

Even Morten is barging up the stairs to see what the hell is going on, collapsing in a heap of giggles.

‘’It’s a mattress slide!!!’’ Mikki shouts as he comes sliding down the staircase, his bum jumping with every step even with the thick mattress cushioning his body from the wooden stairs.

‘’I’ve got to do that again. It’s freaking awesome!’’ Isak shouts and starts to climb back up across the mattresses as Marthe shoots down barely missing his legs.

‘’Yaaaaaayyyyy’’ She screams as her bum hits the wooden floors and her feet bang into the wall. She can’t stop laughing, hysterical giggles erupting out of her mouth.

‘’We need another Mattress’’ Even says, he can’t actually believe he is going along with this. Really. He is 45 years old. Almost. Well 44. And all he can think of is that if they can wedge another mattress between the wall and the stairs they can create a longer slide. And Lena is already unwrapping the mattress in the corner getting Morten to drag it with her so they can wedge it into place. Well they catch Mikki in it, on the first attempt, and Isak completely ruins it, landing on the floor with his feet pushing the mattress up against the wall with a heady flap.

‘’Fuck my bum will be bruised tomorrow’’ he cries as he tumbles onto all fours at the side of the staircase, just in time to get away from Morten who wails as he bumps his way down the makeshift slide, followed by Malena shouting that someone needs to hold the bottom mattress down to keep it taught.

She almost flips over on her front half way down making everyone shriek in laughter.

‘’Seriously. People. Come on.’’ Even shouts. ‘’I am not driving anyone to A&E this evening so this will have to stop.’’

‘’Ahw Pappa you are a bloody chicken’’ Morten snarls as he climbs up the railings to get back to the top.

‘’I just don’t fancy breaking my legs!’’ Even replies, but Isak just takes his hand and drags him towards the stairs.

He has no willpower. Truly. And Marthe is behind him pushing at his bum as he climbs the stairs to the wild cheers of his children.

‘’Pappa Pappa Pappa!!’’ The kids are clapping. Isak gives him a kiss as he sits down on the top step and extends his legs over the mattress.

‘’Come on baby, live a little’’ Isak laughs and gives him a push.

‘’Oh FUCK!!’’ Even shouts as he hurtles down the stairs. Far too fast. Landing on his knees with his head against the wall and so much adrenaline and laughter in his chest he can barely move.

He still manages to catch Marthe flying past him with her arms out. Followed by Mikki and Isak in a ‘double whammy bobsleigh special’.

‘’One more time Pappa. Just one more go.’’ Mikki is breathless as he starts the climb behind Malena and Morten who are already at the top adjusting the mattresses.

‘’I love you’’ Isak whispers in his ear as he grabs his hand to help him up.

‘’You are crazy’’ Even pants. ‘’You will be the death of me one day!’’

Isak just laughs. ‘’Welcome home Pappa Even.’’

He kisses him. Hard and strong as their children rumble down the stairs, landing in a heap of limbs and laughter at their feet.

‘’Welcome home Pappa Isak.’’ He whispers.

 


	37. Look what I found!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where there is unpacking, surprise finds and there is something in Isak's eye.

37

‘’Look what I found!’’ Isak shrieks, sitting cross-legged on the floor unpacking another box full of random items.

‘’Oh gosh is that our wedding certificate? We have been looking everywhere for it! ‘’ Even grabs the folder and starts flicking through the papers. ‘’I can’t believe it was somewhere at home all this time!’’

‘’I told you it must have been, we never took it anywhere apart from the tax offices when we changed my name, and then it just disappeared. God, we are hopeless. Wonder what else we will find in these boxes?’’

‘’I think we should have packed ourselves. But I agree we had no choice but to let the movers pack. We would never have finished on time, look how long it is taking us to unpack.’’ Even casts a knowing glance at Isak from the top of the box where he is sitting, with his glasses perched on his nose.

‘’That’s because we keep getting distracted. It’s like walking down memory lane finding all these things. I didn’t even know I had kept that box of photos.’’ Isak sighs and grabs another batch of paperwork from the box in front of him.

‘’Oh look. There are tins of food at the bottom of this box! Fuck these packers were random!’’

‘’That’s because they have to balance the loads in the boxes so they stack and are at the right weight health and safety wise. Did you not read the movers contract baby?’’ Even doesn’t even look up from the papers he is reading.

‘’Nope. That was your thing. I sorted the cleaning, you sorted the movers. By the way the nursery wants to meet with us to get Marthe started straight after Christmas, so at least that is sorted. The woman seemed nice who rang. Very warm and friendly.’’

‘’mmm that’s nice.’’

‘’You haven’t heard a word I said have you Even?’’

‘’What baby?’’

‘’Even….’’

‘’I found the speech I wrote for the wedding. It’s making me a bit emotional. Fuck I love you.’’

‘’It was a great speech. I cried, remember? And a lot of people were blowing their noses trying to pretend not to cry at the end when you were a blubbering mess.’’

‘’I can’t believe you did it. Married me. Despite the overemotional twattery I wrote. Oh Isak.’’

‘’Would you read it to me? ‘’

‘’Again? Wasn’t once enough? You might ask for a divorce when I remind you of the stuff I told everyone.’’

‘’You were gorgeous. And don’t want a divorce. Nope. You are stuck with me. Happily, ever after.’’

Even just smiles and pushes his glasses back up his nose.

‘’You are sexy in your glasses. No read before I pull your pants down and blow you in the middle of the living room.’’

‘’I think I prefer you blowing me in the middle of the living room.’’

‘’Just read it Even.’’

Isak leans back against the bookshelf. ‘’I promise I won’t cry. I’m a hard man, me.’’

Even just raises an eyebrow and throws him a knowing smile.

‘’I dare you.’’

 

_When I was a boy, I think I was around 8, I watched an animated film about a Prince. I remember it clearly, as it was one of those life changing wow moments. It was the moment I realized some important things._

_One that I was hopelessly childish because I must have re watched that film hundreds of times whilst my friends watched action heroes blowing up aliens in really cool cars. I kept watching my Prince, because he had this beautiful Princess who gave up everything to be with him. I loved how she looked at him, and how she would close her eyes when he kissed her._

_I wanted that. I wanted to kiss someone on the mouth and have them close their eyes. I wanted someone to give up everything for me. I wanted someone to look at me like I was their entire world._

_Two, I realized that I was a hopeless romantic with a head full of stories that were just screaming to get out._

_But I was 8. Life didn’t work like that in real life, and I was far too shy and awkward to dare to kiss anyone at school._

_Instead I read fairy tales. Books about Princes who found their Princesses and rescued them from Dragons and evil witches and hedges full of thorns. And when the stories didn’t give me what I craved, I wrote them myself. Longwinded adventures that would always end in true love, with a kiss to rival every movie kiss I had ever seen on screen._

_I am well over 40 today, and I still write my stories. They still rumble around in my head at night when I can’t sleep. The only difference being that the stories are now my life. And some of them have now finally made it onto paper._

_I used to look back at my life and think I had done OK. That my life had been fine. I had made some good choices. I had made some disastrous ones. Yet somehow, I didn’t regret any of them, and that made it OK in my head._

_I met the love of my life when I was 18, a fair-haired boy that took my breath away. I had never felt anything like that before. He made me laugh. He made me cry. He made me absolutely crazy._

_I loved him. I loved every little part of him, every word he spoke every breath he took. I was like a bad 80ies love song, and he was my ballad of choice._

_I said I didn’t have any regrets. I still don’t. Because life has a funny way of teaching you a lesson, and I was about to learn mine._

_My life was a very long dull movie, full of discreet twist and turns. I was the decent student who made it to university. I was the book nerd who wrote poetry. I obsessed over writers and words and prose. I was the man who found out that I already had my Princess by my side. She had always been there, I just hadn’t noticed._

_It may seem morbid to talk about my wife today, on the day I am marrying the love of my life. But I know Isak knows all the messy feelings in my head today. I know he understands why I need to tell you this._

_I married Sonja on a blustery spring afternoon, surrounded by our families and friends. She was the most beautiful bride, and I couldn’t have been prouder. She was also pregnant with our oldest daughter and my life was about to kneejerk into madness. We were barely out of our teens, buried in student loans and completely clueless._

_I wanted the fairy-tale. Sonja wanted an action-packed family comedy drama._

_I had the best life. I was loved. I loved. I lived. I say it again, I have no regrets. I know Sonja left this world holding no regrets either. She lived her life to the full, laughing that brilliant laugh that we all knew. She raised her children like she lived. At full speed with no brakes on. With love and laughter and loud commands. She knew me. She knew me better than I knew myself._

_Sonja would have loved Isak. They would have stood side by side and ganged up on me, laughing at me when I messed up and hugged me when my doubts would make my world dark. And Isak has not only accepted that Sonja will always be with us, that she is part of this family as much as the rest of us. He has learned to love her too. I know he does. I hear him talk to the children about her. He lets me share little memories. Sonja left him the greatest gift too. He left him our children._

_I have no regrets. I know that as I stand here today, with my Prince by my side. The man who closes his eyes when I kiss him. The one who makes my world spin. The one who turned my comedy family life into an insane rollercoaster in a Hollywood blockbuster action film._

_I didn’t see it coming. And I don’t think Isak realized what he was about to take on when he stumbled into our kitchen on a Thursday evening a few years ago._

_He still took my breath away. I begged him to stay. He did._

_He is still here, still making us all spin around him like planets around the sun. He makes our world turn. Basks us all in his warmth. Loves us with that big heart of his. And when it’s cold at night, he covers us in a blanket of love as he holds us. Whispers that we belong to him, that he will always keep us safe. He tells us he loves us so damn much._

_We love you too Isak. I tried to write you a sonnet. I wrote poetry about you that will never see the light of day. I have no words left to describe how I feel today._

_I always wanted to be the Prince that found his one true love. The one that launched the rescue mission from underneath that tall ivory tower._

_Instead I have realized I am a different Prince. I am the Prince that was locked in a dungeon of chaos. Inprisoned in the tower of sorrow and grief. And Isak, you are the Knight that slayed the dragon. The Prince that climbed the tower. The Man who rescued me and the Person that started to put all the pieces back together._

_You made me whole. You are my Prince, and I am forever yours._

_So, on this freezing cold day I stand here, wearing a knitted jumper once again declaring me a Husband._

_So, I beg you, join me in proposing a toast, to the greatest Prince alive. The king of keeping the kitchen clean. The serial killer of houseplants. The bravest man on the planet. The most awesome father. The worst cook. A brilliant midwife. A beloved friend. The man I am so insanely proud to call my husband._

_You are the love of my life. Now let’s go live this life of ours. Let’s make the rest of it epic._

‘’And?’’ Even takes his glasses off and throws his head back in laughter. ‘’You’re crying.’’

‘’There is something in my eye’’

‘’Yeah right. ‘’

‘’Honestly. It’s the dust from the packing boxes.’’ Isak pulls his hoodie up over his face and wipes his eyes. He’s not crying. Honestly. Even though he snorts loudly and his eyes can’t stop watering.

‘’Do you want a tissue?’’ Even’s voice is full of laughter, as he slides off the box and shuffles over so he is next to Isak, both of them with their backs against the shelves. Reaching out and letting his thumb wipe a stray tear from Isak’s cheek, all red and flushed.

‘’I love you, you know that don’t you?’’ Isak lets out another snort. Wipes his eyes again and leans his head on Even’s shoulder.

‘’I love you too baby. 3 years. Has it been epic enough so far?’’

‘’Nope. I think we can make it even more Epic than this can’t we?’’

‘’Fame and fortune’’

‘’We kind of had that. Wasn’t all it was cracked up to be, was it?’’

‘’No. Although you are still famous. Your blog is doing good. ‘’

‘’Malena is doing good. I just write it, she does all the hard work, and anyway you are a published author, I can’t compete with that’’

‘’Are we seriously arguing about which one of us is more famous, Mr Norway’s favourite Midwife slash Norway’s favourite fake Dad?’’

‘’Mr Norway’s top selling Children’s book author. ‘’ Isak nudges Even. Kicks his foot against his.

‘’It’s a young adult science fiction fairy tale. With dragons. And anyway, you have published a book too. Mr ‘I underestimate myself on a daily basis even though I am absolutely brilliant and I know it.’ ‘’

He leans over and places a kiss on Isak’s temple. His little prince. His gorgeous boy. Husband. His whole bloody universe.

‘’I do Ok. We do Ok don’t we baby?’’ Isak can’t help it, he leans further in. He might be a fully-grown man but blimey he loves a good cuddle. An epic hug. Warm strong arms around him.

‘’We do more than OK. Just look at us. We have each other. We have kids that are doing amazingly well despite everything we have thrown at them. We can’t even get them to move out. So, we must be doing something right. Agree?’’

‘’Agree. We do OK.’’

‘’Now let’s unpack the rest of this crap so we can pick up the kids and go buy a fucking big epic Christmas tree. With tinsel.’’

‘’With tinsel. At least I know where the Christmas tree stand is. Berit threw it out with the packing boxes. It’s in the garage. Ready to go. ‘’

‘’Epic.’’

Isak just laughs. ‘’Epic baby.’’


	38. Forty Years Later

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spoiler warning below.
> 
> Please beware that this chapter picks up 40 years later, when Even and Isak will have reached the end of their lives. I this is something that you will find upsetting to read then I suggest you bow out now. I explain the content in the next chapter so you can catch up.   
> Trigger warnings Major Charachter Deaths, Funeral arrangements, Grief and Scattering of Ashes.

40 years later

‘’Pappa! I’m home’’ 

Isak is tired. He is so so tired. 

It’s not like he is worn out by everything anymore. He just hasn’t got the energy. His body is failing him, his legs refuse to cooperate and his eyes just won’t stay open when he sits down. 

He shouldn’t be this tired. He should be walking around during the day, reading his journals and catching up with the books Malena keeps leaving for him to read. He always read. Now he hasn’t picked up a book for months. 

‘’Pappa, are you awake?’’ 

He can smell her before she even sweeps through the room. The soft fruity smell of the shampoo she uses, the lingering drift of soap that trails behind her mixed with the unmistakable comforts of the hospital antiseptic that clings to her scrubs. 

‘’Hi baby-girl’’ He coos and lazily rubs his eyes. He smiles. He can’t help it with Marthe. She has grown into a magnificent woman. He couldn’t be prouder. He couldn’t love her more even if he tried. 

‘’How was your shift?’’ He shifts uncomfortably in the recliner waiting for her reply. Strokes the soft velvety fabric of the cushion on his lap. He doesn’t have to say it out loud but he thinks it. Every time his fingertips stroke the velvet fabric, feels the soft crinkling of the plastic hidden behind the quilted cover. ‘’I’m here’’ says in his head. ‘’I’m here with you. You are not alone. I have got you with me. Always. ‘’

She returns and places a steaming hot cup of coffee in his hands. Carefully moves a wisp of hair off his forehead and kisses the top of his head as she sinks down on her knees next to his chair. She reaches out and strokes the cushion on his lap. 

‘’Hi Pappa’’ she whispers. 

They don’t have to talk about it. They both know as he tangles his fingers in hers.

It’s been a year. One long hard year since they lost Even. One desperately slow year of trying to adapt. To cope. To live. 

Isak still feels a pang of guilt every time he thinks back to that evening. It was the ultimate act of selfishness. He knew. He had known for a good few hours that this was not going to end well. He knew. 

Isak had retired at 65, and left his midwifery years behind. Instead he had taken a part time job at a local hospice, feeling the need to still keep going. He was too young to sit back and chill, and Even was still working so it had felt right to do something. He had spent his entire working life bringing new life into this world and he ended up spending his last working years watching over people leaving this life. Drifting out of consciousness whilst he held their hand. Comforting the relatives with soothing words. Speaking softly and sitting with the remains until they could be collected. He had seen people die every day for years. He knew Even would too. 

He had lain in bed with Even pressed against his chest, soothing his rattled breathing with words of comfort and love. He had talked to him for hours. Told him every little lie. Told him every secret wish he had ever hidden at the back of his mind. He had told him he loved him. Over and over. 

He knew he should have called the kids. He should have let them have their chance to say good bye too, but he was selfish. He had had so little time. He wasn’t ready to let go, and however many minutes they might have left together he wanted this. He asked Even. He gave him the choice. He begged to take him to hospital. He begged to be allowed to help him. To have just a little longer.

Stubborn and pig-headed. He had called him names. Shouted at him not to give up. Not just yet. Please. Please don’t leave me behind. 

Of course, he knew. Even had no choice. This was not what he would have chosen had he had a choice. His body had betrayed him. Given up. Thrown disease after disease at his fragile bones. Even was tired and in pain and he needed to rest. He had every right to rest. 

He had stopped talking back sometime before midnight. Just lain on Isak’s chest whilst Isak stroked his back. Tried to soothe the pain that rattled through Even’s body with every breath. 

He told him he would never leave him alone. He told him his body would never be left alone. He promised to keep him with him forever. 

Even had told him, they had discussed it. Made decisions. If anything ever happened to the other they would keep eachother close. Always. 

So Isak told him. He told him it was OK. Whispered it in his ear at some point closer to sunrise. He told him to let go. That it was OK. He told him he loved him. He loved him so damn much. That he would love him forever and ever. 

It had been hours later that he finally mustered enough strength to let go of his body. To crawl awkwardly out of bed and carefully place Even against the sheets. Place a final kiss on his lips before he walked out in the hallway and phoned Malena. 

He had never gone back into the bed-room. He had sat in the chair in the living room like a zombie for days until he was picked up and dressed and driven to the funeral. 

The children had done good. They had stayed with Even as long as they could. They had said their goodbyes in a cold mortuary, shedding their tears out of sight. 

Isak hadn’t spoken until long after, not until the morning Mikki walked through the door with the green box he had collected from the funeral directors. A green simple box with a bag of ashes inside. A pathetic end to a life. Isak had looked at it in shock. 

He wasn’t ready. He would never be ready. 

Malena had brought him the cushion cover, something she had made to soothe her grief. Something they could hold onto. Hug when the grief became too much. Something Isak could carry with him as he moved around the house. 

He had cried when she showed him. When they disposed of the damn box and she sat on the floor carefully sowing the opening of the cushion cover up with neat stitches. They had all cried. Marthe had sat with him late into the night. Tried to get him to go to bed. 

He couldn’t. Their bedroom was not meant for this. Their bedroom had been a place of peace and safety. Of laughter and love. Of sex and sweat and passion. Tears and sadness. 

He slept in the chair these days like some lazy fucker that couldn’t be bothered to go to bed. He sits there all day. Get’s up to get the snacks and plates of lunch from the fridge Marthe leaves for him, and brews himself a cup of coffee when he can be bothered. 

He rarely leaves Even behind. He comes with him wherever he goes. The cover is stained with spills. The dirty handprints from their grand children’s clumsy pats. They know to say hello to Pappa Even when they visit, climbing onto Isak’s lap and smothering him in kisses and words and stories and plastering the walls around him with drawings and art. 

‘’I had a good shift. Two new trainees started today, good kids. One is male, you would have liked him. Nice temperament, good tone of voice and very patient. He will do well. ‘’

‘’How many babies?’’ Isak asks. He likes to hear the stories. He likes to picture the scenes. 

‘’7 today. I was busy. C section twins in the morning, and a surprise breach in the afternoon. All well. It was a good day.’’

‘’Good job baby-girl.’’ Isak smiles. She will always be his baby girl, even though she is now a tall impressive woman in her 40ies, strong willed and beautiful, soft blonde curls framing her face and legs to die for as Malena would tease. ‘’I will forever be amazed that you followed in my footsteps. You have made me incredibly proud. You are an amazing midwife.’’

‘’Well you trained me, remember?’’ Marthe laughs and winks. ‘’I would just have to blame you if I was a crap midwife. But you were the best of the best remember? Won awards and shit. They are all on the wall behind you.’’

Isak just laughs and shakes his head. It’s just papers. Worthless nods to a job he adored. He couldn’t have cared less about awards and ceremonies. He loved what he did. He could never have given it up if it hadn’t been for the night shifts. It had been time to retire. The right time. And his life had been good. It had been so so good.

‘’I thought we could go see Mamma tomorrow if you are up for it? Just a little walk down the cemetery to check on the flowers. We haven’t done that for a while.’’

‘’That might be nice’’ Isak smiles. It would be. 

‘’I used to think it was strange how that became our thing Pappa. We were the only two people who never knew Mamma, and we were the ones that would sit on the grass by her headstone and talk to her. ‘’

‘’It was our time baby girl. I have always loved it, how we would tell stories to her like she was lying there listening. I could always imagine her smiling when you talked about the others. When you scolded Pappa Even for doing something silly. Or when you whispered secrets to the grass. I loved that we had that. That you had that.’’

‘’I loved it too. We have had it good, haven’t we Pappa? We do OK. Don’t we?’’

‘’We do OK. ‘’ Isak says softly. ''But you know you need to start living. You can’t spend your life looking after me. There is a whole world out there. ‘’

‘’Maybe I am happy right here’’ Marthe replies softly. ‘’Maybe this is just what I have chosen. Maybe I am just ok on my own. With you.’’

‘’You are not on your own. You have Henrik.’’

‘’Henrik is a twat.’’

‘’Henrik is a twat who has loved you since the first day you dragged him into our kitchen and told me that he needed a daddy because he didn’t have one and since you had two daddies you thought the two of you could share.’’

‘’I can’t be with the guy who has known me since I was 7. He is my best friend and anyway, Henrik has shagged half of Oslo, yet never even tried it on with me so I can’t see that happening.’’

‘’He kisses you every time he walks in the room. And he looks at you like you are his entire world.’’

‘’I am his entire world. He wouldn’t actually get anything done without me. You know that.’’

‘’See?’’ Isak laughs softly. ‘’None of your boyfriends ever compared.’’

‘’No, because fucking Henrik would ruin every relationship I ever had. Then he would go off with some bimbo girl right in my face and I would hate him. He is so bloody infuriating.’’

‘’He loves you.’’

‘’He’s got a funny way of showing it. And I know you text with him, He tells me, you know. ‘’

‘’I know. I have to have my fun though. He is good company in the day. I like texting with him.’’

‘’You have to stop telling him to look after me. He becomes unbearable.’’

‘’You love it. You know you do.’’ Isak laughs softly and strokes the curls on her hair. ‘’You will need him one day. You will need him when I am not here to stroke your hair and tell you how beautiful you are, because someone needs to tell you. You are a wonderful woman baby-girl. Beautiful strong and kind, and I am so proud that I got to be your Pappa. Don’t forget that.’’

‘’Don’t say things like that Pappa. You will be around for years. Promise me you won’t leave me too.’’

‘’I’m right here’’ Isak says.

He knows it’s a lie. He can’t be here forever.  
It doesn’t scare him when he thinks about it anymore. He is ready to go. When ever the time comes he might even welcome it, he thinks as he hugs the pillow to his chest. 

‘’I love you Even’’ he whispers into the fabric. ‘’I am here with you. Always’’

 

It’s a blustery day the day they have chosen. Serves them right for not holding on for better weather, but Morten and Anna have flown in with the kids, and they can’t stay in Oslo forever. Not with hockey season starting up and the kids need to go back to school. 

Malena carries the cushion pressed to her chest, and she looks worse than Marthe feels. She doesn’t want to do this either. They talked about it last night, how none of them are ready to let go. 

Marthe can’t bear to look down at the green cardboard box in her hands. Can’t bear to think of the empty chair in the living room. She has lived all her life in that house, well most of the life that she remembers. She can’t bear to think that she will return home tonight to find the chair empty. Can’t bear to comprehend that there is no one left. 

Not that she is alone, there are 22 of them walking the path towards the beach, the little secluded area they used to walk out to for their pick nicks and walks. She remembers doing this as a small child, and later along with her nephews and nieces, carrying a birthday cake in a box and buckets and spades dangling from the children’s arms. This was always their place. 

This is also the place their Pappas had chosen. A place that would always be theirs, even on a cold blustery autumn day like this. 

Tobias has Matt on his arm, walking with the aid of his sticks. He is still as sharp as anything, walking carefully with one of the grandchildren skipping with her hand in his. 

They are Family. All of them. They lost Chris many years ago, a sudden heart attack that threw their lives into a tailspin. Then they lost Even. And now Isak is gone. And yet life goes on.

‘’Do you remember when we couldn’t find our Pappas? That day when neither of them answered their phones and the house was locked up and they had just vanished?’’ Morten steps up next to Marthe and loops his arm under hers. 

‘’I could have killed bloody Mikki!’’ Marthe laughs. ‘’I can’t believe he didn’t tell anyone he was taking them away for the week, I mean he could at least have told one of us. ‘’

‘’They loved travelling with him, even though Pappa Even was so angry that he refused to go to uni, Mikki did good. He made the right choice becoming cabin crew, I mean look at him now, he is perma tanned and relaxed, going on holiday for a living.’’ Morten casts a quick smile over at Mikki who is balancing one of the children on his shoulders. A little girl with the same blonde curls the two of them share.

‘’He’s happy. And so are you. Aren’t you Morten?’’ Marthe looks at him. His face cracking into a secretive little smile. 

‘’Anna is pregnant. Just a few weeks but it means she will have to give up playing hockey this season, which would have been her last season coaching as a pro. ‘’

‘’Wow’’ 

‘’Yeah, but it doesn’t matter. Nothing matters. We will have a little baby by next summer. I will have 2 almost grown up kids and a new-born. It makes my head spin just thinking about it. I thought we might come back and spend some time here, see if we can make the jump back from living in Canada to being Norwegians again. Anna thinks it would be better for the baby to grow up here with their cousins. What do you think?’’

‘’It would be amazing. I mean, you have been in Canada for years, and Mette and Pontus are still in school, would they want that?’’

‘’They think it would be exotic. I think it would be cool. They could do Uni here, get their Norwegian back up to scratch. It would be good I think. And we would be near you. I think I would like to be near you and Lena. I miss having you guys around. Mikki I see a lot when he comes over, but I rarely see you girls. And the others. ‘’

‘’It would be good having you back. It would be really good.’’

‘’Can I carry Pappa Isak for a while? I’d just like to say some things to him. In private. Whilst I have the chance.’’

He takes the box from her outstretched hands, pressing it gently to his chest. 

‘’I’ll just be behind you for a while’’ Morten says quietly. And Marthe nods. They all have to say goodbye today. 

 

It’s a beautiful day in the end, the sun just cracking through the clouds as the children play on the beach, the teenagers sitting on the rocks chatting animatedly and the adults huddled at the edge of the water, wrapping their coats around their bodies to shield from the biting wind. 

‘’It’s time Marthe’’ Mikki says softly. ‘’We promised Pappa we would do this right, so that is what we have to do. ‘’

She knows he is right, of course she does, but it doesn’t make what she has to do any easier. 

Mikki holds out the bowl. They had all looked at him like he was crazy when he had showed it to them, but he was right. He is always right. 

It’s a red painted hand spun bowl he picked up in a craft shop somewhere on his travels, heavy and solid shaped as a heart. Someone spent time and love making it and he had seen it and immediately thought of what it would be for. 

Marthe has spent her entire working life dealing with life. Life and death and happiness and grief, yet today seems surreal. Almost like she will wake up in a minute and realize that this is just a dream. It’s not real. It can’t be. 

Yet the grey dust she pours out of the clinical plastic bag pools softly in the bottom of the bowl, as Malena holds up the identical bag she holds in her hand. 

‘’There he is Pappa Even. Together again. Just as we promised.’’ She is sobbing. And Marthe is mixing her tears with the grey dust in the bowl in front of her. 

‘’Shall we do this together?’’ Morten says quietly, placing his hand gently on the bowl. 

‘’Let me just mix it.’’ Malena whispers.’’ They need to be together. She gently swirls her finger in the dust, as Mikki’s finger joins her, tracing patterns in the grey. 

‘’There’’ he says gently. ‘’Rest well Pappa Isak and Pappa Even. ‘’

‘’How do we do this? Count to 3 and let them fly in the wind?’’ Tobias asks, his arms gently around Malena’s shoulders. 

‘’Sounds good’’ someone else says as arms all reach out to touch the bowl. 

They can’t all reach but the gust of wind that hits them is strong and intense and Mikki shouts ‘’ONE’’ followed by a loud chorus of ‘’TWO’’ and on ‘’THREE’’ there are smiles and tears as they hurl the bowl up into the air, as the dust swirls away in the gust. A soft sheen of grey briefly clouding the air before it is gone. 

Nobody speaks. It’s just quiet as there are hugs and tears. And Mikki stands at the edge of the water with his empty bowl. 

‘’Can I bring the bowl home?’’ Tobias asks him softly. ‘’I would be happy to keep it safe until we need to use it again.’’

‘’Again?’’ Mikki blinks. He struggles to get the words out. There are just so many tears. So much pain in his chest right now.

‘’One day we will come back here again. There will be times when we will come here and be happy, but other times we will come and let people go. I know it’s not the right time to speak about this, but would you promise me that when Lena and I are both gone, would you do this for us?’’

Mikki just nods and turns away. It’s too much. It’s just too much right now. 

 

It’s dark outside by the time Marthe parks the car outside the house. Malena had offered her a bed for the night. They had all begged her to stay, but she can’t bear it. She needs to be at home, in her own bed. She always sleeps better at home, in her own surroundings, in the bedroom she has slept in since she was a little girl. It’s not pink and pretty anymore, the purple paint from her teen years long gone, now replaced with a soft grey and pretty white lamps next to her bed. 

Lamps that are strangely lit, she thinks as she clicks the lock of the car on the remote and tries the door handle. 

Open. 

Just as she had hoped. 

‘’Hi’’ he says. Because of course he is there, because he promised he would always be. 

‘’You’re here’’ She sobs as Henrik wraps her up in one of his hugs. The all-consuming hugs he gives her, where he shields her from the world. When he holds her like he used to when they were little. Where he used to lie on her bed with his arms around her, promising her that he would always keep her safe. 

‘’Of course, I am here you silly girl. I promised your Pappa I would always look after you. He made me swear on my life that I would. Stubborn old git your Pappa Isak. ‘’

She giggles softly. She can hear his voice in her head, scolding with that twinkle in his eye. 

‘’Will you stay for a while?’’ She whispers.

‘’Always’’ Henrik replies. ‘’As long as you want me to.’’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so so sorry. 
> 
> Somehow Little Harbour had to come to an end, I mean this Isak and Even were epic, with an amazing life and I somehow wanted them to have their happily ever after. Which they did. They lived long and well. 
> 
> They stopped talking to me a while back though and I have been shouting furiously at them in my head trying to figure out how I could continue this story, to the point that I wanted to throw the two of them off a cliff to get run over by the Danske Boats in the harbour. So I kind of did. . In a nice way.
> 
> Thank you so much to all of you who have been with me on this adventure, reading along, commenting and pushing me along. I have loved this universe ridiculously much, and I am going to sit down and re edit it at some point as I know there are a few mistakes and inconsistensies in the story that needs adressing (Has poor Marthe got a bed or not? I know....).
> 
> But knowing me there might be some spinoff epilogues at some point. And if it needs clarifying, They all get their happily ever after OK? Morten and Anna come home from pro Hockey in Canada, Malena has a million kids with Tobias and Mikki? Is there a boyfriend in the wings? And Marthe never marries her Henrik, but they live happily ever after in the Bech Naesheim villa. Promise. 
> 
> So thank you. Thank you Thank you Thank you for bearing with me in the Little Harbour. It's been a blast. All the love, Always. S xxxx


	39. An explanation.

I have realized I caused alot of upset and anger with the way I ended Little Harbour. I know many of you loved this story, and saw it as a feel good happy place, and hated that it ended on a sad note. 

A few of you are angry that I didn't warn you about the content of the last chapter. I'm sorry if this was triggering or upsetting.

From the very first line of this fic, and the blurb, I made it clear that this story dealt with death, grief and real life. There was never any glossing over the fact that this story would deal with difficult issues. I wrongly assumed that if you had made it through the story so far, you could deal with the last chapter. 

I didn't want to patronize you as a reader with additional warnings, and if I told you what the chapter was about, there was no point even writing it. 

I didn't want this story to be predictable and dull. I didn't wan't it to waffle on about mundane things until you were all crying with boredom. But I did want to you to know that this Even and this Isak lived long and well, that they had a lovely mischievous, rich, full and happy life, and that they adored each other wholeheartedly until the very bitter end. I wanted you to know that the kids turned out fine. That Sonja was loved and never forgotten, and that Marthe grew up to be amazing. I wanted you to know that all the kids remained close, and were there for each other. 

The last chapter would have seen Even and Isak somewhere in their 80-90ies, and life would have taken it's turns and events. There is no living forever in real life. 

I wanted to finish their story, showing you, in amongst the grief, that this was their forever after. This was their happy ending. They were the loves of each other's lives until their very last breath. That is what I tried to tell you, and I am sorry that it ruined the story for some of you. 

I am contemplating writing an alternative ending, for those of you who hated this one, but I am worried I will just make things worse. But if you want to tell me what you expected, how you would have preferred this story to end, then let me know and I might just sit down and write something different. 

This story is probably my favourite of all the fics I wrote this year, and I don't think I can ever write another Evak with kids fic, as Malena Morten Mikki and Marthe are kind of irreplaceable. Sad fact. But I have loved them, and It made me insanely happy that so many of you loved them too. 

I promise, I will never ever kill off Evak in another fic again. You can safely keep reading. Trust me. 

All the love, always. S xx


End file.
